SOLF
Stalking Obsessive Legolas Fangirls (and guy)

A/N Hello my fine feathered friends! We're Adrienne and Diana! If you've never met us before, we'll just give a brief introduction. Four years ago, we wrote a story called SOLF that we quickly forgot about after writing. Recently, we re-read it and discovered that, lo and behold! it had no plot. We then decided to re-write it, but this time, with a plot included. I hope you have as much fun reading it as we did writing it. Enjoy!

Once upon a time, in a magical place called Target, the S.O.L.F. members were having a very important meeting. In case you didn't know, "SOLF" stands for Stalking Obsessive Legolas Fangirls (and guy). It was a newly reformed group because the author didn't feel like including some of the previous characters in this new story.

Adrienne and Diana were actually the only members who actually liked Legolas and knew who he was. The other members were drafted (and threatened) into the group because Diana and Adrienne needed friends. NEEDED.

Anyways, the meeting was going as planned, sort of. Everyone had shown up on time with smiling faces. Not. Alyssa was already distracted by the glittery things on the shelf. Michelle was in a heated political discussion with Matt, and Hayley was in a heated discussion with herself, scaring the bejeezus out of Madeleine and Emily.

"You fool!" Hayley screamed. "Jack Sparrow wanted to go to Tortuga, NOT BARBADOS!!"

"You INFIDEL!!" Halee screamed (her alternate personality) "You are so wrong!"

Madeleine was crying. Emily was praying. The wrath of Hayley/Halee was very strong.

They continued arguing till Adrienne called for order. "ORDER!! I demand order in my court!!"

"This isn't a court…" Diana said sheepishly, "It's a Target…."

"SHUT YO FACE."

At this, everyone was silent. Alyssa began whimper, because that's what she does best.

"Now, we are on a mission. We haven't had a meeting in four months because YOU guys kept cancelling on us, and now we are desperately behind on our minutes and activities. We haven't done a single activity in TWO YEARS." Diana opened the activity book and a moth flew out. Hayley/Halee ate it.

"At the last meeting where everyone was present," Adrienne continued, "A meteor crash landed into Diana's living room and you guys all freaked and left on me. I mean, seriously. You guys are such babies. Just one little meteor and y'all had to run away screaming. Like, what the eff."

Michelle looked confused, "But it burned down Diana's house."

Adrienne was annoyed. "She got a new one. Get over it."

"Anyways," Diana said in an attempt to lighten the mood, "Since you guys had nothing to do today, you have been chosen to help me pick out my brother's birthday present." Murmurs of excitement filled aisle 2, where they were standing. They were obviously in desperate need of something to do.

"What do you want to get him?" asked Matt Dibbs. Everyone was silent as Diana lowered her head in shame. She muttered something that no one could hear.

"Say what?" Matt Dibbs said. Diana spoke up a little, but still, no one could hear what she was saying.

"What did you say?" Matt Dibbs asked again.

"BOXERS, OKAY?!" Diana screamed. Alyssa whimpered. Again. Matt Dibbs, Michelle, and Hayley/Halee burst out in obnoxious laughter, and Madeleine and Emily looked confused. Emily, who has the purest soul known to mankind, asked quietly, "Why boxers?"

"My mother suggested it." Diana said quietly.

"Well let's get started!" Matt Dibbs rubbed his hands together while smiling in a way that deeply concerned Diana. They strolled up and down the aisles until they came to aisle 9, which was the unda-wears aisle. Alyssa screamed with delight. "Rainbows!!" She ran to the pair of rainbow boxers and picked them up lovingly. She looked at them again with pure adoration. Gasping, she said, "G-g-glittery rainbows." With that, she passed out.

"Ooooo, looook, organic." Michelle said with a smile. Diana cringed once she saw they were tweed and had Barack Obama on the crotch. What a shame, she thought.

They continued perusing around the aisle until Madeleine saw something she couldn't resist. "OH. EM. GEE. HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL." She squealed as Emily cheered. Without thinking what she was doing, Madeleine ripped open the package and began to pull the boxers out….

Meanwhile, in Middle Earth….

"Oh FUCK. Seriously. Where the HELL are we??" Aragorn screamed.

"I knew we took a wrong turn somewhere after Rivendell," Pippen said.

"Well, obviously," Gandalf said angrily. "Fool of a fucktard."

"I thought it was fool of a Took!" Pippin said with a tear in his eye.

"Not anymore."

"Ok, guys." Legolas said, insinuating that everyone get back to concentrating on the directions. "Focus…On me."

Sam rolled his eyes, "I hate my life…."



"Well, it seems no one can read a map," Boromir said. "Where's Frodo? He has the Tom-Tom Bombadil GPS."

Boromir looked around for a second until he saw a shadowy figure behind a tree. He approached it cautiously until he realized it was Frodo, cutting his wrists. Again. Because this is what he does best. While singing the famous Dashboard song, Vindicated. "I AM SELFISH, I AM WROOOOOOONNG." Frodo sang operatically.

"Frodo, shut up. Give me the Tom-Tom."

"EVERYBODY ALWAYS WANTS SOMETHING FROM MEEE!" Frodo wailed, "'Frodo, keep it secret, keep it safe!' 'Frodo, don't put on the ring!' Even Arwen bosses me around! 'Frodo, don't give in!' 'Frodo, give me back my dress!' What if I WANT to give in?! What about MY feelings!?"

"Give me the damn Tom-Tom!" Boromir demanded.

"' Frodo, give me the damn Tom-Tom!' It NEVER EEEENNDS!!"

Boromir slapped him and walked away. "Alrighty, sooo, how do you work this thing?"

Gimli, annoyed with everyone's stupidity, stormed over to Boromir and grabbed it, "Here, I'll do it, you moron." However, after he grabbed it, he tripped over Legolas's straightener and fell, the weight of his body crushing the Tom-Tom.

"Oh my God. Seriously. Seriously guys, FUCK ME. NO REALLY. FUCK. ME. SERIOUSLY," Aragorn said, leaving the rest of the fellowship to wonder what he meant.

Legolas, feeling guilty about leaving his straightener out, leaned over to pick it up, "Sorry, my bad."

Strangely, as he bent over, the tops of his boxers began to magically come out of his tight pants and give him a wedgie. "Oooowww, guys stooooop," he whined.

"Duuuude…"Merry said as he smoked the last of his Longbottom Leaf, "That sooo isn't us…" His eyes were red, and he totally reeked.

"If it isn't any of you, then who-" Suddenly, he felt a strange tugging on his boxers and he found himself in a time vortex portal thing-a-majig, and the rest was history…

BACK TO TARGET…

"Gosh, these boxers are hard to get out," Madeleine tugged harder on the boxers. "Wait a minute…there's something squishy in here."

All of a sudden, the boxers (or should I say elven undawears) broke free of the packaging and lo and behold, there was an elf in the undawears. Once Diana realized who it was, she screamed. Adrienne started hyperventilating as Michelle and Matt looked confused because they had no idea who he was since they had not seen The Lord of the Rings.



"What is this place? What happened?!" Legolas said as he struggled to get up. Once seeing his environment and the people around him, he became afraid. Very afraid. Diana started running towards him, and he held on to his hair straightener defensively. "Don't make me hit you!!" He screamed.

"IIII DOOON'T CAAARRRE!" Diana screamed, running towards him and grabbing on to his leg.

Alyssa, who had just regained consciousness, looked quizzically at the strange elf man who had appeared out of nowhere. "Well…I guess I missed something."

A/N How did Legolas there?? What will happen to rest of the fellowship?? WHY ARE ADRIENNE AND DIANA SO AWESOME?? Find out in chapter two!! PS PLEASE READ AND REVIEW BECAUSE WE HAVE NO LIFE AND WE NEED FRIENDS