Disclaimer(because every fic has one and I'm such a slave to conformity! )- Very simple. Six words. Don't own. Don't sue. I'm Poor. Fic was written in good fun. Flame me if you like. I don't care. Praise will be better received. My ego thrives on it!
Enjoy!!
Toua Genjo Sanzo considers himself to be a man of simple pleasures. It doesn't take a lot to keep him happy or at least in a neutral mood. In fact, Sanzo asked for so little and nothing that is out of the ordinary that he often became angry and resorted to violence when people failed to comply with his small demands.
After all, all Sanzo ever asked for are peace, quiet, that people leave him alone and for his cigarette and beer supplies to be kept plentiful. That's all. How hard is it to give him that?
But no. People just would not leave him alone. It's always Sanzo-sama, preach to us! Sanzo-sama, save us! Sanzo-sama, kill that demon! Sanzo-sama, get that statue! And more recently, "Sanzo, I'm hungry. Feed me!"
And it was just his luck to be working under the three most irritating beings of all; the Sanbutsushin. In Sanzo's opinion, the most annoying aspect of the Three Aspects is the fact that they are his superiors which means he couldn't hit them with his harisen or better yet, aim the shoureijou right smack in the middle of their stupid foreheads and just shoot.
No wonder everyone thinks Genjo Sanzo is in a perpetual bad mood. Not that Sanzo cares about what people think. But still.
"Umm, Sanzo-sama?" The quiet, timid voice broke through Sanzo's thoughts and he cursed under his breath. So much for peace and quiet. He glared at the young acolyte standing shyly at the doorway.
"What is it?" he asked gruffly.
"Umm, you're, umm, wanted at the umm, Shayouden. By the umm, Sanbutsushin sama." The young acolyte gulped. Sanzo cursed. Again. He took the cigarette out of his mouth and extinguished it.
"Fine. You can tell those creeps that I'll be there shortly."
As Sanzo walked across the courtyard he saw a couple of monks busy at carrying dried, withered shrubs from within the Great Hall of the Shayouden. He quickened his steps. Though he greatly disliked his meetings with the Three Aspects, Sanzo was never one to dally in unpleasant tasks that had to be done regardless. He preferred to get them over and done with so he could get back to his peace and quiet.
"Toua Genjo Sanzo Houshi Sama!" announced the herald as Sanzo stepped inside the Great Hall. Behind him, the doors closed.
"You called for me," stated Sanzo.
"Yes, we have a very important mission for you," said the bearded head in the middle.
"At your service."
"Genjo Sanzo, we want you go out and bring back a shrubbery," said the demure-looking head to the left.
"A shrubbery?" Sanzo put his pinky finger into his ear and twistedabout. He wasn't quite sure if he had heard right.
"Yes, a shrubbery. A nice one," said Demure.
"About so high," said Beardy.
"And one that's not too expensive," added the sterner looking one on the right.
"A shrubbery?" Sanzo asked again, still unable to believe his ears.
"Yes, a shrubbery." Sterny was beginning to look impatient.
"And after you have brought back a shrubbery," said Beardy, "we want you to go and get another shrubbery."
"Only it's got to be slightly taller so it'll have a nice cascading effect," clarified Demure.
Sanzo did not know what to say.
"And if you do not go out and get us a shrubbery, we shall say..." Beardy paused for dramatic effect, "'Ni!'"
"Ni?" asked Sanzo.
"Yes, 'Ni'. For we are the Sanbutsushin who say 'Ni!'"
"Ni," said Beardy.
"Ni," said Demure.
"Ni," said Stern-faced.
'Crap' thought Sanzo. Just as he feared. The Three Aspects have been watching Monty Python. Again.
He stood there, temporarily too stunned to move. Three gigantic heads facing him simultaneously saying "Ni" was quite a sight to behold. It was like his worst nightmare come true.But all the 'Ni's eventually moved him out of his stupor and he turned towards the door.
"Fine," he said through gritted teeth, "I'll get your shrubbery."
Of course it was Hakkai who went out to the nursery to pick out the plants but it didn't make the task less annoying for Sanzo.
"Toua Genjo Sanzo Houshi Sama!" announced the herald as Sanzo stepped inside the Great Hall. Behind him, the doors closed.
"You called for me," stated Sanzo.
"Yes, we have a very important mission for you," said Beardy.
"At your service."
"Genjo Sanzo, we want you to go to the pharmacy and bring back a cream for pimples."
"For pimples?" asked Sanzo. He fought the urge to rub his ear. He was sure he heard right.
"Yes, you see this big red spot here? That's a pimple and I don't want to squeeze it because it'll hurt too much." complained Beardy.
"And it might leave a scar," added Demure.
"Really, I keep telling you that eating too much beef jerky would give you pimples but you wouldn't listen!" tutted Sterny.
"You could at least give me some sympathy. Pimples hurt you know!" whined Beardy.
Sanzo gritted his teeth as he turned to go.
"If that is all you require then I'll be off," he said.
Needless to say that Hakkai was the one who went to the pharmacy and purchased the pimple cream. Sanzo was still annoyed at being called for such a stupid task but at least they hadn't asked him to cut down a tree with a herring.
Three days later, Sanzo found himself in front of the Three Aspects again.
"Genjo Sanzo, we have a very important mission for you."
"At your service."
'Here goes' thought Sanzo. Any minute now, they'll hand him a herring and tell him to cut down the big peach tree in the middle of the yard.
But somehow, he was lucky that day. It seems that some idiot in Tenjiku is trying to resurrect her dead lover and is also committing the taboo of combining science with magic.
The Three Aspects have finally given him a half decent task of going to Tenjiku to stop this sorry madness.
The downside of it, of course, is that Hakkai was assigned to go with him along with two other idiots which means this is one task he could not delegate to the monocled man.
End.