A/N: Okay, so my amazingly awesome and tolerant beta pointed out to me that I never mentioned anything of setting. That's purposeful, but she said that I should say something about it so nobody's like, "...Wtf?"
So this whole thing starts during chapter 306 and continues on through one or two more chapters. Chapter 306 is when Naruto, Sakura, Sai and Yamato infiltrate Orochimaru's headquarters and reunite with Sasuke for the first time in two and a half years. This whole thing is more about feelings than describing setting and the like. So that's why there's no mention of setting or time, etc. Hope that clears everything up.
This is dedicated, once again to Chrissy, my amazingly tolertant, awesome, amazing, and wonderful beta and girlfriend. I love you, Chrissy.
Belonging and Pretending
Amarxlen
So it's finally happening? Konoha has finally gotten over licking their wounds and they've sent shinobi to find him? Naruto and Sakura, and two ninja he doesn't know. But that hardly matters. Because now the leader is speaking. Somebody who isn't Kakashi but radiates authority. Somebody who isn't Kakashi but is directing Naruto and Sakura.
"We, Team Kakashi, are going to take you back to Konoha."
Team Kakashi. They're hardly Team Kakashi without the silver haired jonin. They're hardly Team Kakashi with two missing members. It could almost make him smile in amusement or unleash a piercing glare. Instead, he does neither of these things, merely thinks aloud, but omits the details.
"Team Kakashi, huh?"
And for the longest time nobody speaks. The new member, the one Sakura quickly identifies as Sai draws his weapon with barely a sound. He's the one to finish the trio, the one to fill the empty place Sasuke left behind. In the back of his mind Sasuke always knew this would happen – that somebody would have to take his spot to make Team Seven a fully functioning squad again, that someday that new trio would be sent out to complete missions without him.
But that was always an abstract thought. A fact that wasn't truly reality until he saw the flesh and blood being that replaced him. Something that wasn't real until the leader had called them Team Kakashi and wasted time stating their purpose in being there. As if Sasuke doesn't know. As if it needs to be said that four shinobi are there instead of three, or even two. As if it needs to be written that Sasuke has been replaced, as he always knew he would be. Yet, for something he always knew, it still hurts like he didn't expect. He's been replaced.
"So he's filling in for me then, is he?"
He asks, playing it off like he still has a chance to make things the way they used to be. He shut and locked that door a long time ago, running away from it. But he can still pretend that he can go back – that Naruto will still be an immature idiot, that Sakura will still fawn over him and need protecting, that Kakashi will still watch over them and teach him new jutsu. Can still pretend he didn't turn his back on any kind of future with them. He can always pretend.
"One more pansy for the group, quite the fit I'm sure."
He can still insult Sai, make it clear he's not part of that team, make it clear he's only a temporary replacement, make it clear he doesn't belong. He can make it clear that this new leader isn't supposed to be there, make it clear he will never understand like Kakashi, that he will never belong.
That is, until the newcomer throws him off track and begins speaking of bonds. Perhaps he suspects how touchy a subject bonds are to the Uchiha, or maybe he's just shooting in the dark. Either way, he hit the bull's eye directly.
"Something which I can't help but feel was very important to me."
Something that still is. As much as he tries to stifle it, as much as he acts that he doesn't care, as much as he wishes it would just disappear, Sasuke knows those bonds are still there. Hard as he tried, sure as he was that those bonds were gone, he can always trust Naruto to never give up. Even on him, the lost cause. He can pretend it isn't too late, that he hasn't given up everything, that he hasn't hurt them more than any injury, hasn't betrayed them. He can pretend in that corner of his mind, even as he continues to read from the script he's chosen. He can always pretend.
Even as he stifles their hopes once again, even as he tries to convince them it's too late, as he tries to convince himself it's too late. They can't possibly want him after all he's put them through. He reasons to himself that it's a sense of mistaken loyalty, that it's hatred of failure that brings them to him, that has them saying things he doesn't want to hear. He has to convince them that it's too late, pleading with his eyes that they will let him do what he needs to do to ease his guilty conscience.
"It isn't that I wasn't able to sever my bonds with you..."
Why, why does Naruto keep coming back? Why can't those words be true? Why does Naruto have to make everything so difficult? He keeps repeating to himself that it wasn't because he couldn't, but because he wouldn't, because Itachi wanted him to gain the Mangekyou. And why should he do what Itachi wants? But maybe the truth is simply that he couldn't kill his best friend. He can always pretend.
"Come to think of it, isn't becoming Hokage one of your dreams? If you have the time to chase me around, you would have been better off training..."
They're not words of cruelty; at least he doesn't mean them to be. He merely speaks the truth he believes. If Naruto forgets about him to pursue his dream of becoming Hokage, Sasuke won't have to worry that Naruto will be just one step behind him. If Naruto forgets about Sasuke to train to become Hokage, then Naruto will be free of Sasuke's purposefully cruel words, trying to make him realize that they can't keep going on like this. He can pretend Naruto will finally listen, but he knows he won't. The only way to be sure of anything. He begins to unsheathe his katana.
"Like there's any chance someone who can't save a friend could become Hokage."
Sasuke loathes thinking that the blond may actually give up; surely he'll dodge and then begin giving Sasuke a speech about how or why he'll be brought back to Konoha. This is what Sasuke's counting on as he pulls back his katana. Naruto will dodge. Naruto won't give up.
But Naruto doesn't dodge, or duck. He's really given up, and the only thing that prevents the katana from lodging deep into his flesh is Sai's hand on his wrist. He hates it, the feel of his replacement touching him, but he can only be grateful to Sai for saving Naruto. Sasuke had been counting too much on Naruto dodging, he wouldn't have been able to slow his hand and save the blond. And then Naruto's moving, and it's almost like it will be like old times. But the leader interferes and everything is wrong. Because nobody is supposed to interrupt their fights, save Kakashi, perhaps. This new leader doesn't belong.
He doesn't expect Sakura to rush at him, claiming she'll stop him. She's supposed to stay on the sidelines, pleading for them to stop. It almost makes him smile, to see Sakura finally acting instead of cowering. He wonders just how strong she's gotten. And now he knows that she won't give up either. He runs towards her, Chidori pulsing through his weapon. He feels a twisted satisfaction when his weapon pierces the leader as he tries to protect Sakura. You don't belong.
And then everything's passing by in a blur – Naruto on the ground, a familiar change taking over, the talk with the Kyuubi, the warning, and the leader's attack. He shouldn't be able to move. But then Naruto says his name, staring at him disbelievingly and everything slows down again as Sasuke realizes that power two and a half years ago wasn't really Naruto's. Naruto cheated and used the power of a beast older than Konohagakure. He realizes he's disappointed in Naruto for relying on that beast.
Conversation comes, Naruto's words are spoken quickly, passionately, Sasuke's are spoken slowly, weighing each word before he says it. He raises his hands to initiate Kirin when the leader announces he's about to use a jutsu. But before he can, he's stopped, and despite how much he loathes Orochimaru, despite how much he doesn't want to be touched by the man, he's grateful that Orochimaru stopped him.
"That's quite the pathetic excuse."
But he's grateful for Kabuto, too. He can pretend that it's not too late, pretend that Naruto will forget him, pretend that he can go back when this is over, yet he doesn't know how much longer he can continue pretending that he doesn't want to go back. He wants to train with Naruto again, listen to Kakashi's excuses for his tardiness, he even misses Sakura's fixation on him.
As much as he wants to leave before he gives into temptation, as soon as he looks into Naruto's cerulean eyes, the desire to stay becomes that much more powerful. He can stay. It will mean a fight against Orochimaru and Kabuto, but he can stay. He wants to stay where he won't have to pretend that he wants nothing to do with them. He wants to stay, but he won't. He can see that Naruto knows this, can see the determination.
...But he can pretend he didn't. He can always pretend.