This was supposed to be a oneshot, but it became a little too long, so I decided to make a short fic out of it. It is MerDer and takes place after 4x10. Please disregard any incoherences with some of the show's events that might be mentioned in this fic (my tiny little heart can't handle more twists,turns and attempts to kill characters, so instead of watching the episodes I read quotes. It's sad, I know.).

You lie awake at night
With blue eyes that never cry
All you remember now
Is what you feel

It is the next day.

This is the first thought in my head as the loud – in my opinion, excessively loud – noise from my alarm-clock wakes me up from one of the worst nights of sleep I've ever had. Today is the next day, the day Derek is going to talk to me. Or at least he is supposed to. But he is Derek, which implies that he is going to talk to me; after all, he is Derek, the speech man for the Communication Campaign or whatever.

Gosh, waking up this early is really starting to get to me. And maybe the late-night-rolling-in-bed thing didn't me with my rambling thoughts.

Bed, bathroom, wardrobe, stairs, kitchen, cold grilled cheese (or at least it smells like cheese), car, work.

My cell phone watch is showing 5:30, which means I have about an hour and a half until having to go through rounds with my interns. You're probably asking yourself why on Earth I would want to come early to work when I don't have to suck up to Bailey, but ,well, I'm a morning person. Work hard, that's my slogan.

Alright, I'm a terrible liar. I don't wanna sound stalker-ish or anything, but last night, before I left, I checked with my sources (ok, now I sound like I'm a spy instead of a resident), but what matter is that I know that he would be here early (or late, depending on how you see it). I know he had something to say to me before I took off, and the theories in my mind are driving me crazy.

But, as curious as I am right now, I need my morning coffee so I can think straight – and I'm in a serious need of that. Thinking straight ,I mean. Turned out that the cold grilled cheese wasn't make out of cheese, so... yuck. I could definitely use a cup of coffee and a muffin right now.

"I'd never peg you as a morning person, Grey." I heard a voice from behind me on the coffee shop line. Talk about stalker, I think to myself.

"Oh. It's you." I said disappointedly when I realized it was Mark who was standing behind me. Of course, who was I expecting to be standing behind there? I can't even lie to myself – yeah, I'm that pathetic.

"Of course it's me. Would you take it any other way?"

"Shouldn't you be running after Dr. Hahn?" I lifted an eyebrow, hoping this would make him leave. Coffee would help, muffins would help, Mark flirting with me would most certainly not.

"Excuse me?" He chocked. Oh, that was definitely a better way of starting the day. "You do understand I am your superior, correct?"

"Yes, Dr. Sloan."

"And you do understand you work under me."

I rolled my eyes. "In your dreams." I said, turning to leave when I almost bumped into someone else. Apparently today is Sneak-Behind-Meredith day and someone forgot to tell me.

"And not even there if you're planning on restructuring a face that isn't yours." Derek said in a half-joke, half-serious tone.

"Woah, no need for violence, Shep." Mark said raising his hands in surrender.

"Been there, done that." They both laughed. Weird. I knew they were friends again or whatever, but this was still… weird. And the fact that I was trapped in between them wasn't really helping either. Sometime after the friends-again moment, Derek turned his face down and looked at me. He seems.. taller. Like he grew a few inches or something. Or maybe I'm just to close to him – not that it would ever be close enough. I have to stop with the corniness. "Hi." He smiled. It wasn't a McDreamy smile, but a smile nevertheless.

"Hi." I replied. Oh God, I'm blushing. Just when I thought I couldn't be any more ridiculous. I so hate my-red-self right now.

"You guys are making me sick. I'll go before I give up on eating my muffin." Mark said as he left, shaking his head. At least I'm not trapped anymore, but although I have the extra breathing space, the way Derek is looking at me right now is not helping me breathe.

"So.." I started.

"Why are you in so early? I couldn't believe when I saw your car in the parking lot."

"Yesterday." I say simply, hoping he would understand what I mean.

"Yeah." He pauses as he focus on staring me for a moment, as if trying to read my face. My stupid red face. "Today is tomorrow."

"It is."

"I checked earlier and your shift doesn't start until 7."

"Good thing I arrived early then."

He chuckles. That's a good signal, right? Light mood means good news. And of course it's good news, I mean, the man freakin' told me he wants to spend the rest of his life with me and I told him I want him all for myself. Good news lie ahead, for once. "Ok, my office." He says, placing his hand on the small of my back. I stiffen a little at his unexpected – but welcomed nevertheless – movement.

I feel… light as we walk. And then people start staring at us. Like they stared at me when Derek… well, you know. "Don't you think people will..-" I start, a little apprehensive. Why are the nurses giving me the death glare, anyway? I thought the Lets-Hate-Her-She-Stole-McDreamy thing was over like, a long, long time ago.

"Talk?" He asks as he presses the elevator button. I didn't even realized we were going to the elevator. But there again, Derek is Derek, which implies elevators. And ferry boats. And… Ok, that's just way too personal. "They must be tired of talking about us, after all, we have been the hot subject for the past year."

"I guess you're right." I forced a smile. Don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic he's in a light mood, but remembering the last year? So not what I need right now. The deathly silence in the elevator isn't helping as well. But he is still smiling, which is good. Thinking over that, he does smiles a lot, so maybe that doesn't mean anything.

Maybe he is going to break up with me.

Oh, wait, I've already done that for him.

Other scenario: maybe he does want to date other people. I didn't go over this scenario last night. Damn, just when I'm becoming bright-and-shiny all over again…

"Meredith?" Why is he looking at me like I'm some sort of crazy freak. Oh, maybe it's because the elevator is already in our floor and he's waiting for me to get out of it. I am a crazy freak. And I talk to myself when I'm supposed to be talking with him.

Elevator, corridor, crazy nurses death-glare, his office door, ever more intense death-glares. God, this people really do need something else to talk about.

He opens the door for me and closes behind me when he enters. His office looks.. different. The same, but somewhat different, if that makes any sense.

He's looking at me. Derek is looking at me. Well, why wouldn't he? I mean, he just brought me to his office saying we had to talk, so it kames complete sense that he is looking at me. Only I am not. Looking at him, I mean. I lift my eyes hesitantly. Apparently, all of the courage and self-confidence I stored during my almost entirely sleepless night vanished as I passed that door.

"So, we're here." I said, finally looking at him. Good, Meredith. Eye contact is good, just try not to break it or whatever.

"We are." He nods. "My turn to talk?" He is asking my permission to talk?

"Yes."

"Ok then." He sights. Heavily. Way too heavily for something good to come out of this. Oh god, oh god, oh god. He doesn't have any other hidden wives, right? Because that's a crime. Polygamy, I mean. Not that being married stopped him from getting in my pants, but being married should stop him from getting married while he was still married, right? Did that make any sense to you?, because I'm not sure it made to me.

"I kissed Rose." He says out of the blank.

What the fuck?!