Pyro Lady Tequila: Here you behold the newest fanfiction by
whytherumisgone! Look on in amazement! And this one has potential to
even be good! gasps of astonishment
Bob the Cat: Careful, Pyro, we wouldn't want everyone to die of shock before reading the thing.
Pyro Lady Tequila: Quite right, Bob. I suppose first of all this fanfiction deserves a bit of an explanation. It is set in Hogwarts, during the time the Marauders were in school. That should explain some things already.
Bob the Cat: From there, it gets a little more complicated.... See, there are these two girls... Don't look so wary, they aren't you're typical Mary Sues!! But, yes, they are in love with certain Marauders....
Pyro Lady Tequila: ...But you can read it for yourselves and find out about that. Now we get to everyone's favorite bit, the disclaimer. We don't own the Marauders, as much as we'd love to. We don't own Hogwarts. We own very little, actually.
Bob the Cat: I have a cat named Bob. Ironic, huh? He has a cameo in this story. Except he's not nearly as nice in real life, the stupid figurine breaking hairball.
Pyro Lady Tequila: So anyway, read our lovely fanfiction and keep checking back, because we're working on chapter two! Please review!!! cute kitty eyes Nice reviews are the best, but even if you give us nasty reviews, we can have fun laughing at them.
Bob the Cat: If you flame us, we'll use them to fuel our lighters and give you a nasty smiley face burn. So take that.
The Decline and Fall of Something
Chapter 1
Two blonde fifteen year olds, both outrageously dressed, walked through the train station. One was wearing a bright yellow micro-mini dress and thigh-high boots in the same overpowering shade of yellow. The other was clothed in a black mini-kilt, a black corset top, and black knee-high lace-up boots. The air above them shimmered slightly. This peculiarity went unnoticed by most, and the few more observant people who took note of the odd occurrence ignored it, muttering, "Damn hippies. You never know what's following them around..."
The virulent yellow clothed one appeared to be carrying a small fur handbag. It too was brightly colored, though more orange than yellow. The handbag stretched and yawned in the girl's arms, to a few bystanders' shock. "No, Mr. Poop-n-leave, we're not there yet! Hold still!" The girl's outburst received some odd looks from passers-by, but went mostly unnoticed in the busy station.
"Mr. Poop-n-leave doesn't like to sit still, does he?" The black clothed one inquired, steadying with one hand the black cat lounging across her shoulder. "Ratsbane is perfectly calm."
"It's not Poopie's fault, he just gets restless sometimes!" the yellow dressed girl cried.
"Whatever," the black-kilted one replied. "We're almost to the platform."
"You know, I always enjoyed running through the brick wall."
"Hn. You would."
The yellow girl didn't seem to hear her, as she rustled through a handbag hanging from her arm, triumphantly pulling out a pair of lemon shaped goggles. "Haha! I almost forgot!" The girl in black blinked at her with doubt and continued walking as yellow-girl stopped to strap on the goggles. Several seconds later, she strode forward proudly with the matching eyewear secure.
The girl in black glanced back, then around, and calmly walked through the wall, not wanting to see yellow-girl charge through the bricks.
On the other side of the wall on Platform 9¾, yellow-girl slammed into the girl in black from behind. "Watch it, will you?" she growled, picking up her startled black cat and placing it back on her shoulder.
"SunnyShadow!" a voice called over the crowd.
"ROGER!!" the two girls shrieked in unison. A brown haired muscular boy of medium height bounded up to them.
"Wow, nice tan there, Rog," yellow-girl commented.
"Thanks Sunny. Spent the summer in Jamaica," he replied with a smirk.
"Oh, I can't imagine what you were doing there," black-kilt said with a grin. "Have fun?"
"It was splendid," Roger confirmed.
"So, Roger darling," yellow-girl said as a small mountain of trunks, boxes, suitcases and other various items became visible and came to rest beside the small group, "you will help us with our luggage, won't you?"
Roger rolled his eyes. "You are cruel, Sunny. Why can't you ask someone else to help you with your luggage for once?"
Sunny smiled sweetly. "Because you're the only person who will do it."
"...Good point." He shrugged and obediently began hauling away the smaller bags.
Sunny hooked her arm through black-kilt's, ignoring her dubious gaze. "Come along, Shadow doll, let's go socializing."
They made their way through the crowd, waving to everyone and talking to a few. Suddenly, Shadow stopped in her tracks. "Sunny, there they are!"
Sunny glanced about until her eyes landed on four boys standing in a group, talking amongst themselves. Sunny gasped and her eyes widened dramatically. "It's Remmie!"
Shadow rolled her eyes and snorted. "Who cares about peaky boy, look at Black!"
Sunny glanced at her sideways. "You know, sometimes I think you only like him for his last name."
Shadow looked at Sunny like she was an idiot. "Have you seen that body? The name's just a bonus!"
Sunny shrugged, staring doe-eyed at Remus Lupin, her crush of five years. Without warning, their heads were knocked together from behind, accompanied by a yell. Sunny winced and rubbed the side of her head. Shadow made a sound of annoyance. "Hello Tabitha. Nice summer?"
Tabitha Hooch threw her arms over the other girls' shoulders, to Sunny's dismay. "It was awe-some!"
Shadow snickered.
"Oh, really? What'd you do?" Sunny scowled at Shadow through Tabitha's cowboy hat. Tabitha was not her favorite person, mostly because she was constantly throwing playful punches at Sunny, who was a rather peaceable hippie.
"Well, you know, this and that. Mostly football players."
"We should probably be going," Shadow said quickly. "I don't think I want to know what Roger would do with our luggage if we left it with him for very long." She grabbed Sunny's arm and began dragging her towards the train.
"Oh yes, of course." Sunny added with a weak laugh. "Silly Roger, you never know what he's going to do, ha ha ha!"
Shadow stomped her feet angrily as she retreated from the exuberant Tabitha. "She would come along and ruin the moment, wouldn't she?" she muttered. "I had such a wonderful view too... and Black's shirt was really tight today... Such a great opportunity lost..."
Sunny glanced over her shoulder nervously. "I hope she doesn't do that again," she worried.
"Do what?" Shadow asked absentmindedly, searching for Sirius Black once again.
"Touch me," she replied with a shudder. "So unpleasant... Anyhoo, I'm worried about Remus. He doesn't get enough sun. Can't be getting enough vitamin D."
Shadow examined her own nite-lite skin, and compared it to Sunny's Easy Bake Oven Burnt Cookie Brown. "Um, I really don't think that he'll be the one with skin problems later in life."
Just then they spotted their fellow Hufflepuff girl clique, and ran over to catch up on the vital Hogwarts gossip. "Did you hear about Molly?" a Hufflepuff girl in a very short blue dress whispered loudly to Shadow and Sunny. "My cousin's best friend's room mate told Linda that she's pregnant!"
"NO!" Sunny gasped, leaning closer to hear more about the recent event. "Who?" "Who do you think? That gangly redheaded boy, Arthur Weasley. You know that their parents will make them get married- Molly will be one of those child brides, like they used to have in Eastern Europe!"
Shadow started to speak, but was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. She turned to see Roger standing with a sheepish expression on his face. "Not to disturb you, but... I'm having a bit of a problem..."
"What is it?" she asked in irritation, anxious to get back to the conversation. She was positive the annual Hufflepuff Beginning of the year Party planning was about to commence and she did not want to be left out.
"Well..." Roger began, "It's Nigel..."
"Don't tell me he's kidnapped Jillians ferret again."
"He won't give it back. I'm thinking ransom."
She sighed melodramatically. "Come on, Sunny. We have to tend to Nigel." Sunny was now deeply immersed in the sordid details of the Molly/Arthur affair. Shadow, seeing no other option, grabbed the end of Sunny's stick straight blonde hair and drug her, as she protested mildly that she would have left on her own and violence was uneccessary. Roger looked exceedingly relieved that he wasn't to be left alone with the possessed Nigel.
Shadow followed Roger to the scene of the crime, and looked up disapprovingly at a very large, very ugly raven, who clutched a very small ferret in its beak. "Nigel, release that ferret at once." The raven gazed at her dubiously. "Nigel, I know it's your day off, but that does not give you leave to capture poor, defenseless ferrets for your own twisted pleasure. Especially when I will have to pay any damages on said poor defenseless ferrets." Nigel blinked, seeming unimpressed. Shadow sighed in exasperation. "Nigel, if I have to pay ferret damages, I won't be able to afford whiskey for you." Nigel released the terrified ferret with a loud squawk. Roger looked on in surprise as Sunny patted Mr. Poop-n-leave. "See, there's nothing to it, Roger. You really should be able to manage it."
"I can't believe I left the start-of-school gossip for this." Sunny said. Just then the boarding call swept through the crowd. "I assume you finished packing?" She asked, turning to Roger.
"Yeah, it's all on there. Every last perfumed bag."
Sunny's eyebrows rose dramatically, achieving a very distressed look. "Perfumed? They shouldn't be perfumed! One of the bottles must have broken, fantastic." She continued to worry about this as they made their way onto the train, searching for an empty compartment. They eventually came upon one with two second or third year Ravenclaw boys. Roger started his threatening pose, but Shadow stopped him.
"No, they're belligerent pre-teens. Let me handle them." She walked into the compartment and looked at them. "I'll show you my bra-strap if you'll leave." The boys looked shocked, like people who win the lottery and say that things like this never happen to them. One of them finally had the presence of mind to nod. Shadow pulled her top slightly to the side, then replaced it and jerked her head toward the door. "Out, now."
The boys tripped over each other in their haste to fulfill her wishes. Roger looked impressed. "That was hot."
Shadow bowed in gratitude as she sat down across from him. Sunny sat beside her, muttering about "waste of product" and "lemon extract so expensive lately".
Shadow sat still for a moment before heading for one of her smaller bags and bringing it back to her seat. She reached in and pulled out a blanket, fluffy down pillow, a box of cookies, and a silver flask, which she insisted was filled with water, although she refused to share it. Her generosity with the cookies made it even more suspicious. She continued to dig about in the bag, finally bringing out a leather and wood scabbard which she strapped around her waist, and a black wand which was at least two and a half feet long (Shadow prided herself on having the longest wand at Hogwarts). She then crumpled up a piece of parchment and practiced turning it into various things, some of which had very sharp teeth.
Roger nudged one of these, a parchment transfigured gremlin, with his foot. He yawned and stretched, checking his watch. "Okay, I'm going to sleep. Wake me up when it's time for the race. Unless you're afraid of being beaten again."
Sunny snickered. "Since when did we care about competition?" she asked proudly. "Poopie can stay with you, I'm sure he's tired. Come on, let's go find my bags, Shadow. I might be able to salvage some of that spilled prod... perfume."
They made their way to the freight car, Shadow then leaving to hang out with the Hufflepuff clique. Sunny promised to follow as soon as she was done.
She began rummaging through her luggage, looking for the guilty bottle. She found it, at the bottom of her stuff, right on top of someone else's suitcase. She pulled that out too, hoping to get some of the overwhelming scent out of it and avoid the owner's wrath. She had just thrown open the strangers bag, when someone directly behind her cleared his throat and asked, with a trace of amusement, "Um, what might you be doing to my suitcase, Sunny?"
Sunny froze, recognizing that voice instantly. Slowly, she turned around to come face to face with Remus Lupin, who was looking slightly apprehensive, especially when he saw the look on her face. "Er.... It is Sunny, right? I could've sworn that's what Roger calls you... you okay?" Sunny nodded, eyes wide and somewhat terrified. "I was trying to clean it," she managed. "Some perfume spilled from my bags..." that was as far as she got.
Remus was beginning to fear for the well-being of his luggage. "I'm sure it will be fine." He said hurriedly, grabbing it and fleeing for the exit. Sunny stood there several seconds longer with the same expression, then let out a whoop and ran to find Shadow.
"You don't mean you were going through his luggage!" Shadow exclaimed upon Sunny's return and extremely detailed account of her encounter with Remus. "He obviously had something he didn't want you to see."
"What do you mean?" Sunny asked. Shadow grinned wickedly.
"Something naughty."
"Do you really think he's hiding something naughty in his suitcase?" Sunny asked again, sounding just a bit hopeful.
"Definitely. Come on, we need to find Remus Peaky Lupin right away." Shadow declared with determination.
"But... why?" Sunny enquired.
"Because, where there is Lupin, there is Black. Now let's go."
Sunny stopped for a second, considering that profundity, then clapped her hands gleefully and followed Shadow.
Shadow crept around the corner. She could hear the Marauders close by. But how close? Sunny floated up behind her, busily eating a Fizzing Whizbee and avoiding mid-air collisions. "So, any luck so far?" she asked.
Shadow treated her to an icy glare. "Quiet, Sunny," she hissed. "I think they're in that one." She pointed to a compartment two away from where they stood. "Now we've got to think of a reason to party crash."
Sunny shrugged. "I could always offer to charm most of the scent out of his clothes." Her eyes lit up. "Or anything else that might be in there."
"Why didn't you offer that in the freight car?"
"He was right there! As if I had any idea what to do. It was dreadful. And oh, so fabulous." Shadow shook her head. "Come on, let's go." Shadow stepped forward and slid the door of the compartment open and stepped boldly inside. "Hello, lads!" she said cheerfully, flashing her best friendly smile. "Sorry to interrupt you, but I do believe Sunny here has some business with old Remus." Shadow sat down comfortably beside Sirius Black, who looked as though he wasn't sure whether he should laugh or tell the strange blonde girl to get off of him. He apparently decided on neither, as he remained seated and refrained from any sort of utterance that might bring his sanity into question.
Remus looked decidedly uncomfortable as Sunny stood in front of him, smiling in a manner that showed quite a lot of teeth. Finally she said, "You know, Remus, I'm feeling terrible because of all that perfume all over your luggage, and I just thought I would offer to do a charm that should take most of it out. It was what I was going to do before you came and... um..." Sunny struggled for a word for a moment before finishing her sentence, "...retrieved your bag."
"Well..." Remus took the bag from under his seat nervously and hugged it close to him. "I don't want to put you to any trouble... And I can always get it cleaned at Hogwarts."
"Come now, it's no trouble at all." Sunny said, reaching for his bag. "I did spill it in the place. Besides, who would clean it for you at Hogwarts?"
Remus finally relenquished the suitcase to Sunny, looking nervously over her shoulder as she waved a short, beribboned wand over the open suitcase.
"Well, that's got the suitcase," she declared. "Now for the clothes..." Remus jumped up in alarm as she began to vigorously rifle through his belongings.
"What're you doing?" he asked, sounding on the edge of panic. Behind him, Sirius and James Potter snickered. "Can't you just do it all at once?"
Sunny looked up from a blue polyester sports coat and shook her head condescendingly. "No, of course not, Remus. Didn't you hear Flitwick that one time a while back not so long ago? It's obvious, I have to go one at a time."
Remus lunged and snatched the battered suitcase from her for the second time, in as many hours. "Now that I think about it, the perfume is rather nice and will be just fine as it is."
James laughed outright. "Why, Moony, if I didn't know better, I'd say you want your clothes to smell like Sunny here."
Remus shot him a withering look that managed to wither nothing. "If I didn't know better, Prongs, I'd say that you have no appreciation for crisp- lemony fresh laundry. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go change into my robes."
Everyone in the compartment watched Remus leave with as much dignity as he could muster after commenting on the "crisp lemony-freshness" of laundry. When he had left and closed the door behind him, Sirius declared, "I don't know about you, James, but my laundry is, without fail, lemony fresh beyond belief. I'm personally shocked Remus never noticed it." He held a sleeve out to Shadow. "Wouldn't you say it's lemony-fresh?"
Shadow sniffed at Sirius and replied, "A bit more dry and musty, I would say."
"I don't think you smell dry and musty," Sunny chimed in helpfully. "More of a wet dog smell, I would say."
"I think I would prefer dry and musty." Shadow said to no one in particular.
Sirius frowned deeply at his shirt, as if offended it would betray him like that. James looked down at his faded Simon and Garfunkle t-shirt uneasily. "What about me," he asked. "I smell okay, right?"
Sunny grabbed his shirt and inhaled deeply, then proffered it to Shadow for her opinion. Shadow thought for a moment, then declared, "Kind of grassy."
James looked almost panicky. "What?" he cried.
Sirius was having a hard time not laughing. "James, she said g-r-a-s-s-y. Like the green stuff on the ground outside."
James looked tremendously relieved. "Well. That's not so bad. Good."
"Better than old wet dog," Sunny offered.
"I still say dry and musty." Shadow muttered.
Peter shifted in his seat, having been ignored for some time now, and not sure if that was a bad thing or not.
Sirius's eye caught the movement and seized him, pushing him towards the girls for inspection. "What about this little rat?" he asked, grinning.
Shadow leaned towards Peter and sniffed. "Some sort of baking..." she said slowly. "Maybe... cake?"
"Cake?" James said, looking quickly at Peter.
"Cake? No, that's impossible!" Peter said nervously.
"Well, I smell cake," Shadow said with some conviction. "Sunny?"
Sunny sniffed the small boy and said, "Definitely cake. Chocolate, I would say."
"You rat!" Sirius yelled as James pounced on Peter.
"You lied to us!" James yelled from where he held Peter in a head lock. "You said your mum ate it before you left!"
Sunny was growing more alarmed with each passing second, and Shadow was beginning to look interested in the bloodshed which seemed about to take place. Sirius noticed the expressions on both the girls' faces and broke into the endless stream of James's yelling and Peter's shrieking. "Perhaps... um... perhaps this can all be settled later." He said, giving James a meaningful look. James looked at Sunny and Shadow, who did not seem at all inclined to leave. Peter looked quite relieved.
James shrugged and straightened up, letting Peter hit the floor with a loud thunk. "Yeah, alright. I wanted to ask these ladies something else anyway." He sat down and looked seriously at Sunny and Shadow. "What do girls find sexier- boxers or briefs?"
They grinned as one. "Bo-," Sunny started, but was cut off by the slight hindrance of Shadow's fist in her mouth.
"That's hard to call, boys." She said seriously, ignoring Sunny's unintelligible cries. "We're gonna have to see examples of each." Sunny abruptly stopped struggling and nodded her agreement, as she realized what Shadow was doing.
The three guys looked at each other with raised eyebrows. "Are you sure...?" Peter began.
"Definitely." Said Sunny. "Guys are all different, right? How could we say one for everybody?"
With that impressive logic, the guys gave a collective shrug and dropped trouser.
Sunny was about to comment on Pete's snazzy yellow sequined briefs (Shadow hadn't noticed, as she hadn't taken her eyes off Sirius) when for the second time that day, someone behind her cleared his throat and asked, "What, in the name of all that isn't, is going on here...? Or would I really rather not know?"
Sunny whirled around and shouted, "This isn't what it looks like!" she glanced at Shadow for support, but her friend seemed unwilling to waste a second of precious Sirius-in-his-skivies time. "We're just checking their underwear!"
Remus pondered for a moment, trying to make sense of it all, then shook his head and started walking in the other direction. "I'm going to go hang out with the rest of the Ravenclaws, you people are weirding me out." He stopped and turned around. "And that's saying quite a lot."
"Oh, no," James said, jumping at Remus. "If we have to take our trousers off for them, so do you!"
"Abso-freakin-lutely!" Sunny exclaimed happily. Sirius stepped over to the door to help James haul Remus back in. Shadow reached into the pockets of Sirius's abandoned trousers to investigate the contents, an activity which went unnoticed, as James and Sirius had their hands full with the process of preventing Remus from escaping while removing his trousers. Sunny gazed at this spectacle with glee, helping by aiming a charm at Remus's pants that undid the button, something neither James nor Sirius seemed to want to do.
"Oooh, he likes Shakespeare!" Shadow exclaimed happily, looking at a ticket stub she had found hiding in Sirius's wallet.
"Sorry?" Sirius asked, holding Remus's trousers above his head.
"Nothing!" Shadow replied, smiling innocently.
"Alright! Now get his shirt!" Sunny cried with unholy glee.
Remus paused his frantic struggling to look at her askance. "I should've just let you de-fragrance the clothes and go, shouldn't I have." He said matter-of-factly.
Sunny nodded, beaming from ear to ear. She glanced down at her leopard print watch and gasped. "Shadow! We've got to seven minutes to make it to the starting line!!"
Shadow jumped, shocked that so much time had passed. "Quick, go wake up Roger, I'll get the brooms!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" yelled James. "You can't tell me you're leaving now! You never answered my question!"
Sirius seemed equally perturbed. "We stripped for you and everything!"
Shadow was stricken, torn between the train race, which she so dearly loved, and the sight of Sirius Black in nothing but a tight black shirt and animated flame boxers. Then she was hit by a flash of yellow genius. It was Sunny, running down the hall, screaming, "Tell them to come with us! Dressed like they are!"
Shadow grinned gleefully, grabbed Sirius by the arm and started dragging him along behind her, yelling at James and Remus, "Bring the brooms!!!" Quite a few people turned to look at Shadow running down the train corridor with a scantily clad Sirius Black running along behind her, Remus and James running along further down the corridor, carrying brooms. James and Remus made almost as much of a spectacle as Sirius, James's boxers featuring flying snitches and Remus's featuring a garish plaid.
"Roger!" Shadow shrieked as she came closer to him, "I have more racers!"
"Do I need to know why you two felt the need to remove their trousers first?" he asked, slightly surprised.
"Probably not," Shadow said, coming to a halt by Sunny, without releasing Sirius.
"Okay, I feel the need to know what's going on here." Remus announced. He surveyed the small group of people gathered in this car of the train. It appeared to be the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, and sundry others. "And why are you here, Roger?"
"This is the train race. Shadow and I started it in our Second Year, because we were bored and didn't have anything to do. That was when Moody, the old Hufflepuff captain, saw us fly, and invited us to tryout for the team. So now we have an annual race to commemorate that happy day. And Roger's here because we invite whoever we want to." explained Sunny.
James looked insulted. "Why wasn't I invited?! I'm the best flyer in the school! Were you afraid to lose or something?"
Roger rolled his eyes and walked off to flirt with Lexia, the short brunette Slytherin Seeker.
Sunny grinned. "You're wrong, James. We couldn't care less about winning."
Shadow walked up next to her and smirked. "Yep. For us it's just about getting our leg over a broomstick."
Remus coughed loudly and averted his eyes, obviously trying to hide a blush, while Sirius grinned and took his broom from James before joining the congregation at the end of the car.
James stared at the two girls for a moment more, and frowned. "I'm not sure whether I want the two of you to stay away from Lily or not..." he remarked, then turned and followed Sirius. Remus abruptly realized he was now left alone with them, and edged his way past them to stand with his two friends.
"Well done, Shadow, I think we scared them good."
"Here, Sunny, have a coin."
"Huh?... Shadow, what did this coin used to be?"
"You'll find out soon enough. Think of it as a good luck charm."
Any further badinage was halted by the sound of the current Hufflepuff captain's whistle. "All right! Everybody line up, it's time to fly! Ready... Set.... GO!!"
Roger and Lexia spent the rest of the night celebrating his victory. Shadow had a sneaking suspicion that he was mostly celebrating the fact that he beat "Jimbo" Potter, seeing as he hadn't been nearly as thrilled over his victory last year. Interestingly, none of the Marauders' performances had been exactly stellar. James had gotten crowded out by the chasers, much to his frustration; Sirius had spent most of his time doing mid-air acrobats for the girls in the crowd; and Sunny had moved to monopolize all air space surrounding Remus, fulfilling her purposes famously, and Remus didn't really mind either, as it gave him a great excuse to not try too hard. He was somewhat disappointed in the fact that Sunny rode her broom primly sidesaddle, seeing as it was impossible to see up her dress that way. He was not devastated, however. She was pretty scary.
After dinner in the Great Hall, the students began filing into their respective dorms. As SunnyShadow reached the Badger Burrow, they took a moment to stand back and admire this, the House renowned for its love of good times. Puffers (the Hufflepuff students nickname) were dancing about, grooving to the sounds of Leif Garrett. Shadow grinned and turned to Sunny. "So, have you figured out what the coin is, yet?"
Sunny raised an eyebrow. "No, actually. I hope it isn't anything illegal."
Shadow's grin grew even wider. "Nope. Just certain articles of clothing that a certain gorgeous person and his peaky friend happen to be unable to find after leaving them on the floor of the train."
Sunny's eyes widened in amazement. "You can't mean..."
"That's right. You are holding Remus Lupin's pants." Sunny looked at the coin in awe then grinned.
"Hehe, no wonder he thinks I'm scary."
Shadow flipped Sirius's transfigured pants in the air. "Sunny, I think this is going to be a very good year."
Bob the Cat: Careful, Pyro, we wouldn't want everyone to die of shock before reading the thing.
Pyro Lady Tequila: Quite right, Bob. I suppose first of all this fanfiction deserves a bit of an explanation. It is set in Hogwarts, during the time the Marauders were in school. That should explain some things already.
Bob the Cat: From there, it gets a little more complicated.... See, there are these two girls... Don't look so wary, they aren't you're typical Mary Sues!! But, yes, they are in love with certain Marauders....
Pyro Lady Tequila: ...But you can read it for yourselves and find out about that. Now we get to everyone's favorite bit, the disclaimer. We don't own the Marauders, as much as we'd love to. We don't own Hogwarts. We own very little, actually.
Bob the Cat: I have a cat named Bob. Ironic, huh? He has a cameo in this story. Except he's not nearly as nice in real life, the stupid figurine breaking hairball.
Pyro Lady Tequila: So anyway, read our lovely fanfiction and keep checking back, because we're working on chapter two! Please review!!! cute kitty eyes Nice reviews are the best, but even if you give us nasty reviews, we can have fun laughing at them.
Bob the Cat: If you flame us, we'll use them to fuel our lighters and give you a nasty smiley face burn. So take that.
The Decline and Fall of Something
Chapter 1
Two blonde fifteen year olds, both outrageously dressed, walked through the train station. One was wearing a bright yellow micro-mini dress and thigh-high boots in the same overpowering shade of yellow. The other was clothed in a black mini-kilt, a black corset top, and black knee-high lace-up boots. The air above them shimmered slightly. This peculiarity went unnoticed by most, and the few more observant people who took note of the odd occurrence ignored it, muttering, "Damn hippies. You never know what's following them around..."
The virulent yellow clothed one appeared to be carrying a small fur handbag. It too was brightly colored, though more orange than yellow. The handbag stretched and yawned in the girl's arms, to a few bystanders' shock. "No, Mr. Poop-n-leave, we're not there yet! Hold still!" The girl's outburst received some odd looks from passers-by, but went mostly unnoticed in the busy station.
"Mr. Poop-n-leave doesn't like to sit still, does he?" The black clothed one inquired, steadying with one hand the black cat lounging across her shoulder. "Ratsbane is perfectly calm."
"It's not Poopie's fault, he just gets restless sometimes!" the yellow dressed girl cried.
"Whatever," the black-kilted one replied. "We're almost to the platform."
"You know, I always enjoyed running through the brick wall."
"Hn. You would."
The yellow girl didn't seem to hear her, as she rustled through a handbag hanging from her arm, triumphantly pulling out a pair of lemon shaped goggles. "Haha! I almost forgot!" The girl in black blinked at her with doubt and continued walking as yellow-girl stopped to strap on the goggles. Several seconds later, she strode forward proudly with the matching eyewear secure.
The girl in black glanced back, then around, and calmly walked through the wall, not wanting to see yellow-girl charge through the bricks.
On the other side of the wall on Platform 9¾, yellow-girl slammed into the girl in black from behind. "Watch it, will you?" she growled, picking up her startled black cat and placing it back on her shoulder.
"SunnyShadow!" a voice called over the crowd.
"ROGER!!" the two girls shrieked in unison. A brown haired muscular boy of medium height bounded up to them.
"Wow, nice tan there, Rog," yellow-girl commented.
"Thanks Sunny. Spent the summer in Jamaica," he replied with a smirk.
"Oh, I can't imagine what you were doing there," black-kilt said with a grin. "Have fun?"
"It was splendid," Roger confirmed.
"So, Roger darling," yellow-girl said as a small mountain of trunks, boxes, suitcases and other various items became visible and came to rest beside the small group, "you will help us with our luggage, won't you?"
Roger rolled his eyes. "You are cruel, Sunny. Why can't you ask someone else to help you with your luggage for once?"
Sunny smiled sweetly. "Because you're the only person who will do it."
"...Good point." He shrugged and obediently began hauling away the smaller bags.
Sunny hooked her arm through black-kilt's, ignoring her dubious gaze. "Come along, Shadow doll, let's go socializing."
They made their way through the crowd, waving to everyone and talking to a few. Suddenly, Shadow stopped in her tracks. "Sunny, there they are!"
Sunny glanced about until her eyes landed on four boys standing in a group, talking amongst themselves. Sunny gasped and her eyes widened dramatically. "It's Remmie!"
Shadow rolled her eyes and snorted. "Who cares about peaky boy, look at Black!"
Sunny glanced at her sideways. "You know, sometimes I think you only like him for his last name."
Shadow looked at Sunny like she was an idiot. "Have you seen that body? The name's just a bonus!"
Sunny shrugged, staring doe-eyed at Remus Lupin, her crush of five years. Without warning, their heads were knocked together from behind, accompanied by a yell. Sunny winced and rubbed the side of her head. Shadow made a sound of annoyance. "Hello Tabitha. Nice summer?"
Tabitha Hooch threw her arms over the other girls' shoulders, to Sunny's dismay. "It was awe-some!"
Shadow snickered.
"Oh, really? What'd you do?" Sunny scowled at Shadow through Tabitha's cowboy hat. Tabitha was not her favorite person, mostly because she was constantly throwing playful punches at Sunny, who was a rather peaceable hippie.
"Well, you know, this and that. Mostly football players."
"We should probably be going," Shadow said quickly. "I don't think I want to know what Roger would do with our luggage if we left it with him for very long." She grabbed Sunny's arm and began dragging her towards the train.
"Oh yes, of course." Sunny added with a weak laugh. "Silly Roger, you never know what he's going to do, ha ha ha!"
Shadow stomped her feet angrily as she retreated from the exuberant Tabitha. "She would come along and ruin the moment, wouldn't she?" she muttered. "I had such a wonderful view too... and Black's shirt was really tight today... Such a great opportunity lost..."
Sunny glanced over her shoulder nervously. "I hope she doesn't do that again," she worried.
"Do what?" Shadow asked absentmindedly, searching for Sirius Black once again.
"Touch me," she replied with a shudder. "So unpleasant... Anyhoo, I'm worried about Remus. He doesn't get enough sun. Can't be getting enough vitamin D."
Shadow examined her own nite-lite skin, and compared it to Sunny's Easy Bake Oven Burnt Cookie Brown. "Um, I really don't think that he'll be the one with skin problems later in life."
Just then they spotted their fellow Hufflepuff girl clique, and ran over to catch up on the vital Hogwarts gossip. "Did you hear about Molly?" a Hufflepuff girl in a very short blue dress whispered loudly to Shadow and Sunny. "My cousin's best friend's room mate told Linda that she's pregnant!"
"NO!" Sunny gasped, leaning closer to hear more about the recent event. "Who?" "Who do you think? That gangly redheaded boy, Arthur Weasley. You know that their parents will make them get married- Molly will be one of those child brides, like they used to have in Eastern Europe!"
Shadow started to speak, but was interrupted by a tap on the shoulder. She turned to see Roger standing with a sheepish expression on his face. "Not to disturb you, but... I'm having a bit of a problem..."
"What is it?" she asked in irritation, anxious to get back to the conversation. She was positive the annual Hufflepuff Beginning of the year Party planning was about to commence and she did not want to be left out.
"Well..." Roger began, "It's Nigel..."
"Don't tell me he's kidnapped Jillians ferret again."
"He won't give it back. I'm thinking ransom."
She sighed melodramatically. "Come on, Sunny. We have to tend to Nigel." Sunny was now deeply immersed in the sordid details of the Molly/Arthur affair. Shadow, seeing no other option, grabbed the end of Sunny's stick straight blonde hair and drug her, as she protested mildly that she would have left on her own and violence was uneccessary. Roger looked exceedingly relieved that he wasn't to be left alone with the possessed Nigel.
Shadow followed Roger to the scene of the crime, and looked up disapprovingly at a very large, very ugly raven, who clutched a very small ferret in its beak. "Nigel, release that ferret at once." The raven gazed at her dubiously. "Nigel, I know it's your day off, but that does not give you leave to capture poor, defenseless ferrets for your own twisted pleasure. Especially when I will have to pay any damages on said poor defenseless ferrets." Nigel blinked, seeming unimpressed. Shadow sighed in exasperation. "Nigel, if I have to pay ferret damages, I won't be able to afford whiskey for you." Nigel released the terrified ferret with a loud squawk. Roger looked on in surprise as Sunny patted Mr. Poop-n-leave. "See, there's nothing to it, Roger. You really should be able to manage it."
"I can't believe I left the start-of-school gossip for this." Sunny said. Just then the boarding call swept through the crowd. "I assume you finished packing?" She asked, turning to Roger.
"Yeah, it's all on there. Every last perfumed bag."
Sunny's eyebrows rose dramatically, achieving a very distressed look. "Perfumed? They shouldn't be perfumed! One of the bottles must have broken, fantastic." She continued to worry about this as they made their way onto the train, searching for an empty compartment. They eventually came upon one with two second or third year Ravenclaw boys. Roger started his threatening pose, but Shadow stopped him.
"No, they're belligerent pre-teens. Let me handle them." She walked into the compartment and looked at them. "I'll show you my bra-strap if you'll leave." The boys looked shocked, like people who win the lottery and say that things like this never happen to them. One of them finally had the presence of mind to nod. Shadow pulled her top slightly to the side, then replaced it and jerked her head toward the door. "Out, now."
The boys tripped over each other in their haste to fulfill her wishes. Roger looked impressed. "That was hot."
Shadow bowed in gratitude as she sat down across from him. Sunny sat beside her, muttering about "waste of product" and "lemon extract so expensive lately".
Shadow sat still for a moment before heading for one of her smaller bags and bringing it back to her seat. She reached in and pulled out a blanket, fluffy down pillow, a box of cookies, and a silver flask, which she insisted was filled with water, although she refused to share it. Her generosity with the cookies made it even more suspicious. She continued to dig about in the bag, finally bringing out a leather and wood scabbard which she strapped around her waist, and a black wand which was at least two and a half feet long (Shadow prided herself on having the longest wand at Hogwarts). She then crumpled up a piece of parchment and practiced turning it into various things, some of which had very sharp teeth.
Roger nudged one of these, a parchment transfigured gremlin, with his foot. He yawned and stretched, checking his watch. "Okay, I'm going to sleep. Wake me up when it's time for the race. Unless you're afraid of being beaten again."
Sunny snickered. "Since when did we care about competition?" she asked proudly. "Poopie can stay with you, I'm sure he's tired. Come on, let's go find my bags, Shadow. I might be able to salvage some of that spilled prod... perfume."
They made their way to the freight car, Shadow then leaving to hang out with the Hufflepuff clique. Sunny promised to follow as soon as she was done.
She began rummaging through her luggage, looking for the guilty bottle. She found it, at the bottom of her stuff, right on top of someone else's suitcase. She pulled that out too, hoping to get some of the overwhelming scent out of it and avoid the owner's wrath. She had just thrown open the strangers bag, when someone directly behind her cleared his throat and asked, with a trace of amusement, "Um, what might you be doing to my suitcase, Sunny?"
Sunny froze, recognizing that voice instantly. Slowly, she turned around to come face to face with Remus Lupin, who was looking slightly apprehensive, especially when he saw the look on her face. "Er.... It is Sunny, right? I could've sworn that's what Roger calls you... you okay?" Sunny nodded, eyes wide and somewhat terrified. "I was trying to clean it," she managed. "Some perfume spilled from my bags..." that was as far as she got.
Remus was beginning to fear for the well-being of his luggage. "I'm sure it will be fine." He said hurriedly, grabbing it and fleeing for the exit. Sunny stood there several seconds longer with the same expression, then let out a whoop and ran to find Shadow.
"You don't mean you were going through his luggage!" Shadow exclaimed upon Sunny's return and extremely detailed account of her encounter with Remus. "He obviously had something he didn't want you to see."
"What do you mean?" Sunny asked. Shadow grinned wickedly.
"Something naughty."
"Do you really think he's hiding something naughty in his suitcase?" Sunny asked again, sounding just a bit hopeful.
"Definitely. Come on, we need to find Remus Peaky Lupin right away." Shadow declared with determination.
"But... why?" Sunny enquired.
"Because, where there is Lupin, there is Black. Now let's go."
Sunny stopped for a second, considering that profundity, then clapped her hands gleefully and followed Shadow.
Shadow crept around the corner. She could hear the Marauders close by. But how close? Sunny floated up behind her, busily eating a Fizzing Whizbee and avoiding mid-air collisions. "So, any luck so far?" she asked.
Shadow treated her to an icy glare. "Quiet, Sunny," she hissed. "I think they're in that one." She pointed to a compartment two away from where they stood. "Now we've got to think of a reason to party crash."
Sunny shrugged. "I could always offer to charm most of the scent out of his clothes." Her eyes lit up. "Or anything else that might be in there."
"Why didn't you offer that in the freight car?"
"He was right there! As if I had any idea what to do. It was dreadful. And oh, so fabulous." Shadow shook her head. "Come on, let's go." Shadow stepped forward and slid the door of the compartment open and stepped boldly inside. "Hello, lads!" she said cheerfully, flashing her best friendly smile. "Sorry to interrupt you, but I do believe Sunny here has some business with old Remus." Shadow sat down comfortably beside Sirius Black, who looked as though he wasn't sure whether he should laugh or tell the strange blonde girl to get off of him. He apparently decided on neither, as he remained seated and refrained from any sort of utterance that might bring his sanity into question.
Remus looked decidedly uncomfortable as Sunny stood in front of him, smiling in a manner that showed quite a lot of teeth. Finally she said, "You know, Remus, I'm feeling terrible because of all that perfume all over your luggage, and I just thought I would offer to do a charm that should take most of it out. It was what I was going to do before you came and... um..." Sunny struggled for a word for a moment before finishing her sentence, "...retrieved your bag."
"Well..." Remus took the bag from under his seat nervously and hugged it close to him. "I don't want to put you to any trouble... And I can always get it cleaned at Hogwarts."
"Come now, it's no trouble at all." Sunny said, reaching for his bag. "I did spill it in the place. Besides, who would clean it for you at Hogwarts?"
Remus finally relenquished the suitcase to Sunny, looking nervously over her shoulder as she waved a short, beribboned wand over the open suitcase.
"Well, that's got the suitcase," she declared. "Now for the clothes..." Remus jumped up in alarm as she began to vigorously rifle through his belongings.
"What're you doing?" he asked, sounding on the edge of panic. Behind him, Sirius and James Potter snickered. "Can't you just do it all at once?"
Sunny looked up from a blue polyester sports coat and shook her head condescendingly. "No, of course not, Remus. Didn't you hear Flitwick that one time a while back not so long ago? It's obvious, I have to go one at a time."
Remus lunged and snatched the battered suitcase from her for the second time, in as many hours. "Now that I think about it, the perfume is rather nice and will be just fine as it is."
James laughed outright. "Why, Moony, if I didn't know better, I'd say you want your clothes to smell like Sunny here."
Remus shot him a withering look that managed to wither nothing. "If I didn't know better, Prongs, I'd say that you have no appreciation for crisp- lemony fresh laundry. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go change into my robes."
Everyone in the compartment watched Remus leave with as much dignity as he could muster after commenting on the "crisp lemony-freshness" of laundry. When he had left and closed the door behind him, Sirius declared, "I don't know about you, James, but my laundry is, without fail, lemony fresh beyond belief. I'm personally shocked Remus never noticed it." He held a sleeve out to Shadow. "Wouldn't you say it's lemony-fresh?"
Shadow sniffed at Sirius and replied, "A bit more dry and musty, I would say."
"I don't think you smell dry and musty," Sunny chimed in helpfully. "More of a wet dog smell, I would say."
"I think I would prefer dry and musty." Shadow said to no one in particular.
Sirius frowned deeply at his shirt, as if offended it would betray him like that. James looked down at his faded Simon and Garfunkle t-shirt uneasily. "What about me," he asked. "I smell okay, right?"
Sunny grabbed his shirt and inhaled deeply, then proffered it to Shadow for her opinion. Shadow thought for a moment, then declared, "Kind of grassy."
James looked almost panicky. "What?" he cried.
Sirius was having a hard time not laughing. "James, she said g-r-a-s-s-y. Like the green stuff on the ground outside."
James looked tremendously relieved. "Well. That's not so bad. Good."
"Better than old wet dog," Sunny offered.
"I still say dry and musty." Shadow muttered.
Peter shifted in his seat, having been ignored for some time now, and not sure if that was a bad thing or not.
Sirius's eye caught the movement and seized him, pushing him towards the girls for inspection. "What about this little rat?" he asked, grinning.
Shadow leaned towards Peter and sniffed. "Some sort of baking..." she said slowly. "Maybe... cake?"
"Cake?" James said, looking quickly at Peter.
"Cake? No, that's impossible!" Peter said nervously.
"Well, I smell cake," Shadow said with some conviction. "Sunny?"
Sunny sniffed the small boy and said, "Definitely cake. Chocolate, I would say."
"You rat!" Sirius yelled as James pounced on Peter.
"You lied to us!" James yelled from where he held Peter in a head lock. "You said your mum ate it before you left!"
Sunny was growing more alarmed with each passing second, and Shadow was beginning to look interested in the bloodshed which seemed about to take place. Sirius noticed the expressions on both the girls' faces and broke into the endless stream of James's yelling and Peter's shrieking. "Perhaps... um... perhaps this can all be settled later." He said, giving James a meaningful look. James looked at Sunny and Shadow, who did not seem at all inclined to leave. Peter looked quite relieved.
James shrugged and straightened up, letting Peter hit the floor with a loud thunk. "Yeah, alright. I wanted to ask these ladies something else anyway." He sat down and looked seriously at Sunny and Shadow. "What do girls find sexier- boxers or briefs?"
They grinned as one. "Bo-," Sunny started, but was cut off by the slight hindrance of Shadow's fist in her mouth.
"That's hard to call, boys." She said seriously, ignoring Sunny's unintelligible cries. "We're gonna have to see examples of each." Sunny abruptly stopped struggling and nodded her agreement, as she realized what Shadow was doing.
The three guys looked at each other with raised eyebrows. "Are you sure...?" Peter began.
"Definitely." Said Sunny. "Guys are all different, right? How could we say one for everybody?"
With that impressive logic, the guys gave a collective shrug and dropped trouser.
Sunny was about to comment on Pete's snazzy yellow sequined briefs (Shadow hadn't noticed, as she hadn't taken her eyes off Sirius) when for the second time that day, someone behind her cleared his throat and asked, "What, in the name of all that isn't, is going on here...? Or would I really rather not know?"
Sunny whirled around and shouted, "This isn't what it looks like!" she glanced at Shadow for support, but her friend seemed unwilling to waste a second of precious Sirius-in-his-skivies time. "We're just checking their underwear!"
Remus pondered for a moment, trying to make sense of it all, then shook his head and started walking in the other direction. "I'm going to go hang out with the rest of the Ravenclaws, you people are weirding me out." He stopped and turned around. "And that's saying quite a lot."
"Oh, no," James said, jumping at Remus. "If we have to take our trousers off for them, so do you!"
"Abso-freakin-lutely!" Sunny exclaimed happily. Sirius stepped over to the door to help James haul Remus back in. Shadow reached into the pockets of Sirius's abandoned trousers to investigate the contents, an activity which went unnoticed, as James and Sirius had their hands full with the process of preventing Remus from escaping while removing his trousers. Sunny gazed at this spectacle with glee, helping by aiming a charm at Remus's pants that undid the button, something neither James nor Sirius seemed to want to do.
"Oooh, he likes Shakespeare!" Shadow exclaimed happily, looking at a ticket stub she had found hiding in Sirius's wallet.
"Sorry?" Sirius asked, holding Remus's trousers above his head.
"Nothing!" Shadow replied, smiling innocently.
"Alright! Now get his shirt!" Sunny cried with unholy glee.
Remus paused his frantic struggling to look at her askance. "I should've just let you de-fragrance the clothes and go, shouldn't I have." He said matter-of-factly.
Sunny nodded, beaming from ear to ear. She glanced down at her leopard print watch and gasped. "Shadow! We've got to seven minutes to make it to the starting line!!"
Shadow jumped, shocked that so much time had passed. "Quick, go wake up Roger, I'll get the brooms!"
"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" yelled James. "You can't tell me you're leaving now! You never answered my question!"
Sirius seemed equally perturbed. "We stripped for you and everything!"
Shadow was stricken, torn between the train race, which she so dearly loved, and the sight of Sirius Black in nothing but a tight black shirt and animated flame boxers. Then she was hit by a flash of yellow genius. It was Sunny, running down the hall, screaming, "Tell them to come with us! Dressed like they are!"
Shadow grinned gleefully, grabbed Sirius by the arm and started dragging him along behind her, yelling at James and Remus, "Bring the brooms!!!" Quite a few people turned to look at Shadow running down the train corridor with a scantily clad Sirius Black running along behind her, Remus and James running along further down the corridor, carrying brooms. James and Remus made almost as much of a spectacle as Sirius, James's boxers featuring flying snitches and Remus's featuring a garish plaid.
"Roger!" Shadow shrieked as she came closer to him, "I have more racers!"
"Do I need to know why you two felt the need to remove their trousers first?" he asked, slightly surprised.
"Probably not," Shadow said, coming to a halt by Sunny, without releasing Sirius.
"Okay, I feel the need to know what's going on here." Remus announced. He surveyed the small group of people gathered in this car of the train. It appeared to be the Hufflepuff Quidditch team, and sundry others. "And why are you here, Roger?"
"This is the train race. Shadow and I started it in our Second Year, because we were bored and didn't have anything to do. That was when Moody, the old Hufflepuff captain, saw us fly, and invited us to tryout for the team. So now we have an annual race to commemorate that happy day. And Roger's here because we invite whoever we want to." explained Sunny.
James looked insulted. "Why wasn't I invited?! I'm the best flyer in the school! Were you afraid to lose or something?"
Roger rolled his eyes and walked off to flirt with Lexia, the short brunette Slytherin Seeker.
Sunny grinned. "You're wrong, James. We couldn't care less about winning."
Shadow walked up next to her and smirked. "Yep. For us it's just about getting our leg over a broomstick."
Remus coughed loudly and averted his eyes, obviously trying to hide a blush, while Sirius grinned and took his broom from James before joining the congregation at the end of the car.
James stared at the two girls for a moment more, and frowned. "I'm not sure whether I want the two of you to stay away from Lily or not..." he remarked, then turned and followed Sirius. Remus abruptly realized he was now left alone with them, and edged his way past them to stand with his two friends.
"Well done, Shadow, I think we scared them good."
"Here, Sunny, have a coin."
"Huh?... Shadow, what did this coin used to be?"
"You'll find out soon enough. Think of it as a good luck charm."
Any further badinage was halted by the sound of the current Hufflepuff captain's whistle. "All right! Everybody line up, it's time to fly! Ready... Set.... GO!!"
Roger and Lexia spent the rest of the night celebrating his victory. Shadow had a sneaking suspicion that he was mostly celebrating the fact that he beat "Jimbo" Potter, seeing as he hadn't been nearly as thrilled over his victory last year. Interestingly, none of the Marauders' performances had been exactly stellar. James had gotten crowded out by the chasers, much to his frustration; Sirius had spent most of his time doing mid-air acrobats for the girls in the crowd; and Sunny had moved to monopolize all air space surrounding Remus, fulfilling her purposes famously, and Remus didn't really mind either, as it gave him a great excuse to not try too hard. He was somewhat disappointed in the fact that Sunny rode her broom primly sidesaddle, seeing as it was impossible to see up her dress that way. He was not devastated, however. She was pretty scary.
After dinner in the Great Hall, the students began filing into their respective dorms. As SunnyShadow reached the Badger Burrow, they took a moment to stand back and admire this, the House renowned for its love of good times. Puffers (the Hufflepuff students nickname) were dancing about, grooving to the sounds of Leif Garrett. Shadow grinned and turned to Sunny. "So, have you figured out what the coin is, yet?"
Sunny raised an eyebrow. "No, actually. I hope it isn't anything illegal."
Shadow's grin grew even wider. "Nope. Just certain articles of clothing that a certain gorgeous person and his peaky friend happen to be unable to find after leaving them on the floor of the train."
Sunny's eyes widened in amazement. "You can't mean..."
"That's right. You are holding Remus Lupin's pants." Sunny looked at the coin in awe then grinned.
"Hehe, no wonder he thinks I'm scary."
Shadow flipped Sirius's transfigured pants in the air. "Sunny, I think this is going to be a very good year."