Don't own Criminal Minds.

Chapter 1: Have to Stop Meeting Like This

Derek Morgan stood on the sidewalk outside of the Chicago suburban bungalow. He felt he had failed the people of this home so profoundly. Every time he came home to visit his mother or was in Chicago on a case, he now also made a point to visit this suburb, this house, that grave. As he was on the sidewalk staring at the house, the front door flew open and a 30-something woman rushed out. Her brown hair piled on her head, wearing athletic clothes, and a gym bag slung over her shoulder. She saw Derek and half-smiled at him.

"We have to stop meeting like this, Agent Morgan." She said a hint of humor and sadness in her voice.

"How are you, Ash?" He asked. She pursed her lips and gave him a strangled smile.

"I'm alright and yourself?" She asked.

"Fine, thanks. How's Sophia?"

"She's doing better. She still refuses to go to Jerry's place, but I can't blame her. She still has nightmares, horrendous nightmares. I don't even know why I put her to bed in her own room. Most of the time she ends up cuddled next to me with tear-stained cheeks. She doesn't cry constantly anymore, but life is really still hard for her. She's finally gone back to school and her teacher says she's doing well, especially considering what happened. Your calls, e-mails, and presents help her; she depends on those weekly calls. She's not as scared as long as she knows a big, bad FBI Agent is on her side, but we really need to discuss those presents, they're getting out of hand, Agent Morgan."

"I don't know why she trusts me, I let her down, and I let him down. Ashley, I didn't do my job."

"It's not your fault."

"It is, if I would've figured it out sooner, if I would've driven faster, if I would've arrived sooner. His death is all my fault."

"That's not true, those men were bad people and it's their fault they were kidnapped, and it's their fault that my son is gone. It's not your fault. I don't blame you and dwelling on those ifs will just make you crazy. Ifs will always make you crazy, because they're just that ifs and even though you think you know that it would've been better if you did something else it might not of and that's just another if to contemplate. I don't blame you, Sophia doesn't blame, and I'm sure Liam doesn't blame you. So, stop blaming yourself. Liam died protecting his sister and you made his death worth something by saving that sister. Would I be ecstatic if I could hug both my children every day? Of course, but that's not the case and it does not do to dwell in ifs. I have my daughter and I am so thankful that you returned her to me and that I can hug her every day. You need to stop blaming yourself for his death and celebrate her life. She needs you more than he does. I know he knows you regret what happened, I know you regret it, and she knows you regret it. There is nothing that can change what happened. We all need to move on with our lives to show him that his life was worth it."

"It shouldn't have happened."

"A lot of things in life shouldn't happen, but they do and they're not your fault," she reached out and squeezed his arm. "I know he reminded you a lot of yourself and Sophia reminded you of your sisters and you wanted to save them, but you know as well as I do that you would've done for your sisters what he did for his."

"I'm so sorry." He whispered.

"I know and it's alright." When tears welled in his eyes, she whispered his name softly and pulled him to her. She squeezed him tightly and he dropped his head to her shoulder which was somewhat difficult considering their height difference. She hated that he blamed himself and she hated that she blamed herself, because it was the evil men who had kidnapped, molested, raped, tortured, and murdered her little boy. He had only been five when they had taken him and Sophia after nearly killing their father.

18 Months Before

Ashley screeched in frustration, it was just like Jerry to be late like this. His first official weekend with their children and he was late dropping them off. He knew she was taking them to her parents' house to watch the Bears and Packers game. He was thirty-seven minutes late; he was the most frustrating human being she had to deal with on a regular basis. The doorbell rang, she threw open the door, and started ranting before she looked up to see who had rang the bell. When she saw the uniformed officer on her doorstep her mouth dropped open.

"Miss Barton?"

"Yes?"

"Do you know a Jeremiah Smith?"

"Yes, o my god, where are the children?"

"The children, miss?"

"Yes, our children were with Jerry. He was driving them back to the house after his weekend. They were supposed to be here over a half an hour ago."

"There were no children with Mr. Smith when we found him today."

"What do you mean?"

"Mr. Smith was found stabbed in his apartment; I came to your place because we thought you might have talked to him last."

"The children weren't there." She cried hysterically.

"Ma'am calm down, there might be a simple explanation." She gave the young officer a glaring look.

"Yes, perfectly simple, the father of my children has been stab and there's a perfectly simple explanation as to why they're not with him. Even though, they were his responsibility."

The young officer pulled on his radio and reported, "Possible 805, possible 805 in connection with the Smith stabbing." He then pulled out a cell phone to contact his superior officer. He was not prepared for this, he had expected Ashley Barton to be a complete dead-end. He thought his superiors had sent him on a fishing expedition in the desert, but it turned out he might have actually revealed an extremely worse situation.

"Guilt's a terrible thing."- Ben Jonson