A/n: Italics: Flashbacks
Normal Font: Present time
A Good Dad
On a day like this, Leon really never had anything to do; On Father's Day he would usually spend it working for he really had absolutely no reason to celebrate today …
Notwithstanding, today Leon was free and his lover, Cloud, had called him over to his house to have a simple Father's Day diner.
"I'd like to spend the day with you and Denzel … if that's ok?" Cloud had told him by phone, the nerves evident even in the calm baritone of his voice.
That had made Leon frown in concern and ask: "Cloud, is everything okay?"
"… I'd also like to speak to you about something …" Cloud had responded after a brief pause.
When Leon asked him what was it that he wanted to talk about, Cloud had refused to tell him: saying that it was something that had to be discussed face to face. The nerves in Cloud's voice had been a giveaway for Leon to have a good idea of what it was. Taking a deep breath to begin mentally preparing himself, Leon agreed and hung up. Apprehension rearing it's unwelcomed presence: It wasn't because Leon was reluctant to spend time with the man and his son, no … Leon had to give it to Cloud; the man has been more than patient in the long time they have been dating; dancing around the topic despite knowing that they can't avoid it forever …
Leon had to wonder just what did Cloud see in him to be able to put up with his stupidity for so long …
Especially when it was no secret between them that, the desire to belong in a family has always been something that Leon wanted … despite his distant attitude. Sadly, due to unfortunate circumstances from his past Leon has not been able to bring himself to become a part of a family or form one. He occasionally finds himself wondering if he could ever fit into a family; even if he sometimes tries to deny it. there's that deep part of him that craves to give and hopefully receive what he has been denied all of his life. Whenever he sees parents with their children at the park he would fantasize for a little … only to then quickly shake his head, berating himself for being so ridiculous whilst walking the opposite way hunched forward and hands inside his pockets. He was a loner … destined to be alone so that he didn't hurt anyone with his shortcomings … If he were fit to be a part of other people's lives, he would have had a true family long ago …
But then came Cloud Strife, moving in from the far city of Midgar into the little town in Balamb known as Radiant Gardens … And the blonde had made Leon fall head over heels for him. However, Cloud had not come alone, as mentioned before he had a son: A shy little boy by the name of Denzel Strife. At first, Leon tried not to think about having anything with Cloud. But, life seemed to like toying with Leon. After many more encounters with Cloud they had started dating, gotten together, become friends then lovers. And of course, Leon got involved in Denzel's life as well.
With an almost two year long strong relationship it was only a matter of time before the subject of them living together would come up … and that's when Leon's inner torments would resurface, reminding him of the awful things engraved in his head. But Leon had agreed to talk about his doubts: Half of him wished to just resolve the conflict and come to terms with his past while another part did not want to leave his comfort zone and just distance himself from everything.
Once in Cloud's house, Denzel had been very happy to see him (which has been happening a lot lately). After the warm greetings he and Cloud cooked. all three ate together at the table and then Denzel ran off to the living room to finish a 'very important thing' (as he had declared). Unintentionally leaving the two adults to have their pending conversation.
Currently seated at Cloud's table, Leon watched five year old Denzel laying flat on his stomach on the living room floor; swinging his little legs while tirelessly working crayons on pieces of paper. As he waited for his lover, Leon wondered what Denzel was working on; the boy looked so focused. Cloud soon joined him putting two mugs on the table; one with coffee for Leon and another with tea for Cloud. Perhaps the drinks would help them both to keep the raking nerves in check.
"Thank you …" Leon pulled his mug closer and let the strong aroma fill his nostrils.
"No problem …" Cloud's voice low and uncertain.
Both stared at their respective drinks wondering whom should take the initiative to speak up first; Cloud not knowing how to approach the subject stayed quiet, and Leon was already painting the worst scenarios in his head if he said something wrong …
"So um … what … is it you want to talk about?" Leon supposed that was a better start than none at all, even if he had a hunch of what Cloud was going to say; the suspense was too much.
Cloud breathed in, closing his eyes to at least gain something close enough to composure.
"Lee …" Cloud began, tentative and apprehensive. Leon knew Cloud was a somewhat shy and reserved man, but the anxious demeanor was making Leon worry.
"Yes, Cloud?" and now his own voice was showing some apprehension too.
Suspense began to fill the space between them, Cloud began chewing his lower lip and Leon kept staring at him. They have been dating for a little over a year now; both were the kind to take things slowly and with caution. Leon simply because of the personal issues that still haunted him, and Cloud, as a single father, had a child to keep in mind; Denzel's comfort and safety came above all else. The dragging silence was making both of them more tense but Cloud couldn't find the words he wanted to use.
"Cloud, tell me, what's on your mind?" Leon's voice was still normal but there was urgency to his question.
The blonde cleared his throat, "I, uh … I've been thinking ..."
The pause was long enough to merit encouragement from Leon, "About?"
"We-we … we've been together for a while and, um … well, I'd like to … you know, make it more … 'official', so to speak …" sitting back on his chair, Cloud's tense arms came to rest on his chest as the man hung his head in an attempt to hide the very noticeable dust of red on his cheeks.
"Can you please get to the point already? " Leon almost begged him. He didn't want to sound rude, but he was really anxious and he just wanted Cloud to confirm his suspicions. He did feel bad for startling Cloud, however.
"Ye-yeah … my bad ..." Cloud cleared his throat again "Thing is … I-I've been wondering if … if … Do you want to move in … with us?"
Leon's worried expression turned into a soft frown; His gut instinct had been right after all.
Leon had been expecting the question at some point, and he has also considered the idea now and again. The question was bound to come and Leon had often thought of what he would do when it finally came. That moment was now.
He really liked Cloud. Hyne, he loved the man to death and would do anything for him. They have formed a strong bond built on trust. He did want something more serious with the younger man, and to actually consider a future with him.
However, there was one thing that still put his nerves on edge: A serious relationship with Cloud would also entail a responsibility; a commitment to Denzel … and that was what worried Leon. He was worried that he would somehow hurt Denzel, or Cloud, or both …
He was worried that he would somehow repeat the hurt had been done to him in the past.
"Cloud … I'm not sure if I can …" Leon finally answered after a tense, thoughtful silence.
This answer, in turn, received a dispirited but sharp exhale from Cloud that sounded disappointed. Leon didn't blame him though; he would feel disappointed too if he were Cloud. Heck, he was frustrated with himself with all sincerity. He had thought that he was over it … it seemed that he had been mistaken.
"Okay… forget I asked …." it was obvious to Leon that Cloud had tried to keep his disappointment to himself, but Leon wasn't an idiot and he could read Cloud very well.
"Cloud please don't get me wrong … I … I do want something more serious with you. And I do feel ready to commit myself to you ..."
Leon rolled his lips back in thought, considering how to explain himself without being misunderstood. But Cloud knew.
In a neutral tone Cloud expressed Leon's thoughts for him: "It's Denzel….isn't it?"
Sighing in defeat the scarred man could only hang his head while pinching the bridge of his nose: Silence was the only thing he could offer Cloud at the moment.
Cloud, nonetheless, didn't want to just drop the subject there and let it die like they have been doing since they started going out. He also didn't want to pressure the man or sound like he was nagging or demanding.
Calmly, but keeping the seriousness as his undertone, he said: "Leon…if you don't feel ready then that's fine. Last thing I want is to rush you … but … at least … at least tell me really bothers you?" it was a question of concern and nothing else, leaning a little to the side to get a better look at the scarred face.
Leon, however, turned his face away to avoid the gaze he was so in love with; keeping his head down so that his bangs could cover his face.
"Look at me" it was a demand; not shouted, nor spoken with any ounce of anger. Despite that, to Leon's ears, Cloud had managed to put enough weight on it to make him look into Cloud's eyes; the pair of cerulean searched deep into his own pair of silvery blue. Even without the use of any further words, Leon was defenceless and he caved in.
"… I don't want to cause any pain…I don't want to let you down…" though he kept his tone firm and composed as usual, Cloud could hear the fear under the mask.
This again. Cloud's heart gave a heavy beat for the brunette; it made him sad and frustrated each time Leon belittled himself. But Cloud didn't blame the poor man, at all … the self-destructive behavior had been programmed into Leon's mind; living alone has not improved it either. Cloud hummed at the back of his throat letting his eyes travel to the reminder on Leon's face; the damage done to a noble heart forced to hide away.
"Because of what happened." it could have been a question, yet Cloud's words were a confident statement.
Unsurprisingly to Cloud, Leon once again said nothing. Now choosing to divert his attention to the brunette boy on the living room floor; looking sadly at the boy. It really hurt Cloud to see how Leon struggled between his insecurities and his desires; he didn't want to see Leon hurting any more. Leon deserved the chance to know what is was like to have a loving family; people that cared for him.
"Cloud … I just don't think I can be a good dad-"
"And what makes you think that? hm? Tell me." Cloud was a little bit outraged crossing his arms over his chest.
Leon frowned as he opened his mouth to bring up an argument yet had none. There had to be something, he was sure; his frantic mind was telling him so. And it was tearing Cloud on the inside to see how the man still tried to deny himself what he wanted just because he had become so convinced that he was a bad person. Cloud wished he could find out who was the cause of the damage so that he could beat them like there was no tomorrow.
"Really? Do you really think you're that terrible Leon?"
Leon chewed the inside of his cheek while staring down at the dark liquid in his mug. His leg shaking from side to side restlessly as Cloud had said exactly what had been in Leon's mind. There were no words Leon found to combat it.
"And after all this time … you still think I think so little of you … that Denzel, thinks so little of you?"
Still staying quiet, Leon stared at the coffee, his frown turning more soft and sad; shoulders slumped as he lowered his head a bit more causing his hair to hide most of his eyes. Leon even stopped shaking his leg.
Cloud shook his head then looked dejectedly at his partner before he reached out to take one of Leon's hands and caressed the knuckles with his thumb "Leon … he really does admire you; Denzel loves you. Just like I do."
Leon longily set his doubtful eyes on Cloud's right before they shifted on to Denzel; staying there for some moments then returned to the dispirited frowning at the liquid in his mug. Cloud knew that the man was having problems believing his words.
"….do you wanna know what he told me the other night?"
That caught the brunette's interest, he raised an eyebrow at Cloud to show he was curious.
A mighty roar from the sky woke Cloud in a jolt from his perturbed slumber. He looked at the dark night sky outside his window and saw the white flash of lighthning; his head fell back into the pillow when he sighed in relief. He was glad that he had been freed from the unpleasant dream he had been having. Although not the worst he's had, the dream had still been pretty perturbing. So, while staring at the dark ceiling he took comfort in the sound of the rumbling thunder and the pelting of the rain on his window. He thought of Leon. The slaty eyes so similar to a rain cloud, the man's stare sharp as lightning, but his presence as soothing as a passing mist. Damn, did he miss his brunette; wished that he could have the other's warmth and words of comfort. Leon always knew what to say or what to do when Cloud woke shaken or disturbed from any night terrors.
Another flash tore the sky, the rumble afterwards loud enough to startle Cloud, again.
'Wow it's bad out there…I should check up on-' Cloud had barely removed the sheets from himself when his thoughts got interrupted by the creaking of the door quickly followed by the sound of little feet running in his direction. Looking to his right Cloud saw Denzel wide eyed, holding on to his little chocobo plush for dear life.
"Dada…I'm scarred…"
"I know you are, buddy, I know you are. Hop in." not a second after Cloud had patted the bed Denzel was scrambling up, Cloud barely had to help him climb. Denzel crawled over Cloud's stomach to settle onto Cloud's left, hiding under the warm sheets just in time for another terrifying thunder-clap. Whilst looking out the window, Denzel scooted closer to his Father. He turned to look at Cloud, and saw his dad had a hand over his eyes. Denzel, even for his age he could tell that there was something bothering his dada.
"Where u havin' bad dreams dada?"
Removing his hand to look at his son with a smile Cloud answered "Yea. But it's over and I'll be ok"
"…Thunder makes night scary…"
"Don't worry. I'm here with ya kiddo, I'll protect you from the scary lightning" Cloud turned to his side to nuzzle Denzel whom giggled due to his father's hair tickling him; Cloud chuckling in response.
When their laughter subsided another flash made Denzel gasp then look up at his dad with concern. "dada…" Denzel said uncertainly.
"Hm?" Cloud looked at his child with curiosity.
"Do you think Leon's ok?"
It was an unexpected question from Denzel and Cloud was curious as to what prompted it
"Why do you ask that Denz?"
"Leon is alone. No one can protect him if he has bad dreams or scary lightnin'"
For as young as he was, it never stopped amazing Cloud how perceptive Denzel could be. He honestly didn't know what to say.
"I … I really don't know Denzel … I'm pretty sure he is ok …"
"But u said that people get sad when they're alone…"
And it was true, he has said that before. How would Cloud counter his own argument based off on personal experience. More so when he knew Leon was no exception, even when everybody else around thought otherwise. Beneath the stoic exterior, Leon was sad and lonely; there were many scars in that soul and Cloud, having overcome most of his, wished take them all away.
"I like Leon … I don' wan him to be sad anymore, dada…" Denzel suddenly said hugging his little chocobo plush closer.
Cloud frowned sadly as his heart twisted with affection for both the small child in front of him and for the man ever present in his heart and mind. "Me neither kiddo…me neither"
Denzel snuggled closer to his father seeking warmth from the frigidity in the room. "Dada?"
"Yes Denzel?" Cloud's hand threaded through light brown locks and Denzel leaned more into the touch.
"Leon has no family….Can we be Leon's family?"
Cloud thought that he couldn't feel more warm on the inside than what he did at that moment; There was nothing that wanted more than that. He was very happy to hear that Denzel wanted the same thing. Perhaps it was time for him to have that conversation with the scarred man. Cloud desperately hoped than when he talked to Leon the latter would accept.
"Maybe…" Cloud responded longingly.
"I wanna be Leon's family…" Denzel yawned while rubbing one of his eyes drawing Cloud out of his small reverie and he pulled the sheets closer over the both of them.
"Well … maybe we can ask him. But for now, we should get some sleep."
"Ok … 'night Dada …" Denzel spoke lowly as he drifted off to slumber with a smile.
"Sweet dreams kiddo ..." he kissed Denzel's forehead and it wasn't long before the little boy was snoozing.
Turning to face the ceiling once again, Cloud sighed longingly, tenderly threading his fingers through Denzel's hair.
Leon blinked at Cloud, not believing the scene Cloud had described.
"Why … would he say that?"
"'Cause he cares for you Leon. "
"But why?!" Leon didn't scream or shout, his words were had been exclaimed sharply. Though he realized his little outburst quickly and he took a deep breath through his nose. "I mean … why would he. I'm not perfect like you Cloud"
"So what?!" it was Cloud's turn to exclaim sharply a little aggravated at the fact that Leon just refused to see the caring side of him. "You don't have to be perfect for others to care about you … and you don't have to be perfect to be a parent either …And I'm not perfect."
Leon remained silent in contemplation, frowning as there was a small little voice telling him to stop being so stubborn and listen to what Cloud had to say.
Seizing his opportunity in the silence Cloud began his words just a bit daring but also spoken in a smooth tone.
"I think you're already a good dad"
Leon's eyes snapped up to look at Cloud , his brows furrowing questioningly and Cloud began to answer.
"You remember that day that we were supposed to go on a date, but I couldn't because I had no one to look out for Denzel, but then you said that we could do something with Denzel as well?" Cloud knew that the way he worded the question could be redundant, but he wanted to bring up some points for Leon to realize just how much of an attentive person he was.
"We've had a few those Cloud …"
"True. And not in a single one of them have you been impatient or irritated with him. Going out of your way to accommodate for him. We've had both good outings together and some damn good dates even with Denzel there."
And Leon had to agree, nodding thinking back on those occasions and the fun they've had.
Cloud snapped his fingers as he remembered "Oh, like the day we went to the park? That time that you fixed Denz's bike"
Watching Denzel cry didn't feel right for Leon. The feeling was stronger so, because of the reason as to why Denzel was trying his hardest to be strong and not cry. Cloud still red in the face with anger, cleaned the very large scrape on the boy's forearm.
They were currently in Cloud's kitchen, Denzel perched atop the counter top, Cloud in front and basic medical tools strewn beside Denzel; Leon behind Cloud, with his arms crossed as he leaned back on the island on the middle of the kitchen; watching as Denzel whimpered when Cloud pressed a gauze bathed in sterile alcohol against the wound. Cloud gently shushing Denzel then blowing on the injury to soothe the sting. It made Leon narrow his eyes and the grip on his upper arms tightened unconsciously as he remembered the little jerks that (despite being older) had pushed Denzel off his bike sending both him and the bike rolling down one of the small hills in the park. Leon had been the first to notice and approach the boy to help him, picking him up to bring him over to Cloud whom had been running in their direction.
Cloud had chewed out the children's parents when they had done nothing to correct the little jerks; Leon remaining silent but close by just in case thing were to get out of hand but thankfully hadn't. Never had Leon witnessed the fiery temper that lied beneath the calm, reserved demeanor Cloud always bore. Seen him mad? Sure. But never as angry as a wolf whose pup has been threatened. ….But Leon wagered that instinct was also doubled when one is a single parent.
Thus, Leon made a mental note not to get on the receiving end of said wrath for any reason.
"Ok buddy," Cloud sighed out the words tiredly as he finished bandaging Denzel's forearm, "let's fix up your leg now."
Sniffling, Denzel looked up at Leon teary eyed as if wishing for him to take the pain away. Leon didn't exactly know what to do or if to even say something to the boy. He wanted to comfort, but there was nothing he could think of.
Leon just looked at the floor.
By doing so he missed when Denzel's expression got a bit sadder before he looked at Cloud whom was preparing another gauze to disinfect the second scrape. It was a good thing that Denzel had been wearing a helmet and protective gear for his knees and elbows; those scrapes looked pretty bad, especially on the boy's fair skin.
Again Denzel whimpered at the gauze's contact, this time letting out a sob and Leon didn't like it.
'But really, what can I do?'
Sighing in defeat, Leon walked away into the living room with a hand on his hip and the other rubbing the back of his head. There, Leon spotted the bicycle they had left forgotten on the floor: both of the training wheels had been knocked off. And an idea went off on his head.
After looking over his shoulder at Cloud and Denzel one more time, Leon went down the hall to the closet where Cloud kept his tools. Picking up the tool box then heading to the living room, Leon sat on the floor and began his task on fixing the disjoined wheels. Denzel really loved riding his bike. He liked to pretend he was riding a motorcycle just like his Daddy, Cloud. Fixing the bicycle ought to cheer him up, or at least Leon hoped so.
So submerged in his task, the brunette hadn't noticed when some time passed and Cloud and Denzel (whose forearm and leg scrapes were wrapped in white bandages) walked up to him to see what he was up to; both Strifes surprised to find the bike fixed and ready to be used again.
"You fixed it?" Cloud spoke first, a little taken aback.
Leon looked up from his work to Cloud to Denzel and then to Cloud again.
"Uh…yea? I mean, you were busy so I thought I could go ahead and help out…." the sentence started out a bit awkward gradually turning into a mumble.
And though Cloud just blinked at him at first he then smiled with relief. "That's very thoughtful of you Lee … 'ppreciate it." Cloud looked down at Denzel whom still looked a little teary eyed. "Look Denz, Leon fixed your bike. What do you need to say?"
Denzel looked up at his Dad then back at the man who fixed one his favorite things to play with. Then he lowered his head rubbing the remnants of tears from one of his eyes mumbling his gratitude " 'ank u…."
Nodding with a discreet smile Leon replied; "You're welcome."
Being the shy little guy that he was, Denzel half smiled before hiding his face against his father's leg prompting a chuckle from both adults.
"But-but, that was just the logical thing to do Cloud, it's not a good idea to let him use something that can get him hurt and can be prevented."
"Exactly! Don't you see Leon? If you didn't care at all, why would you have Denzel's well being on your mind? You could've just chosen to ignore it and let me do it."
"But …" closing his mouth Leon thought on as to why he did it. He was trying to be friendly to the kid, help him out, cheer him up because he hadn't liked seeing Denzel sad …
"What about the times that I've had to work overtime and you've help out, hm?" Cloud continued before Leon could try to finish off the argument he had attempted to make.
"What about them?"
"Need I remind you that it was you whom had offered to watch over Denz and refused to let me call for a babysitter to watch him instead."
"Would just rather have left him with a complete stranger?"
"Of course not! But my point is that, you've taken on responsibilities that are not yours. You've kept him fed, watched over him, taught him, hell, you've even given me a hand when he's sick … or when I am!" Cloud exclaimed throwing his arms to the side and eyes wide open.
Leon thought of everything for a moment, realizing that Cloud was right. Has he really done all that and not notice at all? No. Of course he has noticed, he just simply hasn't thought much of it …
Then again, there had been one night that Leon did recall having a conversation with Denzel that could be considered a sort of bonding….
Sitting on the sofa side by side Leon read aloud the contents of the book that was on his lap; Denzel staring at the words as he listened to Leon. That was until his eyes went up to the scar that crossed the man's face. He blinked slowly, tilting his head he wondered why was it there … he recalled that his dada has one too; His Dada had told him that people get scars when they get hurt. Curious, Denzel coouldn't avert his eyes from the dark line.
Leon's concentration wavered the longer he felt those eyes on him. When Leon could take no more, noticing that Denzel was too distracted, he lifted his gaze to stare into the pair of blue brimmed with innocent curiosity; staring right at his face and Leon could wager why.
After some more seconds of awkward staring Leon asked "Yes?"
"Why u have a scawr?" Denzel mumbled, probably still a bit shy to talk to the adult.
"What?" Leon asked again furrowing his brows.
Denzel pointed at the bridge of his own nose and a little more confidently he repeated his question "Daddy says that's a scawr. Why do u have it?"
Of all the things the boy's curiosity could've brought up, it had to be the mark on his face. It brought forth bitter memories and unsavory feelings alike.
"Oh. Um…" humming a little, Leon gave himself a short moment to think about how to simplify the story for a four year old.
He began: "When I was younger, I got hurt … by some bad people"
Leon was going to finish his simple explanation but immediately stopped when he the horror on Denzel's face prompting the adult to open his eyes wide with alarm; last thing he wanted was to scare a toddler.
"U got….huwrt? By bad people? "
To placate, Leon rose his hands and waved them, "No, no! I mean, yes! But I'm ok now … it was a long time ago."
Denzel watched him expectantly with a tilted head, face still crinkled a bit in worry. Leon admitted to himself that the boy looked adorable doing that. Denzel's eyes focused on the diagonal scar again, his mouth a little bit parted again making Leon feel awkward and unsure of what to do or say next. That was until Denzel's face turned a bit sad and he looked down to his book again.
Now he's done it. He has made Denzel sad.
'Great going Leonhart, making him cry while you're at it why don't you' Leon pinched the bridge of his nose berating himself for thinking that he could do this. Denzel was going to tell his Dad that he made him sad, Cloud would then get angry at him and would not trust him again, and he would fail again … and be alone again … like always.
Leon let go of his nose to look at the crestfallen child and knew he needed to try and fix this or all of his fears would become a reality. Deciding to simply go with his instinct, Leon blurted out the first thing on his mind.
"Hey, um … wh-why are you sad?" the question unsure as he wondered if he was doing it right.
Denzel stayed quiet for a little before he answered "… Dada has a scawr too…I don't like scawrs….scawrs huwrt" then he looked up at Leon again.
"Well, sometimes they might. But they also can be a proof that you are strong. And that's what you have your Dada for, to protect you from getting hurt."
"….did u have someone to protect u too?" the boy's eyes focused on the scar again, the way he talked sadly made it seem as if he was worried that Leon had gotten hurt.
Leon had opened his mouth to answer, instead, a small sound and a short breath came out. Leon went a bit pale as he swallowed nervously. And before he knew it, he answered unconsciously
"No…"
That really made Denzel feel really sad. Leon was a good person, so why did no one want to protect him? Maybe that was why Leon looked sad sometimes…
"Anyways. Let's get back to reading, shall we?" Leon said after clearing his throat hoping to bring Denzel's attention back to the reading they were supposed to be practicing.
Leon jumped a little when he felt the little arms encircle him, his eyes widening, though he did nothing to reject the affection. Denzel was just a nice friendly kid. Nothing more to it.
Soon, Leon had gotten too focused on reading and teaching Denzel that he had not noticed the little brunette had fallen asleep somewhere in between. The small pressure against his side was what made Leon come to that realization, his words trailing off gently as he looked down.
"Denzel?" Leon called raising an eyebrow making the little boy's hand twitch, further clutching Leon's shirt. Denzel made a tiny sound at the back of his throat as he snuggled more into the adult man's side curling his body into a little ball.
Even for Leon, it was a much too adorable sight … He was honestly very surprised that the boy felt confident enough to trust him in such a way; that shy little Denzel Strife was comfortable enough with his presence. Unconsciously, without him realizing, Leon's lips formed into a soft smile his hand going down to gently ruffle the light brown mane….
"Of all the places you could've fallen asleep, it had to be on me." Leon remarked a bit humorously. "I guess … I should take you to bed?"
Right. That's what Cloud had instructed him to do. It should be simple, just carry the kid to his bed, lay him down and cover him up, right? Right.
Leon made a subtle attempt of getting off the sofa, as a result he accidentally stirred Denzel just a little hard making the child groan in his sleep then snuggle further into him. Leon went stiff hoping that he wouldn't wake Denzel; luckily, he didn't. The adult sighed in relief slumping back into the sofa and letting his head fall back.
"What have I gotten myself into…" well, he supposed that he would just be Denzel's cushion until Cloud came back. Honestly, he didn't want to disturb the boy's slumber. And he dared not to bother Cloud while when he was working … so Leon just resigned himself to his fate as makeshift daddy pillow.
Denzel hummed lowly in his sleep, drawing Leon's attention raising an eyebrow when Denzel's mouth formed into a smile
"Daddy…" the little boy mumbled.
It was heartwarming. The bond between Cloud and Denzel was just so strong it actually made Leon wish he could have known what it felt like to have such a bond. As he let his head fall back again, he closed his eyes…
For a brief moment, Leon had the unbidden thought of Denzel calling him dad or papa. To his own surprise, Leon found that he had felt fairly comfortable with the thought; how much he actually wanted that.
'Yea…it must feel nice…' but he was convinced he would never be able to experience such a bond…He never received such a gift , thus he could never expect to give it in return.
Never did it cross Leon's mind that maybe his own warmth could remind Denzel of his Dad … something that not just anybody could do …
Later on, the door clicked, opened as a tired Cloud came in, then got closed again.
"Denz! Squall! I'm back!" he called as loud as he could get with his smooth voice, yet it was the only sound in the rather quiet home. No reply from either boy or man came, so furrowing his brows a little Cloud tried again, this time in a more questioning tone.
"Denzel? Leon?" he walked down the small hallway, looking first into the unoccupied kitchen then proceeding to move towards the living room.
When he entered first thing he saw was the back of Leon's head lolled back against the cushioned surface.
Cloud approached "Hey Leon. Where's Den-"
What Cloud saw immediately stopped his words making him blink the surprise away, replacing it with strong affection that warmed his heart. He would have never expected to find his son curled and all snuggled up against someone other than himself. One little hand latching on to Leon's shirt like if it were a blanket while the other hand was tucked between his own body and Leon's ribs. Further touching was how Leon's big strong arm was almost covering Denzel in a way Cloud described as protective. What was more, was the look on their faces: Denzel was actually smiling a little in his sleep while Leon's face looked very at ease, the way his lips were formed made Cloud certain that there either had been a smile there or that the man was about to smile in his sleep too.
It caused Cloud so much joy that he chuckled but quickly stopped himself by rolling back his lips and bringing up a fist to press it against them momentarily. Completely against his better judgement, Cloud took out his phone making sure it's settings were on silent so that he could take a picture, still trying to contain the urge to grin like a moron and he took it a step further by setting the endearing picture as his background.
He really didn't want to wake Leon but he was certain that if he didn't, his boyfriend would wake up with a very sore, very stiff neck. After pocketing his phone Cloud quietly moved to Leon's side following by threading his fingers through the choppy, brown bangs and placing a very chaste kiss on the very tip of the defining scar.
"Hey," he whispered against the tan skin, causing Leon to stir before groggy silver-blue eyes fluttered open. The man was a bit of a light sleeper.
"Cloud?" voice deep and hoarse with sleep Leon said whilst blinking the haze from his vision receiving a smile from Cloud. "I fell asleep?" Leon rubbed his face sounding a bit alarmed and embarrassed.
Cloud chuckled "Seems like it. Though it looks to me that Denzel has made you his over sized pillow."
Groggily, Leon stared down at the tiny human latching onto him like if he were a huge stuffed animal or something. Come to think of it, Cloud did the same thing with him when they slept together. Was he that comfortable? Or was being a cuddle bug a trait shared between father and son? Leon didn't want to imagine what would become of him should he ever sleep with both Cloud and Denzel…
"Here, lemme take him to bed" Cloud gestured to take Denzel into his arms and Leon attempted to sit up straight from his slouched position.
Both men quickly stopping their actions when Denzel made a small sound of protest, the tiny chubby fingers curling further into the soft fabric of Leon's shirt.
Cloud huffed, blowing some strands off his face, "Uh-oh, you've been caught in his death grip."
Trying his hardest not to make further movements, and surprised that such a small boy could have such a strong grip, Leon looked from Denzel to Cloud "Yeah … I noticed. Does he do that often?"
Nodding, Cloud answered. "Just be glad is not your hair the thing he caught … I'm surprised I don't have a few bald spots …"
Leon huffed in amusement, "You've plenty of hair to spare."
Cloud made an indignant sound crossing his arms over his chest, "Perhaps you'd like to let him have some yours. You have waaayyy more than I do."
Leon gave him a half smile while shaking his head helplessly while Cloud chuckled softly to gently pry Denzel from Leon. Free from the restraint, the older man stood up rubbing the back of his neck as he followed Cloud to Denzel's room.
In there, after laying Denzel down, Cloud was surprised further as Leon meticulously pulled the sheets and tucked Denzel in. What had prompted the man to do so, neither were sure. At least in Leon's mind it was just a way to help Cloud, since, he had pretty much failed at completing the task by falling asleep in the sofa with the kid. Cloud however, saw it differently as he could see the care in Leon's eyes; see the nobility in that heart. Cloud felt grateful for having this man in his life. Leon moved to the side and watched when Cloud gave his son a good night kiss on the forehead whispering:
"Sweet dreams kiddo" then moved to exit the room with Leon following close behind.
Right before the light was switched off, Leon lingered to look at Denzel over his shoulder as it made him think back on his own lonely childhood. In that single instant he remembered all those nights, wishing for a scene like this one to happen to him; a scene that never came, remaining as just that … the hopeful wish of a unwanted child. And it was that same child within that was pushing him closer and closer to the two Strifes; that hidden but not forgotten wish to belong to something good…despite his fears of hurting others in some way; despite the corrosive thoughts of being unworthy …
Taking a deep breath Leon gently closed the door behind him after he flipped down the switch. No matter how much Leon tried to hide it, Cloud could sense most of it.
"Stay with us tonight." Cloud's gentle voice drew Leon's eyes from the floor towards the humble stare in front of him.
"It's late." Cloud added shrugging a shoulder when Leon had simply looked at him in silence. Seeing no sort of resistance from the older man, Cloud pulled Leon and lead them both to his room.
Leon admitted that that night had been one of the best ones he had had despite its simplicity. So fond of the memory that he didn't realize he was smiling.
Thinking back on something, Cloud chuckled too, folding his arms over the table to lean a little closer to Leon.
"Care to share the joke?" Leon rose an eyebrow.
"I just remembered that other time when you had invited me over to dinner at your house and it had been just the two of us …" Cloud trailed off as he looked at Leon with those brilliant eyes of his, seeing if Leon remembered what was he talking about.
Leon huffed as the memory popped in his head. "Right … I was setting the table … and I had set the table and made food for three … You laughed and claimed it was 'cute'."
Laughing a little bit, Cloud defended, "Hey, it was! Have you seen yourself when you get flustered?"
"Whatever," a dismissal, but Leon had a smirk on his face and Cloud laughed again.
Then there was a silence. Leon noticed that he recalled other instances where he has gone out with Cloud alone and has been very aware of not having the little boy around. And the times that all three have gone out, Leon realized the more and more he has grown fond of the boy … almost to the point of …
"What are you thinking?" Cloud asked as he saw Leon grappling with his thoughts.
"Cloud … do you really think that I … can be …"
"I don't think, I know. The things you've done may seem simple to you, but they have meant a lot to us and you've done it selflessly; out of caring and just wanting to help. That, Leon, in my book, makes you a good person … and a great dad."
Why was it that sometimes people have to talk sense into others for them to realize some things, Leon wondered. Cloud's observations were making him realize that he had always had them both at the forefront of his mind; even when sulking about not wanting to hurt them.
Cloud pulled his lips to one side as he reached to grab both of Leon's hands, cupping them between his own.
"Lee … You have what it takes. And it's alright that even after all this you still don't feel ready, I will still wait. But these are things that I had to point out and I will point out as many as you ask. I just really don't want to see you hurting anymore. You won't know what you have to give until you try …"
Leon looked into his beloved's eyes to find an unexpected calm wash over him. Those eyes that saw beyond his scars (both physical and mental), had suddenly quieted most of the storm that had raged in him. Cloud and Denzel deserved better … but he wanted to be the one to give it to them.
Leon took Cloud's hands in his and brought them up to his lips; the kiss chaste, short and sweet. The action earned a warm smile from Cloud whom slithered one of his hands on the side of Leon's face; caressing Leon's cheek with his thumb.
"Dada…"
The sudden little voice caught both men's attention towards the shy looking Denzel whom was clutching two pieces of paper in his hands.
Cloud turned to look at Denzel with a calm smile "Hey, what's up buddy?"
"I made somethin' for u," he handed over one of the papers to Cloud "'tis a daddie's day present …"
Accepting the humble gift Cloud looked at the drawing in which there was supposed to be him riding his black motorcycle; his yellow spiky hair a scribbled mess of yellow and beside him was tinier figure with a mess of brown on his head riding right along with him (though Cloud wasn't sure if Denzel had drawn himself either riding his bike or a tiny motorcycle). Above them were the words 'Happy Father's day dada' at the top and at the bottom said 'luv u dada' with a few letters accidentally written facing the opposite direction and a variety of colors.
"Aw, thanks Denz." Cloud first ruffled Denzel's hair before pulling him into a tight hug.
"Careful dada, u'll break the other one!" Denzel warned trying to push Cloud away despite the giggle Cloud's affection caused him.
"Oh, sorry." Cloud let him go and tilted his head curiously "What's that one for?"
Denzel looked at the drawing briefly then pressed it against his chest giving Leon a shy, quick glance; then gestured Cloud to come closer. The little brunette started to whisper something into his Dad's ear; Leon watched the subtle changes in Cloud's expression with an slightly quirked eyebrow.
"Ohh. You did?" Cloud turned to look at the nod he received from Denzel. Shortly after that Cloud looked at his lover then back at his uncertain looking son.
"I'm sure he'll like it." Cloud whispered for only Denzel to hear then encouraged with a gesture of his head "Go on."
Leon heard the encouragement and was confused. Denzel stared at Cloud for a little in what Leon assumed was looking for more courage for whatever secret the two had shared. After one last nod from his Father, Denzel swallowed hard walking shyly towards Leon. The brunette looked at Cloud for an explanation to which Cloud simply replied:
"He has something for you too."
Still confused the scarred man looked down at the shy boy whose cheeks were turning red with embarrassment, offering the piece of paper to the adult. Very cautiously (as he didn't know what to make of the situation), Leon took the paper proceeding to slowly turn it around …
What was drawn on it warmed his heart so quickly with such strong emotion that he almost cried; his defences completely taken down. The first thing that had caught his eye was the caption: 'Happy father's day Leeon' not being able to help the little smile when he saw his name misspelled and the colorful letters. But what really got to Leon was the drawing itself: In it, was Denzel holding hands with both Leon and Cloud. Interestingly, on Leon's free hand was a wrench and a few spaces away was Denzel's bike. Leon was surprised that the kid remembered that despite it happened some months ago. Finally, at the very bottom was another group of misspelled and/or flipped letters: 'Thank u foorr bein' a dada to'
"Do u like it?" a very nervous Denzel asked after Leon had spent too much time staring at the drawing.
Leon couldn't believe how this child has left him feeling completely defenceless against so many emotions that he struggled with his words so first nodded and then added
"V-very much …"
Filled with innocent joy, Denzel flashed Leon a toothy smile before he threw himself over the man hugging him tightly by the abdomen; both him and Cloud taken by surprise.
Leon looked at Cloud looking lost but clearly wanting to do something. Cloud half smiled, making a subtle tilt of his head towards Denzel to encourage Leon.
The latter placed the drawing on the table and a bit hesitantly encircled his arms around the small frame in a loose embrace that slowly turned into a tight hug as Leon felt the release of his pent-up feelings.
"Thank you Denzel … thank you …" a single tear ran down Leon's face as he closed his eyes.
Cloud watched the emotional display and had no doubt in his mind that Leon was going to be a good second dad to Denzel. It looked like he get the family he wanted with Leon after all. And nothing made him happier that.
On the other hand, Leon thought that maybe he could do this after all. Yes, he was still unsure; Yes, he was still afraid and he worried that he would have stumbles along the way, but … he was certain that he wanted to try. He wanted to give what he never had but always wanted … and alongside Cloud he would learn. He wanted this chance and he vowed that he would do everything in his power to protect them.
A/n: A very, very big shout out to Thequalityrunaway for helping me big time with this piece! Thank you!br /
And thanks to chocobobutt for hosting the Strifehart father's day event and I hope we can do it again next year!br /
This fic came out a bit more lengthy than I thought, but I hope that you all enjoy this and thank you for your time~~~
Ps. I have now fallen in love with the idea of Denzel being Cloud and Leon's son!~~