Disclaimer: I don't own Pokemon or Wikipedia.
"Okay, what just happened?" asked Charmeleon. One moment ago he along with the rest of Ash's Pokemon were getting ready for Ash's battle with the Petalburg Gym Leader Norman when they were suddenly teleported to a void where there was only a computer in it.
"I have no idea, but I'm sensing a strong being approaching," said Mewtwo with his eyes narrowed.
"You are correct, Mr. Psychic Cat!" said a voice.
In a bright blaze of light appeared the author of the story, Ultraman Nexus!
Suddenly, the Pokemon gained 4th wall bending abilities and recognized him off the bat.
"Oh no, don't tell me your here to devolve me back to a Charmander!" yelled Charmeleon.
"Of course not," said Ultraman. "Or do you?"
"No, no! I may not have the flying or badassery I had when I was a Charizard, but I'd rather be like this than be a kidsy cute Charmander!" said Charmeleon frantically.
"Relax, besides, the only reason I had you devolved in the first place was that I liked your middle form better than Charizard when I was a kid," said Ultraman.
"Anyways, can you tell us why we're here? Ash kinda needs us really quick," said Pikachu.
"Don't worry, I've got millenium author powers remember? I'll just freeze time outside of this void so you can all go back like nothing happened. But anywho, let me tell you why I summoned you all here."
Ultraman started pacing around the room while saying,"While I was daydreaming thinking of something creative, I got the idea of what would certain Pokemon think of their real life animal counterparts? And so, I had you all teleported here to go on wikipedia and find out."
"Do we have to?" whined Charmeleon.
"If you'd rather have this be a Truth or Dare fic like Edfan765's fic..." said Ultraman letting the threat into the air.
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!" The Pokemon all screamed. "We've seen that fic!" yelled Pidgeot. "Yeah," said Butterfree. "There's no way I'm going I'm gonna kiss girls, get killed over and over again, or eat Snorlax crap!"
"Very well then, let's go with Charmeleon first shall we?" said Ultraman.
Charmeleon sat down on the chair in front of the computer but his tail flame caused it get lit on fire!
Ultraman put the fire out with a wave of his hand and then zapped it with a green blast of energy from his index finger. "Okay, it's fire-proof."
Charmeleon got on and went online and typed in the site name. "Hold on, what should I type in?"
"Put in reptile," said Ultraman.
The fire type did that and a new page appeared on the screen. He started reading out loud.
Reptiles, or members of the class Reptilia, are air-breathing, generally "cold-blooded"
"Cold blooded?! I breathe fire, how can I be cold blooded?!"
(poikilothermic) amniotes that generally have skin covered in scales or scutes.
Charmeleon looked himself over and said,"I don't have scales, but I'm not sure what a scute is."
They are tetrapods (having or having descended from vertebrates with four limbs) and lay amniote eggs,
"I guess that's one thing right so far," said Pikachu.
whose embryos are surrounded by the amnionmembrane. Modern reptiles inhabit every continent with the exception of Antarctica,
"No shit, even a Magmar probably couldn't live in a place like that," said Charmeleon.
"Actually, Magmar's have constant high body temperatures, and they could potentially evaporate all the ice on Antarctica if enough were on it," said Mewtwo.
There was a moment of silence. "Moving on," said Charmeleon.
and four living orders are currently recognized:
Crocodilia
"I'm related to Totodile?"
"Guess you learn something new everyday," said Pidgeot.
(crocodiles, gavials, caimans, and alligators): 23 species
Sphenodontia (tuatara from New Zealand): 2 species
Squamata (lizards, snakes, and amphisbaenids ["worm-lizards"]): approximately 7,900 species
Testudines (turtles
"I'm also related to Squirtle?! We don't even look alike!
"It's the genes," said Mewtwo.
and tortoises): approximately 300 species
The majority of reptile species are oviparous (egg-laying) although certain species of squamates are capable of giving live birth.
"Does your kind ever give live birth?" asked Mewtwo.
"I'm not one hundred percent sure," said Charmeleon. "I haven't even seen a egg among my species. Not even at the valley though it might be getting close to mating season now."
Butterfree gagged and got into a fetal position. Pidgeot sighed and said,"Do you think he'll ever tell us what happened?"
"Only when the author decides to," said Pikachu.
This is achieved, either through ovoviviparity (egg retention), or viviparity (offspring born without use of calcified eggs). Many of the viviparous species feed their fetuses through various forms of placenta analogous to those of mammals with some providing initial care for their hatchlings.
"Do I even want to know what that is?" said Charmeleon.
Extant reptiles range in size from a tiny gecko, Sphaerodactylus ariasae, that grows to only 1.6 cm (0.6 in),
Charmeleon snickered and said,"That's even smaller than me when I was a kid."
"So you were the runt in the family?" asked Primeape.
Eye twitching, he glared at Primeape and snarled,"No! I was only the second smallest! And I was the only one that survived that night!"
to the saltwater crocodile that may reach 6 m in length and weigh over 1,000 kg.
"Wow, that's even bigger than your fully evolved form," said Pikachu.
"Only the official height! I grew bigger than the average Charizard in the valley you know!" said Charmeleon.
"6 meters is 19 feet from my estimate, though I think saw one or two giant Charizard's there a little bigger than that," said Pikachu.
"Grr, do you have to keep rubbing it in my face how tiny I was compared to the lot of them?! The only reason I grew was the food in there, and even then plenty were bigger than me!"
"You wouldn't happen to have a Napoleon complex by any chance?" asked Mewtwo.
".............That's hitting below the belt," said Charmeleon softly.
The science dealing with reptiles is called herpetology.
"Hey, the rest of that stuff is not important, skip to Evolutionary history," said Ultraman Nexus.
"Fine, maybe that'll have something that's right," said Charmeleon.
Rise of the reptilesThe origin of the reptiles lays about 320-310 million years back, in the steaming swamps of the late Carboniferous, when the first reptiles evolved from advanced reptilomorphlabyrinthodonts.
"That must have been when prehistoric Pokemon like Aerodactly were around," said Butterfree.
"Darn, I never even got to finish my fight with that one," muttered Charmeleon.
"So you just evolved to battle Aerodactyl then?" asked Pikachu with a frown.
Charmeleon looked wounded and said,"Oi! I might not have been loyal to Ash during that time, but I didn't want that Aerodactyl to eat him either! I'll admit my main focus was beating it, but I flew Ash down to safety when he was dropped down."
"What are you talking about?" asked Mewtwo.
"Oh, it was one of our adventures in Kanto, it's a long story," said Pikachu.
The oldest traces of reptiles is a series of footprints from the fossil strata of Nova Scotia, dated to 315 million years old. The tracks are attributed to Hylonomus, the oldest known reptile in the biological sense of the word. It was a small, lizard-like animal, about 20 to 30 cm (8-12 inches) long, with numerous sharp teeth indicating an insectivorous diet.
"Ah, my oldest ancestor then."
Other examples include Westlothiana (for the moment considered to be more related to amphibians than amniotes)
"Amphibians? I can't live in the water, I'll die!"
and Paleothyris, both of similar build and presumably habit. One of the best known early reptiles is Mesosaurus, a genus of early reptiles from the early Permian that had returned to water,
"Okay, whoever wrote this has their facts screwed up, I CANNOT live in the water! I can live near it, but not in it! Get it through your heads people!"
feeding on fish. The earliest reptiles were largely overshadowed by bigger labyrinthodont amphibians such as Cochleosaurus, and remained a small, inconspicuous part of the fauna until after the small ice age at the end of the Carboniferous.
"Must be getting close to where my species first emerged."
The first reptiles are categorized as anapsids, having a solid skull with holes only for nose, eyes, spinal cord, etc. Turtles are believed by some to be surviving Anapsids, as they also share this skull structure, but this point has become contentious lately, with some arguing that turtles reverted to this primitive state in order to improve their armor (see Parareptilia).Both sides have strong evidence, and the conflict has yet to be resolved.
Very early after the first reptiles appeared, two branches split off. One lead to the Synapsida (the "mammal-like reptiles" or "stem mammals"), having two openings in the skull roof behind the eyes high , the other group, Diapsida, possessed a pair of holes in their skulls behind the eyes, along with a second pair located higher on the skull.
Everyone: 0-0
The function of the holes in bout groups was to lighten the skull and give room for the jaw muscles to move, allowing for a more powerful bite. The diapsids and later anapsids are classed as the "true reptiles", the Sauropsida.
Permian reptilesWith the close of the Carboniferous, reptiles became the dominant tetrapod fauna.
"Ha! Goes to show you how kick-ass supreme my species is!" said Charmeleon boastfully.
"What if you fought against a Tyranitar?" asked Mewtwo.
Charmeleon blanched and spluttered,"Well, I beat a Golem, and Blastoise to match!"
But you lost to Blaziken in one fight without fighting anyone before hand," pointed out Primeape.
"THAT MATCH WAS RIGGED!!! Harrison gave his Blaziken steroids, that's only way that bloody chicken was able to score a near miracle victory over me!" bellowed Charmeleon. Obviously he still very sore about losing that battle along with costing Ash the match.
While the terrestrial reptilomorph labyrinthodonts still existed, the mammal-like reptiles evolved the first terrestrial megafauna in the form of pelycosaurs like Edaphosaurus and the carnivorous Dimetrodon. In the mid-Permian the climate turned dryer, resulting in a faunal turnover. The primitive pelycosaurs where replaced by the more advanced therapsids.
The anapsid reptiles, with their massive skulls without postorbital holes, continued and flourished throughout the Permian. The pareiasaurs reached giant proportions in the late Permian, eventually disappearing at the close of the period (the turtles being possible survivors).
Early in the period, the diapside reptiles split into two main lineages, the archosaurs (forefathers of crocodiles and dinosaurs) and the lepidosaurs (predecessors of modern snakes, lizards, and tuataras). Both groups remained lizard-like and relatively small and inconspicuous during the Permian.
Mesozoic, the "Age of Reptiles"The close of the Permian saw the greatest mass extinction known (see the Permian–Triassic extinction event).
"That must have been when Aerodactly, Omastar, and other ancient Pokemon were wiped out," said Pidgeot.
"Probably, but I've heard reports about scientists resurrecting them from fossils," said Mewtwo.
Most of the earlier anapsid/synapsid megafauna disappeared, making room for the archosauromorph diapsids. The archosaurs was characterized by elongated hind-legs and an erect pose,
Primeape started snickering, and soon did Pidgeot and Pikachu. "Hey, mind out of the gutter!" yelled Charmeleon with a twitching eye.
the early forms looking somewhat like long legged crocodiles. The archosaurs became the dominant group during the Triassic, developing into the well known dinosaurs and pterosaurs, as well as crocodiles and phytosaurs. Some of the dinosaurs developed into the largest land animals ever to have lived,
"Whoa, my ancestor's were bigger than Wailords."
making the Mesozoic popularly known as the "Age of Reptiles".
"What a golden age that must have been!" said Charmeleon cheerfully.
"Sure, a age of arrogant hot heads acting like they're unbeatable," muttered Primeape.
"You want another ass-whooping!"
The dinosaurs also developed smaller forms, including the feather-bearing smaller theropds.
Pidgeot's and Charmeleon's eyes bugged out and they looked at each other and said,"Cousins?"
In the mid Jurassic, these gave rise to the first birds.
"Maybe not," said both Charmeleon and Pidgeot.
The lepidosauromorph diapsids may have been ancestral to the sea reptiles. These reptiles developed into the sauropterygians in the early Triassic and the ichthyosaurs during the Middle Triassic. The mosasaurs also evolved in the Mesozoic Era, emerging during the Cretaceous period.
The therapsids came under increasing pressure from the dinosaurs in the early Mesozoic and developed into increasingly smaller and more nocturnal forms, the first mammals being the only survivors of the line by late Jurassic.
Demise of the dinosaursThe close of the Cretaceous saw the demise of the Mesozoic reptilian megafauna (see the Cretaceous–Tertiary extinction event). Of the large marine reptiles, only the sea turtles are left, and of the dinosaurs, only the small feathered theropods survived in the form of birds.
"Enough about the birds or water animals, get to present!"
"Relax, I'm sure it's getting there," said Mewtwo.
The major surviving reptilian line is the lepidosaurs, of which the snakes are currently the most numerous and widespread representatives.
"There's no way Jessie's Arbok is better than me, look at the time it's had it's ass kicked!"
The end of the "Age of Reptiles", opened up for the "Age of Mammals". Despite this, reptiles are still a major fauna component, particularly in tropical climates. There are about 8200 extant species of reptiles (whereof almost half are snakes), compared to 5400 species of mammals (of which ⅔ are rodents and bats). The most numerous modern group with reptilian roots are the birds, with over 9000 species.
"IT'S OVER 9000!" Mewtwo suddenly bellowed out.
Everyone stared at him with a wtf look. "Well, you see, on the night before I went with Ash on his brief trip through Kanto, I watched an episode of Dragonball Z. I actually thought it was pretty good."
'Wait til you see Frieza in his final form,' thought Pikachu.
Circulatory
Most reptiles have a three-chamber heart consisting of two atria, one variably-partitioned ventricle, and two aorta that go the systemic circulation. The degree of mixing of oxygenated and deoxygenated blood in the three-chamber heart is variable depending on the species and physiological state. Under different conditions, deoxygenated blood can be shunted back to the body or oxygenated blood can be shunted back to the lungs. This variation in blood flow has been hypothesized to allow more effective thermoregulation and longer diving times for aquatic species, but has not been shown to be a fitness advantage.
There are some interesting exceptions to the general physiology. For instance, crocodilians have an anatomically four-chambered heart, but also have two systemic aorta and are therefore capable only of bypassing their pulmonary circulation. Also, some snake and lizard species (e.g., monitor lizards and pythons) have three-chamber hearts that become functional four-chamber hearts during contraction.
"How does that happen?"
This is made possible by a muscular ridge that subdivides the ventricle during ventricular diastole and completely divides it during ventricular systole.
"Oh, that's how."
Because of this ridge, some of these squamates are capable of producing ventricular pressure differentials that are equivalent to those seen in mammalian and avian hearts.
Respiratory Reptilian lungsAll reptiles breathe using lungs.
"Obviously," said Charmeleon taking a deep breath for emphasis.
Aquatic turtles have developed more permeable skin, and some species have modified their cloaca to increase the area for gas exchange (Orenstein, 2001). Even with these adaptations, breathing is never fully accomplished without lungs. Lung ventilation is accomplished differently in each main reptile group. In squamates, the lungs are ventilated almost exclusively by the axial musculature. This is also the same musculature that is used during locomotion. Because of this constraint, most squamates are forced to hold their breath during intense runs.
"That's not true, I am breathe while I run. It's harder when I was a Charizard but still."
Some, however, have found a way around it. Varanids, and a few other lizard species, employ buccal pumping as a complement to their normal "axial breathing." This allows the animals to completely fill their lungs during intense locomotion, and thus remain aerobically active for a long time.
"Okay, I can't do that, I'll eventually get tired sooner later.
"It said long time, not forever," said Pikachu.
"Oh right," said Charmeleon.
Tegu lizards are known to possess a proto-diaphragm, which separates the pulmonary cavity from the visceral cavity. While not actually capable of movement, it does allow for greater lung inflation, by taking the weight of the viscera off the lungs (Klein et al., 2003). Crocodilians actually have a muscular diaphragm that is analogous to the mammalian diaphragm. The difference is that the muscles for the crocodilian diaphragm pull the pubis (part of the pelvis, which is movable in crocodilians) back, which brings the liver down, thus freeing space for the lungs to expand. This type of diaphragmatic setup has been referred to as the "hepatic piston."
Turtles and tortoisesHow turtles and tortoises breathe has been the subject of much study. To date, only a few species have been studied thoroughly enough to get an idea of how turtles do it.
"Okay, this isn't about me, it's about Squirtle, I'm skipping it."
PalateMost reptiles lack a secondary palate, meaning that they must hold their breath while swallowing.
"Why does that matter? Anyone can do it really quick! Except of course Slowpokes."
Crocodilians have evolved a bony secondary palate that allows them to continue breathing while remaining submerged (and protect their brains from getting kicked in by struggling prey). Skinks (family Scincidae) also have evolved a bony secondary palate, to varying degrees. Snakes took a different approach and extended their trachea instead. Their tracheal extension sticks out like a fleshy straw, and allows these animals to swallow large prey without suffering from asphyxiation.
SkinReptilian skin is covered in a horny epidermis, making it watertight and enable reptiles to live on dry land, in contrast to the amphibians. Compared to mammals, reptilian skin is rather thin, and lack the thick dermal layer that produces leather in mammals. Exposed parts of reptiles are protected by scales or scutes, sometimes with a bony base, forming armour.
"Hehehe, I know," said Charmeleon thumping his belly.
In turtles, the body is hidden inside a hard shell composed on fused scutes. In the lepidosaurians like lizards and snakes, the whole skin is covered in epidermal scales. Such scales were once thought to be typical of the class Reptilia as a whole, but are actually found only in lepidosaurians. The scales found in turtles and crocodiles are of dermal origin rather than epidermal, and are properly termed scutes.
ExcretoryCharmeleon's eyes bugged out and he yelled,"I'm skipping this!"
"No you aren't, this can be used to embarrass you," said Ultraman.
Excretion is performed mainly by two small kidneys. In diapsids, uric acid is the main nitrogenous waste product; turtles, like mammals, mainly excrete urea. Unlike the kidneys of mammals and birds, reptile kidneys are unable to produce liquid urine more concentrated than their body fluid. This is because they lack a specialized structure present in the nephrons of birds and mammals, called a Loop of Henle. Because of this, many reptiles use the colon to aid in the reabsorption of water. Some are also able to take up water stored in the bladder. Excess salts are also excreted by nasal and lingual salt glands in some reptiles.
"Oh my Arceus, does that mean that whenever you get a cold, your taking a piss through your nose?!" yelled Primeape with fearful eyes.
"It's bullshit! I take a leak from my dick, no where else!"
Digestive systemsMost reptiles are carnivorous, and quite a few primarily eat other reptiles.
"Oh come on, like the rest of you haven't eaten meat!"
Most reptiles are carnivorous and have rather simple and not overly long guts, meat being fairly simple to break down and digest.
"I guess that's one more thing right,it usually takes me longer to digest other foods."
Digestion is slower than in mammals, reflecting about the fact that they can not divide and masticate their food like mammals do, and their lower metabolism. Being poikilotherms (with varying body temperature regulated by their environment) their energy requirement is about a 5th to a 10th of that of a mammal of the same size. Large reptiles like crocodiles and the large constrictors can basically live from a single large meal for months, digesting it slowly.
While modern reptiles are predominately carnivorous, this has not always been so. During the early history of reptiles, several groups produced big-bodied herbivorous megafauna, in the Paleozoic the Pareiasaurs and the synapsidDicynodonts, and in the Mesozoic several lines of Dinosaurs. Today the turtles are the only predominantly herbivorous reptile group, but several lines of agams and iguanas have developed to live wholly or partly from plants.
Herbivorous reptiles face the same problems of mastication as herbivorous mammals, but lacking the complex mammal teeth, quite a few species swallow rocks and pebbles to aid in digestion, so called gastrolithes.
"Blech, I don't envy those guys..."
The rocks are washed around in the stomach helping to grind up plant matter. Fossil gastrolithes has also been found associated with sauropods. Sea turtles, crocodiles and marine iguanas also use the gastrolithes as ballast, helping them to dive.
Nervous systemThe reptilian nervous system contains the same basic part of the amphibian brain, but the reptile cerebrum and cerebellum are slightly larger. Most typical sense organs are well developed with certain exceptions most notably the snake's lack of external ears (middle and inner ears are present). There are twelve pairs of cranial nerves.
Reptiles are not generally considered particularly intelligent when compared to mammals and birds.
"Excuse me, I am not an idiot! C'mon guys, do I look stupid to you?"
"Yes," said Primeape.
A huge fight broke out between the two and was only stopped when Mewtwo Psychiced the crap out of them. Afterwords he healed them up and taped their mouth's shut with psychic energy along with tying them up. Then he got onto the computer and started reading.
Their brains fall well below those of mammals in size relative to the body, the encephalisation quotient being about one tenth of that of crocodiles have brains in the higher size range and show a fairly complex social structure. Larger lizards like the monitors are known to exhibit complex behaviour, including cooperation. The Komodo dragon is known to engage in play.
VisionMost reptiles are diurnal animals. The vision is typically adapted to daylight condition, with colour vision and advanced visual depth perception compared to amphibians and most mammals.
Charmeleon started growling something but no one understood him. Mewtwo went on.
In some species vision is reduced, such as blindsnakes.Some snakes have extra sets of visual organs (in the loosest sense of the word) in the form of pits sensitive to infrared radiation (heat). Such heat sensitive pits are particularly well developed in the pit vipers, but also found in boas and pythons. These allows the snakes to sense the body heat from birds and mammals, making pitvipers able to hunt rodents in the dark.
ReproductiveAt this Charmeleon started shaking furiously while Butterfree went pale and got into his fetel position yet again.
Reptiles have amniote eggs with hard or leathery shells, requiring internal fertilization.
Most reptiles reproduce sexually, though some are capable of asexual reproduction.
At this Pidgeot started laughing. "Hope you don't play with yourself too much, otherwise Ash could have a bunch of Charmander's on his hands!"
All reproductive activity occurs with the cloaca, the single exit/entrance at the base of the tail where waste is also eliminated. Tuataras lack copulatory organs, so the male and female simply press their cloacas together as the male excretes sperm.
"Okay, too much information," said Pikachu. Butterfree started shaking.
Most reptiles, however, have copulatory organs, which are usually retracted or inverted and stored inside the body. In turtles and crocodilians, the male has a single median penis, while squamates including snakes and lizards possess a pair of hemipenes.
Most reptiles lay amniotic eggs covered with leathery or calcareous shells. An amnion, chorion, and allantois are present during embryonic life. There are no larval stages of development. Viviparity and ovoviviparity have only evolved in Squamates, and a substantial fraction of the species utilize this mode of reprduction, including all boas and most vipers. The degree of viviparity varies: some species simply retain the eggs until just before hatching, others provide maternal nourishment to supplement the yolk, and yet others lack any yolk and provide all nutrients via a structure similar to the mammalian placenta.
Asexual reproduction has been identified in squamates in six families of lizards and one snake. In some species of squamates, a population of females are able to produce a unisexual diploid clone of the mother.
"Hmm, so you can't reproduce by yourself," said Pidgeot.
This asexual reproduction called parthenogenesis occurs in several species of gecko, and is particularly widespread in the teiids (especially Aspidocelis) and lacertids (Lacerta). In captivity, Komodo dragons (varanidae) have reproduced by parthenogenesis.
"Or maybe not."
Parthenogenetic species are also suspected to occur among chameleons,
"Ha! You do!" said Pidgeot smugly. Charmeleon gave him the evil look.
agamids, xantusiids, and typhlopids.
Some reptiles also have temperature-dependent sex determination (TDSD), in which the incubation temperature determines whether a particular egg hatches as male or female. TDSD is most common within turtles and crocodiles, but also occurs in lizards and tuataras. To date, there has been no confirmation of TDSD in snakes, though it may exist.
Mewtwo read the rest of it and said,"It looks like that's pretty much it." He went over to Charmeleon and Primeape and freed them both.
"Gaah! Whoever wrote this must have had been smoking from a Bulbasaur's bulb!" yelled Charmeleon.
"Aw, I'm glad you liked it," said Ultraman. "Anyways, readers be sure to review, and be back for when Mewtwo here reads his wiki page!"
"Ah goo-, huh wait wait!" said Mewtwo in alarm.
"Bye bye, see yah!"