The sun shone brilliantly and the color of the spring day under its glare was offensively bright and cheerful. It was as if they conspired to show me how the world would go on without him. It shouldn't.
Everything should be as grey and dreary as my emotions; it should be cold and damp with silent air. But the birds still sang, and the flowers still bloomed. I walked through the cemetery like a silhouette of myself, wishing I really was as insubstantial as the shadows so that my insides might not feel so mangled.
As I took a stance near the front the burial plot, I held back tears began to flow. I was not ashamed. I loved Karkus. Now he was gone; a light had been extinguished forever in my heart. I stood in my silent grief and awaited the start of the service to end.
I just wanted to get out of there.
It wouldn't end soon enough. The dirt being shoveled over my husband's grave stomped at my bleeding heart. If that weren't enough, I was getting stares from half of the Order that came to his funeral.
I am a giantess, yes, but that does not mean that I deserved such fearful glances while I'm trying to grieve. The nerve of some people.
Perhaps I did look murderous; I felt it in my very soul, so it's possible my face was resembling the feelings I have at this moment. I wanted to hate everything in the world because my beloved Karkus was no longer in it. I wanted everything to burn.
I'll start the burning with my body. With a glass of whiskey in my hand, I walked away from everyone that gathered into the forest for his burial. Except I couldn't get away from them all; I was approached by Dumbledore in all his shining, 'happy' glory. I didn't want that right now.
"Rhea," he said to me, "I know this must be hard for you."
I snorted and downed the rest of the whiskey. I didn't feel the burning sensation that alcohol was supposed to give people. I felt nothing but cold. What a flawed plan.
"You know nothing, Albus," I said, "you know nothing."
"On the contrary," he replied, "I know many things."
I slammed the glass to the ground, rocking it slightly and causing more stares and whispers to be sent in my direction. I don't pay them any mind; I wanted them to be afraid.
"You don't know the feeling of death," I retorted, "not like I do now."
"You're not dead. But I'm not sure you're alive either. Not really."
I shook my head. "No, I'm not alive. Not anymore." I felt the tear trailing down my cheek. "The liveliness of Rhea died with Karkus."
Dumbledore gave me a sympathetic look. No offense to the wizard, but I would have knocked him through so many trees just for the pity. I didn't need his pity. The unbreakable bond I had with the giant I loved was now broken.
"It will get better in time," he said.
I laughed, making the birds resting in the trees scatter from the harsh echo and wind I brought with it. "You're delusional, Dumbledore."
"I'm not delusional. Just optimistic."
"Optimism is not what I need right now. What I need is my husband."
"He is still with you. Just not in the physical form."
I remained silent after that. Dumbledore left at some point; I didn't care to figure out when. I wanted to destroy everything that existed. I wanted my heart back.
Except I couldn't destroy everything, and I couldn't get my heart back.
I snarled, scaring children that were trying to approach me. I saw that they left me a basket of food. How thoughtful of them.
I couldn't thank them right now. My sense of gratitude had perished. My everything had perished. I wouldn't be able to get that back.
Not now. Not ever.
A/N: Written for HSWW (Challenges and Assignments)
Assignment #6 Women's History: Task 1 - write about a woman who is intimidating and scary because of her physical stature and/or size (Karkus' Wife was used)
Amber's Attic: 11. You are not weak just because your heart feels so heavy
Count Your Buttons: (word) burn
Ami's Audio: Garbage Bears - (Emotion) Hatred
Showtime: Summer Sequence - write a fic involving time skips
Book of the Month: Laura Moon: (word) cold, (dialogue) "You're not dead. But I'm not sure you're alive either. Not really." (setting) graveyard
Insane House Challenge: Event - A funeral
Scavenger Hunt: use the genre tragedy
TV Addicts: Jessica Jones - (word) unbreakable, (food) whiskey, (dialogue) "I'm not delusional. Just optimistic."
Easter Bingo: 2. (word) flawed
Guess the Name: Donut - Dumbledore
Word Count: 663