By Dr. Foetus (finally)
A/N: In case our name, bio and other fics didn't tip you off, our conversations are not for the weak-hearted. For that is where the idea of this fic was born. Also: no character in this story is an OC, not even the guard. (Though not quite all of them are from Pokémon ;D) Brownie points if you can guess all the unnamed characters! Also, many thanks to another foetus of this account, Fetus of Death, for helping with some of the more awkward ideas...
The Door
This was it. The Radio Tower of Lavender Town. That door that nobody except staff was allowed into. Oh, he was going to go in, alright. It was going to be legitimate. He'd for a long time considered pretending to work there, but what if that stalker Silver appeared to try and strip him again? No matter what Crystal and Lyra said, he was straight! And even if he wasn't, which he was, he certainly did not appreciate being stripped in public! Or did he…?
He pulled his cap back around, he was getting distracted again. He was not going to be distracted from his moment of glory. Getting his first Pokemon? Psh. Taking down the largest mafia group in two regions? Ha. Beating the Elite Four, Champion and Silver? Hehe. Beating Red, the Pokémon legend? Oh, what a laugh.
No. This was his true moment of glory. The opening of this door, right here, after the guard moved over with a hurried bow towards him. It was going to be good. After all, he hadn't trudged through a mix of 16-bit and 8-bit sounds as well as town that had a whole syndrome named after it for nothing. No, he was not going to be obsessed with Pokemon, go deaf and be found dead next to a road a month after because of binary tones.
No, because of this door, he'd be fine.
Goddamn it, he was getting distracted again! No wonder Green thought he had ADHD. Which he most certainly did not. God, everyone and their stupid assumptions. Well, after opening this door, who would be laughing? Gold, that's who! If he didn't, he might very well go off the map with a Cyndaquil named 'HURRY' and a bunch of Unown. Oh, he'd do it. But there wouldn't be any need, because of this glorious door!
Okay! He was officially done staring the guard down. "Lemme in, I have business to attend to-" he began, before he glanced at the guard. A girl with shoulder length reddish brown hair that spiked at the edges and glasses. She was cute.
"I'm a guy!" a somewhat gruff voice said. Oh, had Gold made the 'cute girl' remark aloud? Oops. This guy reminded him of Bugsy.
"Well, you don't look like one. Gonna let me in yet?" He did a little impatient jig on the spot. The guard unlocked the door with a little grumble about crushing Gold with his rock Pokémon. Gold ignored him, he wasn't going to let anyone or anything ruin the euphoria of the grand opening of this door.
It slowly moved open, creaking lowly. Gold walked in laughing with his eyes closed. "Finally, I have conquered –" He couldn't continue talking. Not with what just met his eyes.
Oh dear.
Gold tilted his head up. It was very tall. Or rather, all the people together were very tall. A mass of naked, moving, sweaty bodies. And all the sounds that were coming out of this mass. His first thought was, Where the hell is Green? but then he was hit with his second thought. Oh, that's right, probably off doing questionable things with Red. He smirked.
There was a grown woman with phallic black hair clips in her long, blonde hair. A young girl with brown hair, who wore a bandanna. A man with a very sharp-looking jaw. Gold recoiled at the sight of blood, for that sharp jaw was cutting many around him, though the victims didn't seem to notice. Was that Silver?! A boy with blonde hair angled up at the sides. A few nurses here and there. A man with silver hair. Oh, God. An old man. Who seemed to be going, "Where is Black Luster Soldier?" Gold recognised some of the Leaders, like Falkner, Brock and Janine, as well as some Elites like Lorelei, Agatha and Will.
A young girl with navy hair was staring into a middle-aged man's eyes whispering over and over, "Oh, Cyrus, the pleasure..." At this, a young boy with powder blue hair and glasses popped out, looking very confused and scared. His fear heightened and showed on his face when a boy with two kinds of brunette in his hair barged out from the bottom shouting, "Syrus, my Cheetos. WHERE THE HELL ARE THEY?" The blue-haired boy popped back into the mass as if to hide. At the very top of the very large pyramid, was a teenaged boy with long, silky green hair.
There was a young girl shoving people out of the way with an angered look on her face, her short purple hair bouncing around. She's very cute, thought Gold, smirking pervertedly. She let out a war cry. Oh crap! That's Bugsy! I did it again! Gold turned away, only to find a cobalt blue spiky thing doing something dubious with a fat, pink Eevee looking thing. The pink thing's ribbons (which flowed without wind and were made out of flesh) were getting tangled in the blue thing's quills. The blue thing looked up, it's eyes black except for hollow, blood red irises. Blood flowed freely from its eyes, when it very creepily bellowed "I AM GOD." It ran off faster than the speed of sound, taking the pink thing with it.
At this point, Gold wondered if he should break the fourth wall. Not just be genre savvy, but actually call up Game Freak and wonder why this was programmed into his game. Or, he could just ask the pyramid of people. He could ask them some other things, too…
As for those who have used a walk-through-walls cheat on a fake cart or emulator to get to this very exclusive place and see this, rather than be freaked out by the sight presented, they simply went on their preferred forum and mongered rumours. They exclaimed, "Who are these people?!" and when later games came out and revealed those characters' personalities, these very people claimed "I knew it!" when they, in fact, did not.
Gold was of course unaware of all that. Just because he was genre savvy, that did not mean he was real. Even if he was, he was very preoccupied with the euphoria and triumph of opening the blasted door and uncovering its secrets. He was also distracted by some other things, though he'll still claim he didn't need medication just because he gets distracted easily.
What he found was undoubtedly very distracting…