Veronica and I stumbled quickly out of the elevator, dumping our haul unceremoniously on the floor by the computer. I waved to Cass, who was sitting at the desk in the master bedroom, her dusty boots propped up on the corner, while Veronica went straight to the fridge and pulled out a Nuka-Cola, petting an enthusiastic Rex when he bounded up to her. ED-E hovered for a moment while I began sorting through the junk at my feet, deciding what to sell and what to hang onto, but then he silently glided into the game room where Raul and Arcade we playing a hand of Caravan. Boone was in there as well, leaning against the wall in the far corner. I quirked my lips into a quasi-grin when I heard the reason why everyone was avoiding the other half of the suite; Lily was snoring loud enough to wake the dead, and even with the door to the spare bedroom closed, it reverberated through the dingy walls.

I quickly entered into the computer the items I'd be selling it, if that even made sense. I never really figured out why it was possible to sell things here, other than the fact I could buy things for the suite; I supposed Mr. House had some kind of storage level for all the junk, since no one else seemed to be using it. Where the caps were even coming from, was a mystery to me. I scrolled through the items available, deciding we could use another wardrobe, now that we had Arcade staying here too, and ordered it before logging off.

Veronica sidled up to me as I hefted what was left – mostly food – and moved it slowly to the kitchen. She attempted to take some of it, but I shook my head and she backed off. I knew it was weird, but I liked doing it myself once we got home; she'd had to carry a lot on our trip, and it was a long one too, all the way from the Mojave Outpost. She deserved a break.

"So what are we picking up?" she asked as I set the freeze-dried food on the counter. I figured the rest could wait a minute, and snagged a box of Insta-Mash.

I shrugged as I chewed, using one hand to hold the box and the other to open the fridge and set in three of the Sunset Sarsaparilla we'd found. "I'm just gonna grab some of the radscorpion glands I left in the desk last time. Might stop through Primm and get few casseroles from Ruby." It was an excuse; I'd probably just sell them at the Gun Runners when I stopped by, but it would let them think I was doing something routine. "Why don't you stay and rest a bit? We did a lot of walking yesterday."

Veronica narrowed her eyes at me and set down her now empty soda bottle. "You're planning to do something dangerous again, aren't you?" she accused.

I tried my best to not let the flinch show on my face. I'd been wondering when they'd start catching on. "No," I lied. "I just thought I'd wander a bit. Boring stuff."

"You always do this!" she yelled, causing the others to at least peer in our direction. I turned away from her, moving into the game room and setting down a stack of books I planned to read when I had the chance. She wasn't deterred, though. "Whenever something big comes along, you send us all back here and do it by yourself."

"That's not true – " I tried to deny, but she cut me off, obviously not finished.

"And you always come back half dead, and make Gannon fix you up," she continued, pointing at the bewildered looking man, as though he himself was evidence of my crimes. "Why can't we come along and actually help for once?"

I shook my head, not understanding that last part. "You help all the time."

"You know what I mean," she said dangerously, and I had to give her a little credit as Cass moved past her into the room. She leaned against the wall, much the way Boone was doing a few feet away. It looked like Lily, who was still snoring away, was the only one not witnessing my reprimand. "Don't you trust us? We trust you with our lives every day!"

I glared back at the girl, hoping it made her feel her age, which was still about half of mine. "It isn't about trust, Veronica."

"Then what is it about?" Boone piped in, and I turned my glare to him, aware of the fact that it wouldn't work. What was this, Gang Up On Nicole Day? My look softened at the one he was giving me, though, and guilt swept over me. I'd been taking him out the least; only a handful of times since we nearly died at Bitter Springs.

I sighed, knowing I wouldn't get out of answering him. "Look, I've made some bad calls in the past. People died. If I can avoid doing that with any of you, I do." And that was the truth, even if it was a bit vague, so they'd have to deal with it.

"So what," Veronica started up again, "we're just supposed to go out when you don't need us? Otherwise, we're trapped up here?"

It sounded awful when she put it that way. "It isn't like that!" I exclaimed, exasperated. "I do take someone with me when I need them."

"No, she's got a point," said Cass, stepping forward. "Usually the only thing you let us do is carry stuff for you. Raul gets to repair your stuff, but that's about it."

The ghoul sat up straighter and looked up from his cards at the mention of his name. "Hey, don't get me involved, amiga. If boss says that's the plan, then that's the plan. I like not having bullets whizzing by my head all the time. The strip is nice and quiet for an old man like me." I smiled a little, liking that at least one of them appreciated my efforts.

Arcade, who didn't bother looking up from his hand, nodded absently in agreement. "I'll second that," he said distractedly as he laid down another card.

Cass growled at him. "Cowards," she muttered. Neither seemed to take offense.

"You don't have to go out there by yourself all the time," Veronica said softly, bringing my attention back with her added seriousness. "What if you don't come back?"

I blinked. "I always come back."

"But what if you don't and we could have done something to prevent it?" she pressed. "Would it be too much to ask to die with you?" she mumbled, looking away from me.

I stepped closer to her, worried now at the turn the conversation had taken. "Veronica, don't say things like that," I said quietly.

Heat colored her face, and I could tell this was hard for her. "You don't have to die alone, Nicole," she said, voice full of conviction as she finally met my eyes again.

I smiled sadly for her and put my hand on her shoulder. "Everyone dies alone, mei mei," I said tenderly. "Please," I begged, "just wait here, I'll be back in a few days – "

Veronica shook her head and shrugged me off, as though to say I didn't get it. Cass groaned, heading back towards the doorway. "This is bullshit," she said through gritted teeth.

Feeling slapped by their reactions, I threw my long forgotten box of Insta-Mash on the ground, getting everyone's attention again. "Fine!" I yelled, holding up my hands in defeat. "Do whatever the fuck you want. You hate being here so much, then leave. I'm not stopping you." I grudgingly reached down for the abused box and went to throw it in the trashcan, my appetite soured. I turned back to my presently stunned looking audience. "Wait, don't wait, I don't…" Boone's movement cut off my words, and I felt my stomach drop as I watched him stride quickly for the elevator. I closed my eyes against the wave of emotion that threatened to pull me under. "I don't care," I finished stubbornly. No one else moved for a moment, probably as shocked as I was, but that moment of silence was all it took to propel me into motion. "I'm outta here," I breathed, ignoring the others as I grabbed a few supplies and made for the elevator myself.

Just before the doors slid shut, I heard Lily snort in her sleep. "Don't worry, dearie. Granny knows how to be quiet."

I shook as the lift took me down to the casino level, a little unbelieving at how quickly everything had gone to shit. I knew that there was a strain between all of us, but I thought that if I could just deal with things quickly, get this war won and bring peace, then it would never actually come to a head. Guess that's what I got for assuming they'd be content with being locked away from the world.

I circled the casino a time or two, trying to get a grip on myself, or at the very least keep from crying. I just couldn't get the images of them going off and getting killed out of my head. Veronica thought she was tough, but with just that power fist, it meant all of her fighting had to be done up close and personal, making all of her enemies that much more deadly. Cass could hold her own, of course, but what if she'd been drinking and wasn't clear-headed and some Fiend got a hold of her? And Boone… he had enough of a death wish, he'd go out of his way to get killed by the Legion.

That last thought sent me over the edge. I screamed and overturned the closest table, sending the booze and cigarettes crashing to the floor. I kicked a few chairs for good measure before I sunk to my knees. "I just wanted to keep them safe!" I yelled at the air, uncaring if it riled the Securitrons by the elevator. "Was that too much to ask?" I could feel the tears burning hot in my eyes, falling without remorse that they were disobeying me. I choked on another scream, needing fresh air. The stuffiness of the stagnant casino was starting to suffocate me. I stumbled to my feet, half running for the doors to the Strip.

The sunlight shining in my eyes and the breeze hitting my face was nearly surreal after my breakdown, and it helped clear my mind enough to realize the Gomorrah whores across the street were staring at me. I shifted my pack on my shoulder and walked resolutely for the gate to Freeside. Once I was out in the Wastes, I'd find some abandoned shack and mourn my newly acquired loneliness. I knew a few of them would stay, ED-E at the very least, but it would never be the same after this.

A/N: So this whole idea came to me as I kept returning to the Lucky 38, and would see my companions milling around, like they were bored shitless. And I got to thinking: Hey, if I was one of them, I seriously wouldn't put up with being left all the time just because I could die out there.

And a huge thanks for pointing out my gigantic blunder, and correcting Veronica. I'd've preferred Victoria, but oh well :) double checking character names in the future is probably a good idea.

Anyway, epilogue/chapter two/whatever you want to call it is coming soon ;) stick around!