Chapter 1: Thinking

Clare's point of view:

I was sitting in my room looking at my ankle. I know what you're all thinking. Why is she doing that. I was staring at that because I have a tattoo there. On my ankle there was a a name written in big fancy letters.

His name was Jonah. When I was thirteen I got pregnant. Yes me. At thirteen can you believe it? I gave birth a to a beautiful baby boy. he was two years old when he died of Leukemia. In my eyes he was a healthy little toddler. So full of life. I was devastated when I found out he had it. Shocked that my child out off all of them had to die. Any ways, back to my original thought, my tattoo. It will always be a reminder of what could've been. How he could've been something and done something in this world. It just breaks my heart to know that it will never happen. But he's in a better place now. He's watching over me smiling with his cute little grin and blue as sky eyes waiting for us to be reunited again. After Jonah's death my parents packed up and we all moved to this town called Degrassi. Here at degrassi people refer to me as 'Saint Clare' or 'Virgin Mary' some pathetic name. That's because it's a front. I fear that if I let them know the real me I won't be excepted or worse the immature verbal slashes will continue. The only people who know about my tattoo, the drinking, and the cutting is my friend Alli. I don't tell my parents anything because I know they would think that I was crazy. And trust me they don't need ANOTHER burden in life. I've made a couple of friends here at degrassi. But not many. I have about four. Alli, Dave, Connor, Wesley, and Kc. Wait… scratch that Kc is not my friend anymore. He was the only one to know the real me besides Alli. He just stayed with me till something better came along. And that…hurts. Being used as something to fill a void. I guess Jenna was a better pick than me any way. She was Blonde, skinny, a cheer leader, not to mention she had no fucking baggage. Excuse my French. This year I was going into 10th grade a sophomore at Degrassi Community School. Oh Joy! This is the time where I really needed Jonah the most. He was my life. My creation. He was…me. My facebook profile is even a picture of me and him on his 2nd birthday before..he was diagnosed. My whole life I've either been an outsider or someone people look over and don't notice. And I'm okay with being in the background because I'm not a person who is like 'Look at me'. I've only had three boyfriends in my life. Josh, Jake, and Kyle. Kyle was Jonah's father. He was tall and skinny. He had longish bleach blonde hair and big brown eyes. He dressed in black skinny jeans and T-shirts most of the time. When Jonah was born he was 110% supportive. He said that even though we were young we were a Fuckin god damn good family. Kyle was a really good father. When Jonah had died everything went down hill. Kyle and me grew apart. And when I broke the news that I had to move that was the straw that broke the camel's back. I told him I was moving 6 hours away and that I would always love him. that night was when we professed that love. We mad love for the last time that night. I told hime I would always love him and that he was my first. I kissed him one more time and left. Me and Kyle still talk to each other to this day. We always chat on I. M. or on facebook. Ending every message with 'I love you' before logging out. When he found out how Kc dumped me after he saw Jenna he said that he was gonna kill him for hurting me. I told him not to and he listened. That's one thing I loved about him was that he was a great listener. Over the summer my style has changed. I'm wearing darker colors now. Mostly blacks, purples, and reds. I went to bed that night thinking about Jonah, Kc, Kyle, and degrassi. This year was going to be my year and I was sure of it. I was determined to find someone who understood me and loved me for who I am. Someone who I can relate to, who wont judge me about Jonah, my tattoo, the cutting, or the drinking. Someone who understands. So that night I wished on a star that I will find my knight and shinning armor to whisk me away. Someone to make me feel like I'm not alone, facing my troubles alone.

The next morning I woke up not excited to go to school but my parents wouldn't let me stay and wallow in self pity. They said they wouldn't let me because they 'Care'. I walked over to my closet and picked out my clothes. I chose a long sleeved plum thermal, black skinny jeans, and my purple vans. This was the most colorful I've been in a long time. When I was done I combed my short auburn locks and put a red bow in. I added a smoky eye as my eye shadow and a nude lip gloss Alli had gotten me. It tasted like vanilla. My favorite. I hopped down my stairs and grabbed a green apple not even bothering to ell my parents I was leaving and went out the door. I took my phone out of my pocket when I felt it vibrate in my back pocket. It was a text from Alli. We usually walk to school together.

Hey Sav gave me a ride this morning. Sorry :/

Alli.

I replied with a simple okay and kept on walking. When I got to school I made my way to the front steps. Resse was sitting on the steps with some of his friends. He whistled at me.

"Hey cutie." He said smiling. I hesitated before answering.

"Ummm…hey Reese." I said confused. Turns out Reese has had a thing for me since I was a freshman.

"Your looking good. The summer did you well." He replied winking at me.

"Thanks?" I said confused.

"What class do you have first period?" he asked. He knew I was smart so he was probably wishing it was his class.

"Ummm…Advanced English with Miss Dawes." I said.

"Oh. You're too smart. I'm only in her regular English class."

"cool" suddenly someone put their arm around my shoulders. I think he saw that I was uncomfortable talking with Reese so I guess he stepped in to do some 'protecting'.

"Is he bothering you Clare?" Kc snarled. I didn't answer so I guess he took it as a yes. He then guided us in side of the school. When we got inside I quickly peeled his arm off my shoulder.

"What was that for?" I asked annoyed.

"I thought you needed some saving." He replied smug.

"Well you thought wrong. I didn't need you help. I was doing fine." I said harshly before walking down the hall to first period. What was with Kc today? He was acting like he cared? That's something different. Thought as I entered the room.

What do you think? I put a lot of emotion in the first part of that. Review please.