Infinite Loop
Disclaimer: the characters belong to Tite Kubo.
Warning: major character death, canon ending.
Pairing: Gin Ichimaru/Rangiku Matsumoto
Author: Violet Tan
愛しくて 愛しくて 他には何もなくて
My beloved, my beloved, you are the only one for me.
- 乱舞のメロディ
-o.O.o-
If you were to turn into a snake tomorrow and begin devouring people, and with that same mouth with which you devoured them, you cried out to me that you loved me, would I still be able to tell you "I love you" the same way I can today?
- Gin Ichimaru
-o.O.o-
He was always leaving, and she was always trying to chase after him. She always wanted to reach him, but he never let her, until the last time when she finally managed to catch up to him. Even that last time, although she held him in her arms, all she could do was watching him leave again as life was slowly drained from his body.
She had always hated him for leaving her like that, never turning back and never leaving anything for her to remember him by.
-o.O.o-
"Gin!"
"Mmm, you are finally awake, Rangiku." The boy with silver hair smiled, he looked up to find the girl staring at him, her eyes still sleepy and her orange hair messy.
"What do you mean 'finally'?" The girl pouted, "come on, it's not noon yet!"
"Oh?" He raised an eyebrow, amused, "I had something to eat already, but since it's not noon yet, you certainly don't want the fried fish that I just finished cooking. Guess I will just have all of that... Pity, you would have loved it." He raised the meal close to his lips, "Mmm, smells delicious..."
Rangiku flushed slightly. All of a sudden, she started reaching for the stick in the boy's hand. Smirking, Gin raised it above his head while she tried hard to steal it from his grip.
"Now this won't do, Rangiku-chan." Gin said smoothly in a sweet voice, "surely you are not hungry when it's not even lunch time?"
"Oh, stop teasing me already!" Rangiku flushed harder, her stomach started growling and she looked away due to the embarrassment.
"Alright, as long as you are polite about it..." Gin didn't even bother to hide his amusement, he swagged the fried fish, finding it funny that Rangiku's eyes were also moving, fixated on the food in front of her. Rangiku always had a good appetite, which Gin had noticed since the first time he met her.
Rangiku pouted again, but her expression suddenly brightened. A sly look glittered in her light-blue eyes before she blinked rapidly and opened them wide. She gazed at Gin with her big, watery eyes: "pretty please?"
Crap. The silver-head boy swallowed, his smirk now suddenly gone. Ragiku's cheeks were still slightly pink, her lips were slightly parted and she looked like she was about to cry. Gin suddenly lost all interest in teasing his young companion further. Sighing, he gave in and handed the fried fish to her without a word.
Rangiku smirked in victory. Her pleading look was gone the instant she had her meal in her hand. She stuck out her tongue mockingly and closed her eyes in pleasure as her stomach was slowly filed. Gin shook his head, smiling again. He could never refuse to give Rangiku anything, not really, especially when she looked like she was about to cry.
"Thanks, Gin. You are such a good cook, you know that right?" Rangiku suddenly commented. She had already finished her lunch and was wiping her mouth gracefully, "I had never tasted anything that good before."
"Maybe you were simply too hungry to care, Rangiku-chan."
"Come on, I was complimenting you! Just pretend to be grateful, will ya?"
"Hai, hai~" (1)
-o.O.o-
She had always known that he was like a snake, that he could become threatening and deadly in a split second just like everyone else feared. However, she was the only one who understood that he was only dangerous because of her. He might have been a snake, but he was her snake and she loved him with all her heart and soul.
He might have been a snake, but he had always been soft and gentle with her. He protected her without any hesitation, avenged her with his poisonous fangs and strangled the ones who dared to touch her. In return, she hugged him tight during the stormy nights, gave him a permanent shelter and warmed his cold skin with her own body in the unforgiving winter. They depended on each other and cuddled together to survive.
She loved him when he was human, and she still loved him when the snake hidden in him revealed itself. She still grieved and cried over his body when he breathed his last, and she still mourned for him with all her tears when he was gone.
-o.O.o-
The older boys in the village surrounded her that day and tried to touch her. One threw a rock at her head, one hit her face and held her arms back, and the other tore away her outer robe, their eyes glittering with a cruel kind of curiosity that only children could be capable of. She screamed and fought, kicking a boy off her. Then, she picked up a rock and smashed. The boy went unconscious with blood on his face and she didn't stop there. Using the element of surprise, she threw sand in the eyes of the boy who destroy her beautiful robe, slapped him hard and ran. Tears were streaming down her face. When she arrived home, she broke down crying in Gin's arms, trembling and shaking furiously. She was so upset that she barely ate anything that night and silently sobbed even in her sleep. The silver-haired boy had held her and comforted her, rocking her gently and telling her again and again that she was alright. She didn't see the dark expression on his face, nor the dangerous gleam in his slightly opened eyes.
The next day Gin disappeared without a word. In the evening he returned, his face stained with crimson smears, his robe dirty and his body bruised and bleeding. He had remained silent after her inquiry about what happened, and she didn't ask again. Instead, she carefully wiped away the blood on his body and bandaged his wounds. She gently wrapped his bruises with cloths soaked in icy water and sang for him until he fell asleep beside her. She couldn't help but stroke his silver hair softly before she also closed her eyes.
-o.O.o-
He loved her when they were both young, and he still loved her when the darkness of that demon started to corrupt him as well. He still sacrificed everything he was just to get the piece of her soul back for her, he still thought of protecting her until the very end.
But she never got to tell him that she had always loved him because he was gone, and he never got to tell her that he had always loved her because it was too late.
-o.O.o-
Gin was gone, this time for three days. Rangiku was waiting anxiously, becoming more and more restless as time passed by. It was snowing outside, the sky dark and gloomy and the wind howling heavily. When someone finally knocked, Rangiku ran quickly towards the entrance and opened the wooden door. She didn't expect Gin to collapse, but still managed to catch him before he fell face-down to the floor.
"Gin!"
The silver-haired boy didn't answer, his eyes were closed and his pale skin was unusually hot. Rangiku panicked for a second but quickly calmed down. She remembered how Gin had taken care of her when she had been sick, and started to carry Gin inside with some difficulty. As the boy's arms relaxed on his sides, something fell to the ground with a thud.
Rangiku carefully helped Gin to lie down, gathering a bucket of water and some towels before starting to wipe Gin's forehead and limbs. She noticed the package on the floor, picked it up and gasped. Inside was a beautiful pink winter robe with flowers on the sleeves, and a small jar of golden liquid.
She remembered the robe immediately. She remembered how she stared, mouth slightly-opened, at the displayed clothing in the market. She remembered Gin silently watching as she suppressed her desire and turned away, knowing that they didn't have the luxury to purchase anything but necessities. She remembered herself tasting a kind of candy wrapped in golden paper that Gin had given her, and she remembered telling the boy how much she had loved the taste. Gin had told her that the candy was honey-flavoured, and she had said, jokingly, that he should get honey for her on her birthday.
She had never counted the days properly before she had met Gin. Days passed by and years flew past like birds in the air, and none of them really mattered to her. She had had no memory of a birthday, nor her parents, nor any kind of a home. It was Gin who gave her a birthday and a home. She never expected him to give her any gifts - after all, he had saved her life and had given her so much more already. But he always did, year after year.
Rangiku folded the wet towel and placed it carefully on Gin's forehead, and tucked the blanket around his slim body. She suddenly understood why Gin had had to return on such a cold, stormy night. She suddenly remembered what significance the next day held.
"Thank you, Gin." She whispered, and kissed the boy's forehead. She held his hand and sat beside him, waiting, like she always did.
-o.O.o-
How ironic, he had done everything to make it so that Rangiku would never cry again, he had sacrificed his life so that she didn't have to shed a single tear, but she was weeping so hard now. This is no good, this is no good at all. He couldn't get what the demon took from her back, and he made her cry again.
At least he got to apologize, for leaving her like he always had done, for failing to make her soul whole again, for being unable to protect her from that demon, and for making her tears fall. He just wished that he could have had one more day with her, one more hour, even one more minute. But he was so tired, so tired...
Don't cry, he thought, please don't cry, Rangiku.
Then, he allowed himself to sink into the void of death. Her tears were the last warmth he felt before everything went dark.
-o.O.o-
He had gone to the village to buy her a gift - Rangiku had always wanted a paper lantern, so he had gone to get her one. He had always wanted to get her anything she wanted. He would do anything at all to see her bright, beautiful smile.
When he returned, she wasn't home.
He ran through the forest, looking for the shine of her golden hair and shouting her name, but she wasn't there. He had never felt so terrified in his entire life. And then he saw her, lying on the ground and unconscious, her face and arm bruised slightly. He saw three figures fleeing the scene, their hands holding something shiny. They stole something of hers, he immediately realized. They stole something from her, because only she could have a light that was so warm and bright. His blood boiled and then rapidly cooled, it froze to ice and made him shudder. He followed them quietly like the predator he was, hiding in the shadows and waiting for a chance to strike.
And then he saw the face of the demon. His path and his fate were determined at that very moment. He would get back what was rightfully hers, because he couldn't bear to see her crying, because he didn't want to see her getting hurt by that demon ever again. He swore that day that he would strike the demon down, and change everything. He would make the world safe for her, he would protect her from any harm.
Gin Ichimaru made a decision that day, sealing his own destiny. The devil was right there smiling at him, but the only image he could see was Rangiku, lying on the ground like a broken doll.
Never again, He made a silent promise. Never again.
-o.O.o-
They were always in an infinite loop.
He was always leaving, and she was always following. She was always getting closer and closer to him, but never reaching.
He was always leaving in order to save her and protect her, but he had never realized that all she ever wanted was for him to stay. He thought by leaving her he would be able to find a way to stop her from having to cry, but he had never realized that she would have been able to endure everything if only he had stayed by her side.
He wanted to get everything she wanted for her, but he never knew that she had never wanted anything but him, that him alone would have been enough.
The loop went on and on, never broken. When he had finally left this world entirely, he had felt a second of relief. At least she wouldn't have to follow him anymore, at least this time, she could move on. What he didn't realize was that he had taken her heart with him when he left. There are two ends on a string, but there isn't an ending to a loop. When he was gone, she was gone also, albeit in a different way.
-o.O.o-
"Na, Rangiku-chan."
"Hmm?"
"Did you know that when a snake is shedding its skin, it can get confused?" The boy with silver hair said with a smile, "eventually, it would get stuck in a loop formed by its own skin, trapped and never able to escape."
"That's kind of like life, isn't it?" The girl blinked, "don't you always say that life is usually repeating itself, that everything is a cycle, including the past and the future?"
"Indeed... I did say that once in a while." Gin hummed, looking like he was deep in thought.
"Come on, don't be silly." Rangiku took his hand, grinning, "you promised me that we would go see the fireworks in town today, remember?"
They walked side by side into the night, ignoring the entire world but each other.
At least they were lucky enough to meet each other, at least their fates were intertwined together. Maybe, that alone was enough.
-o.O.o-
If you were to turn into a snake tomorrow and begin devouring people, I would still love you the way I do today. If your face was stained with the blood of your prey, I would wash it clean with my tears. If your skin was cold and your blood was icy, I would warm you with my own body. If you bared your pointed fangs at me, I would still reach out to you and cry out your name. If you were trapped in your own skin in an infinite loop, take my heart with you so that we would be trapped together.
That way, nothing would be able to break us apart.