The Kasnian Letters
A brief Justice League correspondence fanfiction
By Jessica X
Characters and settings © DC and Warner Bros. This fic ©2016 myself.
NOTES: WHERE did this come from?! I was in the middle of working on a completely different fanfic when I suddenly couldn't help but churn out this one. Just couldn't get these two out of my head until I did!
If any of you are wondering why they seem so confused by computers and email, the original episode on which this is based ("Maid Of Honor") aired in 2003; smartphones didn't exist yet, and though Queen Audrey would definitely have had an email address and a laptop and everything, using them (or more modern social media) wasn't as ubiquitous then as it is now. Wonder Woman just doesn't get a lot of modern things in general, haha.
A portion of this fanfic (upcoming chapter, not this one) is written in "chat format". I know how irritating that can be to some people, so I'll understand if you opt out. The idea I had was that the entire story is made up of emails, letters, and messages back and forth between Diana and Audrey (and others, but that's a spoiler); no third party "narration" at any point. Kind of experimental. Let's see whether the experiment was a success or a failure.
Anyway, I hope you like it! Even if you don't remember who the hell Audrey is, I always try to write my fanfics so that you don't absolutely HAVE to know the universe and characters to jump right in.
Jessex
CHAPTER ONE
Dear Wonder Woman,
Bonsoir! How have you been, darling? Defending the world must get exhausting!
It has taken me longer than I care to admit to send this letter. Goodness, it has to have been… what, over a year? Since the party in Paris where we first met, I mean. Hopefully you do not think me rude. A lot has been going on in Kasnia since then; my new duties as queen are numerous, and tedious. Ah, how I long for those carefree days of party-hopping and near-alcoholism!
But I'm sure you can relate, you superhero, you. Saving the world on a daily basis. How many vacation days per year are you allowed in that line of work? Haha, only joking.
Anyway, I didn't want to take up too much of your time. The reason I am writing this note is to apologise for how short I was with you when we last spoke. You had just saved my life, and my entire country… ended Savage's villainous plot to take over the world, and done it all without breaking a sweat, or a nail! How do you do it, girl?
My only excuse for not being more thankful is that I was in shock. My entire world had been shaken, and I was still mourning my father's death. It took me a while afterward to realise that I was rude and ungrateful, and even longer to work up the courage to admit that. Regardless, that is still quite unbecoming.
Of course, you've probably forgotten all about me by now; some shallow debutante from a nation most of the world can't even find on a map. I'm probably nothing to a mighty Amazonian giant like you. But if you do remember me with negative feelings... I'm sorry. Sorry for not thanking you, and sorry for not believing you when you warned me he was going to be bad news. Both times you did.
Hopefully some day you can forgive me. If not, I wish you a long and prosperous life.
Best Regards,
Queen Audrey of Kasnia
Princess Audrey,
Perhaps it's bad diplomatic form to call you that, but you'll always be the spoiled little princess who took me "clubbing" for the first time. I won't do it again if you are offended.
But of course I remember you, Audrey. You may have been spoiled, but I think "shallow debutante" is a little too far. You were sweet, the picture of youth; your blond hair and diamond earrings perfectly framing your face, carefree laugh and willingness to take risks, try new things. I do save a lot of people in my line of work, but not so many that I could forget someone I spent so much time with.
There is no need to apologise. I did my duty to protect the planet from manipulators and would-be dictators like Vandal Savage. It was my pleasure to do it successfully. I understood that you were too concerned about the palace being destroyed, and repairing the damage he did to your public image, to think about thanking me or apologising for not believing me. I wasn't hurt; just sad on your behalf.
Still, it is good to hear from you again. I have often wondered if you are still doing well, and if Kasnia is becoming more stable after he was ousted. Feel free to write again; I am including what Flash tells me is an "electronic mail" address, so I will not have to wait so many weeks to receive your letter next time. He wrote it down for me, and I hope you can read his handwriting.
Do not worry if you can't use electronic mail; neither can I. But Flash and Batman seem to know what they are doing in that department. They have been able to teach me much about the modern world and I trust them to keep doing so. I hope to hear from you soon, whichever way you choose to write.
Hera Be With You,
Princess Diana of Themyscira
AKA, Wonder Woman
PS: ww (a) watchtower .jl
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
Dear Wonder Woman,
Oh, isn't this exciting! I've never had much use for computers before, though I've owned only the top of the line. One of those things I'm going to have to get used to going without, with my country's finances in such a state as they are…
You asked about Kasnia. It's brutal. Ever since the palace was demolished and my former fiancé was imprisoned, we have been on the brink of a civil war. It's nothing that the Justice League needs to worry about; petty mortal problems. But we're working through them. Now that we aren't wasting money on a space program (that turned out to be a bid for world domination, oops), we can begin evening out the economy.
But enough shop talk from me. How have you been? You didn't really answer last time, and I want to hear all about what you've been up to!
"Princess" Audrey (you're the only one allowed, haha)
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
Princess Audrey,
Please, call me Diana. From one princess to another, I think we can at least use our given names.
I am sorry to hear things have gotten worse in Kasnia. Though I believe in your leadership. You may have been a bit young to assume the throne, but I saw fire in your heart and passion in your words. I expect great things from you.
There is not much to speak of in my life. Or not much that would not require long explanations, such as travels to alien worlds. The rest of the League and I try to do our best to protect mankind. I don't find much time for leisure activities, but I have taken to dining with Hawkgirl or Batman when time permits. I do not understand their attitudes toward life all the time, but I enjoy their company. In different ways.
Hopefully someday soon we may meet again. Might I visit the new Kasnian palace once it is built?
Hera Be With You,
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
Diana,
That sounds so exciting to me! Flying off to worlds you've never seen, saving the helpless, meeting all sorts of new friends… do their mountains look like ours? Their clouds? Flowers? Oh, I don't expect you to tell me everything, just musing. Daydreaming.
If I might confess something to you… I've often daydreamed about the time you and I spent together, before I was to marry Savage. Sorry about throwing myself off the Eiffel Tower! I knew you would catch me, but after having a long time to think about it, I realised my crazy stunt probably frightened you, or even angered you. Can I blame it on capricious youth and earn your forgiveness?
But being swept into your arms, carried down to the ground so gently… I've never felt both so alive, and so safe, at the same time. I can't describe it. Though I do miss going dancing, and just speaking with you, that was something I have never experienced before and doubt I will again. I wanted you to know that.
Au Revoir,
Audrey
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
Flash tells me that it is not necessary to add a salutation at the beginning of electronic mails. It feels strange and rude but I will try it. Also, he has been bothering me to respond to you again since your last message of two days ago. I can't see how it possibly impacts him, but he is right that I should have responded before now.
To be honest, having a female friend other than Hawkgirl is something I have missed since leaving Themyscira. But it worries me. My Amazonian sisters are gone from me now that I have been exiled, and I feel afraid. Losing another friend would be difficult for me. This is probably something you will find hard to understand, because you are so independent. I stand on my own, can be solitary, but I long for that sense of community. Sometimes, I get that from my Justice League compatriots. Other times… there are arguments, or we cannot stand speaking with one another. That also worries me, even though the others seem certain all of the arguments will resolve themselves. Why am I the only one who is legitimately concerned?
But I have gone on long enough. You are forgiven for the tower; it was reckless and you should not do it again. But we all have to grow up sometime.
Take care.
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
You and Flash seem awfully close, darling. Is he a "special" friend? Haha you can ignore me, I'm terrible.
I'm sorry to hear you have family problems among the JL members the same way real families do. But isn't that also a good thing? It means you're so close that you are like a real family. What I wouldn't give even to argue with my father one last time…
Listen. I forgot to mention it in my last email, but I wanted to formally invite you to Kasnia again. All of the guards at the new palace have been informed that Wonder Woman is always welcome. Because I, too, miss having "girl talk" sometimes. Even if it's just for a cup of coffee. If you can't come because you're saving the world, I suppose that's an acceptable excuse (again, I'm only joking).
Audrey
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
No, I do not have feelings like those for Flash. Much though he probably wishes I do. In fact, I'm making sure to type this while he's looking over my shoulder.
You should have heard the noise he just made; it was priceless.
Would tomorrow afternoon be acceptable? For coffee and this "girl talk" thing that I am trying to get better at. We have secured Lex Luthor in prison once more, and we will be spending the morning on safety drills at the Watchtower (our orbiting defense outpost, I don't know if you knew about that). After that, barring another world crisis, I have some free time. But if that time is not alright, please let me know and we'll reschedule.
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
Darling, it was fantastic seeing you today! It was just like a year ago, pulling you into my limousine and taking you shopping! Well, without having to escape my royal guards, of course.
I am sorry for droning on and on about the pressure to take a husband. Kasnia is not used to their ruling dignitary being a woman, much less an unmarried woman who is barely old enough to sit upon the throne. I'm trying to change that; I want to be strong and independent, like you. Of course, I already feel that way, but feeling that way and having everyone else believe it are two different things.
Only now do I see how my youthful indifference has damaged that. They still see me as the "party girl", the vapid blond daughter of the late King Gustav who wasted all of her money on clothes and all of her time dancing. Not that I suddenly dislike any of those things, of course, haha. But I wish I had less tabloid photographs of me doing them… people assume I don't know how to be responsible AND enjoy myself.
Anyway, you didn't have to dress so elegantly! It was just a little tea between old friends. But you looked stunning. Isn't it cold flying through the air in a backless ball gown?
Audrey
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
Very cold! But I'm used to suffering through more extreme conditions than a little windchill, don't worry. It was more of a concern keeping my high heels and earrings on while moving over a hundred miles per hour. Or kilometers, for you Europeans.
You looked very nice yourself. I'm still not that used to modern fashions; Themyscira is an isolated world and we still dress the way you remember Ancient Greece. But I'm getting there, and from what I could tell, you were also dressed up for our "just a little tea". Look not to the splinter in your friend's eye before removing the plank in your own, to quote the Christian texts. Next time, we'll be more casual together.
That's the intergalactic alarm; I have to go.
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
Oh God, I hope you're alright! Who am I kidding? Of course you are, darling. You're an Amazon princess who can fly. When the alarm goes off here, I just hide under the bed. But please reply to this email soon so I can know the alarm wasn't anything serious.
Also… well, nevermind. I want to know you're alright first. Take care of yourself, please?
Audrey
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
I do apologise for the very sudden end of my last message. We had to contend with Gorilla Grodd teaming up with Darkseid. But we're all fine now, I'm sorry for it taking a few days. There were many loose ends to tie up.
But don't think that just because I'm Wonder Woman that I can't be hurt, or that I don't feel fear. I do. Especially thinking about alarms going off in Kasnia. Is everything okay down there?
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
You had me absolutely worried sick. Thank you for getting back to me when you could, I couldn't find anything on the news, and didn't know how to contact you or your friends outside of this email! Would it have killed you to call me on the phone?!
I'm sorry. That's not fair, I know you must have been busy. I let myself get crazy over nothing.
Everything's fine in Kasnia… well, as fine as a country close to civil war can be. People are still loyal to Savage's vision — can you believe that?! It's not many, and they agree that he went too far at the end and should not be returned to power, but they do still think putting money into the space program was the right thing to do. So the others, the ones who think we should focus on rebuilding our economy, hate that school of thought. It is very contentious and there have been a few bomb threats, but none that should be taken seriously.
I'm fine, darling, don't worry.
Audrey
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
That is not "fine". I want to come to the palace and discuss this. Maybe if I bring Batman and J'onn J'onzz along, we can determine where the militant factions are and flush them out. Don't worry, I won't let anything happen to you ever again.
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
That is very sweet, Diana, but not necessary. This is my problem that was started with my family; we were foolish to trust Savage. I will sort it out because that's my responsibility now. Very annoying, but it is.
Are you and the rest of the League alright after dealing with your latest world crisis? I feel like I don't hear enough about them lately. Is Flash still reading over your shoulder?
Audrey
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
I didn't actually expect you to show up in my palace MINUTES after I had just finished telling you not to come. I'm sorry for sounding angry at first; you really startled me!
Speaking of which, please pass along to J'onn that I didn't mean to scream when I saw him. I'm so embarrassed, I've heard of him before, seen his picture, but a green-skinned man suddenly appearing from nothing was… well, I just wasn't prepared! But I don't mean him any ill will and don't dislike him, so if you could tell him that for me, I'd very much appreciate it.
Again, though… you were so tender and concerned for me that I felt too pleased to see you once I got past my shock. Thank you for taking "no" for an answer. Batman's surveillance equipment will be appreciated, but other than that, I don't want to use my connections with superpowered beings to FORCE my country to cooperate with my wishes. That makes me no better than Savage.
Well… alright, still better, and better looking, of course. But not the kind of ruler I want to be.
Audrey
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
Batman pointed out to me after I left that I was too concerned about a "civilian". That I had to have been making you feel uncomfortable, petting your hair and embracing you. I thought that was how I was supposed to behave when a close friend has been threatened or frightened. Am I wrong? I swear, the closer I get to understanding the men and women of the non-Amazonian world, the further away I feel.
Also… I should apologise for flying off to your country without waiting for your response. But now I have your phone number, it's in the Watchtower computer system. I'll call before doing anything like that again.
Something inside me demands that I make sure. Did you really mean it when you asked me to go dancing again sometime? I'm not a very good dancer, and I worry that you only asked me so that I would stop feeling guilty about crashing through your wall. But if you really want to go "clubbing"... I'd love to.
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
Never apologise for hugging me! Don't be silly! Those strong arms of yours were exactly what I needed after being startled by you and Jolly Green Giant suddenly dropping by. And while I'm glad you are going to call first next time (haha), I also appreciated the concern. You're a true friend.
Yes, please come dancing! PLEASE! It's hard doing so with my guards around, they just want to stop me from going anywhere anymore. No fun! And I spend all of my time planning things, dictating law revisions, listening to grievances and attending the meetings with the E.U., that I just need to do something spontaneous. You picking me up for a night out would be exactly the kind of release I need.
Audrey
PS: I don't care about you crashing through my wall. Wasn't the first time, was it? Hehe
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
I had a lot of fun last night. I have had alcoholic beverages before, but the last time was trying "beer" for Flash's birthday — at his insistence. I've never had more than two glasses of wine in a sitting, so the "round of shots" and the many mixed drinks you had me try made the experience… very different. I expected my tolerance to be higher than that!
By the way, I'm sorry for ruining your shoes. I'll replace them, I promise.
Superman, J'onn and Flash can't get drunk, you know. The first two have an alien metabolism that just doesn't care about alcohol, and with Flash, it's out of his system so fast that he barely has time to feel tipsy for a few seconds before he's sober again. (He can keep drinking continuously and stay drunk but he says it's not worth it, he only feels sick.) Batman and Green Lantern don't believe in compromising their focus, though Lantern will have a single drink if it's an occasion that calls for it. But Hawkgirl can really hold her liquor — you should see her dance! Maybe next time, I'll invite her to come with us.
Do you remember what happened to my handbag? It only had money in it, and my identification. Both of those can be replaced very easily. But I want to know if you saw it. A lot of that night was a blur. You seemed to be handling yourself better than I was, so I'm just asking if you have it at the palace or something. If not, maybe I should call that club and ask if they've found it. But I don't even remember the name of the club! I'm really a mess, aren't I? Some superhero.
Anyway, it was great seeing you for something less worrying than a potential crisis situation again.
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
You don't remember what happened at The Sophistry Room, do you? That's fine. I have your clutch, and most of the money is still there. Come by anytime to pick it up. And don't worry about my shoes, silly! I have hundreds of pairs.
And... I had a nice time too. You probably don't want to do that again with me, but if you did, I'd be… agreeable. Or we could do something else if dancing isn't doing it for you. Do you like movies? Plays? Music? Anything you want. I know you like standing atop tall buildings, from our past experiences.
But I really just want to know everything there is to know about you, darling. It's too bad you aren't Kasnian and I can't see you more often, but as long as you're okay with our occasional "play dates" then so am I!
Hope to see you very soon.
Audrey
To: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
From: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore. I'm not sure what happened, and I'm feeling very confused, but please know that I don't hate you and I'm not angry. That's not the case. I'm just confused and need some time. I hope you understand.
Diana
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
You needed two weeks? Really? It took this long to get over me acting stupid?
Diana… please don't hate me. It was an accident, I tried to tell you that! I leaned the wrong way, I didn't know how to react when I felt what happened, and I panicked. Panicked so much that I didn't know how to stop, or how to start doing something else, or anything. You can NEVER know how stupid I have felt these past two weeks.
Something else you don't know is… that wasn't the first time.
When you didn't remember what happened at The Sophistry Room, I didn't know how to tell you. Seriously, we kissed for nearly a full minute, and you forgot? It was… I felt stupid then, as well. Like that maybe I only imagined it, but if I did, then it would definitely say something about what kind of imagination I have! So how was I supposed to fill in the gap in your memory with a crazy story like that? What if you didn't want to know? What if you did know, but had blocked it out? It felt too big, and I felt too ridiculous for caring so much, and I just wanted it to go away.
So I ignored it. Stupid me. And then it happened again when you picked up your handbag. Even stupider.
You're my best friend. Actually, you're my ONLY friend. I would never ruin our friendship, never in a thousand years, Diana. I hate that this is coming between us. I hate how I let my feelings run away with me. I've been thinking about our kiss in the club so much that I think it's part of the reason why, when you hugged me as thanks for returning your clutch… I didn't stop when I felt our lips touch. I didn't pull back. I was too curious and afraid and excited and repulsed, and too many things, all in my head.
But I swear to you, before God: I did not do it on purpose. I promise. Please believe me. Please.
Audrey
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, Diana… I don't know what to do. I tried to call the Watchtower, but Flash just tells me you aren't available. Is he giving you the messages? I'm sick to death worrying that I ruined everything. Maybe it's just because I'm so spoiled that I want to know right away that you forgive me… and you need more time. And I'm selfish, and I miss you. I'm sorry about that, too.
Audrey
To: Wonder Woman (ww (a) watchtower .jl)
From: Queen Audrey (queen (a) kasnia .ksn)
It's been a month now. You really can't talk to me anymore. I have ruined the only thing that matters to me. What a piece of shit I turned out to be, eh? The Queen of Kasnia, a rich, spoiled, self-involved little girl who can't even maintain ONE friendship with another princess.
I hope you're doing okay. Once in a while, I hear something about you in the news. Still brave, still saving the world. I'm glad because it tells me you're alive and healthy. If you can't talk to me because I betrayed your trust, at least you're okay. I'm thankful for that.
But can you please send me one last message to let me know we can't speak anymore? I know it's selfish, but I need to hear it. I need to know where we stand.
Please?
Audrey
~ To Be Continued ~