Running and running and running…
How far do you have to go to escape yourself. To escape your thoughts. To escape your heart.
It took a decade to forget the pack, a century to forget myself but still I never forgot you. I ran and I ran and I ran. I hunted, I fed but every time I killed I couldn't help wondering if you were doing the same.
'Jacob.' The name meant nothing to the roaming wolf. I felt no human thoughts or feelings and my wolf-mind couldn't comprehend the memories I couldn't escape.
Five hundred years. Five hundred years to become a wolf but I still couldn't escape you. I ran with the wild wolves, I hunted and fed and ran the pack. They knew there was something strange about me but we were wolves. We were all wolves and that was all that mattered.
Humans never worked like that. Once an outsider, always an outsider. That was the only reason they were interested in you and your blood was the only thing he ever saw.
Gone…
Gone from my home, from the people who cared just to get away from the one that didn't.
The piece of paper, words not even carved by your hand but by the one who took you from your life and your home. I watched him tear you apart, I watched you force yourself to heal, to pull together and really Live.
Then I watched him return and treat you like you were broken, like you needed to be protected. I wanted to protect you but only because I knew he would break your heart. Again and again and again.
All he wanted was to marry you. He wanted to prove he could.
Gone…
They should be gone. The memories which twist my stomach whenever I eat so my strength fails and the alpha wolf had to attack me until I forced a few mouthfuls of prey down my throat. Hunting and killing should be my life, eating prolongs it. As a wolf I could never understand why drinking the blood of a kill made me sick to my heart.
Once we almost killed a human, I stopped the pack just in time even though then I couldn't understand why I was protecting our prey.
Gone…
Everything that made me 'Jacob.' Everything I am was sucked away until I was left with the wolf I wanted to be…
And you…
Always you.
Do you suck the blood of innocents? Would you take one sniff of me now and attack me or snarl because we are lycan and you are Strigoi?
Do you remember my name, Bella? Belladonna, deadly nightshade poisoning every life you came into contact with. Memories of you race around me and I know in my heart than I will never imprint because some feelings can't be forced away.
I don't love you. Not just because you let him bite you but because I understand myself more now, even after I let what was then 'myself' be washed away in the running. You were a friend, the best friend anyone could ever have and I only wanted to be friends. I only wanted you not to throw your life away for that leech.
He already had your heart, why did you give up your soul?
Gone…
Once gone as I ran across the country, swam the seas, hunted. I forgot I was human, I forgot how to change until I saw you.
That was all it took. One glimpse of your face as you sped past in some car and I was writhing on the ground, naked and terrified.
I've remembered a lot since then. I know your face, his face and sometimes in the dark of the forest I even remember my face. I live with the pack but I can't turn.
You always too everything from me.
I am a wolf, you are a parasite and I know there is no escape. I'm gone. The boy you know has gone into the shadows and a wolf emerged. In human clothing, in human form.
But a wolf.
Jacob's gone.
I am the hunter.