Words are unneeded. Words so full of meaningless vowels and heartless constantans. Too often we long to hear them, beg for the right one. A simple four letter piece can mean so much; it can raise you to the highest point and drag you from your lowest moment. Longing to hear that four letter mess can lead you to almost unbearable pain, the questions, the judgment, the unease. Saying this simple four letter word is not as easy as it sounds. This word can't just be fit into a sentence like any old word. It needs to be set with the right tone, the right scene the right person. Then there is the uncertainty. Saying this particular word opens you up to a world of limited solidarity. What if there is no reciprocation? Fear.
I have been contemplating that word for a while now. Fear. Usually I'm a strong person, usually I don't need anything more then I can provide for myself. But I haven't been usual in quite a while. The first time I noticed her, she was in the stands at one of my races, just a face in the crowd of people cheering me on. Nothing seemed to exciting about her, she was beautiful but many girls were. She seemed to be looking through me rather then at me, I could feel her eyes piercing my soul. The next time I saw her, a rival was introducing me to her, she confused me, enticed me, called to me. When I arrived at my home that night I had an invitation from her to a concert she was performing. I agonized for hours whether to go or not, finally deciding to go. I dressed in my favorite suit, planning to watch from afar, not to talk to her, not to fall into her soft blue eyes. I was making my great escape when I was taken in by a painting. A vision I'd been dreaming of boldly displayed before me. Her voice surprised me a little, but I wouldn't let it show. She talked of a world I wouldn't be a part of, a world where her beautiful flower had wilted, where her innocents had been left to die. I pushed her off, threw her aside for my own pride and selfishness. She was never far from my mind, and on that day she saved me, begged me to run. But how could I run? How could I leave her to that dark place alone? So I chose the road less traveled and joined a war already being lost. By her side I fought, caring little for my own life but always defending hers. Soon we were victorious having been to the light of heaven and back, together. Silently we vowed to each other ourselves, never once uttering a word of our feelings. She would quietly paint and I would watch her, stare at her, bask in her beauty. She would catch me and blush and we'd both pretend it wasn't happening. I watched her risk the world to save me, explaining a world without me wasn't a world worth saving. I stood by as she turned my home from cold and stone to loving and warm. My life was no longer my own, but a piece of a world we shared. Soon the sound of a child's laugher filled the walls and a family was built. Only to be torn apart by an evil we couldn't imagine, forcing us to make a decision that would change forever our future. Now that is all over, we have been together through the debts of hell and the height of heaven. Yet I am over come with, fear.
Words are useless. Thrown around like meaningless darts, looking for the bull's-eye. Even the best words are often used in the wrong form, at the wrong time, for the wrong reasons. Begging for the right one leaves you lost and alone, that feeling of want never being quenched. A four letter dart, whose tip is so sharp it could tear apart your world. Yes, words are useless.
I never needed to hear it, not from her. I just knew. Sometimes things are so clear you don't need an explanation. The first time I saw her she was surrounded by fans, congratulating her on another win, stroking her ego. I watched her as her eyes glazed over, vacant. I began watching her more and more, falling deeper and deeper into the dark navy of her eyes. I felt her find me once, our eyes met only for a moment but in hers I could see my future. I asked a friend to introduce us, knowing they ran together. She put me off, but I wouldn't give up. I invited her to a concert I was performing, my hope to talk to her, explain myself. Finally I found her, staring at my picture, the picture of our destiny. She'd been seeing it too, I knew she had, her reaction was such. The pain in her face spoke louder then anything she could say. She tried to brush me aside, tried to run away from the truth, oh how I wish I had let her. When I saw her next she was under attack, the string of destiny drawing us tighter together, I called for her to stop, not to take the dive but in the end she had no choice. I poured my heart out to her, telling her how glad I was that she was the chosen, I blame myself for her life. She opened her world to me, as I did mine. She had me move into her home, and allowed me to transform it from cold to warm. Our battles grew more and more difficult calling us to use powers we didn't know we possessed. She felt dirty and wrong for the way we fought, as did I, but it was our way. I remember holding her hands one faithful day calming her explaining that I loved her hands, no matter how tainted she thought them to be. We died that day, defending each other. We were called back from our quiet sleep to fight once more. Once the battle was over we disappeared together, our faith restored in our queen. Only to be faced with a new battle, the threat of a world without her, I could not bare and I fought to save her and save her I did. Soon we were once again called to the field our true test yet to be performed. I had my dream of being a mother realized with her, only to be the one to take the life of my child. To save the world we had always done well alone. Not needing anyone but each other. I lay my final moments, my hand in hers her warmth calling me to her.
'Are we dead?' I ask my partner.
'I think so.' She answers me.
'That's good.' I say to her wrapping my fingers tighter around hers.
'Is it?' she says to me, her face unsure.
'Yes, because we did our best. Now we can rest together forever.' I tell her. She nods.
'Michiru.' She says my name and I turn to face her.
'Yes?'
'I love you.' She says, and the words are dancing around.
'I love you too.' I tell her closing my eyes and softly kissing her lips.
Sometimes words are not useless I guess.