It's just really not what you'd expect at all. They always tell you that when you die you go into the light and you have this wonderful , warm and fuzzy feeling but that...well it just isn't true at all. I had that moment briefly while I was dying but now? well now I'm just furious.
On the one hand I'm happy that I managed to die saving somebody that I love but something's wrong. I thought I would be at peace by now but I just get angrier every day it's like a poison seeped into my blood from the moment I let go and re opened my eyes here.
Actually just let me talk about "here" because that is a really big reason for why I'm still so angry. I don't know if this is heaven or hell but if I had to take a guess I would say that this is hell. Why else would my world still consist of just endless battle after battle. I glance around my surroundings again taking it all in before the inevitable battle that is to come. The sun above me is constantly setting giving the sky a blood red look at all times, I'm stood in what would be a beautiful meadow if not for the fact it was littered with the corpses of other warriors who thought it would be easy to take down the fresh meat. I start walking. I can sense that the next battle is soon, I weave through the bodies not even stepping round them after all were already dead what harm could I really be doing? I know that to keep succeeding as I have been I need to reach higher ground before the bloodshed starts a new . I happen to know that there's a hill top at the other end of the field so I keep walking through the field towards it knowing it will be a great vantage point.
I reach the hill top where I will be able to see the whole terrain. I glimpse across the field which always seems to manage to stay the same bright green shade despite the carnage that takes place here. When I first came I thought solving the mysteries of the place might offer me a way out but I soon found out that when you spend 20 hours of a day killing people there isn't a lot of time to investigate. In some ways I guess I'm actually kind of glad to be here. I thought moving onto the next life would be peaceful and considering what I'm used to that would of been dull. If anything being here has given me a chance to hone my skills as a hunter more. The bow isn't just my weapon anymore it's become an extension of myself. I hear the cries of the oncoming warriors and pull back my bow, it's going to be bloody. I give a grim smile and let my thoughts fuel my rage: Dad's alone, Lydia couldn't save you, you know Scott will never truly recover...
I take a deep breath the whole battle is just an angry haze to me but I know that I'm the only one left standing once again. I place my bow on my back and crunch down the hill the smell of fresh blood clogging my nose as I go. I've made a decision I'm finding my way back being a warrior means nothing if the only person I have to defend is myself. There isn't even any challenge here for me every arrow I knocked in that battle hit it's mark effortlessly it's like I don't even have to think. I'm near the other end of the field now, there's a copse of trees ahead. I intend to stay there until I know in what way I'm going to be able to make it back home.
Another battle begins but I'm far too busy to give it any thought. That is up until the moment I hear a twig snap right behind me in my hiding place. I snap round slashing with the knives that seemed to appear with my bow when I got here. I hear a groan and blood spatters on my face, I remember when that would of phased me. I feel no remorse. The body drops reminding me that if I'm really going to miss this battle I'm going to need to hide better. I go deeper into the woods and sit down at the base of a large tree, the cold mossy ground bites into me reminding me that anger and determination are not the only sensations I'm still capable of. Even though they're all I have here.
I try to reach out my mind hoping that Lydia might be able to sense me. I've done it countless times and I normally feel nothing. This time however is different I immediately feel an on rushing sense of love and grief. I grip the sense with my mind willing the connection to stay stable. I open my mouth and speak directly to the sense that I know must be Lydia 'I'm ready I know you want me back and I'm giving you permission to do whatever it takes'.
Her voice echoes in my mind 'Allison! It is you it's been a few years and me and your dad have spent almost all of it figuring out how to do this, so don't worry sweetie you'll be back really soon. Although I'm sure you never doubted for a second that I'd be able to get you'.
I smile genuinely for what feels like the first time in forever. I choose to focus on the fact that I'll be returning soon and that Lydia is still herself enough that I could practically feel the are you doubting me head tilt when I could hear her. I let the connection fade and pick myself up. If I'm going back then it won't hurt to get back into the fray of this land one more time before I go back to the real fight. I realise in that moment that all this land has ever been is preparation for me to go back to the others even stronger than I was before. I smile grimly again remembering that I've lost everything and finally letting it hit me that a few years of my life will now entirely be gone. I walk onto the field and stare ,most of the fighters have already fallen. I draw my bow and take out ten more in quick succession ,I never run out of arrows here. The few remaining fighters all turn towards me, I drop my bow and draw my knife slashing into the first one to come near me. His guts fall onto the field and my skirt. I glare up at the remaining people and raise an eyebrow in challenge. They all flee. I let them go I won't be here anymore soon and I fight to survive not to be cruel. I stalk my way back to the hill top and wait for whatever Lydia's doing to take effect.
I soon feel the heady sense of love again and think took you long enough. I can feel her smile at hearing me and can hear her muttering an incantation. The blood that's settled into my hair and clothes falls away in a sheathe and I begin to feel lighter than air. I close my eyes and open them again and when I do I see the smiling faces of the people I'd left behind I smile broadly speaking the words I've waited to say
'It's good to be home'.