Author's Note

I promise that you shall not see many of these throughout any of my stories. This is generally a one time per story thing. There are just a few things I want to say before beginning Love Me or Die.

First is that you are all free to message me with any questions or comments about the story. If you have something you want verified or clarified, I'll willingly do so.

Second is that if you have a suggestion or request either comment it, or send me a message and I will see what I can do. I cannot guarantee it's going to go in the story, but I will take it into consideration.

Third is that I really love reviews. It means that I'm not just a mediocre author. That could either be good or bad, but I'll take my chances. ;] Thank you for you time, this is all I wanted to say.

~Rose

STAGE ONE: BEGINNINGS

I ran. That was the only thing I could think to do. With the smell of a desert night around me and the feeling of sand under my feet, I was kept grounded in reality. Without these, I would have thought I was dreaming; even then I thought it was a nightmare. My mind went blank. I couldn't see, I couldn't think, and I couldn't stop the tears. I was the last one left. I was the only one left.

I watched helplessly as the scene played before my eyes. Over and over again I heard the screams of my mother as she witnessed her first-born slaughtered before her. I couldn't make a sound as my sister's blood covered the walls. They then turned on her; the woman I knew and loved was killed. I wondered where my father was, but knew he was either already dead or about to die. Then it would be my turn.

The desert night that surrounded me was featureless; I had no idea where I was going. I knew that I was headed east; Konoha is to the east. I couldn't stop running; they were sure to look for me. The Akatsuki never gave up what they were looking for. I knew they were looking for me. They tore my house apart looking for me when I escaped their grasp through the back doors. If I were to stay, my fate would be in the unforgiving hands of the Akatsuki.

I had no clue where I was. I haven't even had a full year's worth of training at the academy. I was just six years of age; that wasn't old enough to be out on my own. I had to keep running. I had to make it to the border. I couldn't stay in my home; Sunagakure was better off without me anyway. They had Him to deal with.

I woke with a jump to a destroyed room around me. I was panting, and I felt exhausted, almost as if I were running instead of resting. I looked around, searching for something that provoked my nightmare. I never found anything. The only explanation for this was my conscience telling me that I shouldn't have survived. That is why I can't sleep, not without destroying everything in the room. I will always be plagued with insomnia. It is a part of my curse.

My breathing slowly calmed to an inaudible rasp as adrenaline pulsed through me. This happened to me every time I slept. All of my things were shattered; they are meaningless possessions. Nothing of real value. Mostly china and such objects that could be replaced with a thousand yen. I had more than enough money to get me by. Sensei saw to that.

I pushed myself to get out of the bed, now drenched in sweat. Walking past a mirror, my reflection stared back at me with violet eyes. My maroon hair was wet, sticking to my forehead and back as well to the sharp lines of my heart shaped face. The mirror was cracked and a shard was missing from the top corner, which lay at my feet; I don't need to worry about the luck, as mine never improves. I don't think it ever will.

Konohagakure was silent as the grave through my open window. The warm air breezed through, flirting with the curtains. The moon was full outside, outshining all the stars that twinkled their lives away. If only my fate were so simple. I will never know the simple pleasures of life. This is a part of my curse.

I walked into the darkness, knowing that I wouldn't find relief inside; I wasn't meant to be kept inside walls anyway. Konohagakure was strange to me; so alien compared to my home. Yet, at the same time, I felt as though I had been here before; it seems this place was embedded in my blood. I felt nostalgia when I walked through certain places, but no memories came. They never come. I don't remember; I can only dream of memories. Those memories I can't view, go back on, or study on my own. All I have is what I dream of, which is always just the same thing. I can't even tell that they are entirely real.

I found myself at the academy, looking up at the moon. I sat on the swing and let my feet dangle on the ground, rousing the top layers of soil beneath my black leather boot. I looked to the heaven when I felt alone, and tonight I was as alone as I have ever been. I felt a tear slide down my face; the closest to crying I have ever been allowed to come. I haven't wept since I was a small child, forced to be strong in the hands of the man who would come to shape me into a Konoichi.

"Tsuki," my name was whispered.

I didn't even turn back to see who it was that addressed me. "Sasuke," I answered.

He walked up to me, and gazed at the moon by my side. "Do you ever wonder if your parents are watching you?" he asked solemnly.

I know his pain too well. "Not really," I answered. "I bet they have better things to do than to watch me. I have wondered if they resent me for surviving, though."

He leaned against the old tree and sighed, sinking to the earth below the leaves. "At least you weren't chosen to stay behind," he replied to me. His depression shone through as clear as the light from tonight's full moon.

"Sometimes I do wonder if I was chosen. Destiny has taken a liking to tormenting me, why wouldn't it have been the same when I was a child?" I asked.

He sighed. It meant 'I know what that feels like,' in Sasuke's mind. "Do you ever ask yourself why?" He gazed at me, with a look of curiosity in his onyx eyes.

"No," I answered. "If I knew, then I wouldn't be so determined to find out. I wouldn't have a drive anymore." I kicked the ground, pushing myself back then coming forward like a pendulum until gravity stopped me. "I would not be alive anymore."

"Do you want revenge?" he asked waiting for me to come back to a rest. I knew the tone behind his voice to be seeking redemption for his fate.

"Sometimes," I answered. "It is not required of me as it is of you, but I feel that it is why I am left. I don't know if I should, though."

"Why not? An eye for an eye, Tsuki."

"I guess it's what they want of me. I don't fit into expectations well; I would rather do my own thing than follow someone else's dream. Besides, an eye for an eye only makes the whole world blind."

He looked down at the grass he stood on. "I understand your answer, but it is one that I could not chose as my own. Hate has already consumed me, and it's too late to go back."

"It's easy to fall into someone's trap of a dream for you. I understand that you were ticked at a young age, and avenging is an honorable quest." I sighed. "You should sleep, Sasuke."

"As you should," he answered. He rose to his feet again.

"If only I could," I answered. "Tomorrow is a big day, the first of the exam students come in.''

He merely shrugged as he stalked off. "See you, Tatsuki-chan."

I looked at the moon again. "Tomorrow is the day I get to see Sensei again," I whispered to myself. "It has been too long."

My orders were crystal clear: stay hidden. I cannot risk letting my impatience get in the way of the mission at hand. I can't associate myself with Sensei. They cannot know. I sighed heavily as I watched the Sand siblings walk into town. Their sensei walked behind them, parting as he walked into the hotel. No doubt they were allowed to run free while he did all of the paper work.

I hated that lot. Each the sons and daughter of the Kazekage. Each arrogant in their own little way. I may not be noble, but I know that it is wrong to allow superiority to get in the way of your duties. Perhaps if I was, I would hate myself for being the same way. I found it sickening when I met them. The girl is a snob, the youngest wants to kill me, and the eldest wishes only to look after himself. Selfish, they are, with no priorities or sense of team work. It won't be long before they die because of it.

It was an hour before I caught a glimpse of him. My sensei is my weakness, and he doesn't even see it. In a sense, Orochimaru is all of our weaknesses, at least, to those who serve him. I owe that man my life, and it is because of this I am so strong. I feel he expects more of me, but I will never know. He is a man of strange ways and even stranger habits. He knows so much, yet seeks to learn as if he knew so little. An enigma is he, a puzzle nigh impossible to solve and a riddle that sits on your conscience because you feel the answer is so simple, but you cannot find it. Orochimaru is far from being simple.

I have waited six months for him to arrive: just long enough to be considered a leaf Shinobi. I have been put to work by the old Hokage, but always on my own. I have found I like being alone. Being a chuunin suites me in this way. People only prove to be a liability.

Did I understand the purpose of me being sent so far ahead? Not at the time. Do I now? No, I still don't know. He has told me to keep my eyes open and my ears keen. An enigma through and through. Only he could confuse me in such a way. It makes me want to pull my hair out. As I thought this, I looked down at my fingers to see a thread of purplish red hair fluttering in the breeze. So he makes me pull out my hair already. Bloody brilliant.

I was sent for in the wee hours of the morning. I was awake, working on a scroll to present to Sensei. Kabuto walked in just as I had rolled it up. "Orochimaru-sama wishes to see you," he sneered. "You seem well. Here I was thinking you would die without being by his side."

"No, I have not died. Besides, I would last far longer than you would without him," I retorted. I have no patience for Kabuto. He is a foolish boy. He may be smart, but he lacks common sense.

He laughed at my comment. "Don't wait too long, you know how impatient he gets."

Orochimaru's impatience had nothing on my hatred of his messenger standing before me. "I know this," was all I answered as I gathered the papers, the scroll I had just finished, and a thick journal, then piled them into a rucksack.

"What is all of that?" he demanded.

"For Orochimaru to know and for you to inquire about."

"Your formality angers me," he hissed.

I only smiled in return, revealing my fang-like canines. He led the way out, followed closely by myself. The comment, "Damnable catty woman," drifted back to me. I smirked at the back of his head, feeling accomplished. It had only been five minutes and he was already fuming with irritation.

Kabuto knocked on the door, only to be pushed past as I entered without invitation. Orochimaru looked up from the desk he was sitting at due to my sudden entry, but did not say a word. I felt Kabuto's glare from the hallway. "You have called for me, Sir?"

"I have," he answered. He looked back at the paper he was writing and the scratching of a pen filled the desolate silence. It was a few minutes before he put the pen down and addressed me. "What information do you have for me?"

I handed him my backpack. "I have kept record of anything and everything relevant to you, our plan, or the plots of others. I have intercepted letters on my missions for the Hokage and made copies for you."

"And the scroll you were working on?" Kabuto prodded.

I didn't have to say anything back. "The scroll is for me to read only," Orochimaru hissed.

Kabuto quickly apologized. He broke rule number three in my book: Don't apologize for anything. Another reason I don't like him. He has a weak character.

Orochimaru addressed me. "You have provided me much to look over. We shall see if it proves worth my time. Until then, you will await my next summon. You are dismissed." His voice was as cold as ever; he didn't give anything away if he felt I had done adequate work or not. He never does.

I walked past Kabuto to leave, when Orochimaru called back to me, "It was a good choice to befriend the Uchiha." There was a mischievous tone in his voice that told me he was plotting more than what I knew.

I glanced back at him. "Thank you, Sensei. I am glad to be of use to you." My tone was as heartless as his, but there was some meaning in my words.

I walked back to my apartment that I had rented some time back, thinking of the nature of Orochimaru. He is a monster. A vile, evil man who has no priorities other than himself. I stopped in the street and asked myself why I approve of him. I began walking again and realized that I would take the backhanded slap of reality over a silly, idle fantasy any day. He is my reality: the world is just as cruel as he is. So many people love this world and all of its cruelty, yet no one loves Orochimaru.

Tayuya asks me if I regret running to Orochimaru. She hates him with a passion of hell's inferno. I told her that I don't remember why I came here. I don't, for my past is a mystery to me. I have blocked everything else out prior to joining ranks with the Sound. I told her that because of this, I don't know if I would regret Orochimaru or not.

"You're a big fucking mystery, Tsuki," she hissed at me. "I understand Orochimaru more than I will ever understand what the hell you mean."

I turned my back on Tayuya. "I don't care if you understand me, if you understand Orochimaru, or if you even understand yourself. You asked me a question and I answered it." I began walking away from her.

"You answer in riddles when I ask you to tell me what you mean. Shitty response either way you look at it."

"Then it's a shitty response, but a response all the same." I walked out on her, leaving her swearing at me.

Orochimaru holds Tayuya against her will. She quickly saw that, no matter her own nature, his is far worse. He has blackened her conscience, and turned her even colder that she already was. I knew Tayuya when she had first gotten to the Sound. She was an angst-filled teen who didn't know where she belonged and had lived a life of crime. Her background wasn't great to begin with, and she didn't have a bright future either. She had potential, just as I have potential. My future is just as bleak as hers.

I pushed open the door to my apartment and walked in. Kin was sitting in the living room, waiting for me. "I see you're back sooner than expected, Tsuki-san."

"Orochimaru is to the point, yes. What is your purpose?" She knew she wasn't supposed to be here. I am supposed to have no affiliation with anyone from the Sound.

"Orochimaru sent me here."

I eased up a little. I can't object his will. "What does he intend?"

"He wants you and I to do a little digging on the Sound trio. He doesn't think that they are being completely open to him, and thinks perhaps we will have better luck."

"He must think it is the boys that aren't being open."

"He does. Temari is just, stubborn. He knows that she'll try to defeat whoever he sends to interrogate her."

"He means us to interrogate?" I asked. "Or does he want us to be a little more covert?" I sat down beside her.

"He said that was your call, because you have your own way with people."

I thought for a while, making movements in the air as I arranged my thoughts. Gaara has a tendency to kill. That thought went on my left side. Baki may try to get in the way. That one went to the right. Kankuro had some serious ego issues, so he went to the left. Eventually my thoughts complied into three different categories: Obstacles on the left, irrelevant issues in the center, and possible threats on the right.

On the left, I had Gaara being a threat to any wrong move made and has to be dealt with care, Kankuro has a delicate ego that mustn't be offended, neither trust anyone, time is needed to make any progress when we only have a week before the exams start, no one has any outstanding social skills between the four of us, and we all have boundaries as Shinobi that are going to be crossed. I also have that fine little fact that I hate the lot of them.

In the center, I have the fact that Gaara is the youngest, Temari's hairstyle needs a little help, Kankuro has a doll fetish (alright, I know they're puppets, but it's a round about way of fighting, and cowardly if you ask me), Gaara is a demon-holding Shinobi, their father is Kazekage, and their mother is dead. Not much use can come from this.

On the right I have Baki coming in and becoming protective, Temari trying her best to pick a fight (Kin takes about as much bull shit as I do, [none at all] which is why I like her), either of them trying to kill one of us, one of us trying to kill them, and Kabuto being Kabuto.

I voiced all of these thoughts to Kin, also stating that we should do this one on one; it's more personal and there's a chance that if one of them doesn't say anything, the other will. She agreed and stated she wanted Kankuro.

"Kankuro," I repeated. "Why him?"

"Gaara is just one of those kids you'd be able to relate to. He'd try to kill me straight off. You're the only one who has a chance of talking to him."

"Hmm," I grumbled. "He's already stated he's going to kill me if I get in the way."

"He didn't challenge you like he did to everyone else."

"No, you're right. He didn't. That doesn't mean he isn't going to."

"You have to avoid a fight at all costs."

"I am not sacrificing my pride. If he wants a fight, then I'll make sure to give him a fight to remember."

"Just don't die," she sighed. "Orochimaru needs you more than you think. You keep him from going insane sometimes. If not him, then the rest of us."

I laughed. He is sporadic sometimes. "Fine, I will take Gaara. We only have a week, remember."

"It's you who has to remember that. Kankuro doesn't avoid people like Gaara does. He isn't reserved."

"Ugh," I groaned. "I am."

"You're a little hard to get to know, but when you want to, you can get along with people." She shrugged to emphasize her point.

"Most of the time I don't want to."

"This isn't a choice."

"I know." I groaned again.

She got up and walked out the door, yawning because of the late hour. I reclined on my sofa and stared at the door she had just closed, thinking of what it would be like to be able to sleep without harming everyone in the room. It must be nice.

I followed her out the door an hour later and walked to the swing outside the academy. I knew that Sasuke wasn't going to be there tonight. For him to show up is rare. The academy looked ominous in the dark, as if some unknown evil lurked behind the walls waiting for me to be foolish enough to enter. I have never set foot in an academy and I likely never will. I was "home-schooled" for all of my education. Orochimaru shaped me into his own model of "the perfect Ninja", with minor flaws and a major attitude. He's working on either getting rid of those, or finding the second generation of me without them.

I am not changing.

I heard a sigh above me and looked up. Sitting in a tree was a certain sand Shinobi who wanted nothing more to see me laying in my own pool of blood: "Gaara."