Unfaithful
I'm an idiot. I have never done anything right. My whole life is a mistake. Even my birth into this family. I can't do anything right. I've been doomed from the start. I was born on the wrong side of the war. I've been doing the wrong things trying to make myself and others believe I was no mistake. They may have believed, but I didn't. Then there's Father. I could never live up to Father's expectations.I want him to be proud of me, but I know he never will be. I'll never be good enough for him. I couldn't even accomplish the simple task of befriending him. I have always disappointed Father, but then I became the ultimate disappointment. I joined the other side. Even worse, I fell in love with their leader. I was so happy then. I was where I wanted to be and I was with the love of my life. I still am. I should be so grateful that he forgave and accepted me and more importantly, loves me. And I am. Yet I'm screwing this up too.
Story of my life
Searching for the right
But it keeps avoiding me
Sorrow in my soul
Cause it seems that wrong
Really loves my company
After a particularly draining Potions with Snape, I just can't wait to get outdoors. As I leave the classroom, an arm hooks onto mine. It's him.
"Eat lunch with me?" My love. His voice is comforting, melts the tension for class away.
"Of course." We grab some food and go outside to our favourite spot under the tree.
"You're not eating?"
"Not hungry." I don't feel like eating. "I feel sick." From guilt.
"Aww. My white dragon is unwell." He puts his arm around me and I snuggle up to him. He kisses my forehead. "Rest awhile."
I close my eyes. He smells so good. It's comforting. I open my eyes to gaze up to him. My man is amazing. He's beautiful. His perpetually messy black hair is always getting in the way of my view of those cerulean eyes. I reach up to tuck a few strands behind his ear. He takes my hand planting a kiss on the back. He's everything I could ever want. He's perfect. Protective, but not overly; loving, but not too mushy; sweet; romantic; forgiving and loyal. Loyal unlike some people.
"I love you." I know
"I love you too." Then why am I doing this?
He's more than a man
And this is more than love
The reason that the sky is blue
The clouds are rolling in
Because I'm gone again
And to him I just can't be true
I unfold the note that was slipped into my hand in Runes class. I quickly scan the words.
Hogsmeade 12:30
Hog's Head rm 6
"What's that?"
I turn to face him, my perfect man.
"It's nothing love," with a flick of my wand, the piece of parchment is reduced to ashes "It's nothing. Just Zambini asking for help in Runes" Another lie.
"So…"
"Hm?"
"Hogsmeade is this weekend." There is hope in his tone.
"Sorry love. I made plans." Plans…
"Oh." He looks disappointed. But he smiles again. "Alright then, but promise me we'll have some alone time afterwards."
"Of course." I peck him on the nose. "I've got to see Snape about that last assignment. I'll see you later." I walk back towards the school. Upon reaching the door I turn for one more look at him. He's still sitting peacefully under the trees. Sitting and looking forlornly at the sky. He knows.
And I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I am happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'
I know he knows. He knows what I'm doing behind his back. He's noticed my excuses come to often. That I always 'have plans' but never tell him what they are. He's not stupid. He's had a hard life. He knows a lie when he hears one. So why hasn't he called me out? I know I'm hurting him. I know every time I lie to him, every time I disappear, every time I reappear with a hair out of place, he knows, and it's killing him. Why am I doing this to him? The one I love so much? It hurts to see him hurting. I don't want to hurt him anymore. I don't want him to lose the light inside of him. I don't want to be the one to take away his will to live. His will to fight.
The guilt, the lies, I can't do this anymore!
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be... a murderer
We're going to Hogsmeade today. My heart flutters as I get dressed. I take care to wear my robe just right, and make sure not a hair is out of place. Looking good. My eye catches the pendant he gave me. The silver dragon with emerald eyes that is forever around my neck. I realize what I'm about to do. Why am I doing this? A pair of strong arms wraps around my waist.
"Hello love." I snuggle to the boy behind me.
"You look dashing." He whispers in my ear after planting a kiss on my cheek. "And I won't get to enjoy it." He pouts playfully. I'm sorry. "But that's alright, you promised me time tonight right?" His hands roam under my shirt.
"Stop it!" I giggle. "Behave or you're not getting any tonight."
"Aww…" He turns me around to face him. "So when will you be back? You won't be out too late right?"
"Of course not, how can I stand to be away from you?" I could never leave you. "Don't worry, I'll be back by six." I assure him. "Just going to be having some butterbeers with the fellows."
I feel it in the air
As I'm doin my hair
Preparing for another date
A kiss upon my cheek
As he reluctantly
Asks if I'm gonna be out late
I say I won't be long
Just hangin' with the girls
A lie I didn't have to tell
Because we both know
Where I'm about to go
And we know it very well
"Oh." He knows I lied. "Alright." He fakes a smile. "Have fun, but not too much fun k?" He winks at me before placing a kiss on my lips and heading down to meet his friends. He knows. I know he knows. He knows what I've been doing. He knows where I'm really going. I just know it.
Cause I know that he knows I'm unfaithful
And it kills him inside
To know that I'm happy with some other guy
I can see him dyin'
I'm sitting in room six of Hog's Head alone, waiting for the one I'm seeing behind my lover's back. My conscience is starting to really get to me. I've noticed changes in him. His eyes are losing the joy they had when we first were together. I'm killing him slowly by doing this. He knows I'm betraying him, but he doesn't say a word. Is your faith really this strong Golden Boy? Do you really believe in me so much? I'm scared. I know I should confess to him, but I can't. It would break his heart if I did. I can't let that happen. I can't let him lose hope. I don't want him to give up. He has a destiny. He has to win the war. If not for the world, then for us. For himself. It's either the Dark Lord or him. He has to win. I couldn't forgive myself if I was the reason he gave up and let the darkness take over. I can still hear those words, "I have to win, but I don't have to live." "For you, and only you, I'll live forever. For you my love." I can't do it.
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
Every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be... a murderer
I love him. Really I do. This…fling, it means nothing. I feel nothing for the guy I'm meeting today. I haven't even let him get past first base. It's been nothing but kissing and a bit of wandering hands. I don't even care of this guy. It's him I love. So why am I betraying him? The way things are going, I may as well use the killing curse on him. Stop making him suffer. That's what I'm doing isn't it? Killing him bit by bit?
I can't do this anymore, the lies, the hiding, the betrayal. I don't want to hurt him anymore.
Our love... his trust
I might as well take a gun
And put it to his head
Get it over with
I don't wanna do this... anymore
Oooohhh... anymore
I can't lie to him anymore. I have to confess. I can't take the pressure and the guilt anymore. I can't treat him like this. The only one who believed me when I first crossed over, my prince in muddy amour. I can't betray him like this anymore. I need to come clean. I can't let him unknowingly be with a liar like me. I can only pray he'll forgive me and let me continue to support him. But even if he doesn't, I'll be there. Supporting him in the shadows.
I don't wanna do this anymore
I don't wanna be the reason why
And every time I walk out the door
I see him die a little more inside
I don't wanna hurt him anymore
I don't wanna take away his life
I don't wanna be... a murderer
I get up from the bed, scribbling a quick note.
It's over I can't do this anymore.
I leave the parchment of the desk and leave. I have to find him, my love. I run down the streets looking for my blue-eyed prince. I find him at the Three Broomsticks with his friends. He smiles when he sees me.
"Draco!"
ooo... a murderer... no,no,no... yeah
"Harry, we need to talk." I'm so sorry.