.x.X.x. Lost Inside .x.X.x.
I never liked to think that I could lose myself but day by day I get more and more distant. I'm starting to think that the only person there for me anymore is him. I'm starting to sink into the pure feeling of loneliness. No one knows. I hide it under a smiling face. You wouldn't think a girl like me could be the more heart broken person alive.
I walked into the fairly new school building and sighed closing my eyes. I may have a boyfriend and love him but I cant help but think back to that stupid ass girl that makes me feel like shit. I am Alexis Ichigo Loca. 8th grader this year and about ready to shoot myself because of the drama. I cant deal with all this anymore. I found that I tend to keep to myself more than I use too. Maybe its because I can finally tell when people are lying to me and when there not. I have friends true. One of my friends, Lexi Hart isn't really my friend anymore. Sure she thinks were best friends but we don't talk a lot and she lies to me a lot. I use to stick around my two friends Emi and Alice but Emi and me sorta had a thing and her mother found out we broke it off and her now cant talk to me, so its just me and Alice anymore. Alice hangs out with Emi so I don't see her a lot but I got use to only having two real friends. Its that one girl who potentially killed me for my life.
It started last summer, me and had been talking on the computer and got to be good friends and I invented her to my birthday part and a few days afterward I was told her liked me and I had a crush on her and the next thing I knew we were together but it was a month later when I found out she had cheated on me and she dumped me. I couldn't stop the feeling of love that grew in me and than it was pain all I ever felt was pain. I had never felt that bad in my life a few days after school started she started talking me again and she started to playing with my emotions after I found that out I was so pissed it wasn't even funny. I hate her to this day but I still cant help the pain that's still there. I guess its cause all I get all day is lies never the truth.
I dated a boy named Darren for awhile but at the time I had wanted her not him. So I ended up leaving him for her but in the end all I got was heart break. I never thought I could love again but I got over it quicker than I thought I could. I was talk to a friend of mine in Art class about keeping Darren safe for me because he was suicidal and this friend was none other than Patrick or mister logic as I called him. He had been listing to h=my words and he looked me in the eyes and said "Maybe you love him but you don't know it." that had me thinking all week. Guess what I found deep in my heart? I found love for the poor emo boy I thought I could never love. I told him and we ended up back together a few days later.
So I was happy with him but when he wasn't there the dreams of her came back to me. I hate her and her stupid boy toy, Evan. Asshole in my opinion and almost everyone else's pretty much. And she left him for me, girl please. Anyways back to the present. I walked into the cafeteria and sat down turning down my ipod. No one was here yet. I go up early so I could get a bite to eat and stop by Alice's before heading to school. I let my thoughts wonder staring out the window into the bight yellow blob that was just coming over the horizon of a hill. I didn't snap out of it till I hear the door slam on the over side of the cafeteria. I looked up not surprised to see Patrick come in looking like he always did. Like he wanted to kill someone. I smiled and gave a small wave and went to put my ipod into my small black bag.
He didn't smile just said "Hey." and sat down. He wasn't a smiling kinda guy. More badass than anything. He probably had not idea that he could scare me but I wasn't sure. I nodded and it was quiet for a while. We didn't think it was necessary to talk unless there were people were around. I rather enjoyed his silent company not that I would EVER tell him that. I closed my eyes and heard another chair scrap crossed the floor. It was Alex most definitely. He was the brain are group. He was always after Patrick.
"Well, well, we are graced with the presences of Alexis today." muttered Alex under his breath as I snapped my eyes open and slammed my hand on the table. "Don't fuck with me today Alex." I hiss out at him. He shut up instantly, that's why Patrick hadn't said anything. He didn't want me to snapped at him. He knew by my face that I had been in a bad mood. I muttered a sorry to Alex and grabbed my bag and walked outside into the cold December air. It was gonna be a long day. Me dressed in black skinny jeans and light blur 'Grr' shirt with plaid lime green scarf. I flipped my long brown hair and sighed. In my opinion I wasn't pretty. I had dark brown eyes and golden brown hair with pale skin. My body was curvy and so I was keep much normally except hair and clothing wise.