A/N: Oh yeah, this is happening.

Ladies and gentlemen, I have officially come full circle.

You have Ozhawk to thank for that, as this was written in response to a prompt she gave me. If this is too insane for you, that is where you should direct all your mail.

Just make sure it's nice mail. Oh, and read some of her stories, because she's awesome.

But read this first. It's way you're here after all.

I hope you enjoy!

Bucky Barnes walked into the restaurant in his best suit jacket with a black shirt underneath, his hair slicked back and his face clean shaven. He waded through a crowd of men and women, a perfect match for their black ties and finery, but still so out of place. He was one step away from bolting out the door into the night.

He didn't want to move yet, though he was probably in someone's way. His shoulder had a kink in it, and rolling it out meant his metal arm would creak and whine and make all sorts of noise arms were not supposed to make. He checked his hand one more time; the fleshy synthetic glove was in place. He pressed two fingers together, the material molding like real skin would. It was a pretty ingenious creation that he'd have to remember to thank Tony and the Wakandan scientists for later. It allowed him to come here tonight without anyone questioning him for wearing gloves indoors. If he was lucky, he'd get through this with the bare minimum of mental anguish and zero collateral damage. Considering who he was here to meet, he couldn't reasonably expect much better than that.

By the time Bucky moved into the tower with Steve, Dr. Jane Foster was already there. She'd been brought in by Tony, the third member of the Science Alliance, as they had come to be known. Together with Tony and Dr. Banner, the trio were the cause of more false alarms and chemical fires than one could shake a stick at. Granted, they'd toned it down since the Ultron incident and Tony learning to be more selective about what kind of experiments to endeavour in. Bucky still once or twice had to carry Jane out of a burning laboratory, and that was one or two more times than he would've liked.

They bonded over time. Jane wasn't a soldier like him and Steve, and she wasn't a secret agent like Romanov. On the surface, they didn't have anything in common, but maybe that was why Bucky was drawn to her. In the endless spiral of pain and frequent nightmares that his life had become, she was a breath of fresh air. She gave him something new, something no one else could, something close to normal. She was a scientist passionate about her work in a way Bucky had never seen before. She could talk for hours about the stars and the bridge she was creating, and Bucky never got tired of listening. He'd always thought science was amazing, and hearing about it from a beautiful woman didn't hurt.

He'd been getting up the courage to ask her out to dinner when her boyfriend showed up.

And that was when things got weird. Of course Bucky had heard about her history with Asgardians. Aliens according to her and not gods like the mythology books said. They were humanoid individuals of superior strength with highly advanced technology and extreme longevity. Ancient civilizations had mistaken them for deities. Now they were just another part of everyday life. Thor's picture showed up in tabloids every other week next to that Bieber kid and Kim Kar-whatshername, claiming that he'd been spotted at the beach with some up and coming popstar and everyone just had to read about it.

Bucky knew that Jane and Thor were a thing once. It hadn't bothered him because they had ended it a long time ago and never once did Jane indicate that she wasn't over it. She never got that faraway look in her eye, daydreaming of the time they spent together and regretting that she let him go. She had her work and that was all she needed.

Except it wasn't, as Bucky later found out. In reality, Jane had left People magazine's current candidate for Sexiest Man Alive for his younger brother, the 'reformed' supervillain who tried to take over the world and leveled half of New York.

That had been a thrower. Bucky wished someone would have known that before entering her office to find her on her desk, a shirtless trickster god tearing her pants off. Emptying your clip into someone was not the best first impression, even if that someone had magic and could deflect all the bullets no problem. It was the principle of the thing.

So it was strange that, a whole month after that unfortunate incident, during which time Bucky learned that Loki's 'switching sides' only went as far as 'not trying to kill people anymore' and just short of 'not being an egotistical asshole', he would be invited out to dinner with the 'lovely' couple.

He spotted Jane immediately. She was hard to miss, radiant in a silky blue gown with matching earrings. She hardly ever wore jewelry, let alone something with skirts. She'd always been beautiful to him in plaid shirts and jeans, so to see her like this took his breath away. She waved him over, standing on tiptoes in case he didn't see her over the shoulders of their fellow patrons.

"I'm so glad you made it," Jane said. She threw her arms around him, her soft body and delicate curves pressing fully into him for a few blissful moments before she let go and left him cold.

"There's no way I'd ever turn you down, Jane." Bucky said. "You look beautiful."

"And you are very handsome."

She gave him a look one could mistake for desire, but that was only if they didn't know the kind of woman Jane Foster was. She didn't have an unfaithful bone in her body. That might have been because her one true love would always be science, but he chose not to dwell on that. He focused instead on the man standing behind her, who owned her heart in a way he never could.

"Yes, you do paint quite a picture, Mr. Barnes," said Loki, smoothly intoning and mesmerizing everyone in the near vicinity. "Your wardrobe for this evening was well chosen."

"Thanks, Loki," Bucky said. He tried not to make a face, but it was still so bizarre talking to an actual attempted dictator like they were normal acquaintances. "You uh… you look good, too."

Loki Odinson in general posed a bit of a dilemma for Bucky, especially now with his eyebrow quirked and his arms crossed. The man just oozed power and class in a way that drew Bucky in and threatened his masculinity all at the same time. Bucky never knew what to do with Loki. Appearance wise, he was everything that made Bucky question his sexuality...

"Of course, I see you couldn't have been bothered to do something with that mop of hair other than slather it with grease, but for now, it's a start."

...and personality-wise, he was everything that made Bucky want to put his fist through a wall. Preferably after putting it through Loki's skull.

"You walk around looking like you go through a cabinet of hair care products every day, and you're making fun of how I look?"

Loki barked out a laugh as he held Jane's seat out for her. He then graciously did the same for Bucky. That was kind of strange, but Bucky's mother had taught him better than to scoff at someone else's good manners.

"Might I recommend you order the roast duck, Mr. Barnes?" Loki hadn't bothered to look at his menu. "It's simply divine."

"You would know," Bucky mumbled, getting a giggle from Jane. "I'm not big on duck, though. I think I'll just get a steak. I can't remember the last time I had a real filet mignon."

"That would be a fair choice as well."

The waitress came by to take their orders. Loki rattled off his, and Jane's, and Bucky's, like he knew it all by heart and had rehearsed in front of a mirror.

"Could I get that medium well?" Bucky chimed in, "and asparagus instead of the baked potato if that's okay."

"We can do that," said the waitress. "Okay, and would you like to see our list of wines?"

"A chardonnay would be wonderful, thank you," said Loki. "The year is irrelevant, just whatever you think is most suitable for myself and my companions."

Just from the way he said it, Bucky knew they were going to get something crazy expensive for a quarter of the price. The waitress has this expression like Loki had just swept her up into his arms and promised to make her his queen. She stammered a thank you and something about coming back with their wine, and then she was gone. They were alone now.

"So there is something that Jane and I wished to discuss with you, Mr. Barnes," Loki said. Jane stared at him. She clearly hadn't expected him to get right to the point this quickly.

"Okay," Bucky said, fingering his napkin. "Is it bad or…"

"Oh, quite the opposite," Loki said. "It is, in fact, very good."

He undid his napkin with a snap and placed it neatly in his lap. Bucky caught himself watching Loki's long fingers and swallowed. He swore the son of a bitch did stuff like this on purpose. Loki had to know exactly what kind of thoughts he made Bucky unwillingly think. He looked away to find Jane pushing a piece of hair behind her ear. Her neck was fully exposed, making him wonder what it would feel like to run his tongue over her warm, flawless skin.

Damn these two.

The waitress returned with a bottle of wine, and their appetizers soon followed. Bucky's plate of grilled portabello mushrooms looked and smelled absolutely mouthwatering, and he was grateful when Jane suggested that they eat first and talk later. Loki might not have been pleased, but as Bucky devoured the first mushroom in three bites and the next one in two, he couldn't have cared less.

Entrees arrived as Bucky and Jane made small talk about the latest developments in her bifrost project. She laughed at a joke he made. It was the sweetest sound he'd ever heard. Bucky's eyes flicked to Loki several times, but what he saw was always the same. Loki unblinking, observing them like he was watching a play. Once or twice Bucky thought he saw a smile ghost across his thin lips. He started picking at his duck, taking little bites here and there. One would never know he could eat twice as much as Bucky in one sitting, just from how practiced every bite, chew, and swallow was.

"Can I interest anyone in dessert?" asked the waitress.

"I think not," Loki said, "but thank you."

"Could I get a cup of coffee, please?" asked Jane.

"Of course, Ma'am. Right away."

She reappeared with a steaming mug in seconds. Jane stirred in some milk and sugar while Loki wrote out a large tip on the check.

"Excellent service here," he mused. "Very efficient."

He finished his wine and laced his fingers on the table.

"All right, I think it's time we got down to business," he said.

When he said 'business', he really meant it. All of a sudden, he had gone from a relaxed posture to sitting upright with his back straight and shoulders set, very much like a big time corporate executive. He looked expectantly at Jane, who finished her coffee and swallowed back a large quantity of air.

"Okay," she said. "James, me and Loki have been talking recently, and we've come to the conclusion that some aspects of our… that is to say, we think there is room for improvement in some areas, and we were thinking that maybe… maybe we should make some changes."

Bucky furrowed his brow. "Are you guys breaking up?"

Loki snorted, and Jane's face turned bright red.

"What? No! Not at all. We're fine. Loki and I are doing great."

"Better than great," Loki said suggestively, earning a poke on the arm from Jane.

Bucky remembered the first time he asked how in the world Jane had come to be dating Loki, when by all accounts she and Thor had been smitten with each other just a month ago. All he got out of her was that those reports had been heavily embellished, she and Thor parted ways a long time ago, and as for her and Loki, well, that was a long story. One that began with her punching him in the face for attacking New York and then noticing right afterwards that he had beautiful eyes.

That last part, Bucky really hadn't needed to hear. All of a sudden, he couldn't stop thinking about Loki's eyes.

"James, what I'm saying is that we have a proposition for you."

"A proposition?"

Jane looked to Loki, pleading, but he only smiled at her in that way of his. That way Bucky couldn't quite explain, except that it was both infuriating and impossible to argue with. It was the look of a man who would get his way no matter what it took. In the face of that, Bucky couldn't blame Jane for backing down.

"So it's just that Loki and I have been wondering…" She fiddled with the tablecloth. "I mean, I consider you one of my best friends and someone I trust. I wouldn't ask just anyone this, and we wouldn't here right now if I wasn't absolutely sure that we could make it work. So if we all just keep an open mind, and communicate with each other-"

"I believe what Jane is trying to say," Loki interrupted, "is that we would like to invite you to share our bed."

Bucky froze. As did Jane. And Loki. And everyone and everything else in his line of sight. Either that, or his brain had stopped.

"I…" Bucky's mouth hung open. "I…"

"Was I unclear?" Loki asked Jane. "He seems confused."

"No, you were pretty damn clear," Jane said dryly.

"I…" Bucky ran a hand over his face, beads of sweat wetting his forehead. "Uh… please tell me you mean sleeping."

"Oh, I highly doubt sleep will be involved," said Loki. "We'll be far too busy with more pleasurable pursuits."

"I… I… I..."

"Dear me, he's doing it again."

"This is why I said we shouldn't just spring it on him," Jane hissed.

"Okay, hang on." Bucky stood up so fast that the table and everything on it shook. "Just hang on a minute. You guys are seriously asking me to have sex with you? Together?"

"If you're not comfortable with the both of us at once, we can start smaller," Loki said. "I would be happy to watch you have your way with Jane, and I'm sure she would enjoy watching the two of us."

"How in the hell are you so casual about this?" Bucky snapped. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he remembered who he was talking to, but that didn't make it any better. "Don't you realize what you're saying? Who the hell wants another man in bed with them and their girlfriend?"

"Quite a few people, actually," Loki said, leaning back in his chair like he owned the place. "Really, the prudish morality you midgardians possess is simply laughable. If this was Alfheim, I would be remiss not to invite you to our bed for the night."

"But I… I… I… I..."

"Are we certain that he isn't broken, Jane?" Loki asked her, very unsubtly. "I'm beginning to grow concerned."

"Don't worry about it," Jane said. "We knew this would be a lot for him to take in. Just let him process."

"I… I…" Bucky's head was throbbing at the temples. He rubbed the area with his thumbs, bringing the pain down to a dull ache. "Okay, let's backtrack here. Why do you guys want to do this?"

"Do we need a reason?" Loki asked.

"Can you humor me?" Bucky ground out.

Loki sighed, groaning as if about to undergo some grueling task.

"I suppose you first came to my attention when I noticed Jane was spending a great deal of time in the tower's gymnasium. At first I believed this to be for her own benefit, until I realized that the times in which she attended and the times in which you were there coincided."

Bucky looked to Jane, who said not a word in objection. She had blush tinged cheeks and her lip was caught between her teeth. Bucky had seen her around the gym a few times, though more often than not, he was too busy dodging blows from Steve to care who else was around. It suddenly occurred to him how many times he had ripped his shirt off to deal with rising temperatures, and now he was the one about to turn red.

"Once I understood that my Jane was attracted to you, I wondered if perhaps you were someone I could also come to fancy. I am pleased to say that I was right."

"You like me," Bucky said. Once again, he had to remind himself that this was Loki he was talking to.

Loki who tried to take over the world.

Loki who overpowered and almost killed Steve.

Loki who acted superior to everyone around him while simultaneously hating himself because of his heritage.

Loki who was giving him bedroom eyes right now and goddammit if that wasn't going straight to his groin, right along with Jane's sweet brown doe eyes.

"I suppose you could say that I find a lot to admire in you, Mr. Barnes," Loki said, standing as well. "I know about what you've been through. I wish I could say that on my worst day, I would never have been as depraved as those who did that to you, but…" he glanced down somberly. "Regardless, the mental fortitude you display is nothing short of amazing. You are a deadly force on the battlefield. I don't believe I've seen one enemy draw blood when fighting you. Even in times of peace, you carry yourself with strength and confidence. I do not look at you and see a broken man, I see one of the most powerful warriors who has ever lived. And that, above all else, is why I do like you, Mr. Barnes, and a fair bit at that."

Loki stepped around the table, his movements so fluid that he might as well have floated.

"I assume by your silence and the flush of your skin that the feeling is mutual."

Bucky wanted to talk, but he was bound to end up stammering like an idiot again. Over Loki's shoulder, Jane watched them intently. Her finger was in her mouth, her nail chewed down to the cuticle. Bucky swallowed and met her gaze. She tried to smile at him, but it came out half formed and more like a smirk. She shied away, hiding behind a curtain of her hair.

"But… Jane..." Bucky whispered.

"Jane is in love with you," Loki said bluntly. "She has been for some time. She loves you, and it is painfully obvious that you love her. I cannot yet say the same, but I think the time will come when I can."

Bucky couldn't breathe. It was just now sinking in that this wasn't just an insane fever dream and they were serious.

"If it's the reactions of your peers that you are worried about, don't be," Loki said. "You could crush an infant's head under your boot and Rogers would still defend you. He won't turn his back on you for something like this."

"Loki, that isn't helping," Jane said. She had found her voice and also left the table. At this point, the whole restaurant was probably staring. "James, I know this is a lot to take in, and if you need some time to think it over or if you just want to say no, we'll understand."

"No, we won't."

"Yes, we will." Jane glared at Loki. "But it's true what he said. I love you, James, and I'm ready to do what it takes to make this work, but only if you're willing to try."

"When you're willing to try."

"If."

"Knock it off!" Bucky's outburst made Jane jump and Loki blink. The clanking of silverware on plates also seemed to die down, but Bucky chose to ignore that. "Just- I just- I need to sit down."

A chair materialized behind him with a wave of Loki's hand. The cushions were softer and plusher than they were before.

"Do you require anything else?" asked Loki.

"How about a glass of water?" One appeared in Bucky's hand, fresh and ice cold. "Thank you."

"Would you prefer something stronger? I know that your metabolism doesn't allow for midgardian ale to affect you, but the mead brewed in Asgard should be sufficient."

"Loki, we are not getting him drunk," Jane said. "That's counter-productive."

"Not if we do it right."

"I am not drinking anything!" Bucky shouted. "And I'm not having this conversation anymore! I don't care how they do it on Elfheim or whatever it's called. People here don't do things like that!"

"Personally, I think a lot of your world's problems would be solved if more people engaged in group relations," said Loki. "These 'love triangles' I keep hearing about. Utter nonsense. A waste of time that could have been spent satisfying the needs of everyone involved."

"Jesus Christ, would you please stop talking."

"Just thing of the children we would have. Not all of them have to be carried by Jane either."

"WHAT!?"

"Oh, do you not know of my unique physiology?"

"STOP! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, STOP!"

Something heavy slammed into the floor behind them. The ruckus built up into a chaotic roar people began shrieking in horror. Everyone ran for the exits, tripping over each other and anything else in their way. Tables were knocked over, plates of half eaten food sailing through the air, raining down meat and greens like confetti.

That was when they saw it: three enormous bug monsters gnashing their saliva coated mandibles, snarling wordless threats as their antennas darted about in search of victims.

In an instant, Bucky was ready. He drew the sidearm from within his jacket. His backup rested at his hip for now, and he could feel the hilts of his two knives strapped to his thighs. If they were lucky, he wouldn't need them. He took out one right away with two bullets aimed where he assumed the eyes were (it was really hard to tell). Luckily, these things weren't bulletproof, so killing one and injuring another as it charged at Jane was easy. Loki, having shed his human clothes in favor of battle armor, threw a burst of magic at the third. It exploded into pieces, pieces which immediately reformed into two more bug monsters. Loki clicked his tongue and tried again, this time with a dagger pulled out of the air. The blade sunk into the eye area and the creature was thrown backwards from the force. It slammed into the hostess's stand, rendering it a pile of rubble, but it didn't get back up.

In motion, they were too fast to get a clear shot at, so Bucky threw aside his gun and went for the knives. He would've liked to avoid close combat with these things, but Jane's safety was on the line, and Loki was doing just fine in his fight.

The two remaining monsters circled them, and Bucky found himself back to back with Loki, Jane shielding herself behind their table and occasionally peering up to throw something at the monsters. The effort was appreciated, but these things were just too fast. Bucky lost one of his knives in nearest creature's back. The second would have taken off its head had its partner not rammed into him from the side. The blade flew from his hand to parts unknown, and Bucky would have mourned the loss had a fresh one not been pressed into his palm. Loki summoned up another. He seemed to have a never ending supply. Bucky couldn't say he minded, not when he swung the blade and found it to be lighter than air. It cut through one beast's throat like butter. The spray of viscera splashed over a greenish shield Bucky now could see encasing them. Another one glimmered around Jane, far from the action as she was.

The final creature leapt at them, its hundred tiny legs wiggling and dripping slime. Bucky's stomach churned at the sight. He thrust the blade forward in unison with Loki. Together, they impaled the beast. Their blows were so strong that they each punched a hole in its stomach. Blood and guts seeped through the glove, and he could feel the beast jerk around in the throes of death before it finally stilled. Bucky pulled his hand free with a slow and disgusting squelch. It was a shame, because his dinner had been delicious, and it was about to end up all over the carpet.

Loki brushed some innards off his sleeve.

"That's one way to liven up a night," he remarked.

Bucky kicked one of the corpses over. Its jaw was wide open, unleashing a putrid stench even worse than that of the blood.

"What the hell are these things?"

Loki had gone to help Jane up, and a cursory glance revealed no injuries or anything worse than a torn bodice and smudged makeup.

"I believe they dwell in the swamplands of Vanaheim," Loki said, picking up and examining a severed clawlike appendage. "I've never seen one up close before. Just plain good luck that they were in reach of the portal."

Bucky's head snapped up. "What portal?"

"My portal," Loki said conversationally. "I suppose 'rip' is the more correct term for it. I know of many throughout the nine realms. I've mapped them out and traversed them so extensively that I can reach out and open them from anywhere at all. It's practically child's play."

Bucky's eyes bugged out. Jane sat back with the telltale look of a veteran who has seen it all and couldn't bring themselves to be shocked anymore.

"Did you bring those things here?"

Loki chuckled. "Well, they didn't get here on their own. They're all but mindless."

"You… you… you…"

"I hope this has proven that we are capable of working together," Loki said, brightly. "If we can defeat a great foe and defend our lady, everything else will come naturally. Wouldn't you agree?"

The grin did not leave Loki's face, not even when Bucky's metal fist collided with it.

"I hope you're happy, Loki," Jane said. She handed him another towel to wipe the blood off his face. "You got us banned from one of the biggest restaurants in the city, Tony is pissed, and James will probably never speak to either of us again."

"I could care less about some third rate eatery or what Stark thinks," Loki said. He finished drying his split lip and applied the healing magic he'd learned from Eir. Her spell took care of the bruises on his cheeks, chest, and stomach. His elbow still stung from fixing the fracture, but that too would fade in time.

"That doesn't help us with James," said Jane. "This was a complete disaster. And I told you not to start with that pregnancy stuff, but you just had to do it anyway, didn't you?"

"It's not my fault if he can't take a joke, Jane."

"You're impossible."

Jane threw away the soiled towel and stalked out of the bathroom. She curled up on the bed, blowing hair out of her face and trying her damndest not to cry. Loki sat down beside her, his fingers delving into her soft hair, massaging her scalp.

"Fear not, my Jane," he said. "All hope is not lost. Mr. Barnes has too great an interesting in us both to let something so trivial destroy it."

"If this is your idea of trivial, I don't want to know what you'd consider big." Jane rolled over, away from him. "All I know is that we'll be lucky if he ever wants to talk to us again."

Loki shook his head. "Such little faith you possess. You should know better than that after all our time together."

"What I know is that you're idea of bonding is releasing alien monsters in public places. This is why I wanted to do things my way."

"Your way would've had us all turning grey by the time you got the words out," said Loki. "This way, we have passed the great obstacle in our way of bringing Mr. Barnes to our bed."

"Was that before or after he broke your nose?"

Loki frowned. It would've been funny if Jane's mood wasn't in the toilet.

"You shall see, my Jane," Loki said, laying down and wrapping his long limbs around her. "I guarantee that James Barnes will be in our grasp before the week is out."

It actually took them two weeks in the end, but Loki still counted that as a victory.