A/N: A huge thank you to bhernandez02897 for beta reading!
Charles stirred slightly, groaning as he registered the presence of light filtering through his eyelids.
The entire unit had been on high alert all week due to an offensive nearby, and as a result, had been bombarded with casualties. The previous night was the first time in four days that he had been able to get a decent amount of sleep, and he intended to enjoy it. At least, that had been the plan. He reached over the side of his cot and fumbled around for his watch, cracking open a bleary eye.
6:15AM.
"What the hell am I doing up at this godforsaken hour?" he muttered.
SNNNAAAAARRRR!
As though in response, the answer to his question suddenly rang through the tent. Charles let out a deep sigh, clenching his jaw in frustration and making a grab for his pillow, which he shoved against his ears. For a time, it seemed as though the racket had passed. He was about to drift off to sleep again, when suddenly...
SNNNAAAAARRRR!
Charles yanked the pillow from his head, abruptly sitting up and turning to face the perpetrator.
"Major!" he hissed. No response. "Major!"
Still nothing. Then:
SNNNAAAAARRRR!
Now thoroughly peeved, he grabbed his pillow and threw it straight at the source of the noise.
"Burns, wake up you blithering idiot!" he yelled. Frank stirred, but instead of waking, hugged the pillow to his chest and began mumbling something about Margaret's hair. Charles gaped back in bewilderment.
"Hey, Chuckles." Charles spun around to face BJ, who was now sitting up and very much awake. "If you're going to start yelling this early in the morning, go do it in the minefield."
"Very amusing, Hunnicutt," Charles replied, rolling his eyes. "The only reason I happen to be awake is due to the raucous noise coming from Burns' nostrils."
BJ looked at Frank, then back to Charles. "I don't hear anything."
"Of course not, that would make sense," the Major retorted.
"Did you try waking him up?"
"Whose pillow do you think he's currently dribbling into?"
BJ sighed, lying back down and closing his eyes. "Just go to sleep, would you?"
Charles narrowed his eyes and looked back over at Frank, who now appeared to be sleeping soundly. When he was sure the other Major wasn't going to be disturbing anyone anytime soon, he lied back down and made himself comfortable.
SNNNAAAAARRRR!
"Oh for the love of—"
"What in the world?" BJ said, lifting his head up.
"That," Charles spat. "Was the raucous noise I mentioned not one minute ago."
The Captain rested a hand over his eyes. "Come on Frank, knock it off!"
SNNNAAAAARRRR!
BJ reached for his pillow and flung it across the room. It landed squarely on Frank's makeshift bedside table, knocking several items onto the ground including the picture of his mother which landed with a loud smash. Frank jolted awake, eyes frantically moving about the tent. When he finally noticed the broken frame on the floor, he just about had a heart attack.
"My mother's picture," he whined. He immediately turned to face BJ and Charles, both of whom were failing to keep themselves from snickering. "Which one of you did this?!"
"Take a guess!" BJ spluttered before bursting into a fit of laughter. On the cot beside him, even Charles couldn't help but chuckle at his fellow Major's frantic state.
Frank stared at the two, speechless. "Oh you... you degenerates!"
A groan from the other side of the tent caught the attention of all three men. In his cot, Hawkeye was rubbing his eyes with one hand and stifling a yawn with the other. "That better be a nurse who happens to sound like Frank or so help me I'm quitting the war."
"Sorry Hawk, just us chickens," BJ replied, his fit of laughter having died down.
"Swell," he muttered. Hawkeye crawled out of bed, reached for a martini glass and began to pour himself a drink. "You know fellas, as much as I love the idea of using Ferret Face as a punching bag—"
"—Hey!"
"—couldn't you have done it quietly?"
"Don't be ridiculous, Pierce," Charles scoffed. "What fun would that have been?"
BJ raised an eyebrow. "Weren't you the one trying to get him to shut up just ten minutes ago?"
"I do have a name, you know," Frank muttered, now sitting over the side of his cot and throwing on his jacket.
"Yes, well." Charles glanced sideways at Frank, then back to BJ. "I would hardly think any of us are getting back to sleep, now."
Back on his bunk, Hawkeye's attention fell on the last Swamp Rat sleeping by the other side of the still. A devious grin spread across his face. "Yeah, everyone except Sleeping Beauty over there."
"Ah, no, no, no!" BJ interjected, realising what Hawkeye was planning. "Am I the only one who recalls what happened the last time you woke him up?"
Hawkeye grinned, reminiscing. "Oh, yeah. I convinced him it was you, so he tied your good pair of boxers to the flagpole at hole thirty-two."
"Not to mention my Mozart collection went missing on the occasion before that," Charles added, scowling. "It took me two weeks to discover he'd hidden them in the NCO latrine."
"Right," Hawkeye said, still grinning. "Hidden right beside Frank's toothbrush."
"What?!" Frank's voice was suddenly an octave higher. When he saw the other three men smirking, he pouted. "Oh you guys!"
"Actually Frank, we're all secretly girls," BJ countered.
Frank scowled, putting on his left boot and tying it with force. "You're all a disgrace to this uniform!"
"It's one of our better qualities," Hawkeye shot back.
Frank ignored the remark, glancing around for his other boot. When he couldn't see it around the proximity of his bed, he slowly got up, walking around the stove in the center of the tent. That's when he spotted it in front of BJ's cot. He frowned. "Who put my boot there?"
"Don't look at us Frank," BJ replied, shrugging.
Frank glanced at the three men suspiciously, before bending down to retrieve the boot. When it didn't move however, he began to pull harder. "Hey, someone's nailed my boot to the—"
Before he could finish the sentence, the nail came loose, and Frank was sent stumbling backwards onto the fifth cot in the room. Its occupant jerked awake, wildly thrashing about and knocking Frank to the floor in the process. Hawkeye and BJ collapsed onto their cots in fits of laughter while Charles struggled to keep himself from laughing at the stunned look on Frank's face.
"Ay, can't a guy get some sleep around here?" Trapper hollered over the laughter. He quickly rubbed his eyes and looked down to see Frank scrambling about on the floor next to him. "Frank, if you aren't outta this tent in three seconds, I'll nail your clusters to your forehead."
Frank gulped, grabbing his boot, clambering to his feet and making a dash for the tent's entrance. The door slammed shut moments later, and Hawkeye stared at it in disbelief. "What, no threats, no 'I'm telling General MacArthur', nothing?"
"What, and mess with him first thing in the morning?" BJ asked, nodding to Trapper. "Frank may be an idiot, but he isn't suicidal."
"Precisely," Charles added. "Don't question it Pierce, enjoy it."
"Wish I could too," Trapper said, yawning. "Thanks Beej, really appreciate the human alarm clock. My favourite part was when Frank sucker-punched my face with his elbow."
"Hey, it was Hawk's idea!" BJ replied, smirking.
Hawkeye gave Trapper his best coquettish grin. "Rise and shine, Mary."
"Attention, all personnel. We're sorry to announce breakfast will be served this morning."
Charles slowly rose to his feet. "Gentlemen, I believe that's our daily call to food poisoning."
"Don't remind me," BJ said, reluctantly getting out of bed himself.
"Hey Hawk, you reckon they'll have fish and liver again?" Trapper grinned, donning his yellow bathrobe.
"If they do, I'll shoot the cook."
"Really? I read somewhere that that's illegal."
Hawkeye rolled his eyes, smiling as he pushed Trapper ahead of him through the door. "Well maybe tomorrow we'll actually sleep through breakfast and I'll dream we're being served something edible."
A/N: Lately I've been entertaining the idea of writing a multi chapter story where all eleven main characters are at the 4077th at the one time, becoming a bit of an AU from 'Welcome to Korea' all the way up to and beyond 'Fade Out, Fade In' . I loved the idea of Hawkeye, Trapper and BJ wreaking havoc on the camp as a trio, and someone mentioned they wanted to see how Frank and Charles would interact. I decided to try out a short piece to see whether people would actually be interested in something like this or not. Either way, this snippet was a standalone.