Hi, HTTYD 3 is still causing me emotional pain, and so here is my solution: writing an angsty fic about Hiccup nearly dying. Because that's how I roll, apparently.

I hope you guys enjoy!

"Save him."

And he lets go.

Immediately he feels the wind rushing around him as he falls, his wings failing him for the first time in years; the left one is already torn, useless, but even if it was fully intact it wouldn't help him. If it was just him gliding, and both wings were in good shape, then perhaps he could have glided to safety – but he's not alone, for Grimmel is still hanging onto him; his hands tear at his flight suit, the weight of an additional person making them both fall faster through the air and towards the water below.

Hiccup sees the Light Fury soar through the sky, meeting the falling Night Fury in the air and flying him to the safety of a ledge. His plan worked – Toothless is safe. That's all that matters.

Even as Grimmel continues to tear at him, clutching with a death grip, Hiccup feels strangely at peace. In an almost trite way, he sees his life unfolding before his eyes – every moment leading up to now, every person and dragon he has grown to love and cherish over the years.

Stormfly. Hookfang. Barf and Belch. Meatlug. Cloudjumper. So many dragons he has seen and saved throughout the years.

His dad. His mum. Gobber. Tuffnut. Ruffnut. Fishlegs. Even Snotlout comes to mind.

Toothless.

Astrid.

He doesn't want to die. He wants to fly with his best bud again, wants to feel the wind around them as they soar; he would give anything for it, just to do it once more – just once. He wants to hear the rumbling noises that Toothless makes to communicate, the purrs, the snores and soft growls; he wants to see the black scales, the same ones adorning his suit, the bright green eyes looking at him, that gummy smile that makes him Toothless.

It was selfish of him to try to keep Toothless to himself, and he knows that now; he wanted to create a world where dragon and human could co-exist peacefully, wanted it so badly that he had thrown all other concerns aside. His best friend had needed more, though, more than him, and whilst it hurts to admit, he knows it to be the truth. Toothless has his mate now, the Hidden World and an entire land filled with all kinds of dragons to care for – he does not need Hiccup on his back, not anymore, not when he has responsibilities to fulfil.

Toothless will mourn, and Hiccup knows it, but the Light Fury will be there for him – hopefully she will make him happier than he was with humans.

He doesn't want to die – he wants to see Astrid again. Gods, he wishes he could hold Astrid and kiss her one last time, wishes he could feel her presence next to him, hear her voice as she affectionately teases him. He will never see her blonde hair again, shining in the sun, nor the calm blue of her eyes that never failed to make him feel weak. He will never hold her hand or feel her lips against his again, never fight by her side and feel proud to call himself hers when all is said and done.

He had wanted to marry her, he knew he did, just not yet – he had thought there was time, that it could be put off until everything was settled and dragons across the Archipelago safe. But now he knows he doesn't have the chance – he had been foolish to put it off, foolish to cast aside the idea. It suddenly hits him that he's taken it all for granted – he had always assumed it was a given, eventually marrying her when they felt ready…oh, how wrong he was.

Hopefully Berk will make her Chieftess in his place; they aren't married, sure, but everyone knows they are – were – betrothed for a number of years. He wonders if she still has the betrothal necklace he'd given her – and immediately he knows it to be a silly question because of course she does, it's most likely tucked away with her other belongings because there's no way she would lose something like that, not when it symbolized so much in their relationship. Yes, hopefully the village will make her the Chief; she would be far better suited to it than he is anyway, and everyone knows it. She will be a great leader in his place, he thinks, just as he knows that she will protect Berk and their dragons with her life.

Even so, a part of him feels crushing misery – of course he feels it; he will not hear her call him "babe" again, never fly with her at midnight when the world is quiet and sleeping. Hel, he feels miserable because she'll never put those stupid braids in his damn hair – he hates them, always has, but he's put up with them because she was the one who had put them there. Had it been anyone else, he'd have been repulsed and not kept them…but it had been Astrid, and because it had been her, he wore them with pride.

Gods, he loves her so much.

His death will hurt her, and he knows it. Anger flashes within him because it's his fault she will mourn and be distraught, his fault when she takes a moment in private to cry for him. It's a dumb idea, but it's the only option he has now – letting Toothless die is simply unacceptable.

But given that his decision will hurt Astrid, he wonders if it's just as cruel and painful. She will understand, of course, she will know why he did it and he knows she could never hate him for it – but the fact that his choice will hurt her makes his heart feel heavy in his chest.

Toothless and Astrid both mean so much to him: he does not love one more than the other, but he loves them differently. Astrid is the love of his life, the one he had intended on spending the rest of his life with, once they (to coin a phrase from Gobber) "hung up their saddles"; he hadn't thought of another, for he had known that Astrid was the one – his best friend, his future wife, his support system, everything. On the other hand, Toothless is his best bud, the one who had helped him find himself and his purpose in life, and he owes his life to him. He knows this – he just hadn't thought it would mean literally giving his life.

Toothless has a mate now who will comfort him. Despite himself, he wonders briefly if Astrid will find someone else eventually; the thought hurts, but he's aware that it's a possibility. She is young, beautiful, strong, a warrior of immeasurable talent – she has her whole life ahead of her, and despite himself, he does not want her to be alone when he's gone, doesn't want her to never love again. She deserves to feel love and be loved, to be happy, to marry and start a family in the future if she so wished.

If only it could be him – him standing before her as they wed, him arguing with her over whether or not it's safe to fly when she's expecting-

No, he won't think about it.

Strangely, Hiccup finds that he doesn't fear death – he feels sorrow and defeat, but not fear. He hopes in the back of his mind that he will be welcomed at the gates of Valhalla, and he knows that if he is, then he will see his father again once more. He misses his dad – to see him again would make it all seem somewhat better. He hopes his father is proud of him, that in his mere year of being a Chief he has been at least a fraction of the great leader Stoick the Vast had been.

As Grimmel slips, grabbing onto his prosthetic leg, Hiccup closes his eyes and allows himself to plummet towards the ocean.

This hurt my soul to write, so I hope it hurt some souls to read too :')

I don't usually write in first person POV, so this was more difficult than I thought it would be, but I figured it fit better for this particular fic if it was written like this. I'm hoping to write something a bit less angsty in the future, like I'm working on what will hopefully be another Hiccstrid smut fic – I just suck at getting smut together :p

Anyway, I hope you guys (kind of?) enjoyed it! :) Comments are greatly appreciated!