Jia Xu Answers Letters
Just following the trend like everyone else. I use Jia Xu because he's my #1 favorite DW character. And don't worry, I'll stop when it's time to stop. Oops, I didn't mean to offend anyone when I said that.
It is your typical morning in the Wei kingdom. Our favorite turban-wearing strategist rose up from his bed and logged in to his email. There, he found one email coming from his best bud, Guo Jia.
To: Guo Jia
Oh, right. Good morning too.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Why? Well, I'm simply following the trend like everyone else. Sima Yi got it, Xiahou Dun got it, even Sun Quan and Zhang Chunhua also got it! So I decided to have one as well.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Pfft. What could possibly go wrong?
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
What did you say?
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
No, I'm not from the Yellow Turbans. My turban is blue, see?
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
There's no Blue Turbans either.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Wait, what?
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Seriously, what wine are you drunk on right now? I'm not from ISIS either!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Look, I do not go around shooting people and lay bombs in the name of religion! Only my former boss did that!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
What? No no NO! I did not mean Zhang Jiao!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
What I meant is Dong Zhuo. He did not actually HAVE a religion, let alone killing people in the name for it, but he did lay bombs around.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
No, that doesn't mean he's from Al-Qaeda either. I think they might not accept him because he looked worse than the Devil they believe in.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
And now you're saying I'M from Al-Qaeda?!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Dude, let me get this straight: Just that I wear a turban does not mean that I'm Muslim. Same case with Xu Huang. And even then not all Muslims are terrorists!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
You know what, I think you need to get off wine altogether to stop this nonsense babbling.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
No, that doesn't mean you can spend more time with pretty ladies either.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia.
Well? Fuck you, that's why.
Jia Xu
And so Jia Xu closed his laptop and went on with his usual daily activities. On nighttime, he opened his laptop once again, and found one email from Guo Jia, again.
To: Guo Jia
Good night too. What do you want?
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Drinking? Fuck no, I won't go with you.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Because it's bad for your health!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Yes, it is. I have the proofs.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Our emails at the morning.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
What? No, I don't care about you. Go away.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Really, the way you talk about this makes me think like I'm an old man version of Wang Yuanji. Which I'm not. So fuck you.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Go. THE FUCK. AWAY.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Sigh….you know what, I won't dabble in this shit for any longer. So thank you and good night.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
What? Why in the hell would I give you a good-night kiss?!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Dude, I'm old enough to be your FATHER.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Really! I was 23 when you were born. If you were born with the name 'Jia Guo' instead I'm sure it would be a wholly different story.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Yeah. Oh, and just for information I banged your mom. Good thing your bastard half-sibling didn't come out from that. Or YOU, for that matter.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Oh. So this good-night kiss is played out like between father and son because of our age gap? So that's what you meant, eh…I suppose it's fine, assuming you don't have incestuous feelings.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Eh? Um, no! It's not what you think, I swear!
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Well, it's not my fault that I said it like that! I mean, you're a pervert who doesn't seem to mind banging BOTH girls and guys, so I thought THAT'S what you expected from me.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Don't think I don't know what you did with Xun Yu yesterday.
Jia Xu
To: Guo Jia
Fine, then. Goodnight, Guo Jia. (˘⌣˘)ε¯٥) (Ugh…why do I have to do this…?)
Jia Xu
Yeah…so that's my take on the whole 'X Answers Letters' fics here. I'm sorry I was unable to post a new fic yesterday because I have a LOT to do in my first days of school. I hope you understand. Yeah, this chapter doesn't have a lot to offer, but I promise the next chapters will expand onto the other characters as well. Oh, and I did not mean to offend any Muslims here, and I apologize to anyone who was offended.