S e x on F i r e
.:no matter how many goals he hits, he never seems to score:.
* * *
Though cunning, witty and rather handsome, Sasuke Uchiha has never really been a people person.
Perhaps to the human eye, one such as himself would seem like quite the charismatic fellow. In fact, popularity has never, ever been an issue for this seemingly charming young man. For wherever he went, people always wanted to be his friend.
Always.
But you see, when it comes to something such as, say, sex...
Is Sasuke an expert?
Not in the least.
It has recently been brought to Sasuke's attention, thanks to a good 'friend' of his, that he is none other than a virgin. Meaning, he's never, not once in his whole life had sexual intercourse with a woman, or anyone/anything for that matter.
And so what?
After all, he was born a virgin, right? And he lived his life perfectly fine as one, too!
At least up until exactly one month ago, when that dobe Naruto started creating havoc about the whole ordeal. The Sexless Uchiha, he has called him, and multiple other nicknames as well. And Sasuke, of course, did not appreciate that at all. Especially since Naruto basically announced it in front of the rest of his team, that being Sai and Sakura.
Every since then, Sasuke has been trying his absolute hardest to dump off his good ol' V-card.
Lets review, shall we?
WEEK ONE
Sasuke sat at his desk, his expression evident with distress. He'd been sitting there for nearly an hour, only thinking the same question:
"How?" He asked himself out loud, for only the billionth time that day. "How do I not be a virgin?"
Have sex. His inner-self told him, again, for the billionth time.
"Yeah, yeah I know..." He told himself, irked. "But really, how?"
Well first you find a willing woman, and then--
"I know that, too! But HOW!? Or should I ask, WHO?"
Even then, his mind drew a blank.
Really, who would be willing to have sex with him? He thought about it for a moment, before a sly, cocky smirk formed upon his lips. "The real question is... Who WOULDN'T want to sleep with me?"
With that, The Sexless Uchiha, who would be sexless no more, went out for a night on the town. He felt no nervousness whatsoever as he made his merry way down the streets of Konoha, scoping the area for any moderately attractive woman that would suffice as his 'playmate'.
And that's when he ran into Ino.
He'd never really thought about her before, like, you know... That. Then again, he'd never really thought about anyone that way. But he knew that Ino used to like him, so, she would have to do.
"Oh hey Ino." He slurred, his smug grin never leaving his lips as he moved in front of her in one, fluid motion.
"Hello Sasuke." She greeted, smiling. She was looking rather pretty that night, he had to admit, with her long hair tied back and a short, yet sophisticated black dress on.
"What are you um..." He searched for the right words, looking through his entire, vast and brilliant vocabulary but somehow could only think of a few simple and unimpressive lines. "Where are you going?" He ended up asking, his tone just a tidbit awkward.
"Home." She stated obviously, laughing a little. "You?"
"Um... Wherever you're going..." He tried to sound slick... Fail.
Ino couldn't help but laugh, and raised a thin, sarcastic eyebrow. "What?"
And suddenly, Sasuke found himself at a loss for words. "Er, where did you say you were going again?"
"Home." She repeated, staring suspiciously at her old friend. "Why do you ask?"
"Maaaybe you should come over to my place...?" He peeped out, hopefulness lacing his tone.
"Why?" Ino inquired dumbly, still eyeing him with that suspicious eye of hers. She thought for a moment. "Wait... Are you implying something?"
No shit. Inner-Sasuke said, but Outer-Sasuke nodded weakly. Never before had he acted to stupid, desperate and most of all, pathetic. He was barely choking out his words, for heavens sakes! This was not the type of person he'd created himself to be.
"Riiiight..." Ino sang awkwardly. "Well, obviously you've had one too many drinks sooo... See yah."
And with that, she was gone.
Sasuke stared after her quickly retreating figure, and couldn't resist the temptation to smack himself, hard, right across the face.
You, my friend, are an embarrassment.
-
So, maybe Sasuke's first try wasn't his best. But he's only human, right?
Pretty much.
Now, let's see how attempt two went for our favorite virgin...
Author's note: Ahahahahah :D. I was feeling creative and silly, don't hate;). So, as you may have noticed, this is the sequel to a stupid little oneshot I did called The Sexless Uchiha. You might wanna check that one out ahaha.
This will be multichaptered, probably a chap for every week Sasuke tries to get laid and fails. Trust me, they get a lot worse than this chapter mwaha. When will the chaos end!?
Review please :)