Rick smiled as he dropped down next to Michonne, he lightly kissed her collarbone, smiling as he did so.
"Rick…" Michonne said softly, unable to resist as he kissed her. "Mmm…?" He responded looking up at her for a second and then starting kissing again. She giggled softly and lightly ran her fingers through his hair, while letting out a small yawn. It was late at night and they had just finished having sex, that along with the long day they had, she was tired and she knew Rick had to be tired too.
She lightly tapped him on his shoulder and he looked up again. "Go to sleep Officer Grimes." Rick chuckled lightly, "Goodnight 'Chonne." He said softly, as he moved up to her lips, kissing her softly and then wrapping his arms around her waist.
Since the start of their relationship their sex life have been active to say the least, there wasn't much of a concern of birth control methods since they were too busy wondering more about zombies, and human threats. She hadn't gotten pregnant yet so she hopped her luck would continue.
There were brief moments where Michonne wondered what her chances were of getting pregnant but she quickly pushed those thoughts out of her head. She had yet to tell Rick about Andre and the thought of pregnancy scared her. She told herself she was just waiting for the right moment to tell him about Andre, but was there ever a good moment to bring up your dead child?
She lightly rubbed Rick's hand, that was resting on her stomach, he was now lightly snoring and she smiled to herself. She will tell him about Andre, but not now. She closed her eyes and quickly fell asleep.
1 week Later
Michonne was feeling….off to say the least. She couldn't pinpoint it but she felt different and couldn't understand why. Life had been as normal as it could be in their current settings but there was something wrong. Rick and Carl could both tell.
"'Chonne, you okay?" Rick asked staring at her intently. They were on the porch and Michonne was looking out at Alexandria. She thought maybe I just need some fresh air, and was off in a daze until she heard Rick's voice and looked over at him.
"...I'm just...feeling weird...I don't know." She said, looking over at him his blue eyes looking her up and down as she talked, landing back on her eyes at the end of her sentence. "But I'll be fine," she said assuring him and giving him a small smile.
Rick took hold of her hand, bringing it up to his lips and kissing it lightly, "You sure?" He asked. "You're eating enough?...Sleeping enough?" With every question Michonne gave him a small smile and nodded. "You pregnant?" He asked grinning. Rick was joking but he knew that if she would be pregnant he would be happy.
The smile Michonne was holding quickly dropped at the words, "pregnant." Oh my god, she thought, was that what was wrong? She dropped Rick's hand, "Why would you say that?" She asked, there was hurt in her voice and Rick couldn't understand why. "'Chonne...it was a joke...you're probably not pregnant….but if you were, would it be a bad thing?" He asked, a small smile causing his lips to curl as he moved closer to Michonne placing his hand on her waist. She looked down at his hand, she was feeling a rush of emotions, confusion,anger, hurt, sadness. All of these emotions and yet not one of them were remotely happy. She couldn't manage to take care of her first child what made her think she could take care of a second.
"Yes." She answered abruptly before turning away from him and going back inside to their house, leaving Rick outside.
Carl was sitting on the couch playing with Judith now that they had both eaten their breakfast. He could see his father and Michonne outside talking on the porch. Carl knew there was something off with Michonne and he urged his father to go talk to her. Now she was rushing into the house, up the stairs, and into her bedroom closing the door after her. She was visibly upset and Rick came in after her visibly confused.
"Dad, what happened? What'd you say?" Carl asked.
"...I...We were just talking…." Rick said wondering what did that "yes" mean. Why didn't she want a child with him? They were behind walls, with a home, with water, with food so why wouldn't she? "What'd you say?" Carl asked once more now approaching his father with Judith in his arms.
"...We were talking...I asked her if she was eating enough...sleeping enough….if...she was pregnant…." "Dad…." Carl said stopping his father and sighing. Michonnes response now made sense, she clearly hadn't told his dad about Andre. "Go talk to her." He said to his father.
Rick looked at his son, it was clear that he knew something that he didn't. "What if….maybe she needs some time." He said, softly as he shifted his weight. "Dad. Go." Carl insisted, "I'll go take Judy out. Trust me." Carl said, as he walked towards the door picking up the things he needed for Judith as he did so. "Go." He said once more, before opening the door and stepping out.
Michonne was sitting on the edge of bed in the very middle. She was looking straight down, with tears welling in her eyes.
I can't be pregnant, she thought. I can't watch my second child become one of...Her thoughts trailed off as she heard the door open and saw two boots in front of her. "Rick," she said, nearly whispering his name as tears continued to fall.
"Michonne…" Rick said just as softly as he walked toward her squating in front of her so he could see her eyes. "Tell me what's wrong." He said, his eyes dancing over her face as he attempted to study her.
She sighed and darted her eyes away from. She told herself she would tell him about Andre but she didn't picture it being like this. She knew there would be tears involved but maybe it would have come from Judith calling her momma, or seeing something that reminded her of Andre, or just wanting to be more open with Rick. She hated the fact that the moment had to come out like this.
"I had a son…" She said quietly, she swallowed hard trying to prevent her tears to go to full fledge sobbing. As she said these words Rick's eyes widen and then soften, now fully understanding her relationship with his children and why she reacted the way she did when he brought up pregnancy.
"His name was Andre Anthony…" Now being unable to restrain her sobs her words were broken up with large gasps of breath as her tears rolled down her face. Rick had now moved his arms around her waist, his thumbs gently rubbing her lower back where his hands rested. He was staring intently at her not waiting to push her but instead wanting her to reveal what she wanted to at her own pace without the pressure of having to answer questions.
"He...We were at a camp….me, my boyfriend Mike and his friend Terry...things were okay….until they weren't." She continued, her eyes were everywhere but on Rick as she recalled this painful memory. "I went on a run...to get supplies. Mike...he was….he wasn't good in this world...not strong enough and we fought a lot...he didn't want me to go on runs but someone had to."
"I went on a run one day...and I came back and everything was…" She paused to cry, "Fuck Rick" she muttered, looking down. "Hey, hey." Rick said, lightly pushing her chin up so she was finally looking at him. "You're okay." He said, simply as a matter of fact not as a question. Michonne gave him a small nod and continued with her story, breathing in deep before she did so.
"I guess...walkers came through the camp when I was gone...they destroyed everyone...and I ran through looking for Mike and….Mike and Terry were bit and Andre he was just….already one of them." She said, crying hard once again. Rick got up from his squatting position in front of her and moved next to her and fully wrapped her in his arms, letting her cry into his chest as he gently rubbed her back.
Rick gently held her as her cries softened after a few moments and she began to regain her composure. She pulled back and sighed deeply, wiping her eyes on the back of her hand. "I'm sorry...I...didn't know how tell you earlier I just don't know what I would do if I were pregnant again."
Rick nodded, "You don't have to apologize 'Chonne but...look at me," he said softly as her eyes wandered away from again and now back on him. "You are not a bad mother. It is not your fault Andre died." He said gently, as he lifted his hand and stroked her cheek with his thumb. "Look at the way you care for Carl, for Judith. You are strong and have protected them. And if you were pregnant...you would do just that. We have walls now, a home. You have...me. You will be okay and it will be okay if you ever became pregnant."
Michonne let a small smile come across her face, his words warmed her from the inside out and she could feel the weight of her guilt come off of her. "Thank you." She said, pressing her forehead to his and closing her eyes.
Rick gently kissed her lips, "I love you." He said brushing his lips over hers as he said so. Michonne smiled, "I love you too."
1 week later
After her talk with Rick and telling him about Andre, Michonne was mentally ready to have a baby if she became pregnant. Glenn had recently come back from a run and she had requested a pregnancy test if he could find one. Now she was sitting on the edge of her tub waiting for the results to say whether or not she was going to have a child again.
She got up, figuring it had been 3 minutes already and she grabbed the stick not looking at the results yet as she stepped out of the bathroom to an expectant Rick sitting on the bed.
"Well?" He asked, looking up at her. Michonne smiled at him, it was cute seeing him like this. She looked down at the stick in her hand and let out a small sigh and looked up at him.
"Not pregnant." She said softly, as she sat down next to him, giving him a small smile. "Alright…" Rick said, letting out a small sigh of his own. "Are you okay?"
Michonne smiled, "Yeah I'm okay. Even though I'm not pregnant now...I wouldn't mind being pregnant later." Rick smiled widely, "Yeah?" He asked as she nodded. "So...we should start now right?" He asked as pulled her down so now they were laying on the bed.
Michonne giggled and nodded as he began to kiss her neck. "Yeah we can start now, Officer Grimes."