Chapter 1: Midgets and Moist
"Come now cousin Frodo," said Pippin, as he walked through the now empty halls of Bag End. "Don't be too sad. I mean, you said it yourself. Money was tight. But don't let it get you down. You'll be fine. You'll be closer to I and Merry."
"I suppose you're right," said Frodo gloomily. "But still. I'll miss Bag End. And it's never seemed such a desirable residence as it now does. And, it really reminds me of old Bilbo. I miss him more now than ever. And I'm sure Sam would be happier if I lived a little closer to him."
"Frodo. I have a feeling that old Samwise here, would follow you to the ends of the last deserts, if he had to. Isn't that right Sam?" Sam had just walked out of the pantry. He had been gathering food, for the long journey. Frodo and Sam were going to take an evil magical ring to an elven city called Rivendell. Frodo had convinced everyone in the Shire that his money was running out, so he was moving back to his old homeland, East in Buckland. No one could know of the quest except him, Samwise, and the wizard Gandalf. Frodo had inherited the ring from his uncle, who adopted him when his parents died, which he had found on one of his adventures. His cousins, Merry and Pippin, and his best friend and loyal gardener, Samwise Gamgee, were helping him move. Sam went bright red.
"I don't know that I'd go that far," he muttered.
"See?" Pippin said. "A trip to Buckland once in a while will be nothing for our Sam. Now. Do you have everything?"
"I think so. Oh!" Frodo reached into his pocket and pulled out a key, and gave it to Sam. "Samwise. Before we leave, I need you to run this down to your gaffer. He'll need it to get in if he's going to garden and such around here still."
"Okay Mr. Frodo. I'll run it down real quick. You two wait on the porch and I'll come back as soon as time will allow." He quickly went out the door and rushed off down the road, toward 2 Bagshot Row.
"Oh dear." Pippin was muttering under his breath while he blew on his fingers to keep them warm. It was autumn, and Frodo wanted to walk during the night.
"What is it?" asked Frodo, looking up at the stars high above.
"We won't be leaving for another three hours, will we?"
"Sam will be back soon enough." They stood out in the cold for a few minutes before they saw the short, stocky sillhoutte of Samwise running up the road from Bagshot Row.
"Mr. Frodo. My gaffer said that their was some kind of horseman, all in black, came by earlier looking for you. He said he sent him onto Crickhollow. He thought you had already left."
"Well, I'm sure whoever it is, I'll be able to take care of him!" Pippin boasted, rather loudly.
"Come on." Frodo began walking down the road toward the garden of Bag End, and then crossed over the fence. The trio cut off through the woods. At one point, around a large fir tree, they stopped to rest. They slowly, one by one, fell away into a deep slumber, and slept through the entire night.
Morning came, and Frodo was up first. He started a small fire from dead pine needles, and pine branches. He took one of the frying pans from Sam's pack, and put some bacon and eggs in it. The other two woke up to a very pleasent smell of a delicious breakfast.
After they had breakfasted, they prepared to set out again. Just as they had all of their bags and everything packed up, something extraordinary happened. There was a loud bang, a bright flash, and then a thud. It all came from behind the pine tree.
Pippin walked around the back to investigate, walking stick poised to strike. But when he got back there, all he found was a man. A funny looking man, all in gold with wings on his hat. It almost looked like a Gondorian helmet, as Pippin would later recall. The man opened his eyes, and Pippin jumped. He stood up. He was a tall, thin man, and he didn't resemble any of the men that the Hobbits had seen in the Shire.
"Hello!" the man said, in an exasperated voice. "That wizard sends me through a portal, I fall to the ground, and find midgets. Great. Just great."
"We are not midgets!" said Pippin. "We prefer the term "halflings", or even "hobbits". But not "midgets"."
"Okay. Begging your pardon, but what exactly is a hobbit?"
"We're short, fun-loving creatures. We enjoy drinking and-oh no!" Pippin began searching in his pockets frantically. He took off his pack and searched through it.
"What's wrong?" The man asked. "Did you forget something?"
"Pipeweed. I have a pipe. I forgot my pipeweed. You don't happen to have any pipeweed on you, do you?"
"Unfortunately, no. I don't smoke. Never have. It's bad for you."
"We hobbits do it all the time, and we're always fine."
"Well then it probably reacts differently to hobbits than it does humans. Excuse me. But where am I, exactly?"
"You're in the woods of the Shire," piped up Sam. "It's in western middle-earth."
"Middle-earth? No! No, I'm supposed to be in Klatch! On the Discworld! On my honeymoon! Not in the Shire on Middle-earth!"
"You come from a different world then?" asked Frodo.
"Yes. I do! I think. I was supposed to be teleported to Klatch by a wizard, but I guess he got me here. Well, since I'm stuck here, do you mind if I join up with you guys? Even only temporarily?"
"Yes. It sounds fine. Actually, it might be good to have you with us. Just in case we meet any dangers. Not that I fear anything here in the Shire. Would you mind taking a bag?"
"No. It's no problem." Samwise took out the extra pack they had brought along (in case one of the other ones ripped) and gave it to the man. Sam had been carrying as much as Pippin and Frodo combined, so he gave the man half of his supplies.
"So," said Pippin. "What's your name?"
"My name, is Moist Von Lipwig. I am the Postmaster General of the city of Ankh-Morpork. It's from back on the Discworld. It's where I used to live."
"Ah. Well, I'm Peregrin Took, this is Samwise Gamgee and there is Mr. B-"
"Underhill. Mr. Bilbo Underhill," said Frodo.
"Well then. A pleasure to meet you all. Where exactly are you all headed?"
"Well, my cousin here is moving. He's moving to a place called Crickhollow. It's eastward, in Buckland. Now. If we don't get moving soon, we ought as well just sit down and eat before we go anywhere."
"Oh can we?" asked Moist. "I haven't eaten for quite a while."
"Here," said Sam, handing Moist a piece of bread and a slice of cheese. "You can eat it while we walk."
"Thank you so much," said Moist, taking a bite out of the bread. He recalled it being about 8 hours since he had last eaten. The four travellers began walking down the road again. There was a lot of rustling of the leaves underfoot.
At one point on their long journey, Moist looked down to see the different colored leaves and noticed something quite strange about the "hobbits". They wore no shoes, however their feet were completely covered with thick, curly fur of brown.
After a couple of hours of walking, and covering a distance of about 8-10 miles, they all sat down and began to get lunch together. Frodo looked down the road, and suddenly felt the Ring get heavier. He saw the road sway in and out of view. He grabbed the ring, and clasped it tightly. Sam came over, and put his hand on Frodo's shoulder. Frodo let go of the ring.
"Get off the road," he said in an exasperated voice. Moist and Pippin, who had been working most strenuously with lunch, looked up dissapointedly. "Get off the road!" They packed up the food, and all of them hid in a small dell underneath the road, that covered them from whatever was coming.
There was the faint sound of clip-clopping from a black horse. Finally, it pulled up on the road, right atop where they were hiding. The horseman came off of it with many a clinking-clank. He, or it, began sniffing the tree where they had just stopped to eat.
Again, Frodo's hand went to the ring, and again, Samwise stopped him. Finally, the sniffing ceased, and the horseman got back on his horse. He rode off into the distance toward Hobbiton. Immediately, Frodo knew that he had been sniffing out the ring. 'A servant to Sauron,' he thought.
"Come on," said Pippin. "Forget lunch. We have to get moving. If we go now, we may hit Farmer Maggot's by sundown. He'll give us dinner, and a right fine place to sleep the night, if haste doesn't carry you on further, cousin."
"Farmer Maggot," said Frodo. "I've not been there since I was a young hobbit. And last I was there, I got chased out by his dogs for stealing mushrooms."
"Farmor Maggot isn't a bad man if you're not after his mushrooms. Come along Frodo. You can bury the hatchet with old Maggot, and you'll realize he's not so bad." He turned to Sam who was sitting there, looking completely dumbfounded. "What's up with you?" he asked.
"I must have dozed off there," said Sam. "I thought I just heard Pippin Took say that we should skip lunch."
"You did. Now come on. I don't want to meet up with that Black Rider again."
"What exactly was that?" asked Moist.
"None of us are certain," said Sam.
"I have some guesses," Frodo said. "However, we shouldn't speak here. I'll tell you all about it once we get to Crickhollow." And so they went on. They crossed through the woods, trying not to follow the road to closely. Finally, just as the sun was sinking in the west, they came to Farmer Maggot's farm.
"Halt!" a voice called from the end of the lane. "Who are you, and what business do you have with the Maggots?"
Pippin called out to him. "It's I, Pippin Took, and one you haven't seen in a while, along with two you most probably have never met."
"Who are the other three, Master Peregrin?"
"It's Frodo Baggins, and his loyal gardener, Sam Gamgee! And one from a far ways away! He goes by the name of Moist Von Lipwig."
"Well, come on in. All of you. And make it quick! There are some strange things going on in the Shire of late." He made a defensive motion with his rake, and then turned and led the travellers toward the house.
"Mr. Frodo Baggins," he said, once they had gotten inside. They were all sitting in the living room, in chairs, talking real quietly. Mrs. Maggot had just started cooking dinner.
"Wait a minute," said Moist. "You said your name was Bilbo. Bilbo Underhill. But he just called you Frodo Baggins."
"It's a long story," Frodo said. "I'll explain everything as soon as we reach Crickhollow. But please. This isn't the time or place."
"Okay. I understand."
"Mr. Baggins," said the farmer. "There was a funny fellow, dressed all in black, came up to the gate today, on a black horse. He comes through that gate, and I says to him, 'This is private property!' He starts asking questions. He asks where 'Baggins' is. I told him you lived on aways in Hobbiton. And then he offered to pay me, if I could bring you to him. I said, 'No way. The Bagginses haven't never been no harm, to no one. Now off! 'afore I set my dogs on you!' He galloped away into the distance. Off towards Hobbiton."
"So that's what we saw!" exclaimed Pippin. "He was heading back towards Hobbiton looking for you, Frodo!"
"So this...thing. It's looking for you, Frodo?" Moist seemed to be suddenly very interested in the affairs of these three young hobbits.
"I-I suppose so." Frodo was getting more and more frightened by the minute. He knew it was the Ring. And right about now, he wanted to chuck it in a river, and go back to Bag End. Comfort. Memories. And a nice hot cup of tea by the fireside.
"But why would they be coming after you? I mean, you haven't done anything to make anyone want to kill you, have you?"
"No. I have lived a very quiet life up to this point. However, with these Black Riders running about looking for me, I have a feeling something's going down and it won't be quiet much longer."
"Well, whatever it is, I will help you, Frodo, for as long as I am here."
"Supper!" rang Mrs. Maggot's voice from the kitchen.
"Come now," said Farmer Maggot. "Nothing's going to get any of you, if we all go in and eat some supper. Peregrin." He turned to Pippin. "Can you go fetch my boys from the field?"
"It's no problem Mr. Maggot." Pippin hurried out the door, and along the pathway to the fields. The rest of the men all sat down, or began to help Mrs. Maggot with setting the table. Farmer Maggot's daughters came down the steps, in long plain dresses, with their hair braided.
Farmer Maggot's sons came in the house, with Pippin, and they all took seats. Within minutes, they were all feasting upon corn, potatoes, various other vegetables, chicken, and homemade bread with butter and honey.
Just as they were finishing up dinner, there was a crack of thunder, and it started pouring outside. Farmer Maggot began to move towards the door. Just as he got near it, lightning struck, and a silhouette of a huge, gangly thing was outlined in the door. Moist stood up, fists raised. Samwise put himself between Frodo and the door. The Maggot boys grabbed rakes and shovels, and Farmer Maggot moved closer to the door.
Then there was a strange, sloshy, sounding knocking on the door, and it opened to reveal someone outside. However, it was a gangly monster, by any means.