Author's note! Hello everyone! I thought it was about time I wrote another comedy, don't you? So here it is! This story is set when Mario and Luigi were 15 years old (they're the same age because they're twins) This story is in no way consistent with any of my stories or any of the games I just thought that it was a stupidly funny idea so enjoy!

Disclaimer: Mario and co. are owned by Nintendo.

Mario wasn't always a hero. That's not surprising. No-one starts life as a doing fantastically heroic deeds but the person he was then and is now are very different. He wasn't always kind or brave or loyal. He wasn't always a good brother. But the story of how he became what he is now is the strangest and most hilarious tale you'll ever hear about the hero in the red cap.

Mario and I grew up in a care home in Italy and let's just say, he wasn't the best brother to me. He would tease and torment me often. He caused mess and havoc everywhere he went. Maybe I'm overreacting, but he always used to make loads of mess in a short space of time and not feeling sorry about it at all. I specifically remember one time; he had previously broken the coffee table by jumping on it (I don't know why, don't ask, I think he was dared to) and had been told by the head care worker, Liliana that he had to pay for it with his own money. That day, started as a normal but my god, it didn't end like any other day.

"Hey Mario! Have you seen Ted anywhere?" I asked my brother as I searched the room we shared for my missing teddy bear.

Mario was playing Mario Kart 7 on his DS. He paused his game and looked up.

"Ted huh? Umm, about that," he said.

I stopped searching. "Mario, what have you done with him?" I asked.

"I might have sold him to pay for the coffee table," Mario replied.

"You did what?!" I yelled. It was just like Mario to do something like that.

Mario shrugged. "You're too old to have a teddy bear anyway," he said.

"That doesn't mean you can go and sell him!" I snapped.

I made a lunge for Mario. He shrieked and dived out of the way. I chased him around the room three times yelling: "How could you? You're a horrible brother!"

Mario sped up the ladder of the bunk beds we shared. I hunted for something to throw at him. I eventually set my hands on a large hardback book of nursery rhymes that we had been given for Christmas one year. Mario clambered down the ladder to escape but he wasn't quick enough and I hurled the book and hit him smack on the head. Mario dropped to the floor unconscious. I immediately regretted my decision. I crept over to him.

"Mario?" I said.

I was terrified I had done some serious damage to him. I crouched down next to him and shook him gently, trying to wake him up.

Suddenly, Mario sat up. He rubbed his head and looked at me with a look of utter puzzlement on his face.

"Mario!" I cried and threw my arms around him.

He pushed me away and started speaking in a strange foreign language.

I blinked, baffled. I recognised that language, it was English. We had both been taught how to speak English since we were 7? But why was he speaking it now?

Maybe the knock to the head had mixed up his brain a little and made him think he was English. I tried speaking to him in Italian in the hope that his memories would come back.

"Mario, I think you might have concussion. Hang on I'll get Liliana," I said getting to my feet.

Mario was confused beyond belief. He started asking me questions frantically (still in English) about where he was and who I was.

I decided that the only way to communicate with him was to (quite literally) start speaking his language.

"Mario," I said (in English) "Can you speak any Italian at all?"

Mario racked his brains. "No," he answered eventually.

Oh great I thought.

"So, who are you?" Mario asked.

"I'm Luigi," I said. "You're brother, remember?"

Mario shook his head. "I have a brother?" he enquired, mystified. "Cool."

"So, where am I?" he continued.

I sighed. "Do you remember anything?" I asked, exasperated.

"Well, I remember that my name's Mario and… that's pretty much it," he replied.

I face palmed.

Suddenly, we heard the TV downstairs declare 'Breaking news'. Mario dashed off and leaped over the banister onto the stairs. I winced as I heard the crash.

"Mario! How many times do I have to tell you, not to jump over the banister?" I complained.

Mario got up and shrugged, grinning. "I don't know, I've lost my memory," he said.

"Good point," I replied as I walked down the stairs.

We both entered the living room where the TV was informing everyone about yet another kidnapping of Princess Peach by Bowser from The Mushroom Kingdom. She gets kidnapped every week and still, it always makes the news. I don't get that.

"Oh no! A kidnapped princess! I must go and save her!" Mario cried and dashed out of the room.

I ran after him. I was a faster runner than him so naturally I caught up with him and grabbed his t-shirt sleeve.

"And how to you suppose you're going to save this princess then?" I asked.

"Easy, go to Bowser's castle, kick his butt and save the princess," he replied.

"And how do you suppose you get to The Mushroom Kingdom in the first place?" I enquired.

"Watch and learn," he said and dashed off towards the bathroom.

I found him sitting inside the toilet trying to flush himself away.

"Really?" I said. "This is an all new low."

Suddenly, the handle of the flush gave way and Mario was sucked downwards giving a salute and calling out: "Wish me luck!"

"Well that was the oddest thing I've ever seen," I announced to myself. "I have to go after him don't I?"

And with that, I flushed myself down the toilet aswell.