BIG (MURDEROUS) BROTHER
Copy Right: royalvogue 14/11/08
Disclaimer: I own Jess Dark Wing, Daria1718 owns Will everyone else belongs to their fabled Japanese Anime Author/group.
Chapter 1: The Beginning
"Welcome to Big Brother!" Mai says as the big sign thingie lights and the audience cheers. "Today 'Big Brother' will begin. Shortly the contestants will enter the big brother house where they will have to live together for a number of weeks. Only one of them will win the grand prize of $1,000,000 US. Every week there will be challenges where the contestants will have to compete against each other for some extra privileges. Now then let's meet the contestants!" Mai says holding up a hand dramatically as the spotlights focus on Tristan who holds up a few flash cards and begins to read. "Contestant number 1: Jessie- Incredibly evil, despises almost everyone, likes bashing tea and/ or Joey in the head with random objects, chocolate, laughing at others pain and causing others pain. Please welcome Jessie!" Jessie comes out from behind the curtain glaring at everyone and occasionally stopping from reading some random sign that read something like "marry me " or "friendship girl rox"
Mai smoothes out her skirt and holds out the microphone to Jess as she comes onto the stage, "So now Jess welcome to the new house as the first contestant what are your thoughts?" she asks. Jessie crosses her arms and glared before replying rather matter of factly, "May you all burn in hell for this indignity and may those people with the signs be devoured by ravenous pigeons for the worship of the evil friend girl oh and for those of you with one of those marry me signs you will die a virgin." Everyone in the audience seemed to stop and stare at Jessie as she walked up the stairs through the crowd on the way to the pre room where she would meet with the others before entering the house.
Tristan gaped for a few seconds before snapping out of it and flipping through his flash cards "Ooook moving on. Contestant number 2: Will! Will is a sadist who only enjoys the company of his only remaining relative and people he likes to kill time and time again. He doesn't like dumb asses and people he just doesn't like. This, more or less, covers everyone. Here he is ladies and gentlemen." Tristan said as Will walked out from behind the curtain. Before he glared daggers at Mai and Tristan. Tristan for some reason suddenly started screaming and disappeared into thin air. Once on stage Will grabs Mai's microphone and says "Yeah, nice rack, lady." Causing Everyone to laugh at Mai who fumes as she pulls out another mic.
"NOBODY LAUGHS AT ME!" Mai yelled into the poor defenseless microphone as it screeches unpleasantly. Will raised an eyebrow before shrugging in reply, "Sad but true viewers." As the audience to bursts out laughing once more.
"Anyway," Will continued once the laughter subsided "If I remain in the house until the end, I shall spare the lives of your children and your children's children… That is until further notice." He said before bowing dramatically and walking up the stairs to the pre room. As Tristan miraculously returns from nowhere and nearly gives Mai a heart attack.
"Just get the next contestant out here already.." Mai grumbles massaging her temple, it was clear to all that her patience was becoming increasingly thin as of late, Tristan not being entirely as stupid as his hair nods and continues. "Contestant number 3… Tea'. Tea – a thing which is utterly despised by all and has been made practically famous by publishing seven encyclopedia sized books about friendship including rough nuts and how to crack them….and is amazingly not even half finished….more like amazingly still alive at least for now….." Tristan and Mai both share a look as Mai concludes, "and here it is…Tea…..oh….joy…" she announces oh so enthusiastically as a guy wheels in a big metal cylinder and takes it up the stairs into the pre room where Will and Jessie start to viciously bite it in hopes of getting tea out so she can die early on in the series.
As the camera returns to the stage Mai is shown looking rather worried about what was going on in the pre room, "errrrr right moving on." She says elbowing Tristan to keep going.
"And now for Contestant number 4… Knives. Knives is basically the hater of all human kind. He's over 130 years old so it's pretty hard for him to get a date. Here he comes." Tristan says trying to sound professional as Knives is wheeled onto the stage by a huge man in a white coat. Tristan being himself and not considering the possible dangers of coming within a certain proximity of a clearly emotionally unstable murderous loony points his microphone towards Knives as he leans down to be face to face with him and as if further illustrating his stupidity asks "Is that pronounced knives or kennives?" Knives looks visibly disturbed as he shifts uncomfortably in his straight jacket before muttering "Ken… ewe." in response as the man in the white coat unties his straight jacket so Knives can make his own way to the pre room. As Knives attempts to travel up the stairs he falls half way landing rather unceremoniously on the side of his head. He miraculously gets up without leaving his seat and ends up in the pre room where Will is huddled up in a corner glaring furiously around himself as Tea dances around throwing flowers everywhere.
Upon seeing him, Jessie sits on Knives in hopes of pissing him off. "Sorry Mr. Utensil but I'm tired." She complains causing Knives to glare at her before muttering incoherently about humanity. Jess frowns before adding "What? Would you happen to want Tea instead?" as she points at Tea as she dances around while providing her own theme music, as Knives looks at Tea his face visibly contorts as he screams various profanities towards the human race which have been censored due to their graphic and slightly imaginative content.
As the camera turns back to Tristan who is the first to recover "Right! Er…Not that I blame him really, but moving on…Contestant number 5… Milly! Milly is probably the only person tall enough to be Kaiba's girlfriend. However she is the most clueless person in the universe and probably couldn't even find Kaiba's house if we took her to his front door and left her there…believe me we've tried it before." Tristan fades off as Milly walks out from behind the curtain, waving to everyone and blowing kisses to the audience. As she walks on stage Milly makes a beeline for a microphone, "I hope they have lots of pudding in this house or else…" she says as her left eye starts twitching violently. Milly then walks up the stairs and her head goes literally straight through the top of the door of the pre room. "Where did this come from?" Milly asks somehow surprised as the debris lands in her hands.
Tristan simply shakes his head and continues, "Right! Five down, Five to go. Contestant number 6 Yugi/Yami…Yugi is a world class pussy island who has pointy razor sharp hair, a huge alter ego and a millennium puzzle which doubles as a brick…whoa harsh" Tristan adds as an after thought as Yugi walks onto the stage where he is presented with a mic. "Um Hello.. So is everybody… good?" Nobody talks or even makes a sound. A single cricket is heard in the distance. Yugi shrugs it off used to being ignored by his other half and walks up the stairs and enters the pre room.
The camera then switches to Mai who quickly snaps her compact shut,"Ok, the next contestant is… oh… me. I'm contestant number 7, what a lucky number. I'm the rich bitch who only works for herself. I'm on this show as a singleton. Looks like I'm going in." She says before throwing her mic at Tristan who narrowly avoids being hit in the head by it. Mai runs upstairs and slaps every guy who stares at her chest. She then enters the pre room which looks like it will fit only one more person, slightly noticeable given that some of the contestants are beginning to show signs of oxygen depletion. Jessie is crowd surfing along with Will.
Tristan is shown grumbling something while rubbing his head, "Right, you do that, Mai.. Here is contestant number 8… Marik! Marik is an absolute psychopathic freak who craves on the complete destruction of the earth and everybody in it." Tristan says matter of factly as Marik walks onto the stage smashes the nearest TV screen and walks up the stairs without saying anything.
Tristan raises and eyebrow before continuing "Contestant number 9… Seto Kaiba! Seto Kaiba is the CEO of Kaiba Corp, even though he is still underage. He used to be the #1 duelist in the world but not anymore! Since Yami defeated him he has become obsessed with defeating Yami. Some things that you should know about him are: he has a little brother named Mokuba, he wears trench coats, and his white trench coat that he wore in the 'Battle City' tournament was made especially for him and has secret powers. Please welcome Seto Kaiba!" Seto Kaiba walks into the studio with his arms crossed. He ignores all the things that the audience was shouting at him. Such as 'Seto marry me!', 'Seto, I want to have your children!', 'Please be my boyfriend!', 'Tell me you love me or I'll kill myself!'.
"Hello Kaiba. Would you like to make a statement before we start?" Tristan asked him before pointing a mic at him, "Why yes, I would like to tell everyone to STAY AWAY FROM ME! Got it? Oh, and something else; this time I will defeat that starfish-headed midget that likes to call himself 'Yami' and I will be the #1 duelist in the world once more! Oh, and Mokuba, you better not have any parties at home while I'm in the show! Because I will know if you do. My secret cameras record everything!" Kaiba said sounding angry (((which is what he ALWAYS sounds like anyway…someone is in need of happy medicine..))) before making his way to the pre room, judo kicking some random fan girl who tried to molest him along the way.
Tristan apparently used to it continues on completely unfazed "Thank you Kaiba, now let's move on to our final contestant, contestent number 10 Weevil Underpants!" Tristan said trying not to smile at what was obviously Joey's addition to the cue card as he continued. "Weevil sounds like a vampire on helium and loves bugs to a point that is beyond creepy. Please meet Weevil Underwood!"
"HEHEHEHEEEEEEHHHEHHHEEE! MY QUEEN!" Weevil says as he is carried up the stairs and into the pre room by two bug exterminator guys all decked out in full white space-age type suits… "What the?" Everyone present seems to utter at the same time.
"Now, finally it's the time for the contestants to enter the house!"
royalvogue: Hehe I'm evil I know…but given that this is being revised from one chapter that was 113 pages long well…I'm trying to break it up as much as possible…within acceptable limits of course..
R&R and give me some ideas for what to do for challenges people!