The bed was empty and cold. The absence of arms from my mid section made it hard for me to get even a little rest. I saw horrifying images in the darkness behind my eye lids. The clock mounted on the wall of the bedroom was forever ticking.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

Instead of the hands moving, creating the sound, I heard a hushed whisper and saw wide brown eyes full of pride but blazing with fear.

Tick. Tock. Tick. Tock.

I see her face, child-like despite her age. I see her splashing about in the crimson water, coil in hand. The song she sang childish but comforting to hear. It was a simple notification that she was alive and breathing... But not for long. She didnt even scream. The song had stopped but instead of her voice I heard myself screaming as fresh blood flowed from her wounded neck.

Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick Tock Tick...

With a loud shriek I ripped the clock from its place and smashed it, continuing to stomp upon it until it was only glass and debris. My breath quickened, my chest rising and falling in uneven intervals. Haymitch and Effie had stopped rushing in days ago, having gotten used to my screams of agony. I didnt want to be here. It wasn't supposed to end like this. I should have died. Not Peeta. My bloodshot eyes rose and fell on my reflection. My hair hung in frizzy ringlets, slicked with grease. After being in its traditional braid for days on end it naturally curled. The bags under my eyes were almost black and I looked like I was 35 instead of 17. The stench of dirt, sweat and death clouded the air wherever I went. I didnt care enough to bathe. I wanted to wake up. I wanted to wake up in Peeta's arms and hear him whisper everything would be alright. I wanted him to sing the lullaby he always sang to me when I woke up from a nightmare. It was a forbidden song called Safe and Sound. A hysterical laugh escaped me as I began to hum the melody to myself. Peeta wasn't much of a singer but he tried and his voice combined with the lyrics to the song was such a comfort. I can't take this anymore. I need him. I've never needed anyone as much as I need him.

The song continued to play in my head as my knees gave out from under me and I crumpled on the floor. I tried to keep my eyes open but involuntarily they shut. The image I saw wasn't bad at first. It was Finnick. He stood proudly, his bold features pressed into a confident look. He seemed so fearless to me, so brave and conserved. A hint of orange splattered into the dark background, engulfing Finnick's body in an array of flames. I heard his frantic voice telling me to run, just like in the games. I had stood, paralyzed with fear and confusion. I saw a blur of dark clothing come toward me and felt a heavy body fall ontop of mine. That's the last thing I remember before waking up in the recovery room to the news that I had won. The heavy weight had been Finnick. He had thrown himself ontop of me to save me from the flames. He was the reason I was still breathing.

In district four I had met Annie. She seemed so lost. She was holding onto the arm of an older woman, a victor whose name I didnt know. She kept asking the blonde when Finnick was coming back, claiming he had promised to come home and wouldn't abandon her. I wish I could live like her, under the delusions that my loved ones would return to me if I gave it time. The misery in her eyes made me physically sick and I had vomited right there in front of the entire District 4 community. Nobody laughed or seemed satifyed. I could tell they all felt how guilty I was. They had all heard me say that I wasn't coming out alive. It was a miracle that I had..

I must have fallen asleep because when I opened my eyes, Haymitch was hovering over me, shaking my shoulders. Sunlight streamed in through the train windows, burning my eyes. I groaned.

Come on, sweetheart," Haymitch said solemnly, "Time to go."

Effie straightened my dress, dusting invisible dirt from the top. It was a deep emerald color and had no sleeves, showing off my glitter covered shoulders. The bottom was lined with black lace that brushed my kneecaps and accented my dressy black shoes. Effie had personally bathed me and I had fought her like a cat afraid of water. I was greatful to be clean though. Effie placed one of her delicate hands on my cheek, her eyes gleaming with concern.

"At least act like your happy. You'll get less attention." I only nodded and held her arm as we walked up the stone steps to President Snow's mansion. I had been up these steps once before with Peeta after our Victory Tour last year. The lights and sounds from the building already pained me. I didnt want to eat and dance. It was wrong to celebrate the deaths of innocent people but I had to go. It was a rule.

I spoke very little to the excited Capital citizens who approached me. My mind was elsewhere. I ate small bits of food and drank only water. I paid no mind to the people before me until I caught the eyes of a tall female in an elegant white gown. Her brown hair was pulled over one shoulder and curled at the ends. This was my new stylist. I hadn't paid much attention to her until now considering it felt wrong to be wearing a dress that wasn't Cinna's. Effie had introduced her to me as Lidia, but looking at her now it seemed to me that I had seen her before. She reminded me of the District 8 Tribute from the 65th Annual Hunger Games. When Peeta and I had studied footage of the other tributes, I remembered seeing her. I only remember because she has striking blue eyes. Her name had been Pandora Jones and she was killed by Finnick Odair himself. I quickly shook my head. Now I was seeing ghosts! How could I go on like this?

At the same moment, an array of fireworks went off. The loud bang of the explosion sounded identical to a cannon blast and I cringed, cowering. I was beginning to break down fast. I made a swift exit, gulping down swallows of fresh air. I panted as I walked, bumping into a younger girl with bubble gum pink hair and a blue tutu.

"Oh! Excuse me miss!" The girl exclaimed.

That voice...

She turned, her dark brown eyes glittering.

Those eyes...

A sharp gasp escaped me. "Rue?"