Meredith Grey was the type of girl that once you met her you would love her. Meredith Grey was the type of girl that was dark and twisty, bright and shiny, and freaky and awkward, but you loved her with everything you had. She could brighten your day even on her worst day. She was that type of girl. To Derek Shepherd she was an amazing woman that he had met when he was drowning and he had nothing left. He had just left his wife and she was there the night he decided to start drinking and she made his night that much better. Derek Michael Shepherd loved Meredith Anne Grey. Everyone had seen it, even before they had known themselves. Meredith Grey was Derek Shepherd's love of life. She was his light, his love, his heart – Meredith Grey was all of him. Yes, Derek and Meredith did have their awkward 'I hate that I love you' moments. However, didn't every couple go through those times?

Derek Shepherd had never been the type to scream, yell, or cry at someone. He wasn't that type of guy. Derek Shepherd fought for what he wanted and when he had the thing he wanted he was finally happy. That was how it was with Meredith Grey. He had to fight for her, and then he let her go, then he fought once again. He was always fighting for her – so would it really matter that one day he didn't fight her at all. He let her have some space, hoping that it would make Meredith Grey a happier person. He never thought that one day of not fighting for her would make her go running. But here's the thing, the fighting he did for Meredith Grey stopped a year ago, and now that he stopped fighting he lost Meredith Grey. Meredith Grey was now no longer in the city of Seattle. She had left everything. She had left her friends, her lover, her life, and she even stopped being a surgeon. But for what: no fighting for her. Was it his fault? He probably would never know. All he had was a letter.

Derek Shepherd sat in his bedroom; he was looking upon everything in his house that he built on his land, the house that Derek and Meredith had built together. The house they were suppose to live in when they got back together, at least that was what Derek imagined would happen. He imagined that after the little break he was giving her, they would get back together and be happy again and they would move into the house they built together. However, that didn't look like it was happening anytime soon. Derek looked down to the letter he held tightly in his hand. He ran his thumb over his name and flipped the letter over so he could open it. He stared onto the blank canvas, he was afraid to open the letter that contained the future Meredith planned out for him. This letter was either a goodbye forever or it was a letter that could give him hope that he would see the love of his life once again. He moved his hand slowly up the letter to the opening and ripped it open, pulling out the letter once he was done. That was a step wasn't it, opening the letter.

Derek looked onto the lined paper, and looked up slowly. He began to wonder where his Meredith was. Was she okay? He hoped more than anything she was having second thoughts, and she would be home soon. That sounded much easier than it could happen. He imagined her driving along the coast, her hair spinning all over the place and the wind hitting her face. Maybe this is what she needed. Maybe she didn't even go to the coast; she wasn't the type to enjoy the beach for relaxation. He didn't know where she could be. He looked down to the letter once again and began to open it so he could read.

It began like a usual letter. "Dear Derek…."

Dear Derek.

As you already know I am not at the house, my house, the hospital, Joes, or the city. I have left. I know that sounds harsh, but it's the truth. I couldn't stand to be in the city any longer. I can't be somewhere where you are and I am not with you. Derek, I love you I do you are the love of my life, but we continuously hurt each other with my unstableness and your future plans. I love your plans I really do, but Derek I can't make you that happy. I'm sorry. I'm not the type of person to have kids. I wouldn't make a great mother; I wouldn't make you a great wife. Don't start shaking your head. You and I both know I do not want to turn out like my mother and treat my kids horribly, but according to everyone you always turn out like your mother. I don't want to put my kids through that. So I hope you find someone that makes you happier than I can. I hope you one day have the kids, the big house, the dog, the wife and I hope you have everything you want. You can't have everything you want with me. I'm not ready and I can't stay to see you go to someone else that will make you happy. I love you so much, and I hope you can be happy with Rose or whoever else makes you happy. Please don't come look for me. Don't go ask Cristina, Izzie, George, or Alex, they don't know where I am at. They don't even know I am gone. So just go and be happy, and when you find that special someone. Know I am happy for you. I love you but don't want to hurt you. So this is why I'm gone.

I will love you forever,

Meredith

There were tear drops left on the letter when she had been writing it. The thing Derek couldn't understand was how she could do this to him. She had told him she loved him, but she wasn't here. She wasn't in the city. How could she love him when she wasn't here? Derek understood where she was coming from, but he didn't. He wanted her, but he wanted that stuff with her when she was ready. How could she tell him to go be happy with someone else when they both knew she was the love of his life and he was hers? How? Derek Shepherd ran his hands through his hair and felt the tears finally falling. Derek wanted nothing more than to have his arms around her small frame. He wanted to smell the lavender in her hair. Derek wanted to feel close to her again.

Derek got off the bed, and began to walk around. As he was walking around he looked at all the pictures of them together. There were various ones that he liked, but then there were the ones that he loved. He walked through the living room and looked on the wall and seen his favorite picture of them together. Meredith was in Derek's arms, and they were looking at each other as they looked past the pier. George had taken the picture and Derek and Meredith didn't know it was being taken. They looked happy in the picture. Derek remembered that day, and he remembered how she was freezing and playfully said to keep her warm.

"Derek I'm freezing." Meredith said.

"Well come over here, I'll keep you warm." Derek said with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Nope." She laughed, looking at him sweetly.

"Oh come on." Derek playfully pleaded.

"Nope you got dirty in your eyes Mr. Shepherd."

"First of all its Dr. Shepherd, and second of all….I always have dirty in my eyes around you." He openly admitted with a smile.

"Okay…well not with George around."

"Oh please." Derek said rolling his eyes and smirking at Meredith. "He doesn't have to know." He laughed.

"Okay." She went over to him and he put his arms around him.

They got warmer as their bodies were close together. She smiled up at him and he smile down to him. They were sincerely happy. Derek couldn't remember a happier moment. "I love you Derek." He heard as he seen a flash meaning a picture was being taken. "I love you too Meredith." They both leaned in as they began to kiss and Derek turned Meredith around and kissed her lips softly, letting her know exactly how much he loved her. He squeezed her body slightly to his.

Derek's mind went back to the present and he felt a tear down roll down his cheek. He was Derek Shepherd he wasn't supposed to cry. However, in his life he had learned one thing. He only cried for Meredith Grey. He needed Meredith Grey. Meredith was his life. Without her he didn't have anything. He wanted to find her, but in the letter she had told him to not come find her. How long did she think that he wouldn't look for her? She knew him, but he was going to look for her. He had to! Without her he didn't have anything. How could a person live without anything? He wasn't going to do that. He was going to look for her.

Derek ran back into the bed room and looked on the night stand near the alarm clock. He looked at the time and reached for his cell phone. He dialed her number quickly.

He waited for her pick up the phone and when she didn't he got to leave a voicemail.

"Meredith…" He began softly. "You can expect me to look for you. I won't stop until I find you. And the reason I am going to find you is because I need you. You are my everything and I can't do anything without you. I love you Meredith Grey. You are the love of my life and I can't live without you. I need you here, because I will never find someone else. You are all I need. Please come back. Please call me. Please." He begged as he hung up the phone. He called back. He waited a few rings and heard nothing he waited for the voicemail. For a moment there he thought he didn't hear it so he began talking again.

"Meredith please…I love you. I need you here. Please." He said slowly. "Please pick up your phone. I love you."

"Derek I love you too." He heard softly on the other side of the line.