Don't you see, don't you see
That the charade is over?
And all the best deceptions
and the clever cover story awards
go to you.
-Dashboard Confessional

I had been dating Lily Evans exactly four months when I noticed it happening. It was like I was a mere outsider on her life, watching as she went through various stages.

It started with a train ride.

I hadn't seen her most of the summer, except when we bumped into each other at the free tour of the Ministry of Magic. She had grown over the break, more pretty than I had seen her last, and I felt powerful. Like I had grown too-like I was given a Stretching charm or something-ready to take on anything.

When I saw her at Platform 9 and ¾ I had that feeling again. We kissed and talked and I heard all about her summer, between the fights with her sister and the days on the beach.

"Oh my goodness sweetheart, you would have loved it. Absolutely breath-taking waves."

I nodded, she was usually right about what I liked. We had similar tastes. And she looked so alive when she was talking about the ocean...I didn't know it then, but that was the last time I would ever feel the amazing connection Lily and I had had.

She left to go to the Prefect meeting, as my little red headed girl had made Head Girl this year. I was happy for her, and glad that she was so proud of herself. She deserved it.

I walked around the carriages, looking for a couple buddies of mine. In the very last carriage I met Benjy Fenwick, my best friend other than Lily, and his girlfriend Halley. They were standing in the doorway of the rowdiest compartment I had ever seen. Sirius Black was in the middle, on the ground attempting to balance a pumpkin on his head, Remus Lupin was laughing at him and Peter Pettigrew was chuckling as well, making the pumpkin float upwards every couple of seconds.

I didn't think to wonder where the last one was. It just…didn't hit me at the time.

Ben and I sat down opposite Remus and talked about the recent family reunion with all the pureblood relatives. Sirius joined in with the talk after he gave up his magician act, and Peter talked to Halley about his trip to Spain.

We were all just about to start a game of Exploding Snap when we heard the voices from outside of the door.

"Well it's not my fault the kid fell in front of me!"

"Honestly, one day you are going to end up in an insane asylum Potter."

"Hmm…sounds exciting. Will there be others like me there?"

"Oh definitely."

"Sounds good then. Let's ditch Hogwarts and go there for the year. I love white walls."

I heard her laughter, peals of ringing, bell like noise before the door opened and a familiar face popped through.

"Ah, told you Lily-there's your boyfriend, safe and sound."

He made it sound like she was searching for me…I couldn't imagine Lily doing that-she was really independent.

"Looks like I can't run and avoid you then Potter."

"You know, one of these days Lily I'm going to end up, in an alleyway, with no heart and you're going to have no one to blame but yourself."

"Good. I'd hate for anyone else to take the credit for that," I saw James smile, one of his huge grins as he sat down next to Sirius. Lily came into the room, looking brightly around at everyone. She sat down beside me, grabbing my hand and we talked to them all, about summer and things.

"I still can't get over you being Head Boy, James," said Halley as Potter put an arm around her shoulders.

It was news to me, this fact about his promotion. I never thought why he and Lily were together but now it made sense.

"I almost died of shock when I walked in and saw him pacing around, reading the Prefect's Guidebook." My girlfriend said, smiling at the guy across from her.

"Oh, Lily I know you love me." Their eyes connected and they grinned at one another, lost in their own world for a second or two. Then Peter claimed James' attention and I grabbed Lily's and they came back to the present.

This happened a lot over time.

They were constantly lost in their own worlds, drawing out random time with one another. In the welcome speech they talked in quiet voices next to me. He made her laugh a couple times. She always smiled at me afterwards and that satisfied me, at the time.

But it started to get to me eventually.

There was the candy throwing back and forth on Halloween, the tickling in The Three Broomsticks when we all went out together, the laughing between one another as they came in from late patrols. Lily and I started spending less and less time together.

"I thought you didn't like Potter?" I asked bravely one day, unsure of how she would take my question.

"What?" Lily glanced at me from where she was studying her Charms textbook and sending looks to him where he sat balancing oranges on his nose. I repeated my question.

"Well," she looked off for a second with a slight smile on her face, "I know I used to. He bothered me a lot but now…I find his whole self kind of cute, you know?"

My eyes were clearly bothered when they met her green ones because she smiled reassuringly at me and squeezed my arm.

"Look at you worry! Don't there is absolutely nothing going on between us. Promise." We shared a smile and a kiss and I was again happy, oblivious that her eyes flickered back to him, smiling wider as she watched him and his balancing act.

I would have loved to say I was left in the dark until the very end, but that wasn't the case. There was the occasion when they walked into lunch arm in arm, the time he pecked her on the cheek that afternoon when they won Exploding Snap, that damn kiss, that Lily swore was completely chaste, on Christmas under the mistletoe.

All the signs were there and I was either too stupid or too convinced that I was in love to say or do anything.

We lasted until mid February.

It was the day before Valentine's Day and I was so sure that I loved Lily. Even if we hadn't been peachy keen in the last few, I was positive that we could remain together. I was blinded by her easy smiles and smart mind. If only I had seen it coming.

I was sitting in the Common Room when they came in, very late, laughing and smiling and hand holding. They saw me, sitting there minding my own business, and all of a sudden their hands were in pockets, their smiles were cautious and Lily raised her eyebrows at me.

"What're you doing up?" she asked, sitting next to me on the couch.

"Could ask you the same thing." I replied, my good feelings slowly going down the drain.

"Lily and I were in the kitchens." James smiled at me slightly, also sitting down.

"We missed dinner."

"We were studying."

"It ran late."

"Damn N.E.W.T.S, eh?"

They both looked at my face, which must have clearly shown that yes, I could see how red both their lips looked, and yes, I did think that Lily two top buttons un-done was not an accident.

I needed refuge, so I stood up, glancing between the two of them as they both looked to the floor.

"Please stop lying," I requested of the woman I thought I loved.

Lily immediately started with feeble protesting and James kept his eyes on the floor, hand slowly shifting into his hair. For the first time I've ever seen him, he looked nervous, kind of guilty. He glanced up at Lily half way through her stumble.

"I…I'm not…we're not…not lying…"

"Yes," I said with purpose, turning towards the staircase, "you are."

I went upstairs, hit the sack, and was upset. But the weirdest thing was not what had happened, but my reaction. I knew, I knew she cheated on me, and yet I was still certain that we were perfect together, that she would forget him out of shear guilt and we could continue our lives. I was willing to accept that my girlfriend cheated on me, and I thought this was because I loved her.

Now that I look back on it, there's no way that was love.

But I was convinced. I went down to breakfast with a smile on my face, ready to conjure up flowers for her. It was Valentine's Day, and I didn't think there was any way she couldn't love me back.

And it was there, half way down the Gryffindor table that I saw Lily and James sitting, enjoying each other's company and laughing off. Laughing me off.

I snapped.

It ended up becoming a loud, obnoxious brawl in the Great Hall. I even punched the jackass in the face, if that shows anything about my pride. Lily tried to deny everything I said, but we both knew it was true, we both knew that they had been sneaking around since Christmas.

"You've been into him since the beginning of the year!" I shouted at her, watching her cry. As much as it made me sad that I made a girl cry, I couldn't really give her much sympathy.

They were both silent, standing in front of me. The rest of the school watched on, shocked at the news, and shocked that I was yelling, me who was always composed and calm.

The last blow I sent to them was the plain, straight truth, like a shot of Firewhisky after a long day.

"I'm not mad," I said, meaning it, but also wishing it wasn't true. They were two great people and what my feelings were at moment didn't matter. I trusted them both and would always care about them a good deal.

"I'm not mad," I repeated, "Right now, I have a lot of hatred towards you both, but I'm not mad." I took a deep breath and prepared my exit, "I hope you two have a wonderful life together,"

I played the good guy, like I have always done, shying away from conflict. I walked out of the quiet Great Hall, contemplating whether or not I would forgive Lily for what she did.

I came up with my answer as I climbed the staircase to the second floor. Yes, I would forgive her because she was in love. She was in love, and it wasn't with me, but that was okay.

Halfway up my trek I bumped into a person going down. I looked down and was startled to find a pair of pretty brown eyes set in a kind, warm, round face. I was dumbfounded for a second, startled that I had never really looked at any other girls since my crush on Lily in 3rd year.

I couldn't help wondering that if they all looked as kind as the girl smiling up at me did I wouldn't mind staring at girl's more often.

"Hello Alice," I said, smiling for the first time in awhile.

"Hey Frank," she said smiling in return.