Drowning In Your Bottle of Love
Chapter 1
"Okay, here's a scenario for you: say, you apparate into Knockturn Alley," Lily said to her third-year class, "and you meet—"
"But miss—!" cried Nymphadora, shoving her hand in the air. With resignation, Lily allowed her eyes to focus on the small metamorphmagus. "We're not old enough to apparate!"
Lily sighed, "I know, Nymphadora—"
"Dora," the child interrupted.
"Fine, Dora," Lily snapped frustratedly, "Just imagine, okay? It's just a scenario."
"Okay," Nymphadora relented. "But why would we apparate to Knockturn Alley, miss? Isn't it dangerous there?"
Lily gritted her teeth. "Yes, Dora," she agreed reluctantly, "but this is a scenario. I'm not asking you to apparate to Knockturn Alley, I just want you to imagine it, alright?"
The child nodded her head and fell silent. It didn't really surprise Lily that Nymphadora was Victoire's child, considering their similarities. They were both incredibly stubborn and asked far too many questions. However, she didn't really feel like dwelling on it, since she was in the middle of teaching.
"Where was I?" Lily muttered to herself. "Okay! You're in Knockturn Alley and you come across a suspicious man with a cloak shielding his face."
"Miss!" Nymphadora called out, waving her hand in the air again. "How can you be sure it's a man if you can't see his face?"
Lily shot her a glare. "Because I said so."
"But that's not very—"
"Fine! Fine!" Lily snapped, having had enough of the kid. "Because he hasn't got any bloody boobs, alright?!"
The class burst into a fit of giggles, and Lily's cheeks burned with mortification. She sincerely hoped no one would tell McGonagall about that exclamation, since she was kind of on report already.
Nymphadora blushed and fell silent once more.
Lily collapsed into her chair. Merlin, that was an exhausting lesson. Somehow, it had managed to descend into complete and utter chaos after her little outburst, finishing with a huge paper fight. It had seemed like an exciting thing to do, seeing as she was certainly going to be fired anyway. However, it did mean that the second the bell rang, Lily was left with a colossal mess.
And frankly, Lily was rubbish at charms.
Merlin, her life sucked.
Lily hauled herself into a standing position and reluctantly took out her wand. After all, it was only a question of now or later. She examined the room and sighed, realising it hadn't been a paper fight. It had been an everything fight.
Lifting her wand, Lily stated: "Accio everything!" Surely that had to work.
Tables and chairs, as well as books and classroom equipment started striking every inch of her body. "Oh fuck!" Lily cried, when she saw the bookcase levitating off the floor and moving closer. She pulled her arms over her face and waited for the unbearable pain.
Fucking hell, she was a bloody idiot.
Lily groaned and rubbed her head. Everything was hurting, especially her shoulder, which felt like it was burning up. She really was a bloody idiot. Why in Merlin's name did she ever think it would be a good idea to accio everything? She couldn't have been in her right mind.
Damn it, what was she supposed to tell McGonagall about this mess?
Lily cracked open her eyes and nearly jumped out of her skin. Right in front of her was an elderly man with a long white beard and ridiculously blue eyes.
"Oh, pardon me," the man apologised, his voice sounding rather scratchy. "I didn't mean to startle you. I merely came to investigate after the breach to Hogwarts' security wards."
Her jaw dropped open with sudden realisation. This was Dumbledore! That bookcase must have given her a concussion because she was definitely imagining things.
Lily closed her eyes and counted to ten. However, much to her disappointment, Dumbledore was still very much there when she opened them again. Merlin, what was wrong with her?
"Are you alright?" He asked.
"Uhh...I'm just dandy, Professor," she told him. How did people break out of trances anyway?
"That's always good to hear," Dumbledore concurred. "I don't suppose I could have your name, perchance?"
She couldn't see any harm in that. "Lily Potter, uhm...sir."
"Lily Potter?" He repeated, his eyes twinkling amusedly. "What a coincidence. If you don't mind me asking, why exactly are you here?"
"I'm the Defence against the Dark Arts teacher," Lily replied with a frown. At least, she would be until McGonagall found out about the incident.
Dumbledore chuckled. "Well, that was awfully bold of you, though it is true that I'm looking for a replacement."
Lily opened her mouth, "I didn't mean—"
He lifted his hand to interrupt her. "I'd be happy to assimilate you, after all, you did break through the castle's wards. The children arrive this afternoon and classes begin tomorrow morning."
Lily blinked with confusion. "But classes have already—"
"I'll see you at the Grand Feast," Dumbledore said with a wink. "Feel free to settle into your new apartment."
"Uhh...bye, I guess?" Lily said in reply, scratching her head as the Headmaster left through the open door.
What just happened? This concussion was too bloody realistic.
James was sitting next to Remus in the Great Hall, waiting impatiently for Lily to look at him. Normally, he wasn't so restless. After all, it had been the same way for the past five years. However, this year James had received the honour of being Head Boy, and it felt like it was finally time for the two of them.
Of course, Sirius begged to disagree. "Oh, stop squirming, you wimp." He said, crossing his arms. "Dumbledore's about to introduce the new professor."
"Since when did you care about new professors?" James replied with a disgruntled frown.
"Have you looked at the High Table?" Sirius asked in disbelief. "The new DADA teacher is fucking hot!"
Remus shook his head disapprovingly. "You're not supposed to think your professors are hot."
Sirius rolled his eyes. "What else are they for, if not for eye-candy?"
Remus shot him an incredulous look. "Uhh...let me think about that one," he said, pretending to ponder the question. "Teaching your bloody NEWTS!"
"What do we need NEWTS for anyway?" James asked with a grin. "We're just—"
"Shhh!" Sirius said, silencing them both.
"...I also wish to welcome our new Defence against the Dark Arts teacher, Professor Lily Potter! I'm sure you'll all join me in wishing the professor good luck..."
James's jaw dropped open. "Did he just say Lily Potter?"
"Yep, this must be a sign," Sirius replied with sarcasm. "Clearly, you and Lily are destined to be together."
"You think so?" James asked with a massive grin.
Sirius reached over the table and whacked James across the head. "I was joking, doofus! I thought you were supposed to be smart."
James scowled. "Alright, calm down," he said, rubbing his head. "But I reckon Lily's going to say yes this year. I just know it."
"Yeah! Just give her some chocolate!" Peter suggested enthusiastically. Ever since they arrived in the Great Hall, he went in and out of daydreams.
Remus raised an eyebrow. "You know, chocolate is not exactly the way to a girl's heart, despite popular belief."
Sirius grinned. "Nope, chocolate's the way to your heart, isn't it Moony?"
"What's wrong with liking chocolate?" Remus asked defensively.
James snorted. "You don't like chocolate, mate, you love it." He paused for a second. "Probably more than chicks."
"I resent that comment!"
"Oh, don't pretend like it's not—"
Mary, a friend of Lily Evans, slipped into the seat next to Sirius, and breaking his trail of thought. She had a massive grin on her face and a twinkle in her eye. "So, heard about the new professor?"
"Sure have," Sirius said, matching her grin with his own. "Lily Potter. Reckon James is superstitious now."
"I thought you might like that little detail," Mary teased James. "But apparently she's only twenty two! We've never had such a young teacher, have we? She's so pretty though...wish I had her hair."
Remus looked incredulous. "Twenty two? This is probably her first job!" He looked very worried all of a sudden. "I hope she's good enough to teach NEWT level..."
"Have a little faith," Mary told him. "I'm sure she has plenty of experience."
Sirius's grin grew wider. "Besides, she's fucking hot. Who cares if she can't cast an Expelliarmus?"
"Anyone wishing to pass their NEWTs?" Lily answered, sliding next to Mary. She had her DADA textbook opened on a page relating information about the Shield Charm.
"Are you studying already?" James asked disbelievingly. It seemed he didn't have very much discretion around Lily Evans.
Lily shot him a glare. "Yes. Is that a problem? As Head Girl, I'm striving to set a good example, just like you should be."
"And a good example is being a swot?" said Sirius sceptically.
Lily gritted her teeth. "No, you moron," she snapped. "A good example is keeping as far away as possible from you."
Sirius grinned mischievously. "You're not setting a very good example then, are you?"
"God, you're insufferable!"
"I try my best," Sirius replied with a smirk, "After all, I am—" He trailed off, staring at something he'd seen in the corner of his eye.
"Shouldn't you be taking the First Years to their dormitories?" Professor Potter asked, addressing James and Lily. Glancing around, James realised students were beginning to leave. "One of the professors told me you're the Head Students."
Lily jumped to her feet immediately. "I'm sorry Professor! I lost track of time completely!" She blurted, her cheeks heating up with embarrassment. She dashed towards the entrance, where a crowd of first years were congregating, looking rather confused.
"Guess I'll be off then. I'll see you guys later," James declared, leisurely standing up. He made eye contact with Professor Potter, grinning. "I'll see you in classes."
He walked off, not waiting around to see her reaction. After all, he wanted to be in Lily's good books this year.
Lily slipped her wand back into her pocket and ran a hand through her hair. It seemed that fourth years were just as rowdy in the seventies as they were in her own time.
Yes, unfortunately Lily had come to the realisation that she'd travelled back in time. Merlin knew how, considering she was merely a Dark Arts teacher. It was the sort of thing she expected to happen to Teddy, who was actually working on time travel. Nevertheless, she needed to find a way of getting back to her own time. Until then, however, she was stuck working the same job in a different era. Her life sucked.
The clock hanging from the wall started whirring, causing Lily to release a sigh. Taking out her wand, she flicked it at the door and it swung open.
"Come in and take a seat."
Her seventh-year class started filing in. When James Potter came in, she wasn't sure whether to be thrilled or concerned. He was her grandfather, a man whom her father desperately wanted to meet, but at the same time, he was a well-known troublemaker. Merlin, why was her life so complicated?
"Good afternoon, Professor," Sirius Black said with a wink, taking a seat right at the front. Looking disgruntled, James followed suit, and Remus and Peter took the seats on either side.
Lily shifted uncomfortably under his stare. Last night, Sirius had made little effort to hide that he was interested in her, flirting openly with her in front of his friends. Whilst it was flattering to say the least, he was technically forty nine years her senior. So, while he thought he was chatting up a 'mature' woman, what he was actually doing was quite disturbing.
"Okay class," Lily said after everyone had taken a seat. "Seeing as you're all high level students, I thought it would be an excellent idea to commence the year with a practical lesson."
James and Sirius pumped the air with their fists. Lily rolled her eyes, but smiled a little bit. "Could you please stand up and take out your wands?"
A cheeky grin spread across Sirius's face. "That's a bit presumptuous of you, Professor."
Oh Merlin, Lily thought. "If you have nothing good to say, say nothing at all," she told Sirius with a scowl.
"Pardon me, Professor," Sirius apologised with a wink.
Lily flicked her wand to vanish all the tables and chairs. "Today, you'll be splitting into pairs and practicing your duelling techniques. Every five minutes, I would like you to switch partners. Is that clear?"
Some seventh-years nodded more enthusiastically than others. Like James, for example, who looked like his grin couldn't spread any further. In fact, he'd probably just realised he could partner up with Lily Evans.
Students started splitting up and organising themselves into the right positions. Part of the reason why Lily had chosen this lesson plan was because it meant she could watch it from the comfort of her chair. The children enjoyed it and she could sit back and relax. What wasn't to like?
Forty minutes later, Lily decided to see how the students were getting along. After all, she did want them to pass their NEWTs. She just happened to want an easy life as well.
In the corner, she could see Remus duelling with a dark-haired boy, and to her direct right, Sirius was showing off his duelling skills against Mary Macdonald. Merlin, he was so egotistical. However, most interestingly, right in the middle of the classroom was James and Lily Evans. At the moment, Lily was on the floor, and looking incredibly angry.
Curiosity getting the better of her, Lily started walking closer. However, she soon realised what a big mistake that was.
"...No, I will not go out with you! The only way you could ever get a date with me is...is..." Lily Evans's eyes narrowed around the room to find inspiration, before they landed on Lily. "Is if Professor Potter fell in love with you!"
END OF CHAPTER
A/N: And that's the first chapter of my very strange project! You might be a little confused over how easily Dumbledore gave Lily the job, and to tell you the truth, I was simply too lazy to come up with a good reason for Lily to become the DADA teacher. It's a necessary part of the plot, and this story is supposed to focus more on the humour side of things rather than the realistic ones.
Anyway, I just wanted to inform you that this will be a relatively short story, no longer than 10 chapters. Also, Lily L. Potter & James Potter will not end up together, because I simply adore the James/Lily Evans pairing too much. So, if that's why you're here (and I can't imagine why it would be), then you probably won't enjoy this story.
Cheers, and please leave a review of your thoughts and/or first impressions!