It's always times like these when I think of you, and I wonder if you ever think of me. 'Cause everything's so wrong and I don't belong, living in your precious memory...
-A Thousand Miles; Vanessa Carlton
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It was strange to see it happen. Ichigo hadn't had much time to ponder on what it would look like. He had looked ready for anything; to defeat Sosuke Aizen by almost any means necessary, while still protecting the tiny town he grew up in and all of it's people... It was a build-up. He became a "nameless" shinigami with a freakishly large sword who's name he did not know. He grew. He learned the name of his sword, he achieved shikai. He went to the Soul Society and was the intruder boy with orange hair and the sword as tall as he is. He achieved bankai in three days- all for her sake- and defeated captain after captain, lieutenant after lieutenant, shinigami after shinigami, enemy after enemy. By the time he left Soul Society, the Gotei 13 knew his name and how he came to be. He entered Hueco Mundo, lost control of his hollow powers, and turned into his worst nightmare. He was not proud of his battles. The eyes of the victor were empty. Ichigo entered the dangai. He trained. He defeated his Tensa Zangetsu and learned the final attack. He became Getsuga.
And then he became human.
He had no clue what to do. What to say. What could he say? He felt robbed of any words when Rukia stood in front of him, saying that this was farewell. He replied- it seemed so. Suddenly it was hard to give more then one-word answers. The tight feeling in his chest hurt. The back of his neck burned... and then began to walk towards her.
"What? Don't look so sad. Even if you can no longer see me, I can still see you."
"What? That doesn't make me happy at all! and I wasn't making a sad face, either!"
He didn't even know why he did. He hadn't purposely thought to start towards the petite shinigami. But his feet only seemed to step louder and louder the closer he got, as he offered lame excuses and ran his hands through his hair-
he stopped right in front of her and suddenly could not meet her gaze.
He knew she wasn't looking at him, either. Her arms were folded across her chest, the way she did when she felt vulnerable. Ichigo knew. She was fading, slowly, right in front of his eyes, and there was absolutely nothing he could do to stop it. After a few minutes, he'd never be able to see her face again.
"Tell everyone I give them my best."
"...Ok."
He looked down at her, as she snapped her head up at him with a heartbroken gasp. Her eyes said everything she didn't.
He smiled gently, eyes transfixed on her's. He had to memorize every plain of her face; her small button nose and pinkish lips, the round sleekness of her face, the pale-ish color of her skin to her gigantic blue eyes looking at him with the most upset expression, to that annoying bang that fell down neatly across her nose.
"Bye, Rukia."
She stepped back from him, and now- now the bottom half of her body had almost completely disappeared. He still could see the senkaimon that opened up much higher up in the sky, watching her fading form step to the entrance of the large gate. He stared up, trying his best to commit everything about her to memory- whatever he didn't already memorize.
"Thank you."
Right then, while slipping through the senkaimon, she turned, a small, tight smile on her face, eyebrows knitted with hurt, violet eyes shining. Their eyes met just for that moment, soft hazel on wet violet... and she was gone.
His heart hurt with an indescribable ache. And even though he was now nothing but human, he felt more dead then ever.
And the first and last thing he saw of Kuchiki Rukia was the black swallowtail, fluttering gently in the air before his reality crumbles.
...
Stuck in the midpoint between friends and lovers,
Like an unripened fruit dreaming about the day of harvest
Because of being unable to move one more step forward
What's causing this frustration baby?
When asked 'What's wrong?'
I answer 'It's nothing'
The smile then disappears after goodbye
It's unlike me
The moment when you suddenly remember the scent of someone you had almost forgotten
I want to be able to openly and honestly cherish the white purity of the falling snow more
A future tender and warmer than a diamond
I want to grasp it, in this limited time we have, I want to spend it with you
When you say thank you to me,
For some reason it hurts,
Like a magic spell
That doesn't get undone even after the good bye.
And this faintly burning pain?
The flavor of life.
-The Flavor Of Life; Utada Hikaru