Wizards of Waverly Place
Waverly Shore
It was March 18, 2011, and the Russos were sitting in their living room loft on an ordinary day. Little did they know that today would change their lives, forever!
The Russos were sitting in their loft when Jerry walked in. "Ha, I just heard the funniest joke from this magazine I got from our neighbor's neighbor. Wanna hear it?"
"Dad, it's not right to steal people's mail. It's a violation of privacy, plus it's illegal, you could get arrested for robbery and trespassing on a private property." Said Justin.
"I wasn't trespassing, I just picked it up from the ground, in their living room."
"Jerry, how many times do I have to tell you not to go into people's houses and steal their mail?" Asked Theresa. "It's just not right.
"They always get better mail then us. All we get are these, napkins with words on them."
"Jerry, these are bills!" Yelled Theresa.
"Dad, need another napkin." Said Alex.
"Here, water bill." Said Jerry handing her a napkin.
"Ah man the water's out." Said Max. "Ah, just dig a hole and pull water from that."
"That's my son! Resourceful! Go ahead son." Said Jerry.
As Max opened the door some tough looking cops and thugs busted the door off its hinges, shoved Max aside, and began tearing off wallpaper, shoving over furniture, paiting the windows, and tearing off the carpet. "Excuse me, may I ask what the hell your doing?" Yelled Theresa.
"Hello, and welcome to our new show, The Private Life of!..." Yelled a man with a microphone.
"Will ya shut up!" Yelled Jerry. "Who are you?"
"We are a crew from the new reality show, the Private Life of the American Citizen, and we want you, the average American family, to be on our new show." Said the man with the microphone.
"Wait, you're going to have strangers move into our house, and you think you can remodel it however you want?" Demanded Alex.
"Oh, we're not shooting at your house, we have a house especially built for the show. I just can't stand looking at this disgusting design." Said the man as they continued to tear off carpet.
"Stop it!" Yelled Justin. "I don't believe it, we're going to be on T.V!"
"Us, who would want to watch us on T.V?" Asked Theresa.
"I wouldn't." Said Alex.
"I won't!" Yelled Jerry.
"Great, meet us tomorrow." Said the man as he and his crew left the destroyed house.
At the studio, the Russos had just arrived at the house, and were all curious. "Wow, where's our luggage?" Asked Alex.
"Ya, all of our, T-SHIRTS were in there!" Yelled Justin.
"I hate this show already." Said Jerry.
"Jerry, you are just so negative!" Yelled Theresa. "Why don't you just shut up and not destroy all of our lives to!"
"You wanna take me on!" Yelled Jerry with his arms spread.
"Ra!" Yelled Theresa as she picked up a chair.
"Ya!" Yelled Jerry as he picked up a cro-bar and the two fought each other.
"Ha! Stop it! The producers are gonna be here any minute!" Yelled Justin.
"Shut up Justin! Mom and dad want to fight, it's better to get it out now, than to keep it bottled up and have a heart attack years later, and leave us to make money for ourselves, get jobs and move into the real world you S.O tard!" Yelled Alex as she busted a chair on Justin.
"Guys! Guys!" Yelled Max as he tried to pull the pairs apart but just got hit by chairs and fell on the ground.
"Alright! Who's ready to start," Started to man as he saw the family fighting. "Ya dumb question. Ha, ha!" Yelled the man as he threw sulfur on the Russos. "Wait five minutes 'till the cameras are rolling, then you get paid!"
"Sorry boss!" Yelled the five who had just stopped fighting.
"Alright, so here are the people you will be living with. This is Lacey, this is Gosseling, and this is Steve-O." Said the man.
"Steve-O!" Yelled everybody.
"Steve-O, can I bust a chair on you, and roll ya around in an outhouse?" Asked Justin.
"Ya want yer arm shoved down your throat?" Demanded Steve-O.
"No."
"Then there's yer answer, maybe the outhouse thing later."
"Hi, I'm Lacey, the smart alicky, sassy, pretty bitchy one. This is going to be a great show hu?"
"Ya, I..." Started Alex as Lacey busted a chair on her. "Ah! Ya!" Yelled Alex as she busted a steel fold-out chair on Lacey.
"Okay, one more minute!" Yelled the man.
"Hi, I'm Gosseling, and I'm a pyrotechnician, so I could set off fire crackers and blow this house sky high!"
"Glad to hear it you loser!" Yelled Max.
"Ah!" Cried Gosselin. "Ii'm also the sensitive one! Ah!"
"And 3,2,1! Hi, I'm Brian, and this is the new reality show, The Private Life of the American Citizen and here they are, Alex!"
"Ya!" Yelled Alex as she pulled Lacey's hair, who was on the floor.
"Lacey!" Lacey was pulling on Alex's earings and screaming. Theresa!" Theresa was busting chairs on Jerry. "Jerry!" Jerry took the couch and busted it on Theresa's head, who collapsed. "Steve-O!" Steve-O was eating a glass cup and was bleeding. "Justin!" Justin took a chair and busted it on Steve-O who took an nail gun and started shooting. "Max!" Max was poking and taunting Gosseling. "And Gosseling!" Gosseling was crying and running in circles. "And, here we go!"
Day One
The shot goes to a camcorder with the group sitting on the couch and watching T.V. "Wow, this show is hard core! Like watching a show on..." Started Jerry as Theresa walked in.
"Jerry, what do you call this?" Demanded Theresa holding an empty bottle of corn syrup.
"I call it a bottle, what do you call it?" Asked Jerry.
"I call it a (beep) with a (beep) of (beep)!"
"Oh, why no(beep)!" Yelled Jerry as he took his wine bottle and smashed it on the table and came at Theresa.
"Whoa, why don't we all sit down and talk about our prob..." Started Gosseling as Max smacked him in the back on his head. "Ah!" Cried Goss as he took some pyro crackers and set the couch on fire.
"Whoa!" Yelled Steve-O as he rolled down the stairs in a wardrobe.
"Ya!" Yelled Justin jumping up and down.
"Ah!" Yelled Alex and Lacey as they rolled into the room pulling on each other's hair.
Later, the Russos were eating lunch. "This food it hot, real good though." Said Jerry.
"Here, take this food, and...!" Yelled Theresa as she took the pot of hot soup and threw it all over Jerry.
"Ah!" Yelled Jerry as he took a kitchen fork and threw it right at Theresa's arm.
"Ah!" Yelled Theresa as she jumped across the table and jumped on Jerry with a butcher knife.
"Wa!" Yelled Steve-O as he took the fork drawer and poured about twenty forks into his mouth.
"Woo!" Yelled Goss and he set off a fire cracker and it set the curtains on fire, which Justin took and threw on the stove and it burst into flames.
"Ya!" Yelled Justin.
"Ah!" Yelled Alex and Lacey as they pulled each other's hair and threw the burning table on to the other, and pushed each other on the burning stove as their skin and hair burned.
Later, all were sitting on the couch. "Ha, almost three bells, almost," Started Jerry.
"T-shirt time!" Said everybody. The bell tolled three. "Ya! T-shirt time, t-shirt time." Sang eveybody as they danced into the kitchen.
"Here are you, t-shirts." Sang Brian.
"Ya!" Yelled everybody as they shoved each other on the floor and tripped all over, breaking glass and tipping over chairs as the eight tried to put on the shirts in a room for four. "T-shirts!" Yelled one of the random people.
That night, the people were trying to sleep, but Justin was lying awake groaning. "Ha! Shut up!" Yelled Alex as she threw a knife at him.
"Ra!" Yelled Justin as he fell out of his bed and jumped on a pulled Alex's hair.
"Uh!" Yelled Jerry as he got up, hit his knee on the cabinet and fell on the floor. "Ah! Ah ah ah!" Yelled Jerry as he writhed in pain on the floor.
"Ah!" Yelled Alex as she and Lacey pulled each other's hair and benged their heads into a dresser.
Day Two
The group was eating breakfast when Jerry said, "Ha, can you pass the syrup?"
"Ya, here!" Yelled Theresa as she busted the bottle and threw it at Jerry.
"Ah!" Yelled Jerry as he threw the table over on Theresa and jumped on top of it.
"Oh!" Yelled Steve-O as he jumped on to a bed of knives and rolled all over it. "Ah!"
Goss was smoking a cigar as it exploded and shot down his throat. "Ah, hu, hu!"
"Uh!" Yelled Justin as he puched Goss and he spat the cigar out and it took out Max's eye.
"Ah! Help, help, ah, ah!" Screamed Max as his head smashed through the window.
"Ah!" Screamed Alex and Lacey as they pulled each other's hair and poured hot grease on their faces. "Ah! Ah!"
"Need more reading light." Said Jerry.
"Here!" Yelled Theresa as she bashed Jerry's head with the lamp.
"Ah!" Yelled Jerry as he took a vase of plants and broke it on Theresa head.
"Ah!" Yelled Steve-O as he fell off the roof while surfing on the T.V.
"Ah! Ah!" Yelled Justin as he spun on the fan and fell, tearing the plaster and the fan off the ceiling.
"Ah!" Yelled Alex as she and Lacey pulled each other's hair and rolled into the pool and splashed water at the other.
The bell rang and everybody began to dance. "T-shirt time! T-shirt time! Ah!" Yelled the group as they knocked over each other, broke chairs, cracked glass, bashed their heads into walls which cracked, and fell on the floor. "T-shirts!"
That night, they were in a tent, and were telling scary stories. "So, he went into the closet, and sai..." Started Jerry.
"Boo!" Yelled Theresa as she jumped at Jerry and the two fough each other with lamps.
"Uh!" Yelled Steve-O as he balanced a flaming log and it caught his face on fire. "Ha! Uh oh! Justin!"
"Ah!" Yelled Lacey as she and Alex threw bleach at each other and the group flung the tent into the pool and fought.
The next day, Alex was sitting on the couch reading a magazine when Lacey came in. "Oh my gosh Alex, Gosselin is having a face attack!"
"Oh no!" Yelled Alex as she ran and hit the wall.
At the interview, Lacey was speaking. "He really wasn't having a face attakc, I'm not even sure if you can have a face attack. But Alex believed it, so maybe when I say something, it comes true, or maybe, I'm an evil genius. Bwa ha ha, ah ha ha ha!"
At the bank, Lacey walked up to the bank teller. "Hello, I'd like to withdraw all the money in my account, and everybody else's account."
"What?" Said the teller.
"You heard me, this is a stick up!" Yelled Lacey as she put up her fingers in the shape of a gun.
"Get her out of here." Said the teller as they picked up and carried out Lacey.
"Ah! I'm a genius! Ah, ah, ah! Help me, ah!"
On the news, two people were showing the clip. "Yes, that is the latest clip from this weeks episode of The Private Life of the American Citizen, which has had a running length of two days. In other news, the new film, Broadcast News 2: News Never (beep)s, the long anticipated sequel from director James L. Brooks from his hit film, twenty years ago, which was nominated for every Oscar, all of them, even for best animated picture, best short film, best documentary, and best animated short, was shunned, receiving no awards, and lost the Oscar to the hit film. A film about lesbian cops, played by Shirley McClaine, and Rene Rosso, called Low Fidelity, took fifteen Oscars, which was surprising due to the fact that 70% of the film was made of unauthorized film clips, from films released within three months of this movie. Another film took a record, thirteen Oscars, was the pornagraphic film sequel epic, (beep) and the (beep)y 2: (beep) never (beep)s, the movie that came off the hit pornographic series, entering into its 34th season this fall, which made less thatn 10% of its $4million budget, which just screams Oscar." Said the castor.
"Thank you Chloe, we'll be back with sports and scandal sheets after this commercial for Oprah the movie, in 3-D. See ya." Said the castor as cheers came up
THE END