Dear Diary, you know what sucks? Being in love with your best friend. Wanna know what sucks more? Living next door to him. What's even worse? HIM NOT CLOSING HIS CURTAINS WHEN HE IS HAVING SEX WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND! Okay, I feel better now…just kidding I am now currently hiding in my bathroom because my bedroom is not safe. Courtney Banks how I hate you…how I motherfucking hate you. I hate you because you really aren't a horrible person. I hate you because I understand why Duncan loves you. I hate you because I get along with you. And I hate you because I can never be you. You're popular, got big tits, big ass (Duncan's favorite things) and I hate that I have a pancake ass and are a part of the itty bitty titty committee. I hate it that I'm one of the guys and you are his princess- what I hate most is; I wish that I could be you.
"I'm in the bathroom!" I yell at whoever is on the other side of the door.
"Okay okay sorry Gwen but I have to shit and mom's taking a shower!" My annoying fifteen-year-old brother Devon says.
"If Duncan's window is closed or you can't see body parts you can come in here otherwise you are out of luck. And if you lie to me you little twerp I'll stick your head in the damn toilet." I hear him walk away, then come back.
"I think they're done Gwen, I went on the balcony and didn't see anything, now let me inside the bathroom!" I walk out of the bathroom and he nearly pushes me down to get through the door. I chuckle a little and put the black leather bound journal into my vanity desk and lock it, putting my key necklace back around my neck. After Devon found it last year, aka why he knows about my crush on Duncan, I promised myself that I would never let anyone find it ever again. My phone vibrates in my pocket, a reminder to go on my daily run. I'm naturally skinny, my mother is a toothpick, but I always want to be healthy. I go into my closet and put on my teal and black sports bra, matching capri leggings and my tennis shoes. I walk out and my brother makes gagging noises.
"Put on a shirt, no one wants to see your stomach."
"Well no one wants to smell your shit, and here we are." No, like really, it stinks so so bad. I'm glad I'm going out to get fresh air. As I walk down the stairs, I put my hair up into a ponytail, headphones in, and I'm off. Other than writing, running is the other place where I can release how I'm feeling.
"I just don't understand…we have been best friends forever…I thought, maybe, he could have felt the same way. I was just too late…I waiting too long to tell him…and it just breaks my heart."
I remember the day he told me he had a crush on Courtney…it was the day I was going to tell him that I had a crush on him. May 22, 2015. It's been just over a year and the heartache is still just as strong as it was back then. Duncan in his signature way of smirking, sitting on my bed just gushing on how awesome Courtney is, how great she is in the sack. He never knew that I cried for days. He never knew that he crushed me. He will never know that I love him. He will-
BAM!
I fall flat on my ass, what the hell. I look up and I see that I ran into a guy, Trent Lane, From school.
"I am so sorry; I was just…not paying attention."
"It's okay, really. Are you okay?" He stands up and offers me his hand, I grab it and I feel a spark of electricity go through my body. "Wow…what the Hell was that?"
"You're in my Chemistry class, right?" He asks me. He brushes his black hair out of his face, and his green eyes are right on me.
"Yeah, I think so. I'm usually in the back. I hate . He's such a-"
"Dirty old man?" I laugh.
"Yes, exactly. Finally someone else besides LeShawna agrees with me about that."
"Courtney sure doesn't…."
"Ugh don't get me started on her please…" I sigh.
"Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't know you two have beef with each other." He rubs the back of his neck, I smile just a little.
"It's not beef per-say…it's complicated." He smiles.
"Well, I got time. Do you wanna go grab a bite to eat?"
"I'll take you on your offer for food, but I won't tell you why it's complicated." He smiles.
"Really, I just want to get to get to know you, so talk about whatever you want to." I smile and we walk to the Old Underground- a local coffee shop. The aroma of ground coffee and lemon cake swirls around in the air. After we get our black coffee, we head towards the booth. I take a sip of my coffee and smile.
"I've always loved this place."
"Same, best coffee in town." Trent says as we sit down in the booth.
"Way better than Starbucks. Big corporations always turn into shit after a while." Trent chuckles.
"It's so sad how true it is. Think about it, you pay damn nearly ten bucks for dirt water."
"Exactly!" Trent smiles.
"Still not going to tell me why you and Courtney aren't exactly buddy-buddy?" I sigh.
"You know who Duncan Howard is, right?"
"The guy who got sent to juvie sophomore year?"
"Yeah, him. Well, he's my best friend, and she's dating him. It's not…really that fact that bothers me, but I know he deserves more than her." Close enough to the truth…
"Ah…I gotcha…yeah I never understood…how…they're so different."
"To be honest, I think why they're still together right now is the sex." Trent's eyes widen up.
"The self-proclaimed virgin CIT isn't exactly a virgin?" Oh shit.
"Wait, she actually claims that? Seriously? Even after dating Duncan? Doesn't she realize that his reputation is basically him being an ex-juvie horn dog?"
"I've probably already said too much…" Trent rubs the back of his neck awkwardly again.
"No no, I'm the one who started this up. But why would have you said too much?"
"I don't want to really say anything..."
"Trent, what's up?" Before he can say anything else, he points behind me. When I turn around, of course Duncan and Courtney just so happen to walk in. Karma is a bitch and she keeps reminding every single day.
"Gwen? Hey!" Courtney's high pitch voice flows through the air.
"Fuck…" I mutter under my breath.
"Hey pasty." Duncan says, sitting down next to me. "Court's in line getting her crappachino." His eyebrow furrows when he sees Trent. "Who's emo boy over here." I awkwardly laugh.
"Oh Duncan…such a kidder…" I know he's not kidding. "This is Trent…I ran into him…literally."
"I can see that by your running clothes…Why didn't you call me? We usually go together."
"Just you and her?" Trent quizzes.
"No emo, with Courtney."
"Uh yeah…about that…"
"Yeah…?"
"I just…didn't want to run with Courtney and you today okay."
"Yeah, but why not is the question here Pasty." I roll my eyes at him and cross my arms. I'm getting annoyed by his questioning; only because I don't want to have to tell him that seeing him and Courtney having sex today has almost made me have a nervous breakdown. I'm the emotionless cool chick. I can't have anyone thinking I have feelings, now could I.
"Does it really even matter, I'm sure Courtney didn't mind one bit now did she."
"That's not the point here either, Gwen." Duncan crosses his arms as well.
"Look…" Trent says. Shit please don't say anything. "It's obvious she's uncomfortable, so why not just drop it."
"Uh excuse me, emo guy. This is between Gwen and me. So why not just shut the fuck up." I don't know why, I kind of don't even remember saying anything. When he said that, I just lost it.
"Duncan, he is just trying to be nice. You're being a big ole bag of douchebag topped with dog shit for an attitude. All he has been is fucking nice to me. You wanna know why I didn't want to go running with you and princess today? I don't fucking appreciate seeing you two fucking every single damn fucking day!" At this point, I'm standing up, people are starting; including Courtney. "You don't care about anyone but yourself. You don't care about how watching my best friend slip away kills me, and watching you bang yourself into her helps so fucking much, idiot."
"Hey hey!" Courtney says running over, nervously laughing. "We don't have sex…"
"Bull. Shit. Courtney are you even yourself with him? Cause you damn sure aren't yourself in public. What's even worse is that I can't even say that you're this horrible girlfriend to him and that I hate you. I don't hate you, when it's just us three you're a pretty cool person. In public I can't fucking stand you because you turn into this uptight goody goody bitch." I could have sworn to see steam coming out of Courtney's ears.
"Well I never! Duncan, are you just going to let that…that…Gothic weirdo talk to me like that!" Duncan is just looking off, not even responding to her.
"Duncan! Do something!"
"Fine." He gets up, and starts to walk out the coffee shop. "And if anyone tries to follow me, I'll beat your ass. SO GET OUT OF MY FUCKING WAY!" Courtney, Trent and I all wince, and a child starts crying, customers duck under the booths or jump behind the counter, and some nerdy kid starts crying. He storms out, and I have to fight every single nerve telling me to go after him, but I know better. Courtney on the other hand…
"Dunky, wait!" And there she goes; straight to her death. Poor Trent looks like a kicked puppy.
"That was…yeah…" He rubs the back of his neck.
"Yeah…let's just get out the back…"
"This place has a back?"
"I'll explain later…" I lead him to the back door that no one but the owner I'm sure knows about.
"How'd you uh…find that?" I sigh.
"Duncan and I have stolen some stuff here before…been a couple of years though."
"Is that why he went to juvie?"
"No no, I just told him he's not getting his third strike with me around."
"Oh..."
"Look…I'm sorry about that…I guess I just…let out pent up anger over…a year…"
"A whole year huh…"
"Ugh I'm such an idiot." I do a face palm. "I shouldn't have said anything."
"No no, I think you should have. I'm sure I'll see why you two are friends at some point."
"What do you mean 'you'll see why we're friends'?" He then hands over a piece of paper.
"Next time…you won't have to run into me to get me to hang out with you. Text me next time you wanna go for a run." Trent smiles. "I'd love to walk you home, but I have band practice in about thirty minutes." He starts to walk off, then turns back. "Next time…it'll just be the two of us; I promise." I'm so glad he's turned around and can't see me because I'm blushing. I put the phone number in my phone before I lose the paper, and run back to my house. When I get back, Duncan is standing at my front porch; one leg propped up against the brick wall.
"We really need to talk." Duncan says with a very serious tone. I know what I'm gonna write about tonight. "Dear Diary…Destiny has called, now do I answer the phone."