Imagine taking a walk with Chuck:
(Originally posted to Tumblr, that's why there's a shift in perspective."
You inhaled. The alpine air was crisp, carrying the calming scent of pine trees. As you exhaled, your shoulders sank releasing the accumulated tension you habitually forgot was there. The morning was still young. Sunlight barely caressed the waters of a pristine lake, which was so blue it took you a moment to understand it wasn't a painting. Birds sang cheerfully in the tall canopies of the forest edge behind you. Any other time, any other day, the chilly air radiating from the water might have bothered you, but today, with the company who brought you here, it didn't. You took another deep breath catching a glimpse of a doe and fawn touching their lips to the water, then looked to Chuck.
"Beautiful, right?" He replied after a long savoring inhale of his own.
You nodded. A tenuous barrier lodged somewhere in the back of your throat was barely retaining an onslaught of loquaciousness. You tried to remain silent crippled by the potential mortification of saying something stupid. That, and you were hypertensive about him knowing what you were thinking or knowing what you will think in the future before you did. You chewed on the inside of your cheek attempting to squash the String Theory web your brain was caught up in.
"Hey." Chuck said pleasantly, drawing your attention to him. He shrugged. "I'm just "Chuck" right now."
You were able to smile in response. His calm, inviting demeanor made this moment easier. You closed your eyes, smile still lingering at the corners, and drew in a long pull of air. Paused. Released.
"Great." He smiled and it struck you as the way you always imagined Jesus would smile at children when you were a child without all the cynical knowledge that you earned growing up. "Now we can just… talk."
You bit your bottom lip in a last moment of hesitation, then pushed past it. There was a lot you wanted to say and even more you wanted to know.
…
My heart remained elated even as my mind slowed to almost a calm state. Instead of each thought firing off like loose hose thrashing about on a lawn, they nearly slowed to a stop dripping slowly from a narrow space like molasses. Before I could ask the first question that was beginning to take tangible form, Chuck spoke.
"You know what I like about you?"
He posed the question while looking out over the water. His face relaxed. He turned his head still sporting that serene smile. Yet, for all the gentleness laden in his tone it felt like anticipation had slammed against my chest like a sledgehammer. I held my breath fearful I wouldn't catch every lilt of his answer.
"You've always been a deep conscientious thinker."
The air felt vacuumed from my lungs. My brained panicked, desperately trying to recall memories that coincide with his assertion, yet remained unable to focus enough to succeed. My head fell to the side, my body unable to respond properly. Chuck twisted his body focusing on me.
"A lot of people get angry with me when something in their life goes wrong. They blame me instead of what the real problem is. You've never done that, or when you did you immediately revised your past thought and even apologized. I appreciate that, especially since you never did it out of moral obligation or fear."
I nodded finding resolve deep within my heart. I felt seeped in complete and total vulnerability . The essence of emotion had tears misting in my eyes. I finally knew where to start.
"The difficulties in my life were not made by you. I can't blame you for something that isn't your fault. You gave us free will, that means all the choices made by humans have been by our hand. Ultimately, we have to be responsible for our actions and decisions- individually and as a society. Free will, human choice, is a wonderful and awful thing, but that's what it means to be human, right?"
"But I did give you free will in the first place." Chuck pointed out.
"You gave us the gun, but you didn't force us to shoot it."
"Gun control is a polarized issue, I hear. Humans just can't seem to agree on anything."
"Of course not. Then we would all be the same person and there wouldn't be so much diverse cultures." I grew animate completely enthralled with this line of conversation. "There wouldn't be different languages, or art, or literature, or genres of music!"
I paused realizing I was gesturing wildly with my hands. My heart was pounding and I was self conscious of my expression. Chuck's smile faded into a stoic visage. For a moment, I thought I had done something wrong.
"There wouldn't be war, terrorism, oppression… when you walk to get lunch during work you wouldn't have to look at another person and gauge whether or not they're going to harass you. You wouldn't have to fear being raped or killed."
There was a moment of clarity within me that so rarely happens at the right time. I offered a soft smile.
"There wouldn't be love. There wouldn't be safety. There wouldn't be any of the opposite things that go with those." I wanted to expand on the comment, but I continued to my next point. "Without the bad we can never know what good is or how it feels and we are learning. I think that overall we're growing as a whole. There are aspects that will take longer than others, but we're moving forward."
Chuck looked out over the water. The sun had risen becoming a whole circle unobstructed by the horizon. Whether by trick of light or something closer to home, his eyes looked red-rimmed and moist. He swallowed, his throat moving up and down, but he didn't respond. I focused out toward the water as well. The deer were still there. The mother licked her fawn's head. I watch the scene for a few moments then let my gaze travel across the pebbled banks before resting my gaze on the warm browns and greens of the fragrant forest. I sighed with contentment.
"Hey, God." My voice was soft.
He hummed a response not correcting my formaless.
"Thank you."
"For what exactly?"
"For right now, nature. I love this. I really do."
He chuckled once, his lips curving upward.
"And…" I faced him once more, "I love you."
He met my gaze. "I know."
"I know," I agreed, "but let me explain at least once… I love you, not because you're the Almighty or whatever. I don't love you because of your titles or because I feel obligated to. I don't love you because I fear death or the unknown, I don't need you to validate my decisions or existence. I love you, because you created something amazing. I've always felt closest to you in places like this. I don't know if that means anything after all, but you've created everything. And everything is so intricate and amazing with endless possibilities. I don't know how to explain it better, but it's just… you. I love you."
I closed the distance between us. Knowing what I was going to asked he turned toward me. Feeling like a child again, I reached out helplessly.
"Can I touch you? Can you feel everything I feel?"
He nodded and raised his hand. I brought his palm to my heart. His warm skin reminded me of how cold I was standing here in the mountains. My skin reacted with bumps drawing from his warmth. I closed my eyes and opened my heart as fas as I could. Chuck closed his eyes and light glowed from where we connected. My thoughts were blank letting only emotion and feeling flow from me. An eternal ecstasy gripped me relentlessly. Good, bad, everything. I gave him every last bit of my existence. When we broke apart his ecstasy lingered through my veins. I didn't feel bereft, rather I was refreshed, as if bathed in the cleanest water. I gasped for air. There were tears in his eyes and a smile on his mouth.
"Thank you."