Tonight was the night. The air was warm, it was the first day of spring break, and almost summer. It was decided.
Tonight.
"I have to do it." She told herself, as she drove to the bridge.
She figured they'd find her body once her parents put in a call about her and the car missing.
It wasn't the grades, the social life, or her family. That was all fine, honestly, tolerable even. She just felt so… empty.
The view almost came too quickly.
The giant evergreen trees, the old, overgrown railroad, the crashing river, and the bridge.
The first time she had ever considered suicide, this was the location she had imagined. It seemed appropriate to her that this would be the place she ended up.
She picked her way through the trees, absentmindedly running her fingers over the scars on her wrists. When she emerged from the bushes, she saw something she wasn't expecting.
There was already someone standing on the edge of the bridge.
It was dark, but she could make out a guy, tall and skinny. He had one hand wrapped around a cable, and was leaning over the edge.
All thoughts of her own suicide fled to the back of her mind.
"Stop!" She cried, without even thinking. He jerked back in surprise.
"Don't do it, please." She said, running towards him. She picked her way carefully across the broken rails. When she looked up, she saw him dashing away from her.
"Wait, come back!" she yelled after him.
"Leave me alone!" He yelled back, making it across and disappearing into the bushes on the other side.
Her voice faded to a whisper.
"I wanted to talk to you."
She stopped in the middle of the bridge, grabbing onto a cable to keep her balance. The river crashed and spun beneath her.
A tiny cloud of blueish-white mist materialized in front her, and she jumped away from it.
"What the hell?"
It floated a little bit closer, and she leaned away, eyeing it. It suddenly swooped in close to her face, and she accidently sucked in a breath in surprise.
She inadvertently sucked it right into her mouth.
"Gahh!"
She spat, trying to get it out, but nothing unusual came out.
It wasn't that it tasted bad, because it didn't. To her it tasted like popcorn. The horrible for you, movie-theater type buttery popcorn.
Odd.
She started to turn around, and ran right into a short, trench-coated man.
"Jesus Christ!" She exclaimed.
The man looked confused.
"Why does everyone think that is my name?" He mused. "My name is Castiel."
"Excuse me?" She said. "Who the hell are you? How did you sneak up behind me? Jeez, you creep." She tried to move around him, but he blocked her path on the narrow pathway.
"But I have an important message from God." Her jaw dropped.
"Serious? I run into a freaky trench coat guy, and he says to me that he has a message for me from God? Thanks but no thanks buddy."
"Sabrina, wait."
THAT got her attention. She looked at him suspiciously.
"Okay, who the hell are you?"
"I told you, I am the angel Castiel, and I have a message for you. God wants us all to-wait…." He trailed off.
She folded her arms.
"What, you have a message for me, and you won't even finish it?"
He squinted at her.
"How long have you been an angel?" He asked.
She started.
"An angel? What are you talking about now?" She shook her head. "Never mind, I'm just going to go home."
He leaned in and stared deep into her eyes.
She got the feeling that he was looking into her very soul.
Castiel's eyes widened in shock.
"You are brand new!" He exclaimed. "But how… I would have known…. I don't… Wait right here."
Then as quickly as he arrived, he disappeared. She jumped back in surprise. A few seconds later, he appeared again.
This time though, there were two other guys with him. Both were wheezing.
"Dammit Cas, you know I hate that!" The shorter of the two exclaimed.
He was wearing a leather jacket over a plain shirt and had a sort of 'bad boy' look to him.
The other was tall, broad-shouldered, wore a plaid shirt, and had longish hair.
"I needed your help Dean." Castiel said, in a matter-of -fact way.
"Yeah, well next time don't go zapping me places, okay?!"
Sabrina watched this all in fascination.
The tall one noticed her.
"Hi," he said, sticking out his hand, "Sorry about the entrance. I'm Sam, and this is my brother Dean-ignore him, he's an idiot-And obviously, you've met Cas."
"I heard that Sam." Dean scowled.
"Sabrina." She said, shaking his hand, staring at the line-up.
"Okay Cas, so why did you bibbdi-bobbidi-boo us over here? Who's the chick?" He turned to Sabrina and gave her the once over.
"She's kinda cute though."
Sam and Sabrina rolled their eyes in unison.
"Knock it off Dean." Sam said.
"Anyway," Cas cut in. "Sabrina is an angel."
"Great," Dean said, "Another one. Do we need to kill her or something?"
Sabrina involuntarily took a step back.
"Woah, what? Kill me? Okay, seriously, who the hell are you?" She pointed a finger at Castiel sharply.
"And no more 'angel of God' crap from you."
Dean chuckled.
"I like her."
"You're not allowed to talk anymore." She told him. He threw up his hands with a muttered, "Whatever."
"Sam," She said, turning towards him, "Tell me what the hell is going on. Please."
"Sabrina, we're not sure, but we'll help you figure it out, okay? It's kind of our job, to help people when things like this happen to people."
She nodded, scared.
"What do I have to do?"
He glanced at Dean for confirmation, but his older brother shrugged.
"Bobby?"
Sam nodded.
"Good idea, I can wait here." He offered.
"Then Dean, I will take you and Sabrina first." Cas reached out, and Dean scrunched his face in anticipation.
Sabrina closed her eyes too.
A moment later, she stumbled, her eyes shooting open.
"Cas!" A middle aged man sporting a worn baseball cap, and a plaid shirt sat behind a large wooden desk that was covered in papers, books, and weapons. Sabrina guessed that the plaid shirt was a sort of unofficial uniform.
"Dean will explain." Cas said.
He shot off again, to bring Sam back, returning seconds later.
Bobby, Sabrina presumed, stood, making his way around the table. He looked her up and down.
"What's wrong with her? What did you idgits do now?" He asked, his voice gruff.
"Hey!" Sabrina said, "There's nothing wrong with me."
Dean stepped in.
"Cas says she's an angel, but he doesn't know her. Apparently she's new."
"New?" The wrinkle in Bobby's forehead deepened. "How is that even possible? How do you make an angel?" The second question was aimed towards Cas, who was leaning against the wall. He stared at Sabrina with squinted eyes.
"I do not know. Angels are only angels with their Grace, but a simple human couldn't take one from an angel."
Sabrina thought about the blue-ish mist that she had accidently breathed in.
Dean read the wondering look on her face.
"What? Did you see something there?"
"Um," She stuttered, "There was this blue mist at the bridge, and I accidently um, breathed it in."
"Blue mist?" Sam said. Bobby turned back to his desk, rummaging papers around and flipping through books.
"A Grace…" Cas breathed.
Dean started laughing.
"Damn girl, you stole a Grace. You scoundrel!"
Sabrina squirmed.
"I didn't mean to."
Sam put a comforting hand on her shoulder.
"It's okay Sabrina. We'll help you figure this out."
She let go of the breath she didn't know she was holding.
"Thanks."
Bobby was sitting back down now, still flipping through a thick, leather bound book. Dean wandered towards another bookshelf.
Cas stood next to him, looking over his shoulder, reading with him.
Dean looked him in the eye.
"Cas, do the words 'personal space' mean anything at all to you?" The other angel took a miniscule step away, and Dean rolled his eyes, but kept reading.
Sabrina smiled to herself.
"Hey Sabrina, you look really tired. Do you want to crash upstairs?" Sam asked.
She gestured towards the books.
"Don't you want me help?" She asked.
He gave her a half-smile, and her heart gave a little stammer.
"Nah, it's pretty boring work, and it's late. Aren't you tired?"
She nodded, feeling the exhaustion hitting her.
"I'll show you upstairs then."
She followed him up creaky a creaky stairway.
"Just curious," Sam started, "But why were you at the bridge?"
Sabrina nervously touched a scar under her long shirt sleeve.
She fought with herself, trying to decide what to tell him. A stranger.
"I…" He turned back and glanced at her, when she didn't finish her sentence.
Too late, she pulled her sleeve back down.
He saw the scars.
Recognition sparked in his eyes.
Sabrina looked away, a bit embarrassed.
They reached the room.
Neither of them said anything.
"You can stay in our room," Sam finally said, opening the door.
"Thank you." She said, turning back
The stretch to open the door lifted his sleeve up slightly.
She saw matching scars to her own.
He met her eyes.
"How long?" She whispered.
They both looked down at his arms, covered in plaid and jacket sleeves, except that one spot on his left wrist.
"I started when I was fifteen."
Same age as she had.
"But I've been clean for ten months" He finished.
"What changed?" She asked without thinking. "Sorry, that's personal."
"No," He said, "It's okay."
"What was it?"
He knew she was asking this, looking for her own reason to stop.
"I nearly died after a… a really long hard, night. My girlfriend died a while ago. I've been fighting depression since then, and one night I decided that I didn't want to be here anymore, especially without her. But Dean and Bobby saved my life, and Dean was so mad, I thought he'd do the deed himself." Sam's voice caught slightly, but he cleared his throat.
"He cried when I was in the hospital, and I've never seen him cry before. Ever. I realized then how much he loved me, and Bobby loved me, and how much I love them too. It doesn't always have to be by blood, but those two and Cas, are the most important thing in my life. I live every day not only for myself, but for them too. They're my anchor, my tether."
She nodded, her eyes a little wet.
"I see."
"We'll see you in the morning."
He bent and surprised her by kissing her on the cheek.
"Find your anchor Sabrina."
He walked back down the stairs.
She wandered down the stairs the next morning, one of the extra-large plaid shirts thrown on over her own outfit.
The sleeves hung down a good four inches past her hands.
Yawning as she entered the sitting room, she hid a smile behind her hand. Dean was sprawled out on the couch in the corner, Cas leaning against him, snoring softly. Bobby was asleep in his chair behind the desk, a book in his hand. Sam was slumped on the ground next to a few piles of books, some spilling into his lap.
She continued quietly through the room, towards the kitchen, and opened the fridge.
It was full of a variety of beers, expired condiment packets, and a moldy salad kit.
"Classy." She said.
Towards the back she found an almost full carton of eggs that hadn't yet gone bad.
"Scrambled eggs and toast it is." She decided.
She turned the stove on, though it took two tries to get the right burner she wanted. A pan with a dent in the side would have to do.
Dean wandered into the kitchen right as she started scooping eggs from the pan to paper plates.
"Right on time." She said, handing him a heaping plate.
Dean looked like the kind of guy who liked to eat.
He was surprised by the gesture, but pleased.
"Thanks." He said, digging in. Bobby and Sam followed suit a few minutes later.
"We haven't had real cooking in… I don't even remember how long." Bobby said.
"These are good Sabrina, thanks."
She and Sam shared a second of eye contact.
"Is Cas going to eat?" She asked after a moment, eyeing the rest of the eggs, trying to portion them out.
"Nope, you go ahead and finish it off." Dean said, wiping his plate with a crust of bread.
"You outta Sabrina, or Dean'll beat you to it." Bobby added.
Dean threw a dirty look his way.
"So did you find anything last night?" She asked.
"Yeah, actually we did." Sam started. "But it's dangerous."
"It always is." Dean muttered.
"Cas is still resting, because he almost ran out of juice yesterday. It took all he had to bring us all back. But we're going to need him again, to help with this."
Bobby took over for a moment.
"It's considered a myth, humans taking an angel's Grace, but now I guess we know it's true."
He looked up at Sabrina, she shifted in her seat.
"The process to remove the Grace is complex and painful. Humans aren't meant to harness their kind of power. If it isn't removed, it could destroy you. To remove it, Cas will have to reach inside and pull it out." Her eyes widened at this
"He'll do the best he can, but you need to do your part too. You have to be strong, okay girl?"
"Damn Bobby, don't sugarcoat it or anything." Dean said. "Look at her, she's terrified already."
Sabrina tried to paste on a brave face.
"I'll do whatever I need."
Cas woke a few hours later, and they quickly ran the plan by him.
"That would be the best thing to try." He agreed, rolling up his sleeve.
"Woah, right now?" Sabrina asked, her hands flying to protect her midsection.
"Is now a bad time?" He asked.
"Jeez Cas, let her lie down or something."
Sabrina sat on the squashed couch, taut as a wire.
Dean and Bobby sat on either side of her, ready to hold her down.
"Sabrina," Sam said, "Relax."
"Yeah, I'll try." She stammered. "Will you um, hold my hand?" Dean raised an eyebrow at her request, but Sam nodded immediately.
"Of course." He and Bobby switched places, and she gripped his hand tightly.
"Okay." She closed her eyes. "Do it."
Cas, didn't hesitate a second.
He plunged his hand into her torso, and she screamed.
It was horrifyingly painful, and downright uncomfortable. His hand turned, and she shrieked again. The pain increased.
"Sabrina, you're okay. You're doing fine." Sam said.
"C'mon girl. Be strong." Bobby added.
Dean gritted his teeth and held her down.
She squeezed Sam's hand, but if it was too tight, or hurting him, it didn't register on his face.
"Almost there." Cas said through locked jaw.
Sabrina closed her eyes and thought about her family, her close friends who took care of her. She added Sam, Dean, Bobby, and Cas to her mental list. She remembered Sam's voice from the night before.
'Find your anchor Sabrina.'
She played it over and over in her head, holding in her screams.
Family. Sam. Dean. Cas. Bobby. Family. Find your anchor Sabrina.
"Sabrina, are you okay?" Dean asked.
She gave him a short nod, trying not to let her concentration drop.
A moment later, she felt Cas's hand retract from her torso.
He held the blue pulsing mist in his hands carefully, quickly placing it in a small black lock box.
She felt different. Somewhat heavier somehow, and so, so tired.
Dean caught her as she slumped over to the side.
"Hey, hey. None of that." He said, sitting her back up.
Bobby gave her a glass of water, and she slowly opened her eyes.
She took it carefully with her left hand, her right still entwined in Sam's.
He didn't mind, and Dean had enough tact not to say a word.
A moment later, she leaned back.
"I'm okay now. I'm okay."
"It worked." Cas said. "You did not die."
"Yeah, thank God." Sabrina said, her voice completely deadpanned. She untangled her hand from Sam's.
He let go a bit reluctantly.
"So what now?" Dean asked. "Do you thinks she has any more angel mojo in her?"
"I removed it all." Cas said.
"Do we need to remove this memory from her?" Dean asked.
"No!" She cried, quickly stepping away from Cas's outstretched hand.
"I want to keep this memory. Please."
Cas shrugged as though it didn't matter either way to him.
"As you wish."
Without another word, he disappeared.
Bobby turned to Sabrina.
"The boys can take you home girl, your family must be worried sick about you." Bobby said pointedly.
Sam and Dean took their cue, slipping on their jackets.
Sabrina started to take off the plaid shirt she had taken from their room earlier, but Sam stopped her.
"Keep it."
"Thank you." She said quietly.
They got in an old, '67 Impala, a car her father had coveted for years. The drive took shorter than she expected, but she guessed that Dean sped more often than not.
Sam and Dean dropped her off a few blocks from her house. Their idea.
"It might not be a good idea if the police are around and see us." Dean had pointed out. "We're not exactly model citizens."
Feeling brave and new, she kissed them both on the cheek.
"Thank you for everything." She said, her eyes lingering on Sam.
"Welcome." Dean answered, staring straight ahead. She got out of the car, on the passenger side.
"Stay strong Sabrina. You know my advice."
She smiled at him.
"I have my anchor now." She said. "Thank you."
She stepped back, and the boys sped off in the opposite direction from her house.
Taking a deep breath, she started the few block trek home.
Her parents saw her from the window and they ran out, meeting her on the lawn.
"Sabrina!" Her mother cried, grabbing her up in a hug. Her father out his arms around them both. All three of them were crying.
"I'm so sorry. I-"
"Shh, baby, it'll be okay." Her mother said, running a hand through her hair. "We'll talk later, okay?"
"Okay."
Epilogue
Sabrina walked down the street, her left bicep on fire. But she smiled as she glanced down at her arm.
It was so worth it.
Her new tattoo, a black anchor with the word 'family' written in the bottom section, sat next to lowercase scrawl that read:
Find your anchor
She thought it was the kind of handwriting Sam might have, and that helped her deal with the pain from the needle.
It had been two months since that night they boys returned to her to her family. It has also been two months since she had last cut, and she felt stronger every day.
'I can do this.' She said to herself.