Author's Whine: The song isn't mine. It's by Dido. The song is in "italics" for those that it's confusing for. And thank you to my lovely Mandizes1 for betaing this and for comments! Love you! ~kisses~
~*~*~*~
White Flag
"I know you think that I shouldn't still love you,
I'll tell you that.
But if I didn't say it, well I'd still have felt it
where's the sense in that?"
"…Well, how is he…?"
There was a pregnant pause over the phone before the soft, kindly tone started again, "…You know how he is…" There was a silent shake of the head from the other speaker. "But I think he's getting better…" There was another long pause before anyone spoke again. And when they did it was still the soft voice. "You know… He's sorry for what happened… He knows he was wrong, Yohji… Why don't you try to forgive him?"
The blonde in question looked around his apartment that had once acquired both his belongings and that of his lover. He missed him deeply, but he had promised himself not to forgive so easily this time. They had done the 'it's over' dance millions of times before. He knew what would happen after the makeup sex and things started to fall into a normal cycle again… But he didn't want that, no matter how much he still loved him…
"I promise I'm not trying to make your life harder
Or return to where we were"
Schuldig watched as the conversation between Omi and Yohji took place over the phone. He was staying with the little blonde until he could get enough money to put a down payment on an apartment. Yohji was living in their old one…
"Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be"
The conversation was too quiet for Schuldig to hear anything that was being said. He knew that if anything, Yohji would be angry and bitter towards him, so he had to silently thank whoever was watching out for him. He didn't think he could hear his golden angel bitter. Schuldig bemoaned the fight between them had ever gotten started once he had left afterwards. He had to question himself why they always got into those stupid fights that led nowhere and always ended up with him sleeping at some else's home and Yohji crying in their bed.
"I know I left too much mess and
destruction to come back again
And I caused but nothing but trouble
I understand if you can't talk to me again
And if you live by the rules of "it's over"
then I'm sure that that makes sense"
Schuldig knew he wouldn't have a chance with Yohji again if the blonde actually came to his senses for once. And even when Schuldig was hurting inside, he didn't want to be able to hurt Yohji anymore. He wouldn't give himself a second chance and Schuldig wished Yohji wouldn't either.
"Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be"
Once he had ended his phone call with Omi, Yohji stood gazing around at his apartment. He didn't actually see it as his apartment at all actually. He was still expecting his redheaded lover to come strolling into the living room where he was and kiss him a 'hello'.
Yohji didn't want to stop loving Schuldig. Yohji laughed at himself, he didn't even think he could. The blonde knew he'd be lying to himself if he said he hated the German, or didn't even remotely love the redhead anymore. And Yohji was never a very good liar.
Yohji went to the front door and opened the coat closet. He stopped to look at his coat beside Schuldig's. The redhead had forgotten it when he had left the night of their fight. Yohji ran his fingers over the soft down material and then pulled his hand back like it had been burnt. He quickly reached out and grabbed his black leather coat, pulling it on as he opened the front door and stepped out into the hallway. He turned and walked to the elevator. He needed to get out for a while, clear his head.
"And when we meet
Which I'm sure we will
All that was then
Will be there still
And hold my tongue
And you will think
That I've moved on…"
As Yohji kept walking, lost in his thoughts, he almost didn't hear the sharp intake of breath in front of him. The blonde looked up quickly to see Schuldig, in jeans and a dark green sweatshirt, looking for the world like a lost little child.
There was a strained silence in which they both studied the other's face. Yohji wanted to run toward the German and kiss the shapely mouth as hard as he could, but stilled his irrational thoughts. For all he knew, the redhead could very possibly be moved on and dating another. So, Yohji stood waiting for anything that would suggest otherwise, his heart beating rapidly in his chest.
Schuldg was in a similar circumstance. He wanted to grab the blonde and take him back to their home where they both belong but knew he shouldn't. It was Yohji's choice. The blonde had to decide whether or not he would take him back. And Schuldig half hoped he would and half hoped he wouldn't. But Schuldig firmed his resolve that he wouldn't say anything to sway Yohji's choice. It would be all Yohji.
"Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be"
As a gust of wind blew between them, Yohji started walking again. He past Schuldig, shaking not only from the cold but also from keeping himself from taking the redhead into his arms. He wouldn't give in. He would let Schuldig decide. It wouldn't be him again. It would be Schuldig who would be the one to try to make their relationship work.
And as Yohji walked away, Schuldig felt what was left of his heart shattering. He knew Yohji would be over him, but it didn't make the truth hurt any less. He breathed deeply and started walking again. He could get through this, he told himself. He would.
"Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be"
Omi watched as Schuldig continued to look out the window as it rained. It had been almost a month now, since the redhead had come to him after his fight with Yohji. The little blonde didn't know why they always ended up fighting in the end, but realized it was probably because of the little arguments they always had in-between the big ones. If such small things weren't solved then the big problems would end them all together.
Omi walked over to the plush chair Schuldig was sitting in and placed his small hands on the redhead's shoulders. Omi watched as Schuldig turned his head a to the side a little in acknowledgement.
"So, how's the weather…?"
The German smirked a little at Omi's try for small talk. He turned his head back into the position it had been in and continued staring out the window.
Omi sighed. "Perhaps you should go see Yohji again." It wasn't a question. Schuldig raised an elegant red eyebrow at the slight order. Omi had never tried to step into the mess that Sculdig and Yohji created between them before. And for all the world, the little blonde seemed to not even have noticed anything had happened. But then, their other fights had never been as bad as the last one. So, going on a whim, Schuldig decided to listen to the blonde's talk.
Once Omi saw that his forwardness had gotten the German's attention, Omi continued. "I know you both still love each other." At the tensing of the shoulders underneath his hands, Omi knew he had struck a note. "You're both being foolish. You don't try to keep problems out of your relationship. You both don't talk to each other enough."
Omi saw Schuldig frown and start to open his mouth, but before the redhead could say anything else, Omi started again, "I know you think otherwise, but you need to start asking Yohji how he feels about things instead of just assuming. You're not a barbarian Schu, so prove it. Prove it to, Yohji and prove it to me. Prove it to everyone else."
Schuldig sighed and shook his head, but before Schuldig could say anything, Omi interrupted him again. Schuldig had to hand it to the kid, he knew how to make people shut up and listen, even if it was in a subtle way. "You know what the others are saying about you two, don't you, Schuldig?" And the one in question scowled at the window and whatever was past it.
He knew very well what the others had said about him and Yohji. Ran and Ken with their doubts. And Aya with her sisterly concern, Crawford with his laughing eyes. They all thought them a joke in the beginning and being proven right had really given them a boost to their egos. Even if they didn't all come out and say, 'I told you so', he knew what they were thinking.
Omi and Nagi were probably the only ones who weren't gloating after his and Yohji's relationship's demise. Though, Jei didn't really care much about it. But Omi and Nagi at least tried to help them, where Aya gave her pity. And the others didn't even mention it.
"You need to go to him, Schu. Show him, them, yourself, that you can make it work. It's not the end. Only the beginning." And somehow the words made sense to Schuldig. That even if he didn't want to give him another chance, Yohji might. And in that chance they could fix things, he could fix things. That if they still loved each other, then there was no end, only a beginning.
~*~*~*~
Yohji straightened as he heard a knock at the door. He sighed as he assumed the pizza he had ordered and hour ago was finally there. He would make sure he wouldn't have to pay anything for the, he knew, very cold pizza. Even though it was raining he knew it didn't take an hour to deliver pizza.
Yohji walked over to the front door and opened it, "Okay, what the hell took…" Yohji stared straight into evergreen eyes as his breath caught in his throat.
Schuldig stood in front of him, looking very much like a drowned rat. The German's hair clung to his face and dripped water down his shoulder. His clothes stuck to his body, outlining the perfect muscles he'd always loved to touch. Still did.
Yohji opened his mouth to ask what the redhead was doing there and without a coat, when the other interrupted him by speaking first "Before you ask anything, I need to tell you something." And all Yohji could summon himself to do was bob his golden head.
Schuldig reached out and placed an olive skinned hand on Yohji's check. He smiled slightly as he rubbed his thumb over the soft, golden skin. He didn't know how much he'd missed the blonde until faced with him at that moment. "I want you back." And once the words were uttered the blonde exhaled the breath he hadn't known he'd been holding.
"I want us back, Yotan. And I want us to make things better. I want to make things better." And before Schuldig could continue what he had to say, the other had already caught his mouth in a passionate kiss. And as they stumbled into the apartment he felt nods from his blonde lover and whispers of understanding and agreement.
~*~*~*~
Later that hour, a very wet pizza delivery guy came to the apartment door that was emitting moans and laughter. And after knocking loudly several times, and starting to blush furiously from the erotic noise coming through the door, the poor boy started to run back to his red Toyota truck.
And as the deliverer drove away and into the rain, still suffering from his deep crimson blush, the occupants in the apartment laughed and moved as one. They moaned their happiness to each other and sighed softly from the completeness they felt. And when they awoke the following morning, pizza was the last thing on their contentment-warmed minds.
"Well I will go down with this ship
And I won't put my hands up and surrender
There will be no white flag above my door
I'm in love and always will be"