Disclaimer: All the characters belong to Andrew W. Marlowe, though they have found their own way into my heart.
November 15th 2012…
"She's not here," Lanie announced coldly as soon as Castle took one step through the morgue doors, not even bothering to raise her gaze from the report in her hands to look up at him.
"Do you know where she is? She's not answering her phone and I'm starting to get a little worried," he asked, not being able to mask completely just how concerned he actually was. He'd been looking for Beckett for almost an hour. They were supposed to meet at the precinct at six, and from there, they would go together to the movies. But when Castle arrived at the 12th, Kate wasn't at her desk and Ryan had told him she'd left almost an hour ago, and she hadn't said where she was headed to.
Lanie put the clipboard down on the stainless steel table and, with a loud sigh, she reluctantly lifted her face to meet his eyes. Something in the ME's stance told Castle she knew more than she was willing to share with him.
Lanie glared at him with cold, menacing eyes and said, "She was here, but she left."
"Is something wrong with her?"
"I don't know! You tell me!" she blurted sharply, placing her fists on her hips and taking a couple of steps toward him.
"Okay. What did I do?! What's going on?!" Castle demanded, raising his voice and throwing his arms up in the air in frustration.
"She may not use her gun on you, but I will send the boys to deal with you, Richard Castle," the ME threatened, poking him in the chest with one strong finger.
"I don't have time for this," he muttered, irritated. Before she could yell something else at him, he turned and left.
When Castle let himself into the loft, he found it dark and quiet. Dammit, he cursed himself, where was she? He dropped his keys onto the entrance table, flicked the lights on and started for his office. He hadn't taken two steps into the living room when he came to a sudden halt. Kate was huddled up in an armchair, her legs pulled up onto the seat, her arms wrapped around her shins and her face buried in her knees.
"Kate," Castle breathed out and rushed to her side, dropping to the floor next to the armchair. "What's wrong?" his voice quivered slightly with uneasiness. Kate's long, wavy hair cascaded over her shoulder, hiding the side of her face.
"Is it over?" Her voice sounded thick and tired, as if she'd been crying.
3 days earlier…
They had been living together for exactly one week. Just eight days since Beckett had suggested Castle to move in together.
The night before she'd played hostess in her new home for the first time. They had invited their closest family and friends for a casual dinner to celebrate her moving in. They had all come; her dad, Martha, Alexis, and Lanie and the boys.
The next morning, when the alarm went off, Kate felt too lazy and too lethargic to open her eyes, so she fumbled blindly until she found the snooze button. She was just so comfortable and warm in Castle's arms… Turning on her side, she buried her face into his bare chest and sucked in a deep breath, inhaling the familiar scent his skin gave off. Her lips acquired a mind of their own and started kissing their way up Castle's neck and jaw until they found his mouth. Just then and only then, Kate opened her eyes and looked at Rick's peaceful, sleeping face. She placed a dozen small, quick kisses on his mouth and then moved her lips to his ear, brushing her nose over the hint of stubble on his cheek.
"Morning," she whispered softly.
Castle breathed a sigh and a deep rumble vibrated through his chest, but otherwise he didn't move. So Kate caught his earlobe between her teeth for a second and then released it. He remained unruffled, his eyes closed and his face relaxed. Not even his eyelashes fluttered. Her next step was to lean over his chest and press her mouth to his again, but this time she made it a slow and lazy kiss, the tip of her tongue sliding over his lips, parting them slightly. And her teasing finally awakened the effect she wanted from him. Kate felt him move his arms and place his hands on either side of her waist, and she smiled when his lips started to move with hers, the passion slowly increasing the speed and force of their kiss. Castle pulled her on top of him and wrapped his arms tightly around her back, pressing her down to him. She brought her hands to his head, her thumbs massaging slow circles across his temples. A moan echoed in the back of her throat when she felt him come alive under her.
"Mmm..." Castle murmured against her lips. "I love my new alarm clock..."
Beckett pulled back, propping herself up on her elbows and gasping for air, and gave him a loving grin.
"Hi," he whispered and smiled wickedly, his fingers slipping under her T-shirt and stroking the skin of her back.
Kate reached up and ran her hands through Castle's hair, watching how the silky, long strands glided through her fingers. And then an amused smirk appeared on her face.
"Someone needs a haircut," she hinted, raising an eyebrow.
"Hmm, I don't know... I was thinking of letting it grow long." Beckett arched both her brows in a mocking expression. "What? Don't you think it would look sexy?"
"I think if you let your hair grow long, you'd be definitely establishing yourself as the woman in this relationship and stating that I'm the one wearing the pants."
"Oh-ho..." he chuckled deep and low. "Detective, I must correct you in those two points. First, you aren't wearing any pants now," Castle emphasized his words by sliding both his hands over the thin fabric of the panties covering her rear. "And second, you give me ten minutes and I'll remind you exactly who's the man and who's the woman."
Kate's phone chose that precise instant to start vibrating, interrupting their intimate morning moment. Her forehead fell on Castle's cheek and she sighed a groan, slightly frustrated.
"I'm afraid you won't be able to, right now," she muttered. "But I'm definitely taking a rain check." She rolled off him and onto her belly and slithered across the mattress. Castle followed her though, crawling on top of her and pressing his chest to her back as she stretched her arm toward the nightstand and brought the cell to her ear. "Beckett."
She really strove to concentrate on what Esposito was telling her over the phone and, at the same time, to keep her voice and breathing even as the man on top of her brushed her long hair aside and tortured the exposed skin at the back of her neck with his sweet lips, his fingers roaming over every inch of her body they could reach. "Yeah… 'kay. Meet you there." She hung up and, closing her eyes, buried her face into the pillow. "We have a case," she mumbled.
Castle rolled her toward him, pressing her back flat to the mattress, and then straddled her legs. He ducked his head to slip it under her T-shirt —the fabric so old and worn from use it stretched easily to accomodate him— and started kissing her stomach.
"Castle, did you hear me?" her voice shook with silent laughter when his breathing tickled a particularly susceptible, weak spot. "A body dropped." He just hummed in response from underneath her sleeping shirt and continued to work his lips over her belly. She snatched the fabric, pulled it roughly over his head and frowned down at him. He looked up at her with innocent eyes and his mouth still pressed to the inch of skin right below her navel.
"Fine," Castle chuckled, defeated, knowing he wasn't gonna get his wicked way with her. He rose above her, smashed his lips to hers and then, laughing, raced her to the shower.
"Gentlemen, what have we got?"
"49-year-old male and a 78-year-old female," Esposito informed.
"Two victims?" Beckett asked.
"Mother and son," interjected Ryan. "Looks like a murder-suicide case."
"The son killed the mother and then himself," she nodded to herself.
"Actually…," Ryan grimaced, "It's the other way around."
"What?" she looked from one detective to the other.
Esposito said, "The mother killed the son and then herself."
"Wow," Kate muttered under her breath.
"Yeah," the boys agreed in unison.
"Did you hear that Castle? It's a—" she turned to him but he wasn't there. She looked around and found him still standing next to the car, ten yards away. He was leaning against the side of the unmarked, his fingers moving swiftly over the screen of his smartphone. "Hey!" His head snapped up. "Aren't you coming?" she shouted, beckoning him with her arm. He nodded, slid the phone into his pocket and trotted to her.
They stepped into the two-bedroom apartment and found ME Perlmutter in the living room, leaning over one of the bodies.
"Detective Beckett," he greeted her. His gaze immediately shifted to her left and he added, "And company."
"Aren't we past all the evasiveness, Sidney?" Castle said. The ME gave him a flat look, so he added, "Apparently not… Anyway, it's always a pleasure to see you Perlmutter."
The ME opened his mouth to answer back but Kate spoke first.
"Good morning, Dr. Perlmutter," she said, trying to get the medical examiner's attention back to her. It was always the same story with these two. It had been an amusing entertaiment for the past four years but it was starting to get tiresome.
"Well, not for this guy," Perlmutter scoffed, nodding toward the deceased. "Double shot to the head," he indicated the two bullet holes in the victim's skull and then turned the body on its side. "And three stab wounds on his back."
"Cause of death?" she asked, though it was pretty clear. Castle's cell beeped and he excused himself, stepping a few feet away from them. She turned her attention back to the ME but every few seconds her eyes would dart over to Castle, who was half smiling while answering a text message.
"Looks like he was stabbed in the kitchen," Perlmutter pointed out a blood trail on the floor coming from an open door, "stumbled across the living room and tried to reach for the phone before he was shot."
"What about the other… uh… victim?" Beckett asked hesitantly, not quite knowing how to label the body of an elder woman who had most probably murdered her son before taking her own life.
Perlmutter rose to his feet and started down the hallway. Beckett chanced a quick glance over to Castle before following. He caught her looking, so he put the phone away and quickly fell in after her.
When they learned everything they could from the crime scene, Beckett sent the boys to start canvassing the building and neighborhood while CSU finished their work in the apartment, and she and Castle walked back over to her unmarked car. She was about to step off the curb to get to the driver's side when he grabbed her by the wrist and spun her around to face him.
"Beckett, uh…, I got a text before. I have a meeting with my editor at Black Pawn," Castle told her, avoiding full eye contact.
"When?"
"Now," it came out as a question.
"OK. I'll drop you off on my way to the precinct," she offered.
"No, that's okay. I'll take a cab." Castle peered over his shoulder to make sure no one was looking and pulled her flush against him, giving her an urgent, deep kiss that had her stumbling backward when he let her go. Then he crossed the street and hailed a cab. Kate frowned as she watched the taxi drive off, noting that it was headed in the opposite direction of the Black Pawn main offices.
The morning of Thursday 15 of November…
It was a little past nine in the morning; Beckett sat at her desk filling in the paperwork from their last case. Their early conjectures about it being a murder-suicide case had blown up in their faces. Turned out it had been a veil that covered up a major crime. An unexpected twist in the investigation revealed that the male victim had been pretending to be —for the past year— the elderly woman's son, which she'd given up for adoption as a newborn, many years back. The truth was he belonged to a gang who were specialist in locating lonely seniors who had given their babies away in their youth. The members of the gang pretended to be the elders' lost sons and daughters and ended up taking all their money and possessions. No one had found out before because the seniors usually died of old age and their wills, which named the con artists as the heirs, were all legal.
Of course, Castle hadn't really known all this because he'd been staying home for the past three days, working on his writing. But that morning, as he sat on his chair next to her desk, his mouth hung open as he read the reports. A high-pitched exclamation of surprise would escape from his lips every few minutes.
Suddenly, his cell phone went off. He fished it out of his jacket pocket and checked the caller ID.
"I need to take this," Castle excused himself. "Be right back." He stood up and walked out of the bull pen.
Her desk phone rang too and she reached for it. "Beckett… Yes…" She swiveled her chair around and glanced at Castle pacing in front of the stairs, noting that he had a smile on his face. Kate drew her attention back to her phone call and grabbed a notepad to scribble down the address she was being given.
When she hung up, her gaze flicked back briefly to Castle. She hadn't meant to, but she clearly read his lips when he said "Alright, I'll be right there". He ended the call and he entered the men's restroom. She rose from her chair and turned to the boys.
"Gentlemen!" Espo and Ryan's heads snapped up. "We have a fresh one!" she called.
The detectives nodded and grabbed their jackets. When they walked past her on their way to the elevator, she handed them the crime scene's address and murmured a 'See you there'. She shrugged on her coat, grabbed Castle's jacket and headed to the men's restroom door, pushing it open a crack.
"Castle! Hurry up, let's go!" Beckett called and walked over to the elevator. Castle quickly exited the toilets and ran to her side. She gave him a quick head-to-toe scan and a smug smile spread across her lips. "Hon?" She leaned into him and whispered near his ear. "Your fly is open."
"Oops," he exclaimed, flustered.
Kate chuckled under her breath as Castle swiftly pulled up the zipper of his pants. The doors slid open and they stepped into the elevator car.
"Beckett?" he said, hesitant, when they were alone.
"Mm?"
"I can't come." She quirked an eyebrow at him. "That was Gina on the phone before," he grimaced, his tone apologetic. "Black Pawn is pressing. They want to forward the release of the new book, so…"
"Oh! Uh… Yeah, sure. Okay…" Beckett bit the inside of her cheek to try and hide her disappointment. That was the fourth day he was ditching her at work. "Are we still good for tonight, though?"
The doors opened to the precinct's lobby.
"Yeah, yeah… I'll come pick you up at 6, OK?"
"Sure..."
Castle kissed her on the cheek before stepping off the elevator and setting a quick pace, heading for the exit ahead of her.
That afternoon…
That had been a dummy's murder case; so fast and easy to solve that anyone could have done it. They were rare but they did happen occasionally. The killer had been found at the crime scene, standing next the victim and holding the murder weapon. It had been a matter of determine and verify the cause of death, get a confession and wrap it up with a nice bow. The only downside of the day had been that, while questioning the murderer, the woman had vomited all over the table and some had spilled onto Kate. She had quickly washed herself and changed into the blouse she kept in the drawer of her desk. The smell was gone, but she didn't feel that comfortable. She preferred calling it a day and head home for a quick shower before going with Castle to the movies.
Upon arriving at their building's lobby, the elevator doors were just closing. Kate was in a bit of a hurry, so she took the stairs instead of waiting. When she got to the loft's floor, though, a woman's laugh reached her ears and brought her to a sudden halt. She pressed her back to the wall and listened.
"Oh, Rick! Stop it!" the woman's voice giggled. It wasn't a voice Kate knew. She was familiar with Gina's and Paula's, and this stranger was neither of the two. "You will ruin my makeup!" Kate heard Castle laugh too. "So… About your detective girl…" the woman's voice continued and Beckett's eyes opened wide. They were talking about her!
"Yeah, I should get going or she'll be suspicious," Castle said.
"She hasn't found out yet?" the woman implied.
"Of course not!" he replied smugly.
"Perfect."
"Can you come tomorrow?" Castle asked.
"Absolutely! Call me as soon as she leaves for work, okay?" Kate heard Castle hum in agreement. "Now… give me a kiss," the female voice almost purred.
Kate's heart leaped in her chest, thudding painfully against her ribs. She risked stealing a peek around the corner and saw Castle hugging a woman with long, wavy blond hair and wearing a too short and too tight dress. A moment later, they pulled apart and blondie planted a loud kiss on his cheek.
"Oh! Lipstick," the woman snickered and wiped away the red smear off Castle's face with her long-nailed thumb. "Don't want her to see this and find out about our little secret, uh Ricky?"
Kate had seen enough; she turned her head and hid again.
"Yeah, right! No!" she heard Castle say. "You know? I'll ride down with you. Don't want to be late."
The loft's door closed, and Kate heard his sloppy footsteps mingled with the sound of blondie's high heels. The elevator dinged and a moment later the doors slid shut, leaving the hallway in an eerie, deafening silence.
A million thoughts flooded Beckett's mind. She felt as if she had left her body and was having someone else's nightmare. Her knees buckled underneath her and she slid down the wall to the floor. This, she thought, could not be happening. They were happy, she'd just moved in with him. But the more Kate mulled over Castle's behavior over the past few days, the more doubtful she grew. Several scenes sprang to life and replayed in her head; Castle smiling over text messages, Castle jumping and walking away from her every time he got a phone call, Castle staying home instead of going to work with her…
Kate let her head fall back and rest against the wall, and then she closed her eyes. She tried to stay strong, she'd definitely been through worse, but still, it hurt too much. A heart-wrenching feeling was coiling tighter and tighter inside her chest, oppressing it mercilessly, and her eyes ended up welling up. When the first hot tear trickled down her face she quickly wiped it away with the back of a shaky hand. The drop of moisture clung to her skin and, as she looked at it, something hit her, helping her to make up her mind. In that moment, she decided she was not going to be one of those women who hid themselves and let their sorrows suck their life out of them. She needed to talk to Lanie.
After confiding in her friend, Beckett was more than determined to confront Castle. She went back to the loft feeling angry and furious, and she was gonna get all the answers she wanted, even if it meant having to coax or squeeze them out of him. But when she got home she didn't find Castle.
While she waited —completely alone in the huge living room— the city grew dark outside the windows and, as the minutes quickly ticked by, Kate felt her resolve starting to slip away around the edges. She was losing the grip she had on her buried emotions. Those feelings leaked through the cracks and started to fog her determination. Her aching heart slowly took control of her shaken mind and body, and it wasn't long before she crumbled like the shatters of a delicate piece of glass that had been crushed under the weight of betrayal, hurt and loneliness.
Enveloped in an unsettling gloom, she hugged herself, trying to stay in one piece, while she poured her grief out with repressed tears.
Eventually, about forty minutes later, Kate heard Castle come in through the door and let out a grunt. The sound of him tossing the keys onto the front hall's console table followed and the lights were turned on. She heard his hurried footsteps as he crossed over to her, and then felt him kneel down on the floor beside her, gently placing a hand on her foot.
"Kate, what's wrong?" Castle asked, an edge to his voice giving an almost shaky ring to it.
Before she could stop herself, the words came out of her mouth. "Is it over?" she murmured weakly. Her voice sounded thick, tired and worn-out from the spilled tears, and Castle probably noticed it too.
"What is over?" he whispered, rubbing small circles, which were supposed to be comforting, on the instep of her foot.
"Us."
And then Kate lifted her head and looked him in the eye. She saw the concern on Castle's face turn into an expression of shock as his gaze absorbed the image in front of him and slowly took in her appearance. She knew perfectly well what he was seeing; traces of dry tears on her pale cheeks, and red and swollen eyes sparkling with pain, hurt and deceit.
"Wha— what?" he stuttered a moment later and started rubbing both her legs with his hands. "Kate, what's going on? I don't know what you're talk—" Castle suddenly paused to take a breath, the crease between his brows deepening slightly. "Are you alright? You're starting to scare me," his tone was a whisper mixed with a plea.
"What have you been doing all day?" she questioned.
"I— I've been home... writing. I told you I was coming here to work."
Yeah right, to work. She snorted and shook her head in disbelief.
"Kate, I don't understand. Where is this coming from? What happened?"
Wow, Beckett thought, he was putting on quite a show. She could almost believe in his total ignorance. But, at the same time, she was regaining her confidence, her anger resurfacing and shoving aside all feelings of hurt and betrayal. She pushed his hands off her feet and he backed away, disconcerted.
"I saw you," she accused. He frowned, confused by her words. "This afternoon…"she added. Her hands started to shake so she shoved them under her thighs. "I saw you… with her," she said, disgusted.
Castle's brows arched almost dramatically, as if he really had no clue what she was talking about, and his mouth opened in a silent question. But then, she saw understanding slowly dawning on him.
"God!" he breathed out, lowering his head and covering his eyes with one hand as if he were… guilty.
Oh my god! He really had been… She hadn't truly believed it until now. She had had her suspicions, she had been confident, sure about them, but now… He wasn't denying it. So it must be true.
Kate felt herself crash under the weight of the world, her heart beating with strong, irregular and accelerated thuds against her ribs. She couldn't get enough air into her lungs. She had given this man everything… How could he do this to her? He was supposed to be different, to have changed. He was supposed to be in love with her, but…
"It's not what you th—" he started.
"Oh, really? It's not what I think?! Is that the best you can do?!" she spat the words to his face.
"Wait!" He stood up. "This afternoon? That was Robin Noraby. She's my interior decorator."
"Oh, my god!" Kate jerked back, moving away from him as much as she could, still seated in the armchair. Searing pain ripped through her chest, as if someone had twisted the thorn she had already embedded in her heart. She remembered Castle mentioning this woman years ago. It was one of his ex-lovers.
He must have read what she was thinking because he immediately said, "No! No, no, no, no... She's been helping me with a… project."
"Is that what they call it these days?" she retorted.
"It was supposed to… Argh!" he groaned in frustration and started pacing in front of her, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. "It was supposed to be—"
"A secret?" she interjected.
"No! Damn," Castle muttered through clenched teeth. He dropped to his knees again in front of her and looked her straight in the eye. "It was supposed to be a surprise…" he admitted with a desperate sigh and then added, defeated, "… for your birthday."
What?... Kate was momentarily perplexed; she didn't know what to do or say. Was this just another excuse of his? One of the many he'd given her for the past few days? Or was she supposed to believe him?
"How?" Castle interrupted her internal dialogue. "How could you believe I was cheating on you?" He hesitated before taking her hand in both of his and her gaze fell to their joined fingers. She fought the urge of pulling her hand back, but his grip was firm. "I may have dated a lot of women in the past," his voice was tender, but she heard the despair behind the surface, as if willing her —with all his might— to see reason. "But I have never cheated. NEVER," he finished with utter determination.
She kept her eyes fixed on their hands and, for a minute, she pondered about what he'd just said.
"Kate?" She looked up at him. "Just…" he took in a deep breath. "Just let me show you, please."
Castle rose to his feet and tugged at her hand, pulling her up and off the armchair. He guided her up the stairs and stopped in front of the closed door to the guest room. With a wave of his arm, he motioned for her to go inside. She reached for the handle and slowly pushed the door open. Her fingers slid a few inches along the wall and immediately found the switch. She flicked the lights on and what she saw… She couldn't believe her eyes. The room wasn't the way she remembered it, at all. The guest bed was gone, and so were the nightstands, and the antique dresser… and everything. Instead, half of her stuff —the things they had left at her apartment— was piled up in the middle of the room, protected under a big, clear plastic sheet. Paint buckets, rollers, brushes and ladders lay stored in a corner. The walls were bare and they had been painted in shades of sea blue and dark sand color. The floor was the palest tint of wood.
"As you can see, it's not finished yet," Castle murmured softly behind her and she turned to him. Without realizing it, she'd taken a few steps into the room. He was still standing by the door, his hands deep in his pockets and his shoulders slouched down.
"What's this?" she whispered, indicating the room around her.
"I wanted you to have your own office, your own space," Castle half-smiled. She let her eyes wander around the room again. He stepped forward and came to stand beside her. "We brought some of your things from your apartment." He approached the furniture. "Your desk, your couch, the lamps, a couple of shelves… I know how much you love the sea, so I thought we could bring it back here, with the colors and—"
"You did this for me?" she asked softly, cutting him off.
"Well, yeah… As a birthday present." Castle shrugged and grinned sheepishly. "That's why I've been staying home for the past couple of days. I wanted it to be finished by tomorrow evening, so you could see it the morning of your birthday."
God, she felt so stupid. All the while Castle had been arranging this for her and all she had done was get to the conclusion —or maybe it was more accurate to say she had jumped to the conclusion— that he was back to his old himself, sleeping around with blonds with long legs.
"I'm so stupid," she breathed out and looked up at him with remorse. "I'm so sorry, Castle." She reached out to him, but then hesitated and let her arm fall back down against her side. He walked over to her and threw his arms around her, hugging her close to him.
"I'm sorry," he whispered in her ear. "I thought I had everything under control. I should have been more careful."
"It's not entirely your fault. After all, you're living with a homicide detective," she said, with a pinch of humor tinging her tone.
"One of New York's Finest," he chuckled, and then added, "Am I forgiven?"
Kate pulled back to gaze up at Castle's face and locked her hazel eyes with his blue ones. "There's nothing to forgive. If anything else, I should be the one to apologize."
He shook his head and then leaned in to kiss her deeply. She molded herself into his body, her hands cradling his face, holding him in place. His fingers twined in her hair and she felt him pour everything he felt for her in his kiss. And it was then when she knew she had been foolish to believe that he would ever hurt her. She kissed him back with the same passion, trying to make sure he understood her unspoken words of apology. When Castle pulled away, he held her tightly against him, gently running his hands up and down her back. Kate wrapped her arms around his neck and buried her face into the crook of his shoulder, closing her eyes.
"You are the only woman in my heart. It's only you, Kate," Castle murmured in her hair. "Always." He sighed and kissed her temple. "I love you so much," he said as he squeezed her lightly.
She pressed her lips to his neck. "I love you, too."
They held each other for a long time. After the afternoon she'd had, it was exactly what both her mind and body needed, Castle slowly warming her up with his strong embrace.
"So..." he broke the silence a moment later. "Do you like your new office?"
"I love it," she whispered, not letting go of him. "And don't worry… When it's finished? I'll fake surprise when you show it to me."
Castle laughed once and then she felt him bury his nose in her hair. "Kate?"
"Hmm?"
"Don't take this the wrong way but… Why do you smell like vomit?"
She chuckled, feeling completely renewed and at ease again. "It's a long story."
He pulled back to look at her and a crooked smile spread on his lips. "Why don't you tell me while we take a bath?"
I really hope you enjoyed it and that it has been worth it. THANK YOU SO MUCH!