Courage is Not the Absence of Fear

Ch. 1: A Surprising Encounter

Lily glanced at her watch. It gleamed eleven o'clock by the candlelight. She had to finish this essay for charms the next day. It was not like the Head Girl to leave her homework this late, especially not charms; her favourite subject, but after the week she had had...

Lily shook her head in guilt, dispelling self-pitying thoughts. There were people having a much worse week than her. The man whom the Daily Prophet had taken to calling 'He-Who-Must-Not-Be-Named' had been wrecking havoc up and down the country, targetting those were unfit, in their minds, to belong to the wizarding world. Flith, Mudbloods, Blood-traitors...the taunting words of the Slytherins rang in her ears. Facing the cowardly, immature students of the least liked house was, however a completely different matter to facing Dark Wizards...

Lily had become thin and pale from worry, from the constant dread in her stomach when she sat down at breakfast, that she would open the paper and familiar eyes would meet hers. That the people she knew and loved would be dead.

She was safe within Hogwarts. Within the confines of the stone wall and protective enchantments. Even the Slytherins would never really hurt her. A small part of her wanted to believe that it was because of Severus, but she wouldn't allow herself to think that. He was no better than the rest of them...

With a groan, she crossed out another word on her parchment. She threw down her quill and stuffed the parchment into her bag angrily. She could try to convince herself that she was paranoid. Yet, as soon as she had forgotten, there would be another...incident. Another student to comfort as they trembled helplessly at the disappearences of their relatives.

What could she say? To the thirteen year old, whose father had been killed for not accepting bribes to corrupt the Ministry.

She stretched her legs and got up to return 'Protective Charms for the Wandless' to the shelf behind her. Turning, she caught sight of Sirius Black sitting dejectedly in a near-by table. Lily paused, the book half raised towards the shelf.

It was very uncharacteristic for Sirius to be sitting alone, not surrounded by his friends or one of his many girlfriends, let alone in he library. Lily snorted humourlessly, she wasn't aware he even knew where the library was. It was cruel to laugh at him, while sat there looking so...upset. Lily chided herself.

She couldn't not as him if he was alright. She had been getting along much better with the marauders since James was made Head Boy.

To her surprise, in the past few months, she had found herself spending time with them. In classes, at the Prefect Meetings, even in the common rooms. (Was it coincidence that while Transfiguration was Lily's weakest subject, all the four friends seemed to excel at it?)

They weren't so bad, once you got to know them really...with their pranks and their silly nicknames. Besides, Professor MacGonagall had warned her that her position as Head Girl would be threatened if there were any petty fights between the two.

To his credit, James had attentively done all his duties without complain and he somehow managed to fit in Quidditch twice weekly in his schedule too. He was quite nice, once you got past the cocky, arrogant, infuriating front.

She sighed, setting the book onto the shelf and approached Sirius nervously. She cleared her throat when she reached his table. Sirius looked up at her, swiftly, before, staring apathetically at his hands again.

'Are you alright, Sirius?' she asked, rather nervous to see him so out of character. He gave an evasive shrug.

'Sirius,' she encouraged, quieter, softer

'James got a letter from home,' he muttered, 'His mother-.' He fell silent as Lily gasped, seating herself next to him.

'She hasn't...passed on yet, but they say she won't make it through the night.' His face crumpled as he fought back tears.

'Where is James now?'

'Flooed home just now.' Sirius buried his face in his hands,'MacGonagall said that it would draw too much attention if I went with him too.'

'Are you alright?' she asked again, stupidly. Of course he wasn't alright. He was taking this awfully hard on himself.

'I just need to see James,' he mutered through his hands, 'Evelyn's been ill for a while now but...it wasn't supposed to be so soon..'

Unsure of what to say, she patted him. Sirius was staring at his hands again. They sat in silence for a while, and Sirius interrupted her thoughts again.

'James is going to be devastated.' His face contorted as a lone tear slid down his sharp nose. His banged his fist on the table, making Lily jump in surprise. 'James was so close to Evelyn.'

Lily didn't know that Sirius had been so close to the Potters. It was a revelation to see Sirius so concerned for his friend. She was a popular girl, no doubt. She had many good friends, but she couldn't imagine being this devastated if anything were to happen to someone they knew. Her thoughts flew to Snape, but she quickly shook of the memory.

'I didn't realise you were so close to the Potters.'

'I live with them, Lily.' his voice turned low and cold. Lily blushed, cursing herself inwardly.

'Oh Sirius, I'm sorry.' She looked sheepish,' I just forgot in the rush-'

'Ha!' He let out a humourless, barklike laugh, 'How lucky for you.'

Lily's eyes widened and she made to stand. She clearly didn't seem to be helping, perhaps it'd be better if she simply left him alone. He reach out and grabbed her hand.

'Sorry.' She could tell he meant it. 'Just...sit me, please?' Lily sat back down and glanced at him nervously. She had heard from Remus that Sirius had run away to the Potters last christmas, but she didn't know much more.

'I don't miss them,' Sirius began quietly. 'I don't need them. They don't need me either. It's not like they felt any affection for me...James, The Potters. They are my real family.' Lily wsn't sure if Sirius was still aware of her presence anymore. He was muttering rapidly to himslef. She cleared her throat timidly and he looked up, surprised to see her there. His steely grey eyes were dark and stormy. His gaze seemed to pierce her but she dared not look away.

'I had to get away from them,' he whispered desperately, 'You don't know what they're like. They're mad. Completely apeshit crazy!'

She bagan to protest weakly but he cut her off, 'Do you know, Lily? When I left, not a single on of those bastards lifted a finger to stop me leaving?' His voice cracked as his eyes gazed far past her, 'Not even my brother.'

Lily supressed a sob. Of course she knew how is felt to have a sibling who hated you. A sibling is whom's eyes you did even exist. The last time she had seen her sister, they hadn't exchanged more than a handful of words between them. They fell silent, each lost in their respective thoughts.

When Lily glanced at her watch she was surprised to find it nearing midnight. As they made their way back to the Gryffindor tower, Sirius caught her elbow, turning her to face him.

'Thanks for listening.'

She gave a small smile, 'Happy to help'.

'If you tell anyone I cried...I'll have you kill you.' Lily laughed but nodded quickly when he stared back, quite serious. '...and would you help us look after him a bit...just looking out for him at Prefect Meetings and on Patrols.'

She agreed enthusiastically. 'Thanks, you could 'cheer him up' so much better than we ever could.' And with a mischevious glint in his eyes, he bid her good night and disappeared through the portrait hole.

'Prat!'

Yay! I've finally edited this and I really like it! So I hope you do too! I think (hope) the grammar is correct now and that the conversation flows much better! It's actually a bit longer than the original chapter but I hope it works well!

So, please, Read and Review!!