Weeds have grown over the disclaimer that I don't own any Evolution characters. Or the song 'I Fought the Law' by Bobby Fuller Four. Heck not even the title is mine. I've seen it on a million Hallmark shirts. But I got this crazy idea in my brain and it just had to come out! So here it is.
I Fought The Lawn And The Lawn Won
"FORGE!" Logan bellowed in his loudest voice. "FORGE! FORGE WHERE ARE YOU? GET YOUR INSANE INVENTOR'S BUTT OUT HERE! NOW! WHERE ARE YOU, YOU INSANE MANIAC? GET OUT HERE! SO I CAN KILL YOU! FORGE!"
"What did he do this time?" Kurt asked as he appeared in a puff of brimstone smoke.
"Take a look for yourself!" Logan pointed out the window. "FORGE WHERE ARE YOU, YOU LUNATIC?"
"What could Forge have done...? Yikes!" Kurt shuddered as he looked outside. "Is that..? How did he…?"
"I don't know," Logan groaned. "And I don't wanna know!"
"Neither do I..." Kurt agreed.
"Hey guys!" Fred, Lance, Todd and Pyro walked in. "What's new?"
"Does that answer your question?" Logan pointed outside.
"HELP ME!" Sam screamed as huge waves of grass entangled him and tossed him around outside. "HELP ME! SOMEBODY HELP ME!"
"AHHHHHH!" Ray ran by as fast as he could being chased by weeds carrying weed whackers.
"Oh that can't be good," Fred blinked.
"Definitely not a good thing when the crabgrass can take on a bunch of mutants and machines at the same time," Lance winced.
"Forge has been having some fun in his lab hasn't he?" Todd blinked.
"How did you ever guess?" Logan snapped.
Suddenly the window was shattered by an optic blast. Scott, his clothes cut and torn crawled through it, fighting off the living grass and weeds. "GET OFF ME! BACK! BACK I SAY!" Scott blasted them off him and tumbled inside. "BACK YOU SAVAGE BEASTS! BACK!"
"A little rough out there ain't it?" Todd blinked.
"Just a tad," Scott got to his feet. "It's a jungle out there, literally!"
"What happened?" Kurt asked.
"Some of us were out there working on the lawn when all of the sudden it turns into an episode of When Plants Attack!" Scott snapped. "If I didn't know any better I'd say Willow was attacking us or something!"
"It does look like her work all right," Lance blinked as the weeds grew everywhere.
"What is going on here?" Hank ran in with Forge. "Oh my stars and garters Scott what happened to you?"
"Forge happened to me!" Scott snapped. "Him and his stupid experiments strike again!"
"Me?" Forge blinked. "What did I do?"
"As if you didn't know!" Logan snarled.
"No I don't," Forge looked out the window. "Whoa, what's up with the lawn? I always knew grass was bad for you but this is ridiculous!"
"What did you do Forge?" Logan snapped. "What did you put in the lawn you maniac?"
"I didn't do anything!" Forge said. "You gotta believe me guys! Honest!"
"AAAHHH!" Ray ran by screaming from the armed weeds. "FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY HELP ME?"
"Yeah right," Lance rolled his eyes. "And all those plants are going wild out there because they decided to take a stand against artificial turf."
"Actually," Hank coughed. "Forge isn't responsible for this little hiccup. I'm afraid I am."
"You?" Logan whirled on him. "You did this?"
"Why?" Scott shouted. "HOW?"
"Well you see I was conversing with Trinity and the Joes about some of their earlier exploits," Hank explained. "And how Cobra once had in possession a super plant growth formula which they used to make vegetables attack Chicago."
"Oh yeah, I remember that story," Lance nodded. "I never really believed it." He winced as a weed tried to broke through another window. "Until now."
Scott blasted it with his optic blasts. "Keep talking Beast!"
"Well Trinity gave me the printout for the formula and I tinkered with it in my lab," Hank gulped. "You know how many times our lawn has been wrecked, or had holes in it…" He looked at Pyro. "Or burned?"
"And you think that's a bad thing right?" Pyro asked.
"AAAHHHHH!" Jesse ran away from some weeds carrying a chainsaw.
"Now we don't," Logan groaned.
"Long story short I thought I come up with a formula that would make grass was more resistant…" Hank began.
"HELP ME!" Jamie and several of his clones were being carried around. "SOMEBODY HELP ME! PENNY! HELP ME GIRL!"
"RRARRR!" Penny sliced through several weeds but was overpowered by a lot of them. "YIPE! YIPE!"
"Congratulations! You succeeded," Todd said sarcastically.
"Told you I didn't do it," Forge smirked.
"HELP! SOMEONE STOP THIS CRAZY THING!" Tabitha screamed as she held on for dear life on a flying ride on lawn mower. "WHAT KIND OF IDIOT PUTS A ROCKET JET IN A LAWN MOWER?"
"That one I did," Forge admitted weakly.
"Well at least it's cutting some of the lawn," Lance remarked.
"This reminds me of the time we had to cut my Cousin Earl's lawn," Fred remarked. "We found three lawn chairs, a Buick, two old couches, some old statues and a small herd of deer living in it."
"Cyclops it's time to bring in the heavy artillery," Logan sighed.
"I can't believe I'm actually going to say this," Scott moaned. "Pyro…We need your help. I want you to burn down our lawn."
"YAY!" Pyro grinned and Lance gave him his trusty lighter. "One Scorched Earth Policy Special coming up! Come on Sandra Dee! We have work to do!"
He ran out skipping. "Come on, once more out there into the breach dear friends!" Hank decided to go out and help the others.
"Once? I'm the one who was nearly sliced by a shrub out there!" Scott snapped as he went back outside blasting away with his optic blasts.
"DIE WEEDS DIE!" Logan shot out his claws and started slicing.
"Well here we go again," Forge transformed his arm into a weed whacker and charged out. "CHARGE!"
Soon only the other members of the Misfits were left. "Uh should we do something?" Fred asked.
"Yeah," Todd pulled out a small video camera. "Tape it and make up an amusing parody! Hit it!"
"Pulling weeds in the hot sun, I fought the lawn and the lawn won, I fought the lawn and the lawn won," Todd sang. "I wanna ride on mower but I got none. I fought the lawn and the lawn won. I fought the lawn and the lawn won."
"I'm stuck out here and I feel hot and sad," Fred joined in. "I wanna go inside where it's cool."
"AAAAAH! STUPID WEEDS!" Scott yelled. "Let go of my leg!"
"This weed situation is getting pretty bad," Todd remarked.
"I fought the lawn and the lawn won," Todd and Fred sang. "I fought the lawn and the lawn won"
"AAHHHH! WEEDS! WEEDS!" Sam screamed as the weeds flailed outside.
"To tame this thing you need a howitzer gun," Lance snickered.
"I fought the lawn and the lawn won, I fought the lawn and the lawn won," The guys sang.
"Next time I'll pay someone else to get the job done!" Logan roared.
"I fought the lawn and the lawn won," Todd sang. "I fought the lawn and the lawn won. I'm way in over my head! I'm lost in the growth"
"If I can't cut my way outta here I'm as good as dead!" Sam shouted.
"I fought the lawn and the lawn won! . I fought the lawn and the lawn won!" Todd sang happily.
"TOAD! STOP SINGING AND HELP US OUT HERE!" Scott shouted as he blasted away. "Is that my car? Pyro wait! Don't burn that area! PYRO!"
BOOOOMMMM!