Always
It is Lily.
It has always been Lily, no matter what. It's been Lily since the day he first meet her, it's been Lily since the day she first flashed him a smile. Nothing was ever going to change how he felt about her, not even her death. No matter what happens, he is going to love Lily Evans until the day he dies.
So when he hears about her death, he holes himself up in his chambers and howls for hours, pillow tear-stained and cheeks damp from crying. He's not crying about James's death, no, no, he's crying about Lily. Because maybe, just maybe, if only James had died and Lily had survived, maybe, just maybe, he would have been granted a second chance. Might have finally been worthy of her love, worth of being in her presence.
He supposes that he is a marytr and thinking about what could have been with Lily is his punishment.
But when Dumbledore tells him that Harry survived, Lily's son, it is almost too much for him to bear. He couldn't even imagine how it would feel when he first met him at Hogwarts, and that was over ten years away.
He had Lily's eyes, and Severus supposed that fact would always bring him to tears.
Still, it is Lily.
It will always be Lily Evans who has a hold on his heart.
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