A/N: Hey guys! This is my Death Note story! It's a crack-fic, if the title didn't already explain it. I'll be making Misa a smart blonde, and in charge, and I'll make the others do retarded things. Hope you enjoy!

Death Note On Crack

Chapter 1

Misa was walking to L's headquarters, unaware of who was there and who was missing. As soon as she opened the door, it smelled of alcohol and puke.

"What the hell!"

She covered her nose and went to the main room, as she called it.

"Light! L! Where did Mello and Matt come from! Since when is there a chandelier and a stripper pole here! And why is Near on top of a pile of toys without a shirt on! And where is everyone else!"

She heard them all groan.

"Where the hell did my chocolate go!"

"Calm down man, have you seen my boots?"

"Matt! Shut up!"

"Up yours Light! Go suck Misa's dick!"

"Excuse me! I'm right here!"

Everyone turned their attention to her.

"What the hell happened here! Can someone at least tell me why Near is looking for his shirt between 2 fire truck toys!"

"Jeez Misa, why are you so loud?"

"I'm not loud Light, you just have a hangover."

"Ah! My shirt is covered in milk chocolate! My poor white shirt!"

"Hey! Give me my chocolate back Near!"

"Get it off my shirt Mello!"

"Shut up!"

Again, they all turned to Misa, who was red in the face and seething with anger.

"Stop ignoring me already! Now clean this place up and get rid of that stripper pole! As well as that chandelier!"

"Hey Misa, why don't you show us a few tricks on the stripper pole?"

"Hey Mello, why don't you go fuck a male stripper?"

"I'll shut up now."

"L! Where do you think you're going?"

"To get some cake?"

"Hell no! You clean all that vodka from the floor and table!"

"Yes ma'am!"

She told everyone what to do and she saw they were hopeless cases.

"Thank god I'm wearing jeans today."

She was also wearing a black short tube top and a white blouse on top of that with the sleeves rolled up to her elbows.

"Let me clean it!"

She then took out some things like gloves, soap, detergent, and others. She got to work. She picked up all the toys, put them away, she cleaned the alcohol from the floor and tables, s well as chairs, she mopped the floors from puke, sprayed some air freshener, put Nears shirt in the laundry, gave Mello his chocolate back from the cupboard, kicked down the stripper pole, cut off the chandelier, and broomed away the rest of the alcohol bottles.

"There, done."

"Wow."

She turned around and saw the guys had said that in unison. They were looking at her with a plain weird expression.

"Oh, here's your boots Matt."

"Uh, thanks."

"Now L, you could go eat your cake. Light, Mello, sit down. Near, Matt, stand up."

"Uh, what are you guys doing?"

She turned to see L.

"Ah, L. You go stand in between Light and Near."

"Uh, okay?"

He did as he was told. When he was there, and they were all looking at her curiously, she then looked at them all through a frame by her fingers and then smiled.

"You guys could make a movie! We have a whole bunch of retarded characters! We have Near who's obsessed with toys, and L who loves sweets, and Mello who's in love with chocolates, and Matt who's like a pedophile, and Light who's a crazy mother fucker!"

She was laughing her ass off on the floor while the guys were all glaring at her.

"Okay, this is the best part. You guys, are all, depressive, mental escapees!"

After she said that, she laughed even harder.

"You make no sense!"

"Your face makes no sense Light!"

"I think she got high before coming here."

"No I didn't L, you got high, with yo mamma!"

At this point her face was almost purple.

"Yeah, she's crazy."

"No I'm not Light, I'm positively Happy!"

"Oh God!"

They all said at the same time as Misa got up and started running around holding a tissue she got from her purse. On it, she had scribbled a mini her and the world under her with all of the guys in the room under her feet.

"I'm going to rule the world! I will make all of you my slaves! You will have to swim in a pool of jello! I will make you eat raw potatoes! Fear my wrath Suckas!"

"Light, go get the tranquilizer that's in back of the lamp."

"How the hell did you get it?"

"It was in my cake."

"Oh. Wait, what!"

"No time to explain, just go!"

"Uh, sure."

So as Light was walking to get the tranquilizer, the rest of the guys were chasing after Misa. She kept running away and even climbing up the walls!

"For god's sake Misa-Misa! Please come down here!"

"Never! Matsuda, go play with yourself!"

"I've got some lipstick!"

"Is it chocolate flavoured?"

"Yes!"

"That just proves to us all that you're more gay then we thought Mello!"

"Just shut up and come down!"

"Up yours Matt! Mello's dick up your ass!"

"Oh Misa~"

"What?"

"I have a special something for you. It will make you lose weight. It's a shot though, so don't be scared."

"Yay! I knew I could count on you Light!"

"Yeah so just come here."

She got down from on top of a cupboard, and then took the needle.

"You liar! That's not-!"

But before she could finish her sentence, she was out cold on the floor.

"Finally. Hey thanks L, you were right. That stuff really is powerful."

"No problem, as long as she's out for a long while."

"What do we do with her?"

"Simple Matt, we cover her up in chocolate!"

"That's just creepy and disturbing."

"Shut up Near!"

"Why don't you Mello?"

"Ugh, my head hurts."

"Noooooooooo!"

"How is that possible!"

"Hold me!"

"Get off me L!"

"Don't drop me Light!"

"Shut up all of you!"

"Crap!"

They all screamed. This was gonna be one hell of a day.

A/N: Well, here it is. I hope you all enjoyed it! Please review! And also, I take criticism as well, any kind, go ahead. Please don't hold back, tell me your honest opinions. Well anyways, Gotta go! Bye guys! Love ya all!