Summary: Being the messenger of bad news is taking its toll on Michonne. She's starting to lose hope. [A remix of Episode 5, "Now." This isn't technically a Richonne fic, but there is Rick / Michonne interaction. The story is mostly about Michonne with appearances from other TF members.]
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
The screams reached her first. Followed by the smell of charred flesh. The chaotic scene was in direct opposition to the calmness she'd left the camp in. Only a few hours had passed while she and the others were out hunting and scavenging for food. They returned to a gang of walkers feasting throughout the camp. Fire raged from the overturned pits used for warmth. Those that still lived scattered in every direction. Michonne's feet felt like lead as she ran as fast as she could to the last spot she'd seen her baby boy that morning. The cry of utter despair she let out drowned out all the other sounds around her...
Michonne shut her eyes tight trying to erase the images from the past. When she opened them again the scene before her wasn't two years ago. It was now, but that brought her little comfort. Alexandria was hit with something bad while they were gone. She took some solace in the fact the walls were still intact. It was a different situation than the worst day of her life. The people she loved were safe inside.
They had to be.
"What the hell happened here?" Heath asked as he held up a barely conscious Scott.
Michonne shook her head. "I don't know." She clutched her sword tight in her hand as she looked around for any hidden threats. "Let's get Scott to the infirmary. Then we can go from there." The calm demeanor masked her inner chaos.
The look of fear on Dr. Cloyd's face when she laid eyes on Scott's wound didn't bode well for the man. She wanted to offer comfort to Heath, who sat keeping vigil at his friend's bedside, but the words never came. She couldn't focus on anything other than getting back to the house to check on her people. She could almost laugh at herself after trying to convince Rick numerous times that there was no us versus them and here she was mostly thinking of the people she'd called family for the past year.
Her legs moved in long strides as she crossed to the other side of the community. She had to force herself not to break out into a run when she saw the butchered bodies littered throughout the streets.
The top of Carol's graying hair came into view as she rounded the corner to the house they shared. The woman sat on the porch steps with her back against the rail and an unlit cigarette dangling from her trembling fingers. A barely audible sigh of relief escaped her lips when she saw Michonne.
"You're back," she said.
"The kids?" Michonne asked. She felt as if she couldn't think straight until she knew they were okay. Carol's red-rimmed and glassy eyes did little to ease her mind.
"They're fine. Our people are fine. Everything else...," she trailed off and ran a hand through her hair.
"What happened?"
Carol stood to move closer to Michonne. Her voice was soft but urgent. She spoke in quick sentences. "A group broke in. They must have scaled the walls. Attacked us. Had to be the same ones that trapped Daryl and Aaron."
"The Wolves?" Michonne saw the dried "W" in blood on Carol's forehead.
She tried to wipe it away. "I disguised myself as one of them and took out as many as I could. Morgan may have ran some off too." She grimaced as she said the man's name.
"Shit." Michonne rubbed the back of her neck to ward off the tension that had been building. "Of all days to be hit with Murphy's Law."
"What about out there? Morgan said the dry run turned into the real thing. I'm guessing the plan didn't come together smoothly."
Michonne shook her head. "It was going fine until the horn sent the walkers our way. We didn't want to lead them back here so we detoured through the town to try to get everyone back home safely." She paused as she felt sick to her stomach about how many people they lost out there. "Rick went to get the RV to steer the herd away. Glenn left to create a diversion when we made it to town. I really don't know if either succeeded." She tried to rub away the stinging sensation she felt in her eyes.
"So we're in a waiting game now. These people are going to start panicking soon. With Rick not being here they need a message to keep them all from slitting their wrists. Deanna is a ghost of herself right now. It's going to have to be you who talks to them."
Michonne wrinkled her forehead and narrowed her eyes. "Why me?"
"You were Rick's co-constable," Carol said as if it was obvious. "Always by his side with that quarry planning. That added to the fact you're nicer than him will make them listen to you. These people are children. They need distractions and platitudes until we can come up with a real plan."
Michonne was about to disagree when Carl stepped out of the house holding Judith. She rushed up the steps to pull them both into a hug. The teen hugged her back tightly. "You're both okay?" She asked him.
"Yeah. We're good. Judith slept through the whole thing." Carl tried to smile, but Michonne could see the fear all over his face. She smoothed down the baby's hair and kissed her on the nose. "Did any of them try to get in the house?" She looked Carl over for any injuries.
"None came inside, but I had to kill the one over there." He pointed to a body across the street. "I did what I needed to protect Judith."
Michonne grasped his shoulder and sighed. She felt a mixture of pride at his bravery and sadness that he could never have a moment of peace to be a kid.
"Where's Dad?" He asked.
Michonne leaned against the porch rail. "He's still out there. The plan was to get the RV to help lead the herd from here after everything went off track. I'm sure he made it, but I haven't seen him since we split up." She felt as if she was convincing herself more than him.
He just nodded and looked passed her to the wall. "Dad will get back. He always does." He said with a conviction Michonne wished she felt. "Enid's out there too."
"She climbed over the wall again?"
"Yeah after we were attacked. She left for good this time." He was still staring at the wall.
Michonne took a step towards him; hands on her hips. "No."
"But she's out there all alone."
"Carl we could be surrounded by thousands of walkers at any moment. You are not going out there looking for her. I'm just as worried, but we have to be smart."
"Michonne's right," Carol said as she took Judith from his arms. "We need to get our weapons together. Make sure we're prepared for anything that comes our way."
"But -" He started to protest.
"Carl just do as she says," Michonne said. "There's no time for bullshit right now. Your Dad needs you here and safe. Judith needs you. We all need you."
Carl stood with his shoulders drawn and hands deep in his pockets. He opened his mouth to continue to make his case, but closed it when he saw the stares both ladies were giving him. He huffed out a breath and went into the house. Carol started to follow then looked back at Michonne. "You coming?"
"Give me a sec." She could see Maggie and Rosita standing near the gate. She nodded towards the two ladies and met them on the street.
"Michonne!" Maggie drew her into a hug. "I was so worried about y'all." She pulled away. "Glenn make it back yet?"
"And Abraham?" Rosita asked. She clutched her hands together in worry.
She took a deep breath. "Abe is with Sasha and Daryl. As far as I know they're still leading half of the herd away." She turned towards Maggie. The woman started tearing up instinctively knowing the news wouldn't be good. "Me and Glenn made it into town, but had to take refuge in one of the shops. Walkers were everywhere. He had the idea to distract the herd with a fire. I tried to go in his place. Insisted even, but he wouldn't listen. He let Nicholas go with him since he knows the town. I never saw the fire. We had to keep moving because the herd was on us. I'm so sorry, Maggie. He said if he got stuck he'd send a signal, but -"
"OPEN THE GATE."
Michonne body reacted immediately to that voice. She pulled her katana free and ran to the gate. The scene on the other side couldn't be conjured up in her most gruesome nightmare. The herd had to be thousands deep, and they were right at Rick's heels. Though fear ran through her, she stood battle ready. She ran forward when he fell to the ground; a walker inches away from gabbing him. But he got to his feet and continued running towards her until he made it inside. The gate slammed shut as she watched the eyes of death staring back at them.
Rick was bent over with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. His eyes darted around all at the people starting to surround him until he zeroed in on Michonne; his eyes pleading with her.
"The kids are good. They're safe," she assured him.
His body visibly relaxed as he stood up straight again. He nodded at her and she returned the gesture. "As you can see we have a problem," he said addressing the crowd.
Carol stabbed another Alexandrian turned walker through the head. It was the second one she'd put down. Michonne was a few feet away beheading her third. The living townspeople were wandering around in varying states of fear.
"I don't think Rick's speech did anything to make these people feel better," Carol said. Her knife was gripped in her hand. She felt a chill as they passed Mrs. Niedermeyer's house.
"Give them time. I'm not sure I've quite wrapped my head around what's happening. I can't stop thinking about our people still out there." Michonne held up her hand to shield her eyes from the sun. She could see Aaron, Eric, and Tobin burying bodies.
Carol's mouth flattened into a grim, determined line. "If anyone can survive it's them."
"At least Sasha, Abe, and Daryl are somewhat safe in vehicles. Glenn and Nicholas are on foot. Those walkers were coming at us from all sides."
"Back when we first found each other in Atlanta Glenn was the one that always went on the runs. He had this uncanny ability to get out of the most dire situations. He can do it again."
Michonne didn't comment choosing not to point out how unconvincing Carol sounded. "I need to go find Maggie. I have a feeling she's going try to go after Glenn."
"It's a suicide mission like we told Carl, but the heart doesn't work on logic. Don't tell me you wouldn't be itching to get out there if Rick hadn't made it back."
Michonne stopped walking. "Rick's not my husband. It's not the same."
"Don't tell me you care about Rick any less."
"Of course I care about Rick, but like I said we aren't married. It's a different situation." Michonne's voice was clipped as she was suddenly became irritated.
"It's the end of the world. It's probably time for all of us to stop lying to ourselves." Carol rubbed her friend's arm. "I'm going to go patrol the back of the community. Make sure no walkers are over there." She walked away in the opposite direction.
Michonne stood in the same spot for a few moments. She could see Rick standing on the gate watching the walkers down below. He had a faraway look in his eyes. She could tell he was feeling as mentally lost as she was. It hurt her to see him that way. It hurt to feel that way. A quote Mike used to always recite echoed in her head: I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future.
"I know the answer," she whispered to herself. Then she shook her head feeling silly for letting Carol's words get to her. Mike thought she would be his future, but he was now part of her painful past. Focusing on the here and now was what needed to be done. She spied Maggie practically running to the armory. Following after the woman caused her to miss Rick turn to stare sadly at her retreating back.
"You can't talk me out of it," Maggie said as she gathered guns together.
"Okay," Michonne said. She leaned against the doorjamb. "If I can't talk you out of it then I'm coming with you."
"I can't let you do that." She still wouldn't face Michonne.
"Well, you're not going out there alone so it's either I go with you or we both stay." Michonne moved to start picking out weapons. "We're going to need a lot of ammo with the amount of walkers out there.
"Don't make me put you in danger."
Michonne spun Maggie around to face her. "Don't put yourself in danger. Glenn wouldn't want that."
Maggie's face scrunched up and the tears started. "I just want to see his face again." The crying woman collapsed into Michonne's arms. She just soothingly rubbed her.
"Remember back at Father Gabriel's church when I told you how I burned the only picture he had of me?" Maggie started through her sniffles. "I keep playing that moment over and over in my head. I really thought we'd never be apart again."
"I should have never let him go off with just Nicholas," Michonne said. "My gut told me not to."
"It's not your fault. I know better than anybody that's what he does. He saves people. He wasn't going to let you risk your life."
"The stakes are higher with him."
Maggie pulled away from Michonne and leaned against the counter. She stared down at her feet. "I'm pregnant," she finally said.
"Oh, Maggie!" That was the last thing Michonne was expecting to hear.
"That's why I stayed behind. He didn't want to risk me getting hurt. But I shoulda been there. I could have helped him." She wiped at the tears that were starting again.
Michonne became even more distraught. "He shouldn't have risked it. He has you and soon a baby to come home to. It wouldn't have been as risky for me."
Maggie stared at her in disbelief. "You have us to come took to also. Rick and Carl would be devastated if something happened to you. We all would."
Michonne shook her head. "It's not like a husband, wife, and a child."
Maggie took Michonne's hand in hers. "All this time you've been a part of this family and you still don't realize how much we love you. You're my sister. My child has to know her Aunt Michonne."
Michonne felt as she was barely holding it together. "I'll never forgive you if you make me cry." The two women laughed through their pain and hugged again. "You can't go out there. Not while pregnant."
Maggie nodded. "I know. Daddy used to always say a person is nothing without their faith. I just have to trust he's still out there and I'll see him again."
Michonne was about to tell her she would see him again until she caught sight of the smudged ink on her arm. She knew the words would sound hollow and insincere. She learned her lesson earlier that day about promises.
Another woman was in the Pantry with Olivia as Michonne and Maggie walked from the back where the weapons were kept.
"I think the kitchen knives are in the bottom drawer, Betsy," Olivia said.
Michonne immediately stopped in her tracks. The sight of David's Betsy made her heart constrict. She'd been trying to find her all day. She told Maggie she'd catch up with her.
"Betsy?" The small, dark haired woman looked sad and frightened.
"Yes?" Her voice had a soft timbre.
"Um you are...were David's wife?" Michonne was suddenly feeling less confident about what she wanted to say.
"Yes." The woman gaze turned steely.
"I was with him when he died. He wanted to tell you - "
"You want of those Rick Grimes people, aren't you?" Betsy snapped.
Michonne crossed her arms over her chest feeling the heat of those words. "I am."
"People thought Rick was dangerous and a troublemaker. But me and David had been out there more than most folks here. We knew the horrors. We knew Rick had a point. I convinced him to go on that quarry run. Then after having the fright of my life when we were attacked here I find out from Heath my husband is dead. I sent him to his death and you all were his executioners. Everything was fine until you all got here. Now I'm all alone." She reached into the drawer and took a knife and started towards the door, but stopped and turned back to Michonne. "Did he suffer?"
Michonne met the woman's piercing stare. "Yes."
"Of course he did. No one gets the luxury of a peaceful death anymore."
Darkness had overtaken the sky. The streets were mostly clear of people. They were quietly hunkered down in their homes waiting. The growls of the walkers provided a soundtrack for the night. Michonne hugged herself as she walked around aimlessly. The sting of her conversation with Betsy still felt fresh. She didn't know what she was expecting to happen when she talked to the woman, but it certainly wasn't that. The beautiful story of love found in these times touched a place in Michonne she didn't know was still there. She felt uncomfortable with the hidden feelings that were stirred up. Betsy's anger was a wake-up call that things usual didn't work out the way you wanted in these times.
She contemplated checking on Maggie, but looking at the woman just made her think the baby would probably grow up without his father if he got to grow up at all. The pregnancy also brought back painful memories of Andre. A constant loop of what she could have done to save him used to play on in her mind. Andrea was added to that loop after she died. Now ways she could have helped Glenn ran concurrent with her son and her friend. This type of hopelessness was what caused her to wander around the woods with only the company of walkers. She thought it had been exorcised, but the bleakness was making a full return.
Rick was standing near the wall where the names of the dead and missing were displayed like a tomb. His shoulders were slumped and his mouth was moving silently as if he was talking to himself. He still looked as if he was lost in his own head. His fatigued eyes met hers as she walked closer to him.
"Michonne. What are you doing out here? You've got watch in a couple of hours. You should be resting."
"Who can rest in all of this?" She gestured towards the wall.
He nodded. "Right."
Michonne moved to walk around him, but he grabbed her forearm. "You all right?" The intensity of his stare was strong enough to see inside her.
"As all right as I can be in this situation." She tried to leave again.
"Wait," he said. He stood in his cowboy stance while looking at the ground.
She knew he wanted to talk, but she didn't think she had it in her to comfort him. "What is it, Rick?" It came out in a sigh.
"Do you...do you ever think about your boyfriend? The one you used to talk to?"
She was surprised by the question. "Every day."
"I've been thinking about Lori a lot since we got here. What she would think of me now, of this place." He walked closer to Michonne. The sadness in his eyes matched her own. "Ever since the prison fell we've only had small victories overshadowed by all these huge fails. Beth, Tyreese, Noah. Now this herd, and more of our people are missing or worse. I just keep thinking maybe if I would have done something, anything different we wouldn't be in this mess right now."
"There was no way of knowing that it would come to this." It was the best she could come up with at the moment.
He put both of his hands on her shoulders; anchoring himself to her. "I can't watch my children die, Michonne." The desperation in his voice wasn't like anything she ever heard from him. It was palpable and made her heart ache with past and present fear.
She avoided his gaze to try to hide the tears that had been threatening to spill all day. "I wish I could tell you it's going to be okay, Rick, but my hope well is pretty dry right now."
"I need to know how to fix this," he whispered.
She shrugged her shoulders to get away from his grip and shook her head. "I don't know if it can be."
He looked like he didn't want to accept her answer. "What happened to we'll find a way?"
"Some things are inevitable. Maybe this is the final chapter of the story."
Rick took a stepped back as if he'd been slapped in the face. "This isn't right. You never lose hope. I can't do this if I don't have you by my side."
"I'll fight to the end, but..." She raised her hands in defeat. "Maybe I'll feel differently in the morning, but I can't give you anything else right now. I'm sorry." She ambled passed him; disappearing into the night.
He stood silently as he watched her retreat as he had so many times before, but this time felt different. This time felt like the end.