Heaven's Command, a law and order: ci fanfic

Disclaimer: Law and Order: Criminal Intent does not belong to me. The characters are full of inspiration, intelligent, and intrigue that I cannot help but borrow them a short while. I heartily enjoy the show and its premise. While the events of this story are mine, the characters are definitely not.

Author's Note: For Mr. Hathaway and b8kworm. This is just a simple character study about Goren and the fact that he refuses to find his lady-love. Okay, that's more than a little melodramatic of a description, but it's a fun one.

Summary: Why don't you ever relax your control? Why do you never stop long enough to open your heart? Stop running, Robert; it's okay to love.

Rating: PG

Archive(s): Mine. Anybody else, email me.

Pairing(s): No pairings. Goren-centric.

Spoiler(s): Any episode that mentions Goren's parents, either together or separately.

***** ***** *****

Title: Heaven's Command

Author: Sophie
Email: sophie@gotgeekmail.com

The angel drifted cautiously into the moderately sized apartment, taking care not disturb the sleeping man with any sudden action. He lay sprawled across the bed, on his stomach, face perilously close to the edge. The sheets and blankets twisted about his long legs and failed to protect his upper body from the season's chill.

A habit formed long before his military service, Robert Goren slept incredibly lightly. He went from sound sleep to complete alertness faster than a car revved from zero to sixty. His standard issue nine millimeter weapon fit his hand like a glove and he never hesitated to shoot first and ask later, especially to protect his loved ones and home.

There were no pictures of said loved ones adorning any of the apartment's walls; nor even the impersonal yet private nature of abstract wall art. The place felt cramped, even to the angel, but somehow more so for the massive man who slept. The angel did not want to know how lonely these rooms felt when he was awake and filled the few rooms with a living presence.

It was so tidy, thought the angel, with every object in its intended location and knowing its role in Goren's life. Besides the few cardboard boxes containing work related papers, only the controlled chaos of the desk gave away any sign that this apartment was a home for someone.

Returning to the bedroom, the sole hint of Goren's past was the group of medals in their glass frame atop his bureau. He had served faithfully and, in return, he had reentered civilian life largely unscathed.

For what it was worth, the angel applauded his choice of the military. As a young man, Goren had craved a sense of brotherhood, a form of male bonding he never had with his absentee father. The armed forces anchored him, gave him a purpose, and fully utilized every resource Goren gladly offered. They soothed a gifted mind and saved a troubled life.

That had been the start of "Bobby" - the ever reliable, charming, six-foot four-inch, broad shouldered soldier. Quick to grin, quicker to voice a witticism, yet fierce enough to never need to prove his challenge and role in life. It was a persona he retained as he returned from his overseas tours and called New York City his home.

"Bobby" also hid "Robert" - who was everything the former was, plus more. Goren's hidden nature was the boy grown to a man, scarred by the blood he called family. On one hand, he had the distant father; on the other, his mother who condemned him to a fate of passing worthless genes to his children.

Sitting with Goren's medals on the bureau, the angel sighed. To see such a magnificent, intelligent, amazing man refusing to acknowledge the love he was so obviously capable of showing hurt the angel. Scared of his parent's legacy, Goren shut most of the softer and gentler emotions out of his life. He would not fall in love, he vowed; no one had the right nor the inclination to see the sad inheritance he possessed. Should one wish to, he was convinced that no woman would remain still with him.

He preempted that rejection by living a solitary, lonely life. Yes, it was fulfilling - in so many ways - but not in the most satisfying. A life was wretched when the man in question exhausted himself, in mind and in body, simply for nightly repose. When he slept, it was fitfully and he awoke alone, all the while dreaming of true love to ease his heart.

The angel's eternal heart broke for Robert Goren, the man who conquered society's fears yet had no one to aid in the dominion of his own. He deserved so much more.

Aloud the angel spoke, words piercing into Goren's dreams: "You've spent your whole life running from the beauty of love. You saw what it did to your parents, who did love each other, and you thought love only brought pain. And yet, it brought your parents you: the pride of your father's life even though you never knew him; the jewel of your mother's eyes though she is lost within her own mind. Without you, so many lives would be bereft of your presence; humanity would have no reason to press forward without you to challenge evil and champion the downtrodden. Why don't you ever relax your control? Why do you never stop long enough to open your heart? Stop running, Robert; it's okay to love."

The angel dissolved into invisibleness mere seconds before Goren started awake, weapon ready in his hand. When the flash of warning gradually faded, he turned and sat in bed, resting against the wall, ignoring the cold seeping into bare skin. He searched the room for the soothing, tinkle of a voice but found nothing. Then, for the first time in his two score life, he graced the Dawn with a smile.