I've wanted to write this story for any awful long time, and I'm so glad to finally at least get the first chapter up. I've read a lot of Yu-Gi-Oh stories, at some very good ones at that - but I've never really seen many that go into depth about issues that are important to me. I honestly don't know if I'll be any good at writing them into a story, but I'm going to do my very best. So, I guess a few warnings about the content that will be included in this is appropriate - this story mainly deals with self harm in the forms of cutting and also an eating disorder. So, if you dislike these kinds of stories, this probably won't be for you I'm afraid. So, yes, I've suffered from both of these issues. And currently am, unfortunately. And I would love to try and perhaps portray them for what they are and how they can affect the lives of people... I just would like to mention in advance, that I'm currently going through a lot of stuff at the moment, I'm going to start my GCSE's this year and also am in treatment for both of the issues raised in this, so please understand that updating this won't be my biggest concern in life at the moment. I'll do my best, but I can't promise they'll be very frequent.

So, that's enough of my ranting. I hope you enjoy the story and I'd love to hear your thoughts on it.

And, as I'm sure you're all already aware, I don't own Yu-Gi-Oh or its characters!

-Heather

It was ever so strangely bright outside, and the views from the clouded window were breath takingly beautiful. Every colour was just crisp and clear, and it just felt so warm, the atmosphere felt loving and welcoming… so different to the atmosphere he was used to, his usual environment was full of tragedy and hostility. The stunning gardens and rivers were calling him, whispering sweet nothings to him, and he felt compelled to go outside into the lush emerald gardens and walk amongst the golden flowers and swaying trees, but… something, something was stopping him, as if an unseen force was pulling him back, back into the dark and cold house of nothingness, away from the eternal happiness he desired.

Yuugi didn't want to stay in the unfeeling and lifeless house he was currently standing in; this house was capable of stealing every pleasant thought, every memory or emotion and leaving you an empty shell, a shell that can only recall the bad things in life, the suffering you have endured or the tears you have shed over your suffering and pain. Why was he trapped here? Why couldn't he sit beside the glistening river, and listen to the pleasant whooshing of the crystal like water?

Perhaps he simply did not belong in such a wonderful place, surely his presence in such a perfect place would taint it – violate everything that was within it. Maybe only the pure and innocent could have the honour of letting their feet feel the blades of grass under the balls of their feet, and no matter how much people claimed he was pure and innocent he knew the real, shocking and unwanted truth. He was far from innocent for he had witnessed far too much, and he was certainly not pure. He had committed too many sins to ever be considered pure again. As Yuugi stood in the cruel house he realised that he was undeserving and even though he could stand there wishing he could go outside he never would be able to. For this house and other similar places was were he belonged. It always was and always would be. The house was him, as he was the house. It represented the dark emptiness of lies and deceit that lurked within his core – inside his very soul.

So taking his last longful glance at the scene of perfection in front of him he ripped his amethyst eyes away and slowly turned around, to face the shadows and unspoken cries of his soul that awaited him. He had accepted his fate a long time ago, but no matter how many times he had to turn away from the things he loved, he could never shake off the regret that hung to him fiercely, and no matter how much he tried, Yuugi could simply not stop feeling. However when Yuugi turned around to face the frightful scene he saw something he did not expect, there in front of him not far from were he stood was a door, although this time he felt the unseen force drawing him towards the rotting door.

Unconsciously he took his first tentative step towards the door, the echoes of his foot hitting the hard floor reached his ears, he wanted to stop, he was content standing on the same spot for the rest of his pitiful life, until the day were the gods would take his right to live away from him, for, if he could not adventure into the enchanting world outside he did not want to live at all – but he could not stop. It wasn't an option; he didn't seem to have a choice in his own bodies' actions anymore. What was one more thing for him to lose control of?

Not much was left in Yuugi's life anymore that he controlled, he couldn't control the people around him, he couldn't control the path his life was heading in, he could barely even control his emotions and now he had lost control of himself. Although there were aspects of life he had found a way to control, no matter how damaging they were, and without those life threatening means of control Yuugi was sure he would truly fall apart, shattering into millions of tiny pieces. So unfixable not even the great Atem would be able to fit his broken world back together.

So, Yuugi found himself taking those small steps towards the dying door, the echoing of his steps created a dreaded tension inside of Yuugi, the feeling growing and increasing until he could feel the sickening sensation deep within his stomach, twisting itself into a tight knot, causing him to harshly shallow the lump that was forming in his throat, for now was not the time or the place to bring up him anxieties in the form of vomit. Then before he even realised it, he was stood directly in front of the door, and the dulled gold colour of the door knob was within the reach of his porcelain like hand, and slowly his delicate fingers curled around the door knob and he twisted, only barely noting the ice cold touch of the bland metal.

The door opened slightly – only a small crack, but it was enough for his mind to clearly and quickly reconstruct a full image of one he already knew of. There, standing right before him was the hallway to his soul room. But… This time something was different, not only was Yuugi's soul room present but so was his Yami's, his darkness's, his other self's – his Atem's soul room. In the not so distant past this would have been perfectly acceptable, for the spirit not so long ago resided within Yuugi, both souls being present in the single body which rightfully belonged to Yuugi. However, now that the Ceremonial Duel had taken place and Yuugi had defeated Atem, Atem had been granted his own body by the God's, the price being that Atem would become mortal, and lose whatever dark powers he may have possessed, and also the chance of being reunited with the people he belonged with, his friends and family alike. Which, Yuugi would always be eternally grateful for, knowing that Atem had lost so much – just for him. Even in the unfortunate circumstances it was the most pleasant experience of his life. The only thing that was left un-touched was the mind-link between the two. The reason why this had not been taken away was unknown. But for whatever purpose Yuugi was not going to argue against their better judgement and tempt the God's into taking away the last mystical bond between them. Now instead of Yuugi's soul room sitting alone, opposite the open door the familiar closed door of the once pharaohs soul room stood closed. Just like it had always been when they had shared the one body.

A wave of confusion hit Yuugi like a ton of bricks, and questions began to bubble up within him, but, shaking away the screams of his mind to stop and think about what was he doing and what was happening, he gave in to the sweet whispers haunting him, drawing him towards Atem's soul room, and as he finally fully opened the door he was currently half hidden behind he heard the distinct voice of the one he could never refuse, causing his eyes to open wide and his feet to move once again of their own accord.

"Do not be afraid, Aibou."

Despite Yuugi's best efforts he could not find the source of where his Yami had spoken to him from, so instead of continuing to search in vain he focused his eyes upon Atem's soul room and concentrated on moving towards the door, his focus and concentration only wavering fleetingly as he shot a quick look at his own soul room. At first glace he had assumed nothing had changed, however on a second glance it became apparent that a doll stood noticeably on a glass table in the centre of the room, a perfect replica of Yuugi, a warm and gentle smile pressed upon the dolls lips. Finally Yuugi was able to regain control over his movements and stood briefly to stare into his room or more precisely – the doll. While the doll appeared happy, there was a subtle hint of subdued sadness and regret in the doll's amethysts eyes. Yuugi felt a pang in his chest as he looked deeply into the doll, its watchful gaze slowly consuming him. But as the whispers began to return to the boy he finally turned his back on the doll exhaling and inhaling deeply, which was followed by a loud sigh. Now he faced another door – Atem' door, and for some unexplainable reason he felt nervous.

The door did not wait for Yuugi to manually open it himself, instead it gradually opened to reveal the only thing he could truly depend on in this life, and that was his other half. Atem. There stood Atem, his arms folded tightly across his chest, but Yuugi was instantly fixated with his eyes, his once beautiful eyes had a vacant and lifeless quality about them, so unlike what he was accustomed to. But when he was able to look behind Atem he noticed another strange thing, there was no usual labyrinth surrounding him… there was just nothing. It was cold and empty. Was this really Atem's soul room?

Atem's lips twitched upwards in a slight smile, "Aibou, I've been waiting for you."

Yuugi stuttered a rambling apology, quietly under his breath, "Oh – uh sorry, I didn't mean to keep you waiting, Atem." If Yuugi had been able to think clearly at the time he would have thought his reaction was strange, surely he had nothing to worry about with Atem? So why had he suddenly felt the need to act meek and shy?

Meanwhile Atem seemed rather amused by his Aibou's reaction. "Aibou…" Yuugi glanced to look into Atem's eyes once more, almost feeling completely overwhelmed by the abrupt power and passion that almost exploded within those crimson eyes, as his own eyes trailed down over his dark he saw as Atem began to extend his hand slowly, outstretching it towards Yuugi, until that moment Yuugi hadn't realised how large the gap between them were, his eyes alternately flickered up and down between the outstretched arm and the powerful and charismatic crimson eyes. "…Do you trust me?"

Atem's gentle and deep tone took him by surprise snapping him out of his thoughts; he took a moment to process the question in his mind before instantly shaking his head rather forcefully, "Yes! Of course I trust you, Atem."

"Then take my hand little one."

So Yuugi did just that.

Soon both Yuugi and Atem no longer were standing before Atem's soul room, both souls were engulfed into the darkness as they stood with their hands grasping each other gently, Yuugi could almost make out a faint smile that graced his other half's lips.

"Atem…?" Yuugi whispered, searching for an answer to an unknown question from the scarlet eyed man.

"Close your eyes, but only if you trust me, Aibou."

"Uh, okay, Atem." Yuugi nodded gently, before closing his eyes and fully being thrown into the darkness.

"Now open them,"

Yuugi's eyes gradually flickered open, his eyesight was blurry at first – almost like he had just awoken from a deep sleep, but instead of the familiar surroundings he was used to when he usually awoke from a peaceful sleep he was faced with an unknown but strangely recognizable sight. A few moments later it became apparent to the amethyst eyed teenager that he was standing in the middle of a meadow… a strangely bright, breath takingly beautiful garden next to a sparkling river… Yuugi was standing in the garden he had so desperately wanted to walk across while he had been trapped within the cold house.

He let go of Atem's hand and stepped back, beaming brightly at his other half, before letting out a loud and hearty laugh, Atem couldn't help but smile back at the overjoyed teenager. However Yuugi missed the fleeting look of regret that flickered over Atem's features.

"Atem, thank you… I wanted this so- What…?"

Yuugi paused as he watched the grass underneath his feet and where he had stood only moments before suddenly begin to die, turning a sickly brown colour. As he looked around he realised that everything – not only the grass, but everything was dying around him. Flowers… Trees… Wildlife… Atem… Atem!

Yuugi paled drastically and a wave of panic overwhelmed his senses, it was one thing causing everything around his to die but his other half… his Yami… he couldn't let this happen… he couldn't let this happen to the one he loved! So forgetting his common sense he leaped forward and grasped his other half's arm, only to whip his hand away at the painful burning sensation that shot throughout his hand.

Forming tears welled up behind Yuugi's eyes, stinging them pitifully, "Atem…?"

"My apologizes, Yuugi, but I cannot stay with you." Atem's voice was firm and grave, but it was his words that send Yuugi into a frenzy.

"But why, Atem? What's happening?!"

"It is the darkness within your heart; it is taking the life of everything. Even me. Yuugi, this is your own doing…"

"The darkness within my heart? I don't understand; please help me, other me!" Yuugi reached forward for a second time only for Atem to take a step back. The rejection of his other half hurt more than any blow he had ever taken, and the prospect of being abandoned by his darkness shook him to his very core.

"Goodbye, Yuugi."

And everything disappeared.

Yuugi was left completely alone.

"Atem… come back, come back, come back!" Letting the tears flow freely, Yuugi fell to his knees; he had nothing to live for anymore. Atem was gone and it was his entire fault. He had… he had killed his other half.

It was true; Yuugi really was a worthless, pathetic excuse for a human. Everyone had been right from the start. And now he had finally given up hope, given up hope in his friends, his family and now himself. Because truly, he was the only one at fault for his friends, his families, and his own problems.

Yuugi was dying inside.

And no one was left to save him.

-X-

Yuugi eyes beadily opened to the sight of the deep red of his other half's crimson's eyes leaning over his body; he stared into the enchanting colour for a few moments, not quite sure if his eyes were deceiving him. Was he imagining that Atem had returned him, was he not alone in the world after all…?

Suddenly realization dawned upon him, and he sighed inwardly in relief, it was just a dream… a silly little dream. Everything began to fall into place as he lay under his sky blue bed covers, a small smile began to form, turning his lips up at the corners.

"Good morning, Aibou. I'm afraid your alarm clock had failed to wake you up, so I just thought I'd do the honours myself." Atem said cheerfully, completely unaware of Yuugi's momentarily distress, he took a step back, giving Yuugi room to get up.

"Atem… uh, hi."

Yuugi's response was a quiet chuckle from his other, companied by a slight reddening of his own cheeks. "Well hello to you too, Aibou. You are going to have to awaken and leave your bed before you're late for school, much like Saturday."

"Can't we just stay here a while?" Yuugi lifted himself up from his lying position and prompted himself up with his elbows. Having just believed to have lost the one person who meant the most to him, he wasn't going to let him go so soon again, even if it was just to the very next room.

"If that is what you wish," And at that Atem sat gently down on the bedcovers, being careful not to disturb Yuugi's outstretching legs.

Yuugi's brows furrowed in a deep frown as his mind began to search for the images that were beginning to dim and become foggy to his mind, and this change did not go unnoticed by his other and Atem's expression soon mirrored his own.

"Is something troubling you, Aibou?"

Taking a moment to calculate and consider his next few words, Yuugi spoke gently and unsure, hoping to not embarrass himself a great deal in his recollection of his troublesome sleep he had just endured. "Atem… do you think that, perhaps, our dreams have meanings? A supernatural message in them?"

"A meaning? Personally, I believe they do. Why, little one?"

His amethyst eye's trailed off, almost if he had found his bedside lamp to become incredibly interesting. "I-I dreamt about you, Atem."

A small smile crept upon Atem's lips and a slight tone of surprise – or perhaps the tone of one who is teasing was apparent from the first few notes that came from Atem. "Really, Aibou, you were dreaming of me? I am expecting all good things from this dream; it must have been most enjoyable." He winked as Yuugi childishly peaked his tongue through his apparently not so tightly pressed lips.

Suddenly the mood lost its playful atmosphere as Yuugi's solemn tone reached Atem's ears. "Actually, it wasn't all that good… It wasn't good at all."

"Oh." A subtle hint of disappointment could be heard from only the sharpest of ears, however sharp ears or not, it was evident from his disappearing smile. "Why was that? What exactly happened in this dream?"

"Well… It wasn't really a dream, it was more like a… like a nightmare." He paused unsure whether to finish, but after a moments thought to the situation he decided to press on, "I-I think I… I think you died because of me." Seeing the frown setting upon Atem's features he added hastily, "I mean in my dream. I touched you and you disappeared, and everything around me started dying, leaving me completely alone… after I touched you, you told me… you told me it was because of 'the darkness within my heart'… What does that mean…?"

Silence filled the bedroom; both boys being swallowed by the never-ending silence. But soon the spell of nothingness was broken by the timid, regretful voice of the younger and smaller of the two, "Sorry, I know it's just stupid."

His little one's apology snapped him out of his thoughts, reminding him that his silence did not help matters, and he was also reminded that his Yuugi had asked him a question, and he could never refuse Yuugi anything, no matter how little or how large it happened to be. "Sorry? Oh Aibou, you have nothing to apologize for, I appreciate you telling me about this 'dream' of yours." He was thoughtful for a moment, looking through the windows of Yuugi's soul – namely his two seemingly innocent amethyst eyes, trying to understand the reason for such a dream. "Perhaps, this is about how you are feeling. Aibou, do you perhaps think I will leave you?"

"I don't know, Atem… I really don't know,"

Atem raised his eyebrow at his light, clearly seeing past his look of innocence and seeing the insecurities. "I believe you are not saying everything that is on your mind, and I believe you do know the answer to my question. So I will ask you again, Aibou, do you think I will leave you?"

Yuugi fidgeted uncomfortably under Atem's hard gaze, and although he hated to admit it, the more he thought of it the more he realised that his dark was right, he was aware of the answer and he left uneasy telling Atem this, after everything he had sacrificed to stay with him. And yet he still doubted the promise that Atem had given him.

Please know Aibou, that whatever may happen, I will always need you. I will always be there for and I will protect you no matter what. You mean the word to me…

"Well…" He began shakily, "I-I, well, you where going to leave… At the ceremonial duel… But you didn't, so I – I guess I don't know. Maybe – maybe you're not as, as happy here, than you would be… You know, with your family and loved ones…"

Both boys fell into silence for the second time, however it was Atem who was the first to speak, noting how Yuugi's fingers dug deeply unto the bed covers.

"Aibou, I'm sorry you feel that way. It was never my intention to allow you to believe that you could be anything less than the most important person in my life… I do not think you realise just what I'd do for you." His voice softened dramatically and he leaned forwards slightly so if there had been other presents within the room they would have been unable to understand what was being spoken. "Grandpa, and even you, Aibou, are my family, and my loved ones. Don't let me hear you thinking otherwise again."

Yuugi nodded, refusing to meet Atem's painful gaze, however he couldn't hold back the small and barely noticeable smile than appeared over his lips. "I know, Atem, I know… Thank you." The last part was spoken as a light whisper, only just reaching the ears of his other. Atem smiled his rely.

"Perhaps this dream of yours was simply fears you have that were making themselves known, telling you that you could no longer ignore them."

"Maybe."

Edging off the bed, and using his arms to pull himself up, Atem stood up beside Yuugi's bed, his hand gently reached the soft skin of under Yuugi's chin, raising his face to face him properly, forcing Yuugi to look into his deep crimson eyes. He chuckled at the faint blush covering Yuugi's cheeks that the little action had caused. "You should get ready for school; I wouldn't want you to be late."

Yuugi nodded slightly, he didn't want for his other to leave him, he wanted to talk more with him but he understood now was not the time. He would need to set time aside to do such a thing. So accepting that school would not wait for him or Atem, he stretched his arms and legs out; mentally preparing himself for whatever the day might decide to throw in his direction. He was ready.

-X-

Yuugi soon discovered he was indeed not ready for whatever the day had decided to throw at him. Yuugi's school day consisted of failing tests, losing basketball games, making social blunders and generally succeeding in destroying any chance of it becoming anything less than an incredibly embarrassing and disappointing day. Now such a day is not totally uncommon, and many people are perfectly capable of shrugging it off and continuing with their tasks and settling for hopes that the next day will not contain quite so many annoying mistakes and irritating letdowns.

However, Yuugi was not one of these people.

Yuugi had his own ways of dealing with such days, and merely hoping that the following day would be better was not one of those ways.

The boy's methods were anything but conventional and couldn't be considered a socially acceptable way of dealing with such trivial problems either.

But, none the less for the young sixteen year old, these dangerous and harmful methods worked, at least superficially. They provided an instant relief, or helped to calm painfully emotions and thoughts on the surface, they were merely temporary solutions to his difficulties in life and unfortunately could not fix the issues lying underneath the surface but Yuugi didn't care much for dealing with those kinds of problems. They were too frightening. Too complicated. Too much for him to deal with on his own.

When Yuugi waved and smiled cheerfully at passers by on his journey home, he appeared to be carefree and simply enjoying the beautiful sun that was shining its warmth unto the streets of Domino City. Not one person imagined the twisted thoughts and images that were crawling around his mind or the whispers making empty promises. No they saw what they were supposed to see.

The beautiful façade that was Yuugi Motou.

No one noticed the lies, the pain, the sorrow, and the emptiness… the unwanted truth.

No one noticed.

-X-

Carefully locking the bathroom door behind him, Yuugi held a bundle of clothes tight to his chest, careful to make sure that the little wooden box that was carefully and purposely concealed within the mound of items of clothing were not to slip out and be dropped unto the cold tiled floor beneath his bare feet.

He silently walked towards his target at the opposite side of the bathroom, and set his handful down next to his most hated – yet meaningful and important item in the whole of the Motou household, at least in the eyes of the troubled young teenager. And this was none other than the bathroom scales. Every morning, afternoon and evening without fail Yuugi made sure to take his place on top of the scales. Stripping off his uniform leaving him standing only in his underwear, he finally stepped unto the scales, the teenager wasn't quite sure what emotions he should currently be experiencing, anxiety, curiosity, dread, excitement, fear? All of these emotions?

91 lbs.

Yuugi currently weighted 91 pounds, a whole pound more than we weighed this morning. He was devastated.

91 pounds. 6 stone 7 pounds. 41.4 kg. Body mass index of 17.8. Underweight.

Not good enough.

It was never good enough.

He swallowed the lump that was forming in his throat. He was frustrated with himself, yet again he had gained. And Yuugi had a rule. It was a very simple rule. Gaining was not allowed. Maintaining was not allowed. Losing was good, it was okay, it was allowed. Even though this rule was easy to follow, Yuugi found himself continuing to fluctuate, causing his self-esteem to fall lower and lower with each passing day. Yes, he understood that towards number on the scale was merely the weight of the liquids he had been consuming throughout the day. But, he didn't care. It was still important to lose. He didn't understand why. Or care much for the reason. Logic was not important, facts were not important. Yuugi Motou had to lose weight.

A mere thirteen pounds was all he had lost. Pathetic. Purely pathetic.

Now, that he had discovered what his weight had amounted to, he prepared himself for his next act. Fumbling through the bundle of clothes he had brought with him into his bathroom, he produced the small wooden box that contained his desired tools of self-inflicted violence. Sitting on the cool edge of the bath, he picked out a particularly vicious looking single sided razor – and the metal of this very razor had begun to gather what appeared to be a slightly rusted surface at one end.

Hesitating, he rested the razor above the skin of his exposed left thigh, the same thigh that was littered with the scars of past troubles and difficult emotions; none of these scars were fresh, for nothing had triggered Yuugi into taking such action against himself in the past three weeks. So today, he felt slightly more reluctant than usual to make the first mark against his pale skin; did he really need another ugly scar on his already ugly body?

A voice within Yuugi was able to quickly provide him with the answer.

Yes.

So Yuugi lowered the blade against his thigh, letting out a sharp hiss as he first ran it from left to right. The pain was merely a fleeting sharp prickle and it was soon replaced with a calm cooling sensation as the red droplets of his own blood began to form over the freshly created line, before one droplet grew in size and spilled over the cut. Causing the dark red liquid to trickle down his leg and to Yuugi it appeared to look almost like a tear drop. A tear that was unable to be shed. Yuugi watched the blood begin to stream down with fascination before he decided that he needed to numb his senses and create the fake high for himself he desperately craved. He needed to become detached from his emotions and feelings.

So he continued. And cut. Again, and again, and again, and…

Until he had made forty-seven cuts on his small and pale thigh. Finally, he was satisfied. By now he no longer could feel the pain and disappointment that had driven him to such abuse of his own body, and almost without care he slipped out of his last garment of clothing and climbed into his shower to clean up the mess he had become.

He hissed through his clenched teeth as he stood in the shower and the water began to flow over his wounds, the water stung the cuts that covered his two thighs, causing him to slowly return to his senses. But he felt no guilt or remorse, he barely even cared about the act he had just preformed against himself. For to him, it had become normal. It no longer stirred any emotions in the boy. It made the world seem more bearable again. It made his failures seem less upsetting. For he had paid the price today for being unable to reach the high standards and rules he had created for himself.

Yuugi absent-mindedly noted that he would have to scrub the bathroom titles after his shower. Again.

Yuugi was falling apart.

And nobody noticed.