Title: Haunted
Author: May Chang
Warnings: angst, POV
Pairings: M!Shepard + Ashley
Disclaimers: Mass Effect is the property of BioWare.
Haunted
Shepard was completely smashed. Kaidan was boggled by that concept as he watched the commander down another shot of liquor. The bartender glanced up at Kaidan as he approached the commander before looking back at Shepard. Shepard didn't say anything, just poured another shot of alcohol and downed it like it was water.
"Sir," Kaidan greeted as he took the seat next to Shepard. Shepard glanced at the biotic and gave a nod in greetings as he poured another shot. Kaidan looked at the bottle, noting that it was nearly empty. "I think it's about time to stop, sir."
"Not done yet," Shepard said and downed the shot.
"That's his second bottle," the bartender supplied. Kaidan frowned and quickly snatched the bottle away from Shepard as he reached for the bottle again. Shepard glared at Kaidan but made no move to get the bottle back. The commander wobbled a bit in his seat, steadying himself by placing his hands on the bar.
"You're done, sir," Kaidan said, placing the bottle far away from the commander and getting up from his seat. "Let's go, sir, I'll let you crash at my place." Shepard gave Kaidan an owlish look before he got up unsteadily from his seat. He managed to stumble out of the bar without running into anyone, but once he was outside Shepard leaned against a wall.
"Don' wan to walk," he slurred. Kaidan sighed before he ducked under Shepard's arm, slinging the arm over his shoulders and started towards his quarters in the Wards. Shepard made a discontent noise but didn't protest when Kaidan brought him to the closest rapid transit station. It was late enough that it was empty so he dropped Shepard onto the nearest seat by the door and took a seat next to him.
They rode in silence, Shepard with his eyes closed and Kaidan puzzling over why Shepard was trying to get so drunk in the first place. Ten minutes later and it was time to get off. Shepard managed to get out of the door fine and started towards Kaidan's quarters. After a few minutes he slowed to a stop and looked around with a confused expression before he looked back at Kaidan.
"Where are we?" he asked slowly.
"The Wards," Kaidan replied. "We're going to my place in the Wards."
"Oh." Shepard looked around again. "I think I'm lost." Kaidan snorted in amusement at that before he pointed towards the direction to his quarters.
"We're going that way." Shepard nodded and started to walk in that direction before he tripped on a curb. Kaidan threw out his hands, using Lift to keep Shepard from hitting the ground face-first.
"Oh," Shepard said, floating a few inches above the ground. "That is really cool." Kaidan just gave an exasperated laugh as he walked over and got Shepard back onto his feet. He ducked under Shepard's arm again and the two started towards Kaidan's quarters once again.
"So, Commander," Kaidan started. "Why were you so intent on getting drunk?" Shepard rubbed his free hand over his face and blinked.
"Joker hates me," Shepard mumbled. "The crew all hates me. Garrus and Wrex will probably shoot me if they have the chance." Kaidan frowned at Shepard, feeling rather confused by what he said. The commander just rubbed an eye with the heel of his hand.
"Why do you think that, sir?" he asked. Shepard didn't respond, stumbling a bit as he nearly walked into a railing. Kaidan pulled his commander away before he ran into the railing, and continued on. "Commander, why do you think Joker and the crew hate you?"
"Because I killed Ashley," Shepard whispered. Kaidan gave Shepard a sharp look, but the commander didn't notice, seemingly concentrating on putting one foot before the other. "People liked her and I killed her." Kaidan was quiet for a moment; it had almost been a month since the mission on Virmire, and Kaidan had thought that Shepard had moved on.
Apparently I was wrong, Kaidan thought.
"Commander, we don't blame you," Kaidan replied. Shepard looked at the lieutenant, his blue eyes shiny brightly; Kaidan wasn't sure if it's due to the biotics or something else. "You had to make a decision, sir. The crew understood that. We understood that." Shepard mumbled something under his breath that sounded like a protest as they finally made it to Kaidan's quarters. The lieutenant pulled his keycard out of his pocket, sliding it through the control and the door opened.
They stepped in and as the door closed behind them, Kaidan ducked out from under Shepard's arm. The commander leaned heavily on the wall by the door and owlishly stared at his boots before he unsteadily bent over and took them off. Kaidan mused that for someone who polished off almost two bottles of whiskey Shepard was surprisingly well coordinated. The commander suddenly lurched forward.
"I think I'm going to throw up," Shepard announced, immediately making a stumbling bee-line for the bathroom. Kaidan sighed as he heard Shepard getting noisily sick in the bathroom before he went to the small kitchen and got some water. He walked back to the bathroom, hearing the sound of the toilet flushing and looked in. Shepard was sitting on the floor, his head against the wall and his eyes closed.
"Here, sir," Kaidan said as he offered the cup to Shepard. Shepard cracked open an eye and stood up, taking the cup and leaning over the sink to rinse his mouth before drinking the water.
"Thanks," he said. "I'm still going to be hung-over tomorrow."
"I'm sure you are, sir," Kaidan replied in amusement. Shepard muttered something as he walked over to the kitchen and refilled his cup. Kaidan took a seat on the armchair and watched as Shepard drank his water, put the cup down and stumbled over to the couch next to him. Shepard sprawled down onto it, draping an arm over his eyes and for a moment was silent.
"I loved her," Shepard spoke suddenly. "I couldn't tell her, but I loved her. I should have told her before..." He went quiet and Kaidan just stared at his commander.
"I won't go back on my decision," Shepard suddenly continued, lifting his arm slightly so he could blearily look at Kaidan. "You... you're my second-in-command, and Ashley would have... would have kicked my ass if I..." He trailed off, his arm covering his eyes once again.
"I'm fine now." Shepard finally said. He paused and continued. "Tired now." Kaidan mentally sighed and got up to go to the closet to pick up a pillow and blanket.
"Commander, you might want to take off your jacket," Kaidan said as he returned. Shepard made a sleepy noise before he leaned forward to take off his jacket. Kaidan placed the pillow on to the couch as Shepard took off his belt and pulled off his shirt. Shepard mumbled a thank you to Kaidan as he took the blanket from the lieutenant.
"We have an assignment tomorrow," Shepard said sleepily. Kaidan, who was already walking back to the bedroom, stopped to look at the commander with a frown. He then remembered that Captain- no, sorry, Councilman Anderson had said that while they were busy with stopping Saren, three ships had disappeared in one of the sectors. Alliance was sure that they had been attacked by geth, but the lack of signs from the three ships was disturbing.
"Oh, yeah, we do. Are you going to be alright, sir?" Kaidan asked.
"Uh huh. Did fine on Ilos." Kaidan stared at the commander who flopped down and fumbled with the blanket before pulling it over him. Shepard draped his arm over his eyes again.
"Are you saying that you were blowing up geth and that Saren-husk thing while you were hung over?" Kaidan asked incredulously. There was an affirmative noise from Shepard's direction and Kaidan could only shake his head. "You are insane, sir."
"And that's why we kicked Reaper ass," Shepard replied. Kaidan could hear the cocky grin coloring Shepard's voice. He snorted and walked back to his bedroom.
"You're also an idiot, sir," he called out. A sleepy laugh came his way and Kaidan shook his head, glad that Shepard was always so easy-going with his crew; any other superior officer would have been offended by that comment.
Kaidan would miss that easy-going charm when Shepard was gone.