He's not okay. He can't stay anymore, can't think, can't remember the last time his body was filled with this much tension. He rubs his hands against each other to keep warm in the chilly night while he ponders how he got there in the first place. He was only going for a little walk, a little walk that's become miles. He wonders why, as he puts one foot in front of the other, why he had to walk this far. Now he's on his way back again, to warmth, to a place called home.
When Gibbs gets angry, he doesn't bat an eye. He kind of likes it when Gibbs is worried about him. The scolding Gibbs gave him is supposed to hurt, but it's comforting in a wicked way. And Tony smiles. Gibbs looks at him like he's crazy, and maybe he is, but he's never loved Gibbs as much as he does right now. Gibbs makes him feel wanted. He just embraces Gibbs, who is stiff in his embrace, and kisses the side of Gibbs's head. When he pulls back, Gibbs looks at him, clearly puzzled by Tony's reaction to Gibbs yelling at him. Gibbs helps him with removing his clothes, because his fingers are too numb to manage it on his own.
The shower spray provides soothing warmth and comfort. Tony stands under it for the longest time as he thinks about how all this happened, why he went walking in the middle of winter. Today, it was four years ago. Four years ago that Gibbs had pulled him aside and asked him straight out if he was gay or not. Tony had replied with a yes, without thinking, and suddenly, Gibbs's lips were on his. Tony smiles at the memory and steps out of the shower once he's finally warm. He walks into the kitchen and finds Gibbs cooking and humming a 'My Chemical Romance' tune. Tony knows Gibbs likes 'My Chemcial Romance' after he showed him who they were. He hadn't figured Gibbs for an 'MCR' man, but was proved wrong in his assumptions time and time again.
They eat and talk for a while before settling in the sofa with a movie. Just a comedy, 'Bruce Almighty'. They laugh a lot, Tony laughs so much his stomach muscles hurts and he has to wipe more than one tear from his eyes. Gibbs laughs too, a deep rumbling sound emitting from his belly, and it's the most wonderful sound Tony has ever heard. Tony likes it when Gibbs laughs. Not a chuckle, or a snort, but that deep belly laugh that he only does when he and Tony are alone. Tony spends more time watching Gibbs than he does watching the movie, and when the movie ends, he places his head on Gibbs's shoulder. Gibbs doesn't say a word, just puts his arm around Tony and turns the TV off. They sit there for a long time without saying anything before Gibbs claps him on the shoulder and says it's time for bed.
Lying in bed with Gibbs is good. Gibbs holds him in his strong arms, cradling him protectively against the world. Tony relaxes into the embrace and smiles to himself as he wiggles just that bit closer to Gibbs. Gibbs feels warm under the comforter, and Tony smiles again. Gibbs is always warm, and when Tony's sick and cold, because he gets so friggin cold when he's sick, Gibbs warms him up again with body heat, and Tony wouldn't have it any other way.
When Tony wakes up the next day, Gibbs is gone, all that's left is a nicely made side of the bed and Tony flops down against the pillow again as he caresses the empty bedside. He's still cold, on the inside. Still sick. He pictures Gibbs laying there beside him, but he's not there anymore. He never will be again. Tony knows why he's been out walking. Know Gibbs never yelled at him or helped him into the shower, knows they never watched a movie together, or went to bed together. Gibbs died. Tony lives.
AN: Just a short oneshot . Thank you to my lovely beta JoeyBug :) And thank you to my lovely muse brazilia, and thank God for the long cold walk I had yesterday, because that was what truly inspired me this time :) R&R :)
Disclaimer: All hail DPB