"My creative juices are poisoned." Breathed Edward. He leaned in to Jessica. Once again he was in to seducing humans now that Bella was a vampire, and therefore useless. Humans were like a drug to him. You don't think Bella was the first human he changed, do you? Of course not. Sara Baker? Vampire. Dolly Parton? Vampire. Jobyna Ralston? Vampire. Fat Albert? Shockingly, also a vampire. He had a phase of man liking to back in 1976. 90% of politicians are also vampires. Jasper also had a man-liking phase. (don't tell Alice) Bill Clinton; that was a long affair. George Bush, the 1st and 2nd, Al Franken were all included in the long, long list of man affairs committed to by Jasper and Edward. The women politicians included Hillary Clinton, Michelle Obama, and Condoleezza Rice. Britney Spears? You know it. Vampire.
Jessica licked his sparkling chest as it made fake Dora and the Ice Princess type of glittering noises in the background, coming from who knows here. "You taste like cupcakes, my wigglepuss."
Edward grinned at the compliment. His peachy cheeks lifted, reddening slightly like cherry pie made by a six year old in an Easy Bake oven.
"Oh do I know that."
"Do you use that on all the girls, Edward?"
"Yes."
"I don't mind, wigglepuss." Jessica tackled him like a not so gentle lover.
"YOU SMELL LIKE FRESHLY SHARPENED PENCIL, MY LOVER."
She exclaimed.
"Quiet! Don't wake the birds!" Whispered Edward.
Edward looked around the meadow thinking about all the memories he's had there and all the people he'd taken. All the girls…AND the boys he had followed to his special place to conduct love affairs and watch him shimmer with the morning's glow.
It was getting dark, so he headed home, leaving Jessica with only half her blood left and a scar in her wrist. He had an…appointment at Angela's house this evening. Thirsting for the sweet red liquid that filled veins, he licked his chompers, thinking about the hot liquid he would soon consume. Venom spewed from his razor sharp K9s, the white juice dousing his new cashmere sweater that he had stolen from Rosalie. It was ridiculously low cut, and showed off his curves quite well. Chest hair poked out of the neckline. The preceding night he had put on a patch to help them grow longer and more lusciously.
Angela fell out of a window and was bleeding on the cold frozen pavement. Edward, licking one of Emmett's favorite frozen boar's blood popsicles, was riding to the scene on his new blue and shiny tricycle and stopped when the enticing scent of her spilled blood attacked his stuffy breathing holes filled with succulent locks of hair and boogers. He leaned down and started wildly panting and scraping the almost dried blood off of the flat surface.
Carlisle was riding by on a Harley Davidson when he noticed the vulgar scene.
Angered, he revved the engine and drove full speed ahead, directly toward the dying girl and the blood thirsty boy.
Running both over with his now soggy wheels, he drove off into the sunset.